


exo more like exhoes

by sehunkais



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Memes, Shipping, Texting, bc i can't help myself, i got inspired by all those chat fics, kyungsoo's done with everyone, lots of stupid shenanigans, nothing is like explicit tho dw i can't write that, whatever you wanna call it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-09-26 23:56:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 51,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9934673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sehunkais/pseuds/sehunkais
Summary: kyungsoo:The point is, Chanyeol, you need to stop dabbing.kyungsoo:At this point, I’m actually concerned for your wellbeing.dab lord:aw!!!!! kyungsoo caring about me?kyungsoo:I’m worried you’ll become even /more/ of an idiot if this behavior continues, and I genuinely think I’d die because of all that stupidity.





	1. stop chanyeol's dabbing 2k17

**Author's Note:**

> heyo! i apologize beforehand for this fic. honestly im just writing whatever comes to my head, hopefully you laugh at my stupid meme humor. i got inspired by the tons of chat fics on this site, so i decided to take a shot at one myself. this is probably gonna be a mess, but i hope you enjoy it!
> 
> in case you don't know who's who:  
> minnie mouse: xiumin  
> Han Dynasty: luhan  
> galaxyman: kris  
> junmoney: suho  
> unicornxing: yixing  
> borkhyun: baekhyun  
> :3: jongdae  
> dab king: chanyeol  
> kyungsoo: kyungsoo (obviously)  
> ztao: tao  
> dog mom: jongin  
> vivi supremacist: sehun
> 
> these are prone to change throughout the story, but you'll be informed of the changes throughout. again, hope you enjoy!

**exo more like exhoes**

**kyungsoo:** Guys, I need you all here for an important meeting.

**minnie mouse:** ?? what is it?

**Han Dynasty:** usually it’s junnie doing things like this

**junmoney:** did you just call me junnie

**junmoney:** I am your Mother and this is the treatment I get

**Han Dynasty:** and im older than you what’s your point

**borkhyun:** BOOM ROASTED

**minnie mouse:** lu, the lowkey savage

**junmoney:** if you know how I feel why would you say that?

**junmoney:** like, you put me in such an uncomfortable situation

**ztao:** YOU KNOW IM NOT HAPPY YOU KNOW IM TRYING TO SEE IF IT WILL WORK OUT HERE

**:3:** anD I KNOW ITS NOT!!!!

**kyungsoo:** /SHUT UP/

**junmoney:** r00d

**:3:** pls don’t text like that hyung

**junmoney:** y not?

**junmoney:** isnt this what all the c00l kids are doing?

**:3:** i think i’ll die early of second hand embarrassment thanks to you

**kyungsoo:** Is everyone here yet?

**minnie mouse:** everyone except the maknaes, kris, chanyeol and yixing

**vivi supremacist:** im here did i miss drama

**ztao:** not much tbh just lu hyung shading jun hyung and a subsequent kim k meme

**vivi supremacist:** love me some t ea !!

**junmoney:** kris will show up soon he likes his entrances

**junmoney:** and now that sehun’s here, jongin will be here in

**junmoney:** 3

**junmoney:** 2

**dog mom:** sorry i just saw the notifs !!

**borkhyun:** holy crap

**:3:** that was actually pretty freaky

**borkhyun:** hOw DiD yOu KnOw?!!?!

**junmoney:** call it a mother’s instinct

**kyungsoo:** Yixing probably hasn’t even noticed we started texting, to be honest.

**kyungsoo:** And Chanyeol’s here, he’s just lurking.

**dab king:** shit

**kyungsoo:** You’re precisely the reason why this meeting is behind held.

**borkhyun:** isn’t he the reason behind every problem?

**kyungsoo:** For once, I agree with you.

**ztao:** THE SHADE!!!

**ztao:** THE SHADE OF IT ALL!!!!

**dab king:** ?!!!?????1?#!??///? b ut wh at did I dO

**dab king:** also, r00d

**dab king:** someone defend me :(

**dog mom:** nah they’re right

**vivi supremacist:** W A S T E D

**:3:** G G G G G ET REKT

**dab king:** i.........................

**dab king:** what have i done to deserve such CRU E LT Y

**kyungsoo:** /ANYWAYS/

**kyungsoo:** As much as I love roasting Chanyeol and think we should make a day devoted to just that, we have more pressing matters.

**kyungsoo:** It’s about your dabbing.

**junmoney:** oh so THAT’S what all the kids are doing these days!!

**vivi supremacist:** hyung ur only like 25?

**ztao:** oh thank god i thought we’d /never/ talk about this

**kyungsoo:** I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you dab before?

**ztao:** yeah but at least /i/ look appropriate while doing it

**Han Dynasty:** wait wasn’t dabbing a thing like a year ago?

**:3:** hyung u know how late yeol is to all these trends

**kyungsoo:** The point is, Chanyeol, you need to stop dabbing.

**kyungsoo:** At this point, I’m actually concerned for your wellbeing.

**dab lord:** aw!!!!! kyungsoo caring about me?

**kyungsoo:** I’m worried you’ll become even /more/ of an idiot if this behavior continues, and I genuinely think I’d die because of all that stupidity.

**kyungsoo:** And then where would EXO be?

**borkhyun:** KFJKAJFEKAFKLAKFAPFPAF

**borkhyun:** KYUNGSOO THE SAVAGEEEEE

**dab lord:** what is this everyone hates chanyeol day

**:3:** no, that’s November 26th

**:3:** so we can be mean to you the day before we’re forced to be nice to you

**ztao:** IM WEAAAKKKKK

**dab lord:** I aM a vIcTiM OF cYbERbULLyING

**kyungsoo:** Back to the matter at hand,

**kyungsoo:** If you don’t believe how bad the situation is

**kyungsoo:** theidiotdabbing.mp4

**kyungsoo:** He dabbed to /MOZART/

**vivi supremacist:** i think i just went blind bc of that vid

**vivi supremacist:** i /wish/ i went blind bc of that vid

**minnie mouse:** is that yixing playing the piano?

**Han Dynasty:** damn he got dem skillz

**Han Dynasty:** but also, oh my gosh

**Han Dynasty:** this is...... shameful

**dab lord:** eXXcUse ME but Wtf r u guYS talKIn about

**dab lord:** fam my dabbing is pretty lit?

**dog mom:** lit???

**vivi supremacist:** don’t ask i don’t need u saying the word too

**galaxyman:** i arrive to see chanyeol saying ‘lit’ and ‘fam’

**galaxyman:** kid this isnt how i raised you

**dab lord:** uR NoT mY MoM KrIS hYunG

**galaxyman:** ur right

**galaxyman:** im ur dad

**galaxyman:** junmyeon is ur mom

**dab lord:** omfg

**galaxyman:** as your father im telling you to cease these activities immediately

**galaxyman:** kris out~

**kyungsoo:** Thank you, hyung.

**:3:** that was so lame im crying

**dab lord:** U dONT KN OW ME D AD

**dab lord:** u KNOW MY NAMe N O T M Y STOR Y

**ztao** : full Offense but you look like hillary clinton when u dab, chanyeol

**vivi supremacist:** OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Han Dynasty:** WHAAAATTTTTTT

**dab lord:** FULL OFFENSE ZITAO BUT TRY ROASTING ME WHEN YOU DON’T MAKE MUSICAL.LYS IN YOUR FREE TIME

**borkhyun:** WHAPFPWKFAFWDW

**vivi supremacist:** O H MY G OD

**Han Dynasty:** HE WE NT T HERE

**dog mom:** I SPIT OUT MY DRINK PLEASE

**minnie mouse:** ive never felt more attacked for someone

**ztao has left the chat**

**vivi supremacist:** HES SO SHOOK IM CRYINGGGG

**junmoney has added ztao to the chat**

**junmoney:** CHILDREN STOP FIGHTING I LEAVE FOR 5 MINUTES AND CHANYEOL AND TAO ARE ALREADY ROASTING EACH OTHER

**kyungsoo:** This is actually super amusing to watch

**ztao:** im blocking chanyeol

**kyungsoo:** But we’re getting off topic.

**kyungsoo:** I’m officially imposing a ‘no dabbing’ rule

**dab lord:** WH A T

**unicornxing:** oh!! didn’t he get baekhyun to start doing that too?

**ztao:** oh xing ur here!!

**unicornxing:** yep!! (◠‿◠✿)

**borkhyun:** ?? wdym

**dab lord:** DON’T ACT INNOCENT SNAKE

**dab lord:** IM NOT GOING DOWN ALONE BAEK

**borkhyun:** sweats nervously

**borkhyun:** wat r u talkin bout guys hah

**unicornxing:** what do you mean?

**unicornxing:** dab.mp4

**unicornxing:** is that not you? (・_・ヾ

**:3:** IM DYINGGGAFKWAFPALFPAFAFWA

**:3:** I CAN TBEELIEVE YIXING HYUNG SHOWED UP JUST TO SLAUGHTER BAEK

**borkhyun:** ive.... been....... betrayed.....

**borkhyun:** jong...dae....save....me....

**:3:** LMAO U WISH IM READY TO WATCH UR DOWNFALL

**borkhyun:** I THOUGHT WE WERE BROS DAE

**:3:** DON T LIE TO M E

**:3:** THI S IS FOR HAN GI NG OUT WI TH YE OL AND DITCHING ME

**:3:** WHE N U SA I D U WO U LD COM E WI TH ME TO THE M O VIE S

**minnie mouse:** jealousy???

**Han Dynasty:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) o shit

**kyungsoo:** Oh my goodness

**kyungsoo:** Baekhyun, you dabbed to ANGEL?!!

**borkhyun:** L I STEN!!!

**borkhyun:** IT S EE MED LIKE A GO OD IDEA !!!!

**kyungsoo:** IN WHAT WORLD?

**borkhyun:** CHANYEOL CONVINCED ME TO DO IT

**dab lord:** NO I DIDN’T LIAR

**borkhyun:** Y

**borkhyun:** E

**borkhyun:** S

**borkhyun:** Y

**borkhyun:** O

**borkhyun:** U

**vivi supremacist:** is he trying to prolong his eventual exposure and inevitable death

**borkhyun:** D

**borkhyun:** I

**kyungsoo has kicked borkhyun from the chat**

**minnie mouse:** LMFAOO

**kyungsoo:** Where was I?

**kyungsoo:** Anyways, Chanyeol, just stop dabbing for god’s sake.

**kyungsoo:** If I see Jongin trying to ‘hit the folks’ one more time around the dorm, I’m actually going to have a stroke.

**dog mom:** aw but that was fun!

**dab lord:** see some of us enjoy it

**kyungsoo:** No.

**:3:** yo can i add baek back he wont stop spamming me

**kyungsoo:** No.

**:3:** yeah about that

**:3 has added borkhyun to the chat**

**kyungsoo:** I thought we were friends, Jongdae.

**:3:** ily soo but uh

**:3:** he threatened me

**ztao:** with what??

**ztao:** he’s the least intimidating person on this earth

**borkhyun:** I takE OFFENSE TO THAT BITCH

**ztao:** THAT WAS THE POINT DUMBASS

**borkhyun:** FUCK OFF SHITFACE

**ztao:** YOUR WORDS CAN’T HURT ME BINCH THESE SHADES ARE GUCCI

**borkhyun:** MEET ME IN THE PIT AT 5 TAO

**ztao:** GLADLY HOE

**junmoney:** L A N G U A G E

**dab lord:** /anYWAYS/

**dab lord:** i got the idea i need to stop dabbing or kyungsoo wont luv me anymore :(

**kyungsoo:** Nobody ever said I even liked you from the start?

**Han Dynasty:** PFPFFPFPPTPTTTTT

**dab lord:** SHTU UP SOO

**dab lord:** I KNWO SOMEWHE RE IN THAT STONE COLD HEART OF URS U LUV ME

**kyungsoo:** Gosh, the dabbing’s gotten so bad it's even made you more delusional.

**dab lord has left the chat**

**vivi supremacist has changed the group chat name to #roastfest2k17**

**:3:** honestly?? accurate

**junmoney added dab lord to the chat**

**dab lord:** THAT WAS SO RUDE JUNMAMA TELL HIM HE WAS BEING ME A N

**junmoney:** you were setting yourself up for failure, yeol

**:3:** KFWKFEFLFPALFLAFL EVEN HE ADMITS IT

**vivi supremacist:** MMM WHATCHA SAYYYY

**dog mom:** I COULD HEAR THE BULLET

**dab lord:** ur all bullies

**kyungsoo:** Anyways, glad we got the point across.

**kyungsoo:** Meeting adjourned!

**:3:** yknow

**:3:** sometimes i think soo holds even more power than junmyeon does in this gc

**kyungsoo:** What makes you think I don’t?

**:3:** tru

* * *

 


	2. kris is always lurking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything italicized is in chinese, btw! ik sehun isnt chinese or anythin but like,, he's gotten better at speaking it so we're just gonna pretend he can write and read it lol

**#roastfest2k17**

**:3:** guys yall might wanna bring out the bleach

 

 **:3:** or wikihow how to tie a noose like im currently doing

 

 **dab lord:** there's actual articles on that??

 

 **:3:** u underestimate the wikihow

 

 **junmoney:** umm... may i ask why you're doing that?

 

 **:3:** cause i just saw min hyung and lu hyung making out on the couch

 

 **:3:** and they just went into their room

 

 **:3:** and i think my ears are gonna die in a few seconds

 

 **dab lord:** R U N

 

 **:3:** IM T R YI NG B UT THERES NOWHERE TO G O

 

 **:3:** DO I DARE JUMP OUT THE WINDOW

 

 **dab lord:** WE'RE IN A SINGLE STORY BUILDING WHAT ARE U EVEN JUMPING FROM

 

 **:3:** ANYTHING’S BETTER THAN THIS

 

 **junmoney:** im sure it can’t be that bad guys

 

 **junmoney:** i mean this is minseok and luhan we’re talking about!

 

 **junmoney:** they probably wont even do anyth

 

 **junmoney:** never mind

 

 **junmoney:** i’m gon e

 

 **borkhyun:** I WAS J U S T NAPPING AN D

 

 **borkhyun:** HOW ARE THEY THAT LOUD

 

 **borkhyun:** MY MIND HAS BEEN SCARRED

 

 **ztao:** I !! WAS !! BINGE !! WATCHING !! DISNEY !! MOVIES !!

 

 **ztao:** THEY’VE RUINED DISNEY FOR ME

 

 **ztao:** I DONT THINK I CAN WATCH THE LION KING ANYMORE WITHOUT HAVING FLASHBACKS TO THOSE NOISES

 

 **:3:** to be fair dont simba and nala do the dirty in the lion king anyways

 

 **ztao:** WHAT?? ? ?? ?? ? ? ?

 

 **:3:** did you...... never know this

 

 **z** **tao:** WTF I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST MESS I NG AROUND

 

 **:3:** they were... in more ways than one

 

 **ztao:** I AM KERMITTING GOOD BYE

 

 **z** **tao:**

 

 **dab lord:** rip tao,,,,

 

 **borkhyun:** he won't be missed

 

 **vivi supremacist:** ive never been more glad to not be home rn

 

 **dab lord:** SHUT UP SEHUN

 

 **dab lord:** WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT

 

 **vivi supremacist:** lmao but me and nini don’t~

 

 **vivi supremacist:** we’re at the park eating ice cream!!

 

 **ztao:** STFUUUUUU

 

 **dog mom:** heyo!

 

 **dog mom:** look i figured out how to take a cute video ^^

 

**dog mom:**

 

**dab lord has kicked vivi supremacist and dog mom from the chat**

 

 **dab lord:** asshats

 

 **kyungsoo:** Who the hell is doing the nasty in the dorm

 

 **kyungsoo:** Baekhyun and Jongdae I swear to god

 

 **borkhyun:**?????WHY DO U ASSUME ITS US???????

 

 **borkhyun:** WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING???????

 

 **dab lord:** coguhs

 

 **:3:** coguhs

 

 **dab lord:** I MEANT COUGHS

 

**:3 has changed the group chat name to coguhs**

**dab lord:** i h8 u

 

 **kyungsoo:** I don’t know, you guys are weird

 

 **kyungsoo:** Also, you’re not lowkey Jongdae

 

 **:3:** whats that supposed to mean

 

 **kyungsoo:**.

 

 **:3:**?

 

 **kyungsoo:** Anyways

 

 **kyungsoo:** I’m gonna go suffocate myself in pillows.

 

 **kyungsoo:** Anything’s better than hearing them make those noises every 5 seconds.

 

 **dab lord:** WAIT CAN I JOIN U

 

 **kyungsoo:** Are you implying that you want me to kill you?

 

 **dab lord:** at least id die by your hands<3

 

 **kyungsoo:** I hate you.

 

 **dab lord:** ill take that as a yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **ztao:** ok gross u two lets keep the couple-y stuff to a minimum we already have enough with xiuhan

 

 **kyungsoo:** Tao, I will personally make sure you never find your Yeezy’s again.

 

 **tao:**??? was that the wind ??? sure wasn't me

 

 **kyungsoo:** That’s what I thought :)

 

* * *

 

**coguhs**

**junmoney has added vivi supremacist and dog mom to the chat**

**junmoney:** alright kids gather around it’s time for another meeting

 

 **junmoney:** i’m adding a new rule to our living conditions

 

 **junmoney:** if you’re gonna have sex in the dorm, /DON’T BE SO GOD DAMN LOUD/

 

 **junmoney:** AT LEAST BE DISCREET ABOUT IT

 

 **junmoney:** TAO ACTUALLY STARTED CRYING AND TALKING ABOUT HOW HES “2 PURE 2 INNOCENT” TO DIE LIKE THIS

 

 **borkhyun:** a blatant lie he’s neither of those things

 

 **ztao:** I am a Child fite me

 

 **junmoney:** I’M NOT GONNA NAME ANY NAMES BUT YOU TWO KNOW WHO YOU ARE

 

 **:3:** we all know who they are u might as well just say their names

 

 **junmoney:** yeah but it sounds saltier if i indirect them

 

 **dab lord:** i Actuall y think im going to have nightmares about this incident forever

 

 **borkhyun:** i was SLEEPIGN and they wokE ME UP

 

 **borkhyun:** THAT’S HOW LOUD THEY WERE

 

 **vivi supremacist:** tragic

 

 **ztao:** sehun brag one more time about your date with jongin i swear

 

 **dog mom:** uh

 

 **vivi supremacist:** IT WASN’T A DATE

 

 **ztao:** _BET YOU WISH IT WAS_

**vivi supremacist:** _shut your damn mouth tao nobody asked_

**ztao:** _stop being such a wimp_

**ztao:** _everyone wishes you would just tell him_

**vivi supremacist:** _i don’t know what you’re talking about?_

**:3:** why are you guys writing in Chinese when like 3 other ppl in this chat can read it

 

 **vivi supremacist:** yixing hyung wont expose me like that

 

 **vivi supremacist:** im lu hyung’s favorite

 

 **vivi supremacist:** and kris hyung is always dead anyways

 

 **galaxyman:** they were saying sehun has a crush on jongin

 

 **:3:** AAWKFJAFOKFPLAF[AFLPAFKAFKANFKAFOWAKP[R,21OR9I2FQ

 

 **borkhyun:** IM CRYYYYYINGGGGGGGGGGG

 

 **dab lord:** SBOPGREOGJROIAWJF923JFIFKAMFOEAMFKNFAFPA

 

 **dab lord:** KRIS IS ALWAYS LURKING,,,,,,

 

 **borkhyun:** ALWAYS.... WATCHING.......

 

 **dog mom:** um?

 

 **vivi supremacist:** NO I D O N T

 

 **vivi supremacist:** stOp making stuff up aSShOles

**junmoney:** alright guys stop upsetting sehunnie

 

 **junmoney:** whatever he and tao said wasn’t your business

 

 **galaxyman:** yeah lmao i was just messing with yall

 

 **:3:** w o w

 

 **:3:** what an awful father

 

 **galaxyman:** explains why you grew up to be such a terrible son

 

 **ztao:** WWEAK

 

 **junmoney:** can we get back to the original subject

 

 **junmoney:** nobody minds if you’re dating

 

 **junmoney:** just don’t do /that/ stuff so loud

 

 **junmoney:** i’m actually considering implementing soundproof walls just because of The Incident™

 

 **:3:** it's not cool when u do the ™ mom

 

 **junmoney:** let me live

 

 **dab lord:** btw where the hell are both of them

 

 **junmoney:** language

 

 **dab lord:** heck*

 

 **minnie mouse:** sorry, I’m here

 

 **minnie mouse:** luhannie is sleeping

 

 **minnie mouse:** we apologize for our actions

 

 **minnie mouse:** even though it was,, admittedly really good

 

 **dab lord:** i could've lived 80 more years without knowing that

 

 **minnie mouse:** COUGH NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR THOUGHTS COUGH

 

 **minnie mouse:** we won’t do something like that again

 

 **minnie mouse:** oh he’s awake

 

 **Han Dynasty:** yo yo~

 

 **junmoney:** don’t you dare ‘yo yo’ me

 

 **junmoney:** both of you are grounded for a week

 

 **Han Dynasty:** funny how im older than you

 

 **junmoney:** funny how im the leader and control your sorry ass

 

 **:3:** O H S H I T

 

 **borkhyun:** SAVAGE JUNMAMA IS BACK

 

 **kyungsoo:** Speaking of sorry asses, I’m curious

 

 **kyungsoo:** Lu, tell me, can you even fucking walk?

 

 **dab lord:** ADQODKAOFJOAWKFPAFPAFKPAFMALFAFWFL

 

 **borkhyun:** B O I

 

 **:3:** N O M E R C Y

 

* * *

 


	3. nonexistent heterosexuality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i meant to post this with the other chapter whOOps,,, this one will just be a bit shorter! i might have the next chapter up today or tomorrow, depending on how busy i am ^^ also, thanks for all the comments and kudos!! it really makes my day to see all you guys' thoughts so thank u!  
> *note: easy baek is the contact name jongdae has baek saved under

**private convo: easy baek**

**:3:** so

 

 **borkhyun:** you conspired didn’t you

 

 **:3:** u know it hoe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **borkhyun:** YESSS WHAT IS IT

 

 **:3:** ya know how our lovely tao and hunnie were talking in chinese

 

 **:3:** and kris said what he translated was ‘just a prank, bro’

 

 **borkhyun:** fkajfkafkfaoafk pls

**:3:** well, kris’ excuse sounded hella fishy to me

 

 **borkhyun:** aH YEah

 

 **borkhyun:** he’s whipped for junmyeon hyung i wouldn’t be surprised if he lied just so he could get that Dicc

 

 **:3:** omfg

 

 **:3:** u aint wrong tho

 

 **:3:** anyways

 

 **:3:** i may or may not have asked our dear yixing hyung to translate what they were saying

 

 **borkhyun:** oH????

 

 **:3:** turns out...... our sehunnie really does have a crush on jonginnie

 

 **:3:** but he doesn’t wanna admit it!1!!!!1

 

 **borkhyun:** WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTT

 

 **borkhyun:** WILDDDDDDDDDD

 

 **:3:** IKRRRRRRRR

 

 **:3:** I MEAN IT WAS HELLA OBVI THEY LIKED EACH OTHER BUT THIS CONFIRMS IT

 

 **borkhyun:** r u thinking what im thinking hon (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

 

 **:3:** operation: sekai?

 

 **borkhyun:** precisely

 

-

 

**coguhs**

**:3:** yknow now that i think about it

 

 **:3:** Where /Is/ The Heterosexuality In Our Group

 

 **ztao:** that’s like asking where sehun’s lines are

 

 **ztao:** it’s nonexistent

 

 **vivi supremacist:** touché

 

 **borkhyun:** ur dAmn right

 

 **borkhyun:** but seriously is anyone straight like

 

 **borkhyun:** everyone’s either bi, pan, or flat out gay

 

 **borkhyun:** poor fans

 

 **vivi supremacist:** not if ur a fanboy!

 

 **dab lord:** We Get It Sehun

 

 **dab lord:** You Like Men

 

 **vivi supremacist:** SHU T UPPWLFPALFF;A IT WAS BY ACCIDENT

 

 **minnie mouse:** ngl that was the most unexpected coming out of the closet moment ever

 

 **:3:** everyone was so Shook the flashbacks

 

 **junmoney:** to be honest I was quite proud

 

 **dab lord:** same now i don’t have to cover up for you every time you say something hella gay

 

 **vivi supremacist:** yeah but people still think everyone just took it out of context

 

 **borkhyun:** Fools, All Of Them

 

 **Han Dynasty:** now that i think about, most of us are in relationships

 

 **Han Dynasty:** jun and kris

 

 **Han Dynasty:** me and minnie <3

 

 **minnie mouse:** <3

 

 **ztao:** gross

 

 **Han Dynasty:** baek and dae

 

 **borkhyun:**??? wait but

 

 **:3:** WHY DO YALL KEEP SAYING WE’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP

 

 **Han Dynasty:** you’re not?

 

 **borkhyun:** n o???

 

 **:3:** lmao wth

 

 **:3:** we’re just best bros

 

 **kyungsoo:**.

 

 **vivi supremacist:**.

 

 **dab lord:**.

 

 **Han Dynasty:**.

 

 **:3:** why do yall keep doin this

 

 **vivi supremacist:** sounds fake but ok

 

 **:3:** /anyways/ there’s other relationships

 

 **borkhyun:** sehun and jongin have this weird sexual tension

 

 **dog mom:** i s2g

 

 **dog mom:** when will u guys understand we’re not like that

 

 **vivi supremacist:** right

 

 **vivi supremacist:** besides im in a committed relationship with vivi~

 

 **:3:** sounds fake but ok

 

 **vivi supremacist:** shut

 

 **minnie mouse:** aren’t chanyeol and kyungsoo in a relationship?

 

 **kyungsoo:** Minseok hyung.

 

 **minnie mouse:** a love hate* relationship, clearly nothing but hatred from kyungsoo’s side

 

 **kyungsoo:** That's better.

 

 **dab lord:** soo how could u dismiss our love like that?! =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́)))

 

 **dab lord:** ill have u know soo absolutely loooves me and we cuddle every night ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

 

 **kyungsoo:** Chanyeol, you have 5 seconds to shut up.

 

 **dab lord:** or what ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**kyungsoo has kicked dab lord from the chat**

**borkhyun:** s a v a g e

 

 **borkhyun:** i still ship it tho

 

**kyungsoo has kicked borkhyun from the chat**

**:3:** oml

 

 **Han Dynasty:** does that leave everyone but tao and yixing?

 

 **:3:** yo what even is their relationship

 

 **ztao:** we’re................something

 

 **:3:** wait

 

 **:3:** something as in /something/ something?

 

 **ztao:** uh

 

 **ztao:** it’s undefined

 

 **:3:** W H A T

 

**:3 has added borkhyun and dab lord to the chat**

**:3:** GET YO ASSES BACK IN HERE WE JUST GOT A RELATIONSHIP REVELATION

 

 **borkhyun:** WH A T

 

 **dab lord:** WHE R E

 

 **ztao:** no no not like that

 

 **ztao:** we r just friends i assure u lmao

 

 **ztao:** u can ask xing himself

 

 **vivi supremacist:** funny how u seem to call him ‘xing’ with no honorifics whatsoever

 

 **ztao:** omf

 

 **vivi supremacist:** _don’t forget that i know~_

**ztao:** remind me why we’re best friends again

 

 **vivi supremacist:** bc youre so ugly no one wants to be friends with you

 

 **vivi supremacist:** but i took pity on you like the amazing person i am

 

 **ztao:** sigh why do u love to victimize me

 

 **vivi supremacist:** wdym? im innocent

 

**vivi supremacist has changed their name to innocent maknae**

 

**innocent maknae:** **(◡‿◡✿)**

 

 **ztao:** lies

 

 **:3:** i don’t trust what ur saying tao but we’ll save it for another time

 

 **:3:** on another note!! i found tao’s musical.ly account~

 

 **ztao:** FUCK

 


	4. story time: my backstabbing dad ruined my life?!

**coguhs**

**ztao:** today ive decided to embark on an adventure

 

 **junmoney:** you didn’t ask for my permission?

 

 **ztao:** of the catfishing world

 

 **:3:** w h a t

 

 **junmoney:** oh hell no

 

 **Han Dynasty:** tao wtf

 

 **vivi supremacist:** are u that thirsty for dick?

 

 **junmoney:** s e h u n

 

 

 **ztao:** Listen i have a good reason for all of this

 

 **ztao:** it all began yesterday

 

 **borkhyun:** Yesterday

 

 **ztao:** i was.... online shopping.... lookin for some sweet threads

 

 **borkhyun:** Threads

 

 **minnie mouse:** wait do you mean clothes???

 

 **ztao:** no i sew now and wanted some decent thread to make a scarf that i can choke baekhyun with

 

 **borkhyun:** BI T C H

 

 **junmoney:** LANGUAGE.

 

 **borkhyun:** FEMALE DOG*

 

 **ztao:** that was sarcasm if you couldn’t tell hyung

 

 **minnie mouse:** i got it.

 

 **ztao:** i meant the choking part though interrupt my story one more time and see what happens whore

 

 **borkhyun:** boohoo im so scared of a man who cries at the mention of a haunted house

 

 **dab lord:** #rekt

 

 **ztao:** dw i still got the footage of you crying when jongin dressed up as zombie michael jackson and chased you around the dorm

 

 **dab lord:** I TAKE BACK THE #REKT

 

 **dog mom:** lmao that was so funny

 

 **borkhyun:** IT LOOKED REAL BINCH HE WAS CARRYING A KNIFE AND EVERYTHING

 

 **vivi supremacist:** it was clearly a rubber one, hyung

 

 **vivi supremacist:** it flopped around “and everything”

 

 **borkhyun:** no one ASKED for your SASS sehun

 

 **ztao:** BACK TO MY STORY

 

 **ztao:** so while shopping i come across these nice ass gucci shoes

 

 **ztao:** and i was like wow!! i need to buy that!!

 

 **ztao:** i checked my bank account......... and it was EMPTY

 

 **vivi supremacist:** tragic

 

 **vivi supremacist:** is the story over yet

 

 **ztao:** shut up and maybe it will be

 

 **ztao:** so i decided to do what any rational, normal, loving, caring, friendly

 

 **dog mom:** are these all adjectives meant to describe you?

 

 **dog mom:** because... none of them do.

 

 **Han Dynasty:** LMFAAOOOOOOOO

 

 **vivi supremacist:** IM DEAD

 

 **ztao:** shut up, jongin

 

 **ztao:** so I DECIDED TO DO WHAT ANY OTHER PERSON WOULD DO

 

 **ztao:** i asked kris hyung if he would buy it for me!

 

 **galaxyman:** i heard my name?

 

 **ztao:** and do you know what he said?

 

 **:3:** why the hell are you asking us can you just say it already

 

 **ztao:** HE SAID

 

 **ztao:** N I QUOTE

 

 **galaxyman:** to buy it yourself

 

 **ztao:** way to ruin the moment

 

 **ztao:** BUT THAT’S WHAT HE SAID

 

 **galaxyman:** ngl it was the /ugliest/ pair of shoes ive ever seen i wouldn’t spend $800 on that even if it cost me my life

 

 **ztao:** IT WAS A /FANTASTIC/ PAIR OF SHOES

 

 **galaxyman:** i beg to differ

 

**galaxyman:**

****

 

 **dab lord:** AJKAWFJAWFOAWFLAFPWAAW WHAGT ARE THOOOOOOOOSEEEE

  

 **galaxyman:** boi gon be looking like he wearing the lorax on his feet

 

 **borkhyun:** FKAJFWKFJAOWFKFAPFAWFAKWFNAWFNAKFNWAKFA PLEEEAASSEEEE I CANT BREATHE

 

 **:3:** KRIS THE S A VA GE

 

 **galaxyman:** u gonna speak for the trees now or what

 

 **z** **tao:** THEYRE IN RIGHT NOW DAD I WANNA BE TRENDY

 

 **galaxyman:** im not letting u go out in fcuking /goat fur/ tao

 

 **galaxyman:** that's not even trendy that's pretentious

 

 **z** **tao:** HgOW CUOLD U. DO O THIS.. T O MIE

 

 **vivi supremacist:** story time: my backstabbing dad ruined my life?!

 

 **dog mom:** im surprised he hasn’t made a youtube channel to do storytimes yet

 

 **dab lord:** wait jongin knows what a meme is?

 

 **vivi supremacist:** i mean up until a few days ago he didn’t but i educated him ^^

 

 **vivi supremacist:** still doesn’t know how to log out of Instagram though

 

 **vivi supremacist:** or take a decent selca

 

 **dog mom:** sh hut u p

 

 **vivi supremacist:** but tao really would be great at storytimes

 

 **dog mom:** candy: barks

 

 **dog mom:** STORY TIME: MY DOG IS TRANSGENDER?

 

 **vivi supremacist:** cashier: nice shoes!

 

 **vivi supremacist:** STORY TIME: STARBUCKS CASHIER TRIED TO ROB MY YEEZYS?!

 

 **dog mom:** ancestry.com: according to our dna analysis you’re 1% european

 

 **dog mom:** STORY TIME: IM ACTUALLY NOT CHINESE???

 

 **vivi supremacist:** disneyland worker: sorry the ride’s closed!

 

 **vivi supremacist:** STORY TIME: DISNEYLAND IS RACIST???

 

 **dab lord:** i regret ever showing sehun a meme

 

 **vivi supremacist:** no u don’t <3

 

 **dab lord:** yeA H ur right this is the best thing ive ever donE LMFAO

 

 **dab lord:** step aside for the new meme trio

 

 **:3:** were....

 

 **borkhyun:** we just dumped.....

 

 **:3:** by chanyeol??

 

 **dab lord:** make way for dat boi

 

 **vivi supremacist:** that’s a dead meme you guys can have him back

 

 **borkhyun:** lmao no thanks not after that

 

 **borkhyun:** u can keep him

 

 **dog mom:** we don’t claim him

 

 **dab lord:** did i just play myself

 

 **:3:** yes

 

 **:3:** now i can be happily married with baekie <3

 

 **borkhyun:** “j-jongdae?” i gasp, a tear dripping down my blushing cheek

 

 **:3:** “yes,” i say, getting down on one knee

 

 **borkhyun:** placing my hands on your shoulders, i look down at you and smile through the tears

 

 **borkhyun:** “kyaa” i kyaa, blushing

 

 **kyungsoo:** What the actual hell is happening

 

 **:3:** “b-baekhyun” i stutter surprisedly, lovingly caressing the beautiful slender hands on my shoulders

 

 **dog mom:** im so confused

 

 **borkhyun:** “i understand” i murmur, wiping the fresh tears on our faces, “you don’t have to say a thing”

 

 **junmoney:** i sure as hell don’t can someone explain

 

 **:3:** “i-i need to, though. i /want/ to.” i admit, averting my eyes from your loving gaze

 

 **borkhyun:** “then say it” i whisper, heart pounding

 

 **Han Dynasty:** is this like... a telenovela

 

 **:3:** i take a deep, deep breath. “w-will you....”

 

 **:3:**.

 

 **:3:**.

 

 **kyungsoo:** HURRY UP

 

 **:3:** “be my kitty?” i ask, as i stroke the cat ear atop of your hair

 

**kyungsoo has left the chat**

**dab king:** IM CRYINGGNNGNEFOAFKAFAPPWPAFW

 

 **vivi supremacist:** LFPAFPAFPLAFAFEFAFAF

 

 **dog mom:** w h y

 

 **junmoney:** somehow i feel 10 times more disappointed in the human race because of that

 

 **Han Dynasty:** we stray farther from god’s light every day

 

 **:3:** we’ve done it

 

 **borkhyun:** our finest achievement

 

 **:3:** im proud of us

 

 **ztao:** did my story actually just get hijacked by fucking memes

 

 **minnie mouse:** tbh I’m glad it did

 

 **minnie mouse:** your life is boring

 

 **dab lord:** GET SHREKT

 

 **ztao:** this is animal abuse

 

 **vivi supremacist:** did you just call yourself an animal?

 

 **ztao:** technically we’re all animals

 

 **Han Dynasty:** he’s got a point

 

 **ztao:** CAN WE GO BACK TO MY STORY THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY CHAPTER

 

 **dog mom:** your chapter??

 

 **junmoney:** tao sweetie

 

 **junmoney:** how do i put this nicely

 

 **minnie mouse:** he’s trying to say nobody cares tao

 

 **junmoney:** i mean essentially yeah

**:3:** WOOOOOOOWWWWWW

 

 **borkhyun:** COLD BLOODED HYUNGS

 

 **ztao:** all around me are familiar faces

 

 **ztao:** worn out places

 

 **ztao:** worn out faces

 

 **vivi supremacist:** I LOVE SHADE!!!

 

 **ztao:** u know what fine

 

 **ztao:** ill just go tell xing instead how im gonna scam the world

 

 **minnie mouse:** what makes you think he’d care more than us?

 

 **Han Dynasty:** OML MINNIE

 

 **dab lord:** HE’S ON FIRE

 

 **junmoney:** why do i feel like now that kyungsoo isnt here minseok is the back up roast master

 

 **minnie mouse:** actually he appointed me to do that in his absence!

 

 **minnie mouse:** it’s really refreshing, honestly, i see why he loves it so much

 

 **ztao:** i hate you all

 

* * *

 

 **ztao:** i just told xing and he...

 

 **ztao:** he responded with  

 

 **ztao:** “that’s nice”

 

 **:3:** FEFKAPFKAFAKFJAIFWJIAFNKNFKAFNAFAKFLAKFA

 

 **borkhyun:** PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTT

 

 **vivi supremacist:** THAT’S THE EQUIVALENT OF A “k” OML HE DID THAT

 

 **ztao:** my heart is wounded im

 

 **unicornxing:** ah,,, did i offend you taozi? ( ・◇・)？

 

 **unicornxing:** im sorry, i didn’t mean to!

 

 **unicornxing:** im just very busy right now in the studio~

 

 **ztao:** _its okay! i was just kidding around_

**unicornxing:** _ah good!!_ (´ ᴗ｀✿)

 

 **unicornxing:** _i hope you have fun! tell me how it goes~_

**ztao:** _xie xie, xing :)_

**unicornxing:** <3

**Han Dynasty:** what the hell was /that/ all about

 

 **dog mom:** someone care to translate?

 

 **vivi supremacist:** essentially yixing hyung is an angel 2 Pure 2 Sweet for this world

 

 **vivi supremacist:** and him and taozi are tooootally fucking i mean

 

 **junmoney:** SEHUN

 

 **ztao:** _SEHUN_

**borkhyun:** W HA  T

**vivi supremacist:** sorry mom;;

 

 **vivi supremacist:** also tao why did u feel the need to write my name in chinese

 

 **ztao:** to stress the point

 

 **:3:** WAIT BUT ARE THEY ACTUALLY A THING OR NOT

 

 **ztao:** no so calm down

 

 **ztao:** sehun’s just a bitch

 

 **vivi supremacist:** yeah but im /your/ bitch~

 

 **ztao:** ew thanks but no thanks

 

 **vivi supremacist:** true you’re not worthy of this ass

 

 **borkhyun:** bet u jongin is

 

 **dog mom:** why am i being involved

 

 **junmoney:** ok How many times have i told yall to Watch Your Language

 

 **junmoney:** sehun curse one more time and im bringing out the soap bar

 

 **junmoney:** i didn’t raise you to be some degenerate

 

 **dab lord:** OHHHHHH SHIT

 

 **junmoney:** that applies to everyone, by the way

 

 **dab lord:** SNAP* dumb auto correct

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly this chapter wasn't meant to go the way it did whoops,,,, we'll do a part 2 of tao's cat fishing adventure soon!


	5. WAKE ME UP (WAKE ME UP INSIDE)

**exo more like exhoes**

 

 **borkhyun:** GUYS HELP IM SCREAMING

 

 **junmoney:** is kyungsoo chasing you around the dorm with chanyeol's guitar again

 

 **borkhyun:** NO NOT THAT

 

 **borkhyun:** i still have nightmares about that experience though

 

 **:3:** hHWaT IS IT SPILL

 

 **borkhyun:** OKAY S O

 

 **borkhyun:** I TOOK A BUZZFEED QUIZ

 

 **junmoney:** im already disappointed

 

 **borkhyun:** SOTP I LIKE TAKINGTHEM

 

 **borkhyun:** ANYWAYS AND IT WAS LIKE WHETHER OR NOT YOURE EMO OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

 

 **borkhyun:** SO I WAS LIKE PSHHHH LETS DEMOLISH THIS BITCH THEN I CAN PROVE TO EVERYONE MY GUYLINER DAYS ARE IN THE PAST

 

 **innocent maknae:** "guyliner"

 

 **borkhyun:** SO I TAKE IT

 

 **borkhyun:** AND I GOT AN E

 

 **dog mom:** for... failing?

 

 **borkhyun:** FOR EXTREMELY EMO

 

 **galaxyman:**....

 

 **dab lord:** baekhyun we been knew

 

 **ztao:**  honestly where's some actual news

 

 **borkhyun:** YOU DODN TUNDERSNTAND

 

 **borkhyun:** MY LIFE IS IN SHAMBLES

 

 **borkhyun:** I THOUGHT I LEFT THOSE DAYS BEHIND ME AND NOW BUZZFEED IS TELLING ME MY DEMONS ARE STILL HERE

 

 **borkhyun:** I CANT DROWN MY DEMONS THEY KNOW HOW TO SWIM

 

 **:3:** did you really just quote bring me the horizon

 

 **minnie mouse:** ohhmygod

 

 **borkhyun:** F UC  K I RELALY AM EMO

 

 **borkhyun:** WHAT DO I DOO O O OO OO 

 

 **borkhyun:** ITS OVER FOR ME

 

 **borkhyun:** I MIGHT AS WELL GO DYE MY HAIR BLACK, MAKE A MYSPACE CALLED XxTHE_EMO_KIDxX WHERE I ONLY POST EDGY SELFIES OF ME LOOKING ALL DEPRESSED WITH EXISTENTIAL CAPTIONS ABOUT HOW LIFE IS MEANINGLESS AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE (ALL BECAUSE ASHLEY BROKE UP WITH ME TODAY) OR HOW FOLLOWING AUTHORITY IS FOR LOSERS BECAUSE IM A KNOW IT ALL TEENAGER WHO GIVES NO FUCKS AND WILL PROBABLY DIE AT 27 AND REALLY HAS NO PURPOSE OTHER THAN QUOTING REALLY FAKE DEEP OVERUSED SONG LYRICS AND USING AWFUL GRAINY FILTERS

 **borkhyun:** AND SHOP AT HOT TOPIC

 

 **Han Dynasty:**....well there's a story there im sure

 

 **kyungsoo:** Baekhyun... it's a Buzzfeed quiz.

 

 **kyungsoo:** Why are you listening to a quiz made by some random 30 year old man who most likely lives alone in his sad little apartment eating cup noodles and works at BUZZFEED?

 

 **borkhyun:** KYUNGSOO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

 

 **borkhyun:** BUZZFEED NEV E R L I ES 

 

 **dab lord:** he's right you know

 

 **dab lord:** once i took a quiz to see if it could guess what i wore that day

 

 **dab lord:** and it got it RIGHT

 

 **kyungsoo:** Chanyeol, literally anybody could guess what you wear, because you wear the exact same thing every day.

 

 **kyungsoo:** Adidas.

 

 **innocent maknae:** exposed

 

 **dab lord:** OKAY BUT THATS NOT THE POINT

 

 **borkhyun:** ITS TIME TO DON MY HOT TOPIC MERCH AGAIN IM FUCKING DONE

 

 **borkhyun:** I CAN NEVER SHOW MY FACE AGAIN

 

 **borkhyun:** SEE YALL AT WARPED TOUR

 

 **ztao:** but we live in south korea???

 

 **borkhyun:** B Y E 

 

* * *

 

 

**exo more like exhoes**

 

 **unicornxing:** baekhyun

 

 **unicornxing:** i love you

 

 **unicornxing:** but why are you playing welcome to the black parade on our piano at 3 in the morning

 

 **galaxyman:** THAT'S what concerns you??

 

 **galaxyman:** not him screaming "WE'LL CARRRY OOOOOOOOONNNNNN" at the top of his LUNGS????

 

 **unicornxing:** i guess that's an added... bonus?

 

 **borkhyun:** everyone knows 3 am is prime emo time

 

 **borkhyun:** its when all the Demons come out to play

 

 **junmoney:** that's great sweetie but maybe dont make it sound like somebody's performing an exorcism in our dorm?

 

 **borkhyun:** YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME MOM

 

 **borkhyun:** THIS IS REAL ART

 

 **minnie mouse:** it literally sounds like somebody's murdering a cat while the screams of the dead play in the background

 

 **innocent maknae:** moommmm can you interveneeeee

 

 **innocent maknae:** the baby cant sleep

 

 **dab lord:** you got a baby???????

 

 **innocent maknae:** wdym? im the baby

 

 **:3:** nobody's surprised

 

 **junmoney:** wait did sehun just call me mom??

 

 **innocent maknae:** uh yeah?

 

 **innocent maknae:** ur basically our mom

 

 **junmoney:** i

 

 **junmoney:** why did i cry a little

 

 **Han Dynasty:** AWWW MOOOOMMMM

 

 **dab lord:** WE LOVE YOU MOM~~~~

 

 **dog mom:** this is so embarrassing why

 

**junmoney has changed their name to Mother**

 

 **Mother:** sorry i. i need a moment after that wow

 

 **ztao:** okay but maybe make it quick mom because i just heard baekhyun play the first note to bring me to life by evanescence

 

 **:3:** IM CACKLING GGNGKGNSKNAFLK

 

* * *

 

 

**exo more like exhoes**

 

 **borkhyun:** MOM GIVE ME BACK MY IPAD

 

 **Mother:** BAEKHYUN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH THIS PHASE OF YOURS IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL

 

 **Han Dynasty:** someone wanna tell me what i missed

 

 **borkhyun:** juNmYeOn tOoK My iiPaD aWay bEcAuSe hE HeArD Me LisTEninG To fALL oUt BoY AnD hE dOeSnT LikE tHe FaCt ThaT iM EmO

 

 **:3:** baekhyun it was funny at first but now its getting a Bit too much

 

 **Mother:** you won't stop applying black eyeliner and lipstick, wearing black chokers, getting fake tattoos, wearing fake piercings

 

 **Mother:** the fans are concerned

 

 **galaxyman:** AND YOU EVEN APPLIED FOR A JOB AT HOT TOPIC

 

 

 **galaxyman:** SM ALMOST WHOOPED YOUR ASS

 

 **borkhyun:** YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME DAD FUCK YOU

 

 **galaxyman:** YOU'RE JUST LISTENING TO PEOPLE WHINE AND SCREAM ABOUT THEIR BASIC PROBLEMS????????

 

 **borkhyun:** I LISTEN TO REAL MUSIC

 

 **borkhyun:** I LIKE TO EMOTIONALLY CONNECT WITH MY SONGS

 

 **dab lord:** not five minutes ago you were listening to deepthroat by cupcakke

 

 **borkhyun:** YEAH AND??????

 

 **dab lord:** good point

 

 **ztao:** jesus christ

 

 **innocent maknae:** what's deepthroat??? idgi

 

 **dog mom:** NOBODY TELL HIM

 

 **:3:** well it all started back in 1975 when

 

 **borkhyun:** YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABO UT THE 1975 SO DONT EVEN TRY TO PRETEND OKAY NAME ME ANY OTHER SONG THAT ISNT CHOCOLATE OR GIRLS AN

 

**kyungsoo has kicked borkhyun from the chat**

 

 **ztao:** well that was easy

 

* * *

 

 

**exo more like exhoes**

 

 **:3:** guys baekhyun won't leave me alone can we add him back to the chat

 

 **minnie mouse:** aww but it was so peaceful here without him??

 

 **:3:** yeah but i think he's finally over his emo phase,,, at least for now

 

 **galaxyman:** do we know for sure though? 

 

 **unicornxing:** give him a chance hyung~ he's our friend!

 

 **galaxyman:** fine

 

**:3 has added borkhyun to the chat**

 

 **borkhyun:** i have an announcement

 

 **borkhyun:** after much time locked in my room crying while listening to panic! at the disco and writing in my diary about how nobody understands me and how i hate my family

 

 **borkhyun:** i realized i was being an extremely basic edgy 13 year old with no life whatsoever

 

 **borkhyun:** and if there is anything i refuse to be, it is being BASIC

 

 **borkhyun:** therefore I've burned all my "emo" belongings (admittedly to light em up playing in the background because its fitting)

 

 **borkhyun:** and i think i can safely say that im back to being the baddest bitch around B)

 

 **kyungsoo:** You cried when you got a paper cut yesterday.

 

 **borkhyun:** B)

 

 **Mother:** well, glad to see you back kid

 

 **innocent maknae:** did u guys know taozi had a lil bit of an emo phase too?

 

 **ztao:** SEH UN

 

 **borkhyun:** HM!!!!!!!!!!!! INTERESTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **borkhyun:** LOOK WHO WAS MAKING FUN OF ME EARLIER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **:3:** SPILL

 

 **:3:** SPILL

 

 **:3:** SPILL THE TEA

 

**innocent maknae:**

 

 **innocent maknae:** ofc who do you think i am?

 

 **ztao:** SEHUN I WILL KILL YOU

 

 **galaxyman:** SEHUN YOU BEST TELL US

 

 **ztao:** B I T C H

 

 **innocent maknae:** aha it was hilarious~

 

 **innocent maknae:** not as bad as baekhyun hyung's obviously, because what the hell

 

 **borkhyun:** this is cyber bullying

 

 **innocent maknae:** but he would only wear dark clothes and listen to black veil brides for like. a week

 

 **innocent maknae:** it was "AnDy BiErSaCk" this and "aNdy BiERsACK" that

 

 **innocent maknae:** dont even get me STARTED on the musical.lys

 

 **innocent maknae:** like he literally made musical.lys of him lip syncing to death metal songs

 

 **innocent maknae:** i still have some of them saved~~

 

 **dab lord:** SEHUN ILYSM OMFG

 

 **Han Dynasty:** PLEASE SEND THEM

 

 **innocent maknae:** i would but taozi looks like he'll actually murder me if i tell you guys anything else, and i kinda wanna live?

 

 **innocent maknae:** dont worry, ill show u guys later ;)

 

 **minnie mouse:** maknae of the year award goes to...

 

 **:3:** UR SO EVIL ILY SEHUNNIEEEEE~~~

 

 **innocent maknae:** idk what u mean? (◕ᴗ◕✿)

 

 **innocent maknae:** you guys saw nothing (◡‿◡✿) 

 

 **ztao:** SEHUN HAS A PRAISE KINK

 

**innocent maknae has left the chat**

 

 **:3:** KANJFWOKFAJNAFWKKOANJKFFAWMKL

 

 **borkhyun:** W H A T

 

 **unicornxing:** THE................

 

 **Han Dynasty:** F UC K? ?  ? ?  ?? ? ?  ? ? ? 

 

 **minnie mouse:** MOAOPFWKONFOFWANKJWFAKLAFMKFAW

 

**dab lord:**

 

 **dog mom:** UMMMMMMM??!@?1/3!?3$//5/6?

 

 **Mother:** WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED

 

 **ztao:** hair pulling, collars, shit like that? RIGHT UP HIS ALLEY

 

**kyungsoo:**

 

 **dab lord:** AAAA A A A A A A  AA A  A A A A A A A A A AA A A A A  A A A A A A A A  A

 

 **galaxyman:** IM FUCKIG CNR YINGGG WHA T

 

 **:3:** JONGIN IS S WEAT I NG

 

 **ztao:** if sehun thinks he can expose me and get away with it he's got another think COMING

 

 **borkhyun:** U JUST EPXOSED HIS KIN K S BRO MAYBE CHILL A LIL

 

 **ztao:** I DONT HOLD BACK BITCH

 

 **:3:** TAO IS A KINKSHAMER CONFIMRED

 

 **dab lord:** GUYS WHAT IF KINKSHAMING IS HIS KINK

 

**Han Dynasty:**

 

 **borkhyun:** ULTIMATE TUMBLR HORROR STORY

 

 **Mother:** AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED AS TO WHY TAO KNOWS ALL THIS???????????

 

 

 **ztao:** god

 

 **ztao:** i have history with sehun i sometimes wish i didnt

 

 **dog mom** : history???

 

 **:3** : O SHIT GET THE POPCORNM

 

 **ztao** : wait jongin,,, sehun hasn't told you???

 

 **dog mom:** ???????

 

 **ztao:** me and sehun dated??

 

 **Mother:** W H A T

 

 **:3:** T HE

 

 **dab lord:** F U C K

 

 **galaxyman:** YALL IM CRRRYYIYNGGGMNGNKGLA 

 

**borkhyun:**

 

 **kyungsoo:** My eyes can never unsee the horror I just read.

 

 **unicornxing:** IM SO CONFUSED???????

 

 **dog mom:** SINCE WHEN??!?E@R?QRQ?@

 

 **ztao:** ??? none of yall knew we were hella obvi

 

 **ztao:** it was only for like a month tho lmao we prefer being just friends better

 

 **Han Dynasty:** im................................

 

 **minnie mouse:** i don’t know anyone anymore

 

 **dog mom:**  i

 

 **dog mom:** i don’t really know what to say rn?

 

 **dog mom:** i feel really confused im

 

 **dog mom:** sorry im gonna leave for a bit

 

**dog mom has left the chat**

 

 **borkhyun:** Holee Crap

 

 **dab lord:** that was..... a god damn experience

 

 **Mother:** i think tao broke jongin

 

 **ztao:** IT WASNT ON PURPOSE I THOUGHT HE WOULD KNOW

 

 

 **minnie mouse:** i just wanna know how we went from baekhyun being emo to taohun being real

 

 **Han Dynasty:** this chat makes no sense

 

 **:3:**...

 

 **:3:** well this is awkward

 

 **unicornxing:** what... now?

 

 **kyungsoo:** Permission we forget everything we just read and continue to make fun of Baekhyun's emo phase?

 

 **borkhyun:** PERMISSION DENIED WTF

 

 **kyungsoo:** You're not the leader.

 

 **Mother:** kyungSOO!!

 

 

 **Mother:** ...permission granted

 

 **borkhyun:** what

 

 **unicornxing:** ᵐʸ ˢᵖᶦʳᶦᵗ'ˢ ˢˡᵉᵉᵖᶦⁿᵍ ˢᵒᵐᵉʷʰᵉʳᵉ ᶜᵒˡᵈ

 

 **Mother:** ᵁⁿᵗᶦˡ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠᶦⁿᵈ ᶦᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ᵃⁿᵈ ˡᵉᵃᵈ ᶦᵗ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ

 

 **minnie mouse:** ʰ ᵒ ᵐ ᵉ

 

 **:3:** WAKE ME UP

 

 **kyungsoo:** (WAKE ME UP INSIDE)

 

 **dab lord:** I CANT WAKE UP

 

 **Han Dynasty:** (WAKE ME UP INSIDE)

 

 **minnie mouse:** SAAAAVE MEEEEEEEEEE

 

 **galaxyman:** CALL MY NAME AND SAVEEE MEEE FROOOM THEEEE DARKKKK

 

 **borkhyun:** i hate you all

 

* * *

 

 

 


	6. CHANSOO CONFIRMED??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT!! ive been meaning to write this chapter for a while, but school got in the way. please forgive me, i hope this chapter makes up for it! also, TYSM FOR 100+ KUDOS!! THATS AMAZING, I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU SO MUCH!! ill try my best to continue to bring my best for you guys!

**borkhyun added unicornxing, innocent maknae, dog mom, Mother, galaxyman, :3, minnie mouse, Han Dynasty, and ztao to CHANSOO CONFIRMED??**

**borkhyun:** DO I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YALL

 

 **Han Dynasty:** YO YO YO I SAW THE NAME WHATS GOOD BAEKHYUN

 

 **borkhyun:** U ALREADY KNOW IT HYUNG

 

 **:3:** WHAHWHHATHTWWWWFKFEWFFLLFW

 

 **:3:** TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME

 

 **innocent maknae:** OMFFFFF

 

 **unicornxing:** what’s going on

 

 **ztao:** WAIT OMG REALLY SPILL THE TEA

 

 **galaxyman:** YO

 

 **dog mom:** PRAYING THIS IS TRUE I CANT TAKE SHARING A ROOM WITH KYUNGSOO ANY LONGER

 

 **dog mom:** HE’S ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT CHANYEOL BUT FOR THE STUPIDEST REASONS

 

 **dog mom:** “UGHH HE’S SO TALL THAT PERSONALLY OFFENDS ME UGHHHH LOOK AT HIS RED HAIR HE’S GIVING ME AN ANEURYSM UGHHH LOOK AT HIM PLAYING THE STUPID GUITAR WHAT A SHOW OFF UGHHHH”

 

 **dog mom:** BOIIII JUST TELL HIM U WANNA FUCK HIM ALREADY FFS

 

 **innocent maknae:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **galaxyman:** i raised the kids right B^)

 

 **Mother:** WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BAD INFLUENCE ON THEM

 

 **minnie mouse:** OK BUT YOU BETTER NOT BE MESSING WITH US BYUN BAEKHYUN

 

 **Mother:** I WILL ACTUALLY GROUND YOUR ASS FOR A MONTH IF THIS IS ALL A HOAX

 

 **borkhyun:** OK OK QUIET DOWN

 

 **borkhyun:** SO THIS ISNT EXACTLY CANON YET BUT

 

 **borkhyun:** IM AT THE MALL RN

 

 **borkhyun:** AND I WAS JUST LIKE CHILLIN @ STARBUCKS SIPPING MY MACCHIATO SLIDIN INTO SOME DMS WHEN SUDDENLY

 

 **:3:** slidin into some dms??

 

 **borkhyun:** CHANYEOL AND KYUNGSOO WALK IN TOGETHER

 

 **borkhyun:** AND I SPIT OUT MY DRINK SO QUICK

 

 **:3:** WHWDFHWATATTWTAHDW

 

 **Mother:** THEY NEVER TOLD ME THEY WERE GOING ANYWHERE TODAY?????

 

 **Mother:** I WILL GROUND THEIR ASSES??//???

 

 **dog mom:** WHY R WE NOT TALKING ABOUT HOW KYUNGSOO WILLINGLY WENT OUT WITH CHANYEOL A L O N E

 

 **dog mom:** THIS IS UNHEARD OF

 

 **Han Dynasty:** ^^^^^ HONESTLY R U POSITIVE IT WAS THEM

 

 **borkhyun:** DUDE I COULD SPOT THAT DAMN GIRAFFE HEADASS YEOL FROM A MILE AWAY

 

 **borkhyun:** ALSO I CAN SEE THEIR FACES FROM WHERE IM SITTING AND IT’S DEFINITELY THEM

 

 **borkhyun:** THANK GOD I DECIDED TO WEAR A HOODIE AND MASK TODAY

 

 **innocent maknae:** OK BUT WHAT ARE THEY D O I N G

 

 **borkhyun:** AS OF RN THEYRE JUST SIPPING THEIR COFFEE AT A TABLE TOGETHER AND CHATTING

 

 **borkhyun:** KYUNGSOO IS BEING STRANGELY NON HOSTILE AND CHILL

 

 **galaxyman:** ARE U SURE THAT’S THE REAL KYUNGSOO????

 

 **:3:** THE FACT THAT THEY DIDNT EVEN TELL JUNMYEON HYUNG THEY WERE GOING OUT IS EVEN MORE SUSPICIOUS

 

 **unicornxing:** maybe they’re on a secret date?!

 

 **ztao:** AFJFHWJFWKFKGOPGEFLAWMFAMFLWAL

 

 **minnie mouse:** SHSSISHTIRFKWFLAPWPFMWKFLALWM

 

 **borkhyun:** IF THEY ACTUALLY TURN OUT TO BE A THING IM TELLING U GUYS I CALLED IT FIRST

 

 **dog mom:** THAT’S NICE BUT WE NEED AN UPDATE WHAT ARE THEY DOING NOW

 

 **borkhyun:** okay okay so they’re still just talking

 

 **borkhyun:** i heard something about acting? dunno what that means but

 

 **borkhyun:** UM

 

 **borkhyun:** OOKAY SO CHANYEOL JUST LEANED OVER THE TABLE A LIL AND MOVED REALLY CLOSE TO KYUNGSOO’S FACE WITH THE MOST SERIOUS EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE LIIKE HE WAS GAZING INTO HIS EYES AND EVERYTHING

 

 **:3:** BIIITITITICHHCHHHEFELSFLFLA;;F;FW;F

 

 **Han Dynasty:** OBOBOBOOBOOYOYOYYOYOY

 

 **borkhyun:** KYUNGSOOS FACE GOT RED SO QUICK AND HE PUSHED HIM BACK DOWN TO HIS SEAT IM FCKING SOBBING

 

 **innocent maknae:** DO KYUNGSOO BLUSHING BECAUSE OF PARK CHANYEOL????

 

 **Mother:** THIS CANT BE REAL

 

 **borkhyun:** THEYRE LEAVING

 

 **borkhyun:** BINCH CHANYEOL JUST GRABBED SOO’S HAND AND SKIPPED OUT THE SHOP

 

 **borkhyun:** KYUNGSOO LOOKED SO DONE BUT HE WENT WITH IT WITHOUT EVEN SAYING A WORD I AM OFFICIALLY SHOOK™

 

 **galaxyman:** WTF R U DOING FOOL

 

 **galaxyman:** FOLLOW THEM

 

 **borkhyun:** SHIT U RIGHT

 

 **borkhyun:** *danny phantom voice* IM GOING GHOST

 

 **borkhyun:** ok ok so i stalked them and now theyre in some clothing shop

 

 **borkhyun:** chanyeol’s gushing about this jacket he found

 

 **borkhyun:** he’s going to go try it on now with some skinny jeans or something

 

 **borkhyun:** the jacket aint even cute tbh

 

 **innocent maknae:** i mean are u really surprised

 

 **innocent maknae:** the only thing the guy knows are adidas jackets

 

 **borkhyun:** jfjekfjakf tru

 

 **borkhyun:** kyungsoo’s waiting for him outside the changing room all cutely

 

 **borkhyun:** this is hella domestic im

 

 **ztao:** IM NOT EVEN THERE AND IM SQUEALING THIS IS SO ADORABLE

 

 **borkhyun:** CHANYEOL JUST CAME OUT THE CHANGING ROOM AND I SHIT U NOT

 

 **borkhyun:** KYUNGSOO STARTED CHOKING

 

 **dog mom:** WEAAAAAAAK

 

 **galaxyman:** SOO IS CRUSHING SO BAD IM DYING OF LAUGHTER

 

 **borkhyun:** YEOL, THE IDIOT, IS FUSSING ALL OVER HIM NOW MAKING SURE HES OKAY KYUNGSOO’S TURNING SUPER RED BC HE’S REALLY CLOSE IM WHEEZINGNNGNGNG

 

 **minnie mouse:** i cant believe im cryiNG just reading this

 

 **borkhyun:** GOTTA ADMIT THO SOO’S RIGHT HE LOOKS PRETTY HOT

 

 **borkhyun:** LIKE, IF I DIDN’T FIND THE THOUGHT OF DATING HIM REPULSIVE ID WANNA TAP THAT

 

 **ztao:** DAMNNNN

 

 **:3:** it cant be that good

 

 **borkhyun:** bro i assure u,,, it’s that good

 

 **:3:** Where Are The Receipts

 

**borkhyun:**

 

 **ztao:** SHIT THAT AINT BAD

 

 **innocent maknae:** for chanyeol’s usual fashion that’s a 10/10

 

 **unicornxing:** he looks so fresh!!

 

 **galaxyman:** GET IT MY SON

 

 **borkhyun:** yall i actually think i became 34% gayer after seeing him in this

 

 **:3:** eh it’s whatever

 

 **borkhyun:** boi are u insane

 

 **minnie mouse:** i think jongdae’s jealous~

 

 **borkhyun:** of what??

 

 **:3:** IM NOT JEALOUS

 

 **borkhyun:** OH!!!

 

 **borkhyun:** I GET ITTTT

 

 **borkhyun:** UR JEALOUS OF HOW GOOD YEOL LOOKS!

 

 **Han Dynasty:** looks into the camera like im in the office

 

**innocent maknae:**

 

**innocent maknae:**

 

 **innocent maknae:** i am always jim

 

 **minnie mouse:** yeah of course

 

 **minnie mouse:** that’s /totally/ what i meant baekhyun

 

 **minnie mouse:** 100%

 

 **borkhyun:** dw bro i think u look good no matter what

 

 **:3:** thanks bro

 

 **borkhyun:** back to The Situation kyungsoo’s okay now but he is still Visibly Shook by chanyeol’s unexpected DADDINESS

 

 **borkhyun:** chanyeol’s practically glowing kyungsoo told him he “looked fine” and now he’s bouncing off the walls what a whipped bitch

 

 **:3:** TBH HE’S SUCH A LOVESICK PUPPY

 

 **innocent maknae:** THIS IS SOOOO CUTEEEEE THOUGHHHH

 

 **borkhyun:** yeol just found this cute beanie and put it on kyungsoo and started SQUEALIGN ADORABLY

 

 **:3:** AAAA A  AAA a a aaA A AHAAA A A AH H HH H H 

 

 **borkhyun:** HE KEEPS SQUISHING SOO’S CHEEKS FUUUCCKCC

 

 **ztao:** I A M YODELEING

 

 **borkhyun:**

 

 **innocent maknae:** THE CUTENESS OVERLOAD I CANT BELIEVE

 

 **minnie mouse:** OH MY GODDDDDDDD

 

 **:3:** THAT'S THE MOST ADORABLE THING IVE EVE R SEEN MURDER ME GOD I AM SCREAMING INTO THE V O I D

 

 **borkhyun:** HES BLU SH HH  HH H ING NOW IMC RYYING

 

 **borkhyun:** OK thEY just bought some stuff including the Jacket and Beanie and now they’re heading out ill be back with more updates

 

 **borkhyun:** alright now they’re at some music shop

 

 **borkhyun:** kyungsoo’s looking at records while chanyeol tries out instruments

 

 **Mother:** expected tbh

 

 **borkhyun:** yeol just called ksoo over to the piano

 

 **borkhyun:** HE WANTS KSOO TO PLAY THE PIANO

 

 **:3:** WHAAAATAATTA

 

 **ztao:** INHALES

 

 **unicornxing:** omg!!!!!!

 

 **borkhyun:** soo kept shaking his head and like refusing but yeol wasn’t having it???

 

 **borkhyun:** now he’S OMMFMGMGMFMGMGMG

 

 **dog mom:** WHAT HAPPENED

 

 **Han Dynasty:** YOU CANT DIE NOW BYUN BAEKHYUN WHAT’S GOING ON

 

 **innocent maknae:** HYUNG U BETTER FCKNG ANSWER

 

 **borkhyun:** IM SORRY I NEEDED A MOMENT TO BR E ATHE

 

 **borkhyun:** I ACTUALLY SCREECHED AND LIKE 3 PEOPLE LOOKED AT ME IM WHEEZING

 

 **:3:** BAEKHYUN

 

 **borkhyun:** SORRY

 

 **borkhyun:** OKAY SO SO CHANYEOL LIKE PLANTED KYUNGSOO DOWN ONTO THE SEAT AND PUT KYUNGOSOS’S HANDS ON THE KEYS RIGHT

 

 **borkhyun:** AND THEN HE LIKE STOO D BEHIND KSOO AND WRAPPPED HIS AARMS AROUND HIM SO HE COULD PUT HIS HANDS ON TOP OF SOO’S IT WAS THE PUREST THING IV E EVER SEEN HE DID IT SO G E N T L Y

 

 **Mother:** WJDIWFOFKPWFAWKFJAKFNJANFWJAFNAKWFF

 

 **borkhyun:** NOW HE’S HELPING HIM PLAY IMFEMFEFICUFKING

 

 **ztao:** I DEMAND P H O T O S BICNHC

 

 **borkhyun:** LOOKATTHIS.png

 

 **galaxyman:** I...............

 

 **ztao:** IM SCREEHHCHCIGNGNGNWFE

 

 **Han Dynasty:** I GO T ACTUAL CHILLS LOOKING AT THAT

 

 **minnie mouse:** LMAO LOOK AT MY NEW WALLPAPER GUYS

 

 **Mother:** MY BABIES ARE SO ADORABLE IM TEARING UP

 

 **innocent maknae:** HELP JONGDAE HYUNG’S ROCKING BACK AND FORTH ON THE FLOOR WEEPING ABOUT HOW CUTE THEY ARE

 

 **dog mom:** HE KEEPS WHISPERING “OTP OTP OTP” AND CLUTCHING HIS PHONE TO HIS CHEST

 

 **borkhyun:** HONESTLY SAME BRO

 

 **borkhyun:** IM FORCING BACK TEARS

 

 **borkhyun:** THEYRE LEAVING NWOW

 

 **borkhyun:** BRB

 

 **galaxyman:** do none of the people there find it weird how baekhyun’s just.... entering and stalking these two ppl

 

 **borkhyun:** LMAO WORKERS KEEP GIVING ME WEIRD LOOKS AND TRYING TO COME UP TO ME TO ASK IF I NEED ASSISTANCE

 

 **borkhyun:** I ACTUALLY CLIMBED ON TOP OF SOME SHELVES TO TAKE A PHOTO OF CHANYEOL AND KYUNGSOO BEFORE

 

 **borkhyun:** IM SURPRISED I HAVENT BEEN KICKED OUT YET

 

 **Mother:** only baekhyun would be this extra

 

 **borkhyun:** OK SO THEy JUST STOPPED AT A MINI ARCADE AND YEOL TRIED A CLAW MACHIEN AND HE ACTUALLY GOT IT FIRST TRY

 

 **ztao:** HACKER

 

 **borkhyun:** HE WON THIS GIANT STUFFED BEAR AND

 

 **borkhyun:** HE JUST GAVE IT TO KYUNGSOO BTYEEEYEEYEYYEYEYEYE

 

 **dog mom:** IM ABOUT TO FA I NT

 

 **Mother:** THAT’S IT IM CRYING THE TEARS ARE FLOODING

 

 **borkhyun:** “IT LOOKS LIKE YOU, SOO!”

 

 **borkhyun:** KYUNGSOO ROLLED HIS EYES BUT HE S M I L E D AN D HUGGED IT A LIL

 

 **unicornxing:** awwwwwww

 

 **ztao:** TGAT IS SO CUTE WPIFSOB WAHT ARE SYNONYMS FOR CRYING BC IM DOING ALL OF THEM

 

 **borkhyun:** CHANYEOL DEADASS JUST NAMED IT “SOO JUNIOR” WEWKAKFWFAWLLF

**galaxyman:** Only Chanyeol

 

 **borkhyun:** now yeol’s trying to play guitar hero,, n he’s failing miserably

 

 **borkhyun:** HE’S ALL POUTY NOW CAUSE HE DID BAD AND KEEPS CLAIMING IT WAS “RIGGED” JWJFJAWKFAJWKF

 

 **innocent maknae:**??? how did he even do bad he Plays The Guitar

 

 **borkhyun:** cuz he kept tryna impress soo by doing cool spins and shit while playing... like a dumbass

 

 **borkhyun:** soo kept laughing at him i think he continued doing his stupid tricks just for his laugh

 

 **:3:** THATS TS THE CUTESTHTING IVE EVER HEARD IWAMMWMF

 

 **minnie mouse:** I ..... I THINK WE AR E NO LONGER THE CUTEST COUPLE LU

 

 **Han Dynasty:** THATS OK IM FINE WITH LOSING TO THEM

 

 **Han Dynasty:** thi s is actual couple goals i only ASPIRE T OWARDS

 

 **borkhyun:** thEY JUST BOUGHT ICE CREAM AND NOW THEY’RE SITTING ON SOME RANDOM BENCH TOGETHER

 

 **borkhyun:** IM BAWLING YALL CHANYEOL JST STARTE D FEEDING KYUNGSOO THE ICE CREAM ITS SO SWEET

 

 **borkhyun:** HE’S SMILING SO BRIGHT MYE YES AR EBLIND

 

 **borkhyun:** KYUNGSOO LOOKS SO EMBARRASSED BUT HES GOING WITH IT ANYWAYS

 

 **borkhyun:** ICECREAM.mp4

 

 **innocent maknae:** JONGDAE ACTUALLY JUST FAINTED

 

 **innocent maknae:** HE WATCHED IT AND HIT THE GROUND IMF UCKIGN CACKLING

 

 **minnie mouse:** AFKJWAFKJFKWFAJFPFPWMFLAMFWMW

 

 **borkhyun:** IS HE OKAY OFMG

 

 **dog mom:** HE;S BREATHING???

 

 **ztao:** GUESS THAT’S SOMETHING

 

 **Mother:** IM GONNA HAV E AS TROKE THIS 2 MUCH

 

 **galaxyman:** THE POWER OF CHANSOO.... IT’S TOO STRONG

 

 **Han Dynasty:** I BELIEVE IN GOD AGAIN JUST BC OF THAT VIDEO

 

 **borkhyun:** YALL HELP IM HIDDinNG IN THE LEAVES OF SOME PLANT A FEW FEET AWAY FROM THE BENCH

 

 **borkhyun:** LIKE IM ACTUALLY INSIDE THE POT

 

 **borkhyun:** AND I THINK I JUST GOT REPORTED BY SOMEONE

 

 **innocent maknae:** L M FA  O O O OO O  O OO O OO OO O O

 

 **borkhyun:** MANAGER IS COMING FML HELP

 

 **ztao:** RUNN BITCHH RUNNNNNNN

 

 **Mother:** BAEKHYUN OMFG

 

 **dog mom:** R U OKAY

 

 **galaxyman:** ANSWER U SHORTY

 

 **minnie mouse:** I THINKW E,,, OFFICIALLY LOST HIM

 

 **unicornxing:** n OO OO O OO O

 

 **:3:** WTF NO I JUSRT WOKE UP

 

 **:3:** BAEK NOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **Han Dynasty:** -titanic flute-

 

 **innocent maknae:** -looks up to sky- ...rest in peace hyung

 

 **minnie mouse:** i’m actually gonna miss him

 

 **ztao:** u kno... i always hated him

 

 **ztao:** but he... he was like a true brother to me

 

 **:3:** IM SOBBING NO

 

 **:3:** I NEVER GOT TO TELL HIM HOW I FELT

 

 **borkhyun:** IM ALIVE YALL

 

 **borkhyun:** wait never got to tell me what

 

 **dog mom:** HYUNG YOURE ALIVEEEEEEEEE

 

 **Mother:** O THANK GOD

 

 **unicornxing:** YAAY

 

 **innocent maknae:** WOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **galaxyman:** WELCOME BACK KID

 

 **Han Dynasty:** LET US REJOICE

 

 **:3:** OMFG NEVER DO THAT AGAIN U PIECE OF SHIT WE THOGUHT U WERE A GONER

 

 **minnie mouse:** JONGDAE WAS ABOUT TO PASS OUT AGAIN JWJFWAFKJW

 

 **borkhyun:** LMAO IT’S FINE I JUST TALKED WITH THE MANAGER AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION AND SHE REALIZED WHO I WAS AND GAVE ME AN 80,000 WON DISCOUNT AT ANY STORE JFJEFKJKFKF

 

 **ztao:** BITCH WTF

 

 **:3:** U BEST BE SHARING THAT HOE

 

**borkhyun:**

 

 **innocent maknae:** T R A I T O R

 

 **borkhyun:** UM GUYS?

 

 **borkhyun:** I DON’T THINK IM OUT OF THE CLEAR YET

 

 **Mother:** baekhyun what did you do

 

 **borkhyun:** SO UH

 

 **borkhyun:** IT RIED TOT TKAEE A PHOT O OF TH EM FRFOM INSSIDE PLANT AND MY PHONE AHAS AUTO FLASH ON

 

 **borkhyun:** AND THE FLASH WENT OFF AND I BELIEVE THEY SAW IT

 

 **:3:** baekhyun you actual IDIOT

 

 **innocent maknae:** that’s it he’s a goner

 

 **borkhyun:** UM

 

 **borkhyun:** THEYRE STARING AT ME

 

 **galaxyman:** it was nice knowing you

 

 **ztao:** BLAST OUTTA THERE DUMBASS

 

 **borkhyun:** HELP

 

 **minnie mouse:** he’s gonna die for real this time

 

 **dog mom:** no one escapes kyungsoo

 

 **borkhyun:** PFJFAWJFLFWAOWFWAFNAKFLWLF

 

 **borkhyun:** KYUGSOO GTOT UP LIKE HEW AS GONNA APRPOACH ME AND AIVE NEVER B O LT ED SO FAST INT M Y LIFE

 

 **borkhyun:** THE ONYL REASNON I GOT AWAY IS ABECAUSE I DON’T THINKE HE KNEW AIT WAS ME

 

 **borkhyun:** HE TOTALLY WOULDVE MURDERED ME WITH HIS TINY ASS HANDS IF HE DID

 

 **innocent maknae:** PFEKEFKFESKFKWFWA

 

 **:3:** P L S

 

 **borkhyun:** IM HEADING HOME NOW IM NOT TAKING ANY MORE CHANCES

 

 **borkhyun:** IM SOOOOO SAVING ALL THESE PHOTOS THO LMAOOO I TOOK SO MANY GOOD ONES I GOT PICTURES FOR DAYSSSS

 

 **:3:** GOOD WORK BAEK YOU’VE MADE US ALL PROUD

 

 **borkhyun:** I TRY I TRY

 

 **Han Dynasty:** Byun Baekhyun: Chansoo Legend

 

 **minnie mouse:** he did what no other man dared to do

 

 **dog mom:** our savior

 

 **Mother:** wait

 

 **Mother:** Kids I Have A Plan

 

* * *

  

**exo more like exhoes**

**Mother:** wow!! it’s such a wonderful day out!

 

 **:3:** righ t??? not a single cloud in the sky!!

 

 **kyungsoo:** Wait, isnt it raining?

 

 **:3:** Not A Single Cloud In The Sky!!

 

 **Mother:** just feel that fresh breeze!

 

 **innocent maknae:** right?? i bet it’d be such a /great day/ to go out somewhere

 

 **Mother:** hm, speaking of which, have any of you traveled anywhere today?

 

 **Mother:** chanyeol? kyungsoo?

 

 **kyungsoo:** That was rather specific?

 

 **dab lord:** nah i was just cooped up in the studio all day didn’t really do much

 

 **kyungsoo:** I visited an old friend’s house, but that’s about it

 

 **borkhyun:** interesting!

 

 **ztao:** In Ter Est Ing !!

 

 **Han Dynasty:**

 

 **dab lord:**??? wait what am i missing here

 

 **dab lord:** why are yall being hella shady

 

 **Mother:** it’s just rather interesting, is all!!!!!!

 

 **Mother:** bc you see (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

 

 **Mother:** kris honey hold my flower (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿

 

 **galaxyman:** expose their asses baby i got yo flower ✿＼(｡-_-｡)

 

 **Mother:** LEAKEDCHANSOOPHOTOS.png

 

 **Mother:** THAT’S NOT WHAT THESE PHOTOS OF YOU TWO AT THE MALL TOGETHER TODAY SUGGEST

**unicornxing:** gAspS!!!

 

 **dog mom:** O M G !!!!!!

 

 **:3:** IM SCREAMING

 

 **minnie mouse:** WHAAAAAAT

 

 **Mother:** So Really, What Is The Truth Kids?

 

 **Mother:** This Seems Rather Strange You Know

 

 **Mother:** Were You Perchance

 

 **Mother:** On A Date??

 

 **dab lord:** uh

 

 **dab lord:** we were never at th e mall together? let alone ona d ate??

 

 **dab lord:** idk what those are

 

 **dab lord:** prob photoshopped yknow

 

 **dab lord:** fans can get a lil wild lol

 

 **dab lord:** def not us

 

 **dog mom:** hyung just give up your acting career now that was awful

 

 **innocent maknae:** i cringed

 

 **Mother:** IDC IF I DIE TRYING I WANT THE TRUTH YOU TWO

 

 **kyungsoo:** Alright, alright, fine

 

 **kyungsoo:** Yes, we went out to the mall together

 

 **Mother:** H A H

 

 **kyungsoo:** But we weren’t on a date.

 

 **borkhyun:** chansooholdinghands.png

 

 **borkhyun:** yeolkissingsooscheek.png

 

 **borkhyun:** chansooeatingicecreamtogether.png

 

 **borkhyun:** soopettingyeolshair.png

 

 **borkhyun:** chansooplayingpiano.png

 

 **kyungsoo:** JFC I GET IT

 

 **kyungsoo:** Okay, so it might have looked like we were on a date

 

 **ztao:** ya think

 

 **kyungsoo:** But I can explain everything

 

 **:3:** THEN GET TO IT

 

 **kyungsoo:** I Am Typing :)))))

 

 **innocent maknae:** the smiley faces of death

**galaxyman:** damn is he typing the bible or something this is the longest explanation ever

 

 **kyungsoo:** Basically, the other day I got a call confirming that I got the part in a drama I tried out for. I was super happy because I really wanted to get in, but then I realized that the other lead in said drama was to play a VERY, VERY bubbly, sunshine-y girl, and you guys already know I can’t deal with those. I also realized that the girl was meant to be my significant other, and I have never been in a relationship before. Shocking, I know. Conveniently or inconveniently enough, Chanyeol happened to be there when I got the call, and I decided in my stupid, stupid brain that since he’s both single and a bubbly, sunshine-y person, I could kill two birds with one stone and ask him if he would help me out. I wanted to get used to that sort of presence and be able to tolerate it so it wouldn’t ruin my acting, if that makes any sense, and I wanted to know how to make the relationship seem realistic. So basically, what you saw today was just us pretending like we were on a date. I just didn’t tell any of you guys because I didn’t want you to make a huge deal out of it. We’re not a thing.

 

 **kyungsoo:** The end.

 

 **Mother:** jesus

 

 **innocent maknae:** okay first

 

 **innocent maknae:** CONGRATS FOR MAKING IT IN HYUNG!!!

 

 **dog mom:** CONGRATSSS!!!!!

 

 **borkhyun:** AS EXPECTED FROM OUR RESIDENT LEONARDO DICAPRIO!!!

 

 **kyungsoo:** Thank you.

**:3:** second of all

 

 **:3:** BOY KYUNGSOO’S NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WTF

 

 **ztao:** LIKE FOR REALSIES HYUNG????

 

 **kyungsoo:** Well, I mean, if you count the one relationship I had with some girl in high school that lasted for 2 days and made me realize I was SUUUPER not straight, then I guess I’ve been in one

 

 **:3:** r we not gonna comment on how tao said “for realsies”

 

 **borkhyun:** wait so u really weren’t on a date

 

 **kyungsoo:** Frankly, I’m insulted you even had that thought.

 

 **borkhyun:** man right when i was gonna become president of the chansoo fanclub

 

 **dab lord:** the what

 

 **borkhyun:** ive said too much

 

 **Mother:** well, i guess that’s it

 

 **Mother:** im still mad you didn’t even tell /me/

 

 **kyungsoo:** No offense, hyung, but you’re just as bad as the rest of them.

 

 **Han Dynasty:** pfpfpfpffffpfpfff

 

 **kyungsoo:** Anyways, if that’ll be all, I’m going to leave

 

 **dab lord:** ye same i don’t got much to say

 

 **dog mom:** okay

 

 **:3:** bye

 

* * *

 

**CHANSOO CONFIRMED??**

**borkhyun:** any of yall believe that bullshit story

 

 **:3:** LMAO NOT A SINGLE WORD

 

 **innocent maknae:** IT GOT SUPER SUSPICIOUS THE MOMENT CHANYEOL HYUNG DIDN’T EVEN SPEAK DURING THE EXPLANATION

 

 **Han Dynasty:** there’s not a chance they aren’t dating

 

 **ztao:** kyungsoo would NEVER even think about asking chanyeol to help if he disliked him as much as he claims >_>

 

 **minnie mouse:** speaking from someone who is in a relationship, even if they aren’t /dating/, they’re totally in love

 

 **dog mom:** dw guys as the chansoo club secretary i will help get to the bottom of this

 

 **galaxyman:** wait when did you become the secretary???

 

 **dog mom:** baekhyun hyung’s the president, and as his partner in crime that immediately makes jongdae hyung the vice president

 

 **dog mom:** as kyungsoo hyung’s roommate i am also of importance so im proclaiming myself to be the secretary

 

 **innocent maknae:** I CALL BEING TREASURER

 

 **Mother:** w o w

 

 **Mother:** wait why don’t I get a spot

 

 **borkhyun:** ur already the leader mom calm urself

 

 **:3:** gosh so greedy

  

 **Mother:** boy if u don’t

 

 **borkhyun:** AHEM

 

 **borkhyun:** as chansoo club president, i declare we keep investigating

 

 **borkhyun:** the chansoo mystery isnt over yet

 

 **:3:** keep ur eye out for any suspicious chansoo behavior

 

 **:3:** report back here with any info

 

 **borkhyun:** now, repeat after me, all hail chansoo

 

 **ztao:** omfg

 

* * *

 


	7. treat yo self 2017

**exo more like exhoes**

**innocent maknae:** TAO

 

 **borkhyun:** did sehunnie actually just initiate a convo

 

 **innocent maknae:** TAO

 

 **innocent maknae:** TAO

 

 **innocent maknae:** TAOZI

 

 **innocent maknae:**.......

 

 **innocent maknae:** O, HANDSOME AND WISE TAOZI~

 

 **ztao:** you called?

 

 **Han Dynasty:** fjefajwfjkafjwkf w o w

 

 **innocent maknae:** GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS

 

 **ztao:** wait

 

 **ztao:** WAAAAAIITTTT

 

 **ztao:** U DONt MEAN

 

 **innocent maknae:** I DO

 

 **innocent maknae:** THREE WORDS FOR U

 

 **innocent maknae:** TREAT

 

 **innocent maknae:** YO

 

 **innocent maknae:** SELF

 

 **ztao:** TREAT YO SELF TWO THOUSAND SEVENTEEEENNN

 

 **innocent maknae:** U KNOW ITTTTTT

 

 **ztao:** AWWWWWWWW YEEEEAHH BOIIIII

 

 **Mother:** if i may ask, what in the world are you guys talking about

 

 **dog mom:** same im confused

 

 **innocent maknae:** sit down bitches i got a story for yall

 

 **Mother:** im going to let that one slide

 

 **ztao:** NOW THIS IS A STORY ALL ABOUT HOW MY LIFE GOT FLIPPED TURNED UPSIDE DOWN

 

 **ztao:** AND ID LIKE TO TAKE A MINUTE JUST SITTIN RIGHT THERE

 

 **innocent maknae:** ILL TELL YOU HOW WE BECAME THE FOUNDERS OF TREAT YO SELF DAY EVERYWHERE

 

 **:3:** why did i laugh

 

**dab lord has changed their name to pcwhy**

**pcwhy:** why

 

 **innocent maknae:** admit it,,,,,, it wasnt bad for an impromptu

 

 **pcwhy:** damn it u right i giggled

 

 **borkhyun:** R U GONNA EXPLAIN OR NOT

 

 **ztao:** CALM DOWN FAKEHYUN

 

 **borkhyun:** NICE ONE SHITTAO

 

 **innocent maknae:** AHEM LETS SETTLE DOWN

 

 **innocent maknae:** once a year tao and i spend a day treating ourselves

 

 **innocent maknae:** what do we treat ourselves to?

 

 **Mother:** you tell me

 

 **ztao:** CLOTHES

 

 **innocent maknae:** TREAT YO SELF

 

 **ztao:** FRAGRANCES

 

 **innocent maknae:** TREAT YO SELF

**ztao:** MASSAGES

 

 **innocent maknae:** TREAT YO SELF

 

 **ztao:** MI **MO** SAS

 

 **innocent maknae:** TREAT YO SELF

**ztao:** FINE LEATHER GOODS

 

 **innocent maknae:** TREAT YO SELF

 

 **ztao:** itS THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR

 

**innocent maknae: THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR**

 

 **borkhyun:** and yall DON’T INVITE ME??????

 

 **Han Dynasty:** SAME TF

 

 **ztao:** well u see

 

**ztao has changed their name to gucci shades**

**gucci shades:** *slides on gucci shades*

**gucci shades:** its me and sehunnie’s thing

 

 **kyungsoo:** Sehunnie and I*

 

 **ztao:** NOBODY ASKED

 

 **borkhyun:** I AM....... WOUNDED..........

 

 **borkhyun:** TAO I CAN UNDERSTAND BUT SEHUNNIE?!!!!!

 

 **borkhyun:** I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

 

 **borkhyun:** BROS

 

 **borkhyun:** HOME SLICES

 

 **borkhyun:** SHOWER BUDDIES

 

 **dog mom:** w ha  t

 

 **:3:** wHAt

 

 **innocent maknae:** hyung ily but this is a tradition we cannot change

 

 **borkhyun:** our friendship is over sehun

 

 **innocent maknae:** eh youll forgive me by the end of the day anyways ;)

 

 **:3:** why did you wink...?

 

 **dog mom:** that sounds suggestive??

 

 **innocent maknae:** ;)

 

 **Mother:** well anyways, it sounds fun!

 

 **unicornxing:** i hope you guys enjoy yourselves!!

 

 **minnie mouse:** ^

 

 **innocent maknae:** ty hyungs <3

 

 **gucci shades:** hurry up or ill leave w/out you hoe

 

* * *

**exo more like exhoes**

**:3:** its strangely quiet here without tao or sehun

 

 **pcwhy:** lol jongin’s sulking in his room

 

 **minnie mouse:** why?

 

 **pcwhy:** he wont admit that he’s jelly

 

 **kyungsoo:** Of course.

 

 **kyungsoo:** Why is he even jealous? I thought he claimed he didn’t like Sehun like that.

 

 **borkhyun:** the biggest lie he’s ever told

 

 **kyungsoo:** He’s sure making it obvious.

 

* * *

**exo more like exhoes**

**gucci shades:**

 

 **gucci shades:** trEAT YO SELF 2017 SQUAD

 

 **innocent maknae:** ayyyyyyyyyy~

 

 **minnie mouse:** cute!!!

 

 **:3:** u guys having fun~?

 

 **innocent maknae:** ofc

 

 **innocent maknae:** we even got bubble tea ^^

 

 **gucci shades:** i just bought velvet slippies, cashmere socks, velvet pants, and a cashmere turtleneck

 

 **gucci shades:** IM A CASHMERE VELVET CANDY CANE

 

 **innocent maknae:** TREAT YO SELF

 

 **dog mom:** ffs

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** jongin rn

 

 **borkhyun:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **dog mom:** IM NOT

 

 **dog mom:** WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS ANYWAYS

 

 **pcwhy:**...

 

 **pcwhy:** COUGHS SEHUN’S HANDS FOLDER COUGHS

 

 **borkhyun:** PFPDPFPDKDKFSFAJEFKFWA

 

 **Han Dynasty:** BOYYYYYYYY OMLLLLLLLL

  

 **innocent maknae:**?

 

 **innocent maknae:** wait what

 

**dog mom has kicked pcwhy from the chat**

**dog mom:** nothing :)

 

**Mother has added pcwhy to the chat**

**Mother:** u cant run from what is true jongin

 

 **dog mom:** it’s for an experiment That’s All

 

 **pcwhy:** does that experiment involve hand kinks + a tall, blonde haired maknae?

  

 **dog mom:** PLEASE JUST LET ME BAN HIM

**innocent maknae:** hey i need your guys’ opinion on something

 

 **innocent maknae:** i was just trying on outfits and stuff and

**innocent maknae:**

 

 **innocent maknae:**

 

 **innocent maknae:** how do i look?

 

 **pcwhy:** and /there’s/ the sweet sound of u know who dying in pure agony in the other room

 

 **borkhyun:** JFKAJWKFJWKAJFKAFKFMWF

 

 **borkhyun:** BUT OOOOOOOH GET IT

 

 **:3:** WOOWOWOWOWOWOWO THOSE EYES N THAT BODY THOOOO

 

 **pcwhy:** SEXY PIECE OF SHIT MY HEART CANT HANDLE THIS I KEEP STARING AT IT

 

 **unicornxing:** <3 <3 <3

 

 **Mother:** I,,,,,,,

 

 **Mother:** u kids grow up so fast,,,,,,

 

 **galaxyman:** u did good son

 

 **minnie mouse:** LOVING THAT OUTFIT

 

 **Han Dynasty:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **kyungsoo:** It’s really good, Hun!

 

 **innocent maknae:** thank u all! (◠‿◠✿)

 

 **pcwhy:** jongin what do u think?

 

 **dog mom:** i will murder your family

 

 **innocent maknae:** oh

 

 **dog mom:** NOT YOU I MEANT CHANYEOL

 

 **dog mom:** you

 

 **dog mom:** you did good

 

 **:3:** IM STRAIGHT UP CA CKL ING

 

 **innocent maknae:** thanks? i think

 

 **Mother:** what are you kids doing now?

 

 **gucci shades:** WE AT THE SPA BINCHHH

 

 **Mother:** W HA=T

 

 **borkhyun:** IM ACTUALLY ABOUT TO FIGHT YOU BOTH

 

 **innocent maknae:**

 

 **innocent maknae:** ;)

 

 **:3:** that’s...... super pleasing but

 

 **:3:** BATTLE ME

 

 **Han Dynasty:** I HAVENT BEEN TO A SPA IN MONTHS WTF IM SO JEALOUS

 

 **borkhyun:** hah like jongin

 

 **dog mom:** hey let’s tell a secret about ourselves

 

 **dog mom:** ill go first :)

 

 **dog mom:** i hate you all

 

 **:3:** JKFAJWKFJKWAFKWNFAFKW WEAAKAKAKAKAK

 

 **kyungsoo:** Omg, same Jongin!

 

 **pcwhy:** THAT’S A LIEEE U LOOOVOEEE US

 

 **dog mom:** if i had the chance i would push all of you off the nearest cliffs

 

 **galaxyman:** including sehun?

 

 **dog mom:** u know what,, sur

 

 **gucci shades:**

 

 **gucci shades:** lol just figured out the password to tao’s phone im gonna have a field day with this~ ψ(｀∇´)ψ

 

 **:3:** JONGIN JUST DROPPED HIS PHONE IM CR  YYIG NGNGNG

 

 **borkhyun:** PLEASE W AINWAKFMAW CIM GASPING FOR AIR iACTUALLY ANCANTBREAHTE

 

 **pcwhy:** HWHWDGWAJFHWAJFWAFNAKFKWAFOAWFLAWLMFFW

 

 **Han Dynasty:** IM DE A  A A A A D D

 

 **galaxyman:** WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT "SURE" JONGIN

 

**pcwhy: audio.mp4**

 

 **Mother:** OML WHAT THE HELL IS THAT IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONES DYING

 

 **galaxyman:** IS THAT A PTERODACTYL

 

 **pcwhy:** THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS THE SOUND OF HIS SCREECHING

 

 **minnie mouse:** NFAKEFAKFAFAWAFTHERE ARE ACTUAL TEARS POURIGN FROM MY EYES

 

 **Mother:** IC ANT STOP WHEEIZING SOMEOME CALL LIFE SUPPORT

 

 **gucci shades:**??

 

 **gucci shades:** ik im good looking yall but this is a bit much

 

 **borkhyun:** OH,,,,, SEHUN

 

 **gucci shades:** that’s my name yes

 

 **borkhyun:** our pure, innocent, naive sehunBOI

 

 **:3:** oh ymy FUCKIGN FGOD

 

 **pcwhy:** IM PSISING GMYSELF PLEE ASE

 

 **Han Dynasty:** WHAT HAPPENED

 

 **:3:** HE LITERALLY CAME OUT OF HIS ROOM

 

 **:3:** TO TH E LIVING ROOM WHERE ME BAEKHYUN AND CHANYEOL R AT

 

 **:3:** AND HE LOOKED FCKING **WRECKED** LIKE THERE WERE DARK CIRCLES UNDER HIS EYES HIS HAIR WAS WILD HE LOOKED LIKE HE HADNT SEEN A BED IN YEARS

 

 **:3:** AND HE LOOKE D US DEAD IN THE EYE

 

 **:3:** N THIS BITCH HAD THE NERVE

 

 **:3:** THE AUDACITY

 

 **:3:** TO ASK

 

 **:3:** “is there any chicken left”

 

 **borkhyun:** AWJFOAWKFAMFMAWNFIWAOAFMAFWAFWLF IM STILL DEAD ST PO p

 

 **minnie mouse:** PLEAS Ee E E I ACTULULALLY THINNK I MIGtT DIEE OF LAUUGHTER

 

 **pcwhy:** U DOJT EVEN UNDERSATAND

 

 **kyungsoo:** undersatand

 

 **kyungsoo:** Are you a Satanist?

 

 **pcwhy:** if ur satan, then id gladly worship you ;)

 

**borkhyun has changed kyungsoo’s name to satansoo**

**satansoo:** I swear to fucking god

 

 **borkhyun:** im sorry aren’t you the exact opposite of god

 

 **satansoo:**....... I genuinely hate you.

 

 **borkhyun:** YALL OMFG

 

 **borkhyun:** I BEAT KYUNGSOO AT HIS OWN GAME FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER WOO O OO O OOOOOOOOOO

 

 **pcwhy:** LISTENW E CAN COME BACK TO THAT AND REJOICE LATER

 

 **pcwhy:** U DON’T UDNERSTAND

 

 **pcwhy:** HE WAS HAVING LIKE 20 HEAR T ATTACKS N HE WAS /STILL/ TRYING TO ACT CHILL IM STIL L S O

 

 **:3:** TBHHHHFE EJFEK LIKE B O I WE S EE U

 

 **borkhyun:** KFJAWKFJKFAWNWKF THIS SIS TS SO FUNYN

 

 **dog mom:**...

 

 **dog mom:** idk what yall are talking about

 

 **dog mom:** im fine

 

 **:3:** SURE JAN

 

 **borkhyun:** U KNOW...

 

 **:3:** JUST DON’T IMAGINE THE SOUNDS SEHUN MUST BE MAKING RN

 

 **borkhyun:** DON’T IMAGINE HIS TONED NAKED BODY AS HE GETS THE MASSAGE OF HIS LIFE

 

 **:3:** PROB MOANING HIS LIL INNOCENT HEART OUT AT HOW GOOD IT FEELS YKNOW

 

 **borkhyun:** JUST DON’T IMAGINE IT

 

 **dog mom:**.

 

 **dog mom:** you two have ten seconds to run for your life before i actually murder you both with my bare hands

 

 **:3:** FCUKC

 

 **galaxyman:** someone’s been spending a little /too/ much time around kyungsoo

 

 **pcwhy:** RIP YALL I LOVED U BOTH

 

* * *

 

**exo more like exhoes**

 

 **:3:** WE  R E HAIDING IN TE HE BAEHTHROOM AND HEA S BANGING ONT HRE DOOR GGUSY HEKELP

 

 **borkhyun:** EHES SCREAMING AT UT STHIS IS BOTH HILARIOSUA AN DNETERRIYIFNG IM

 

 **:3:** THESE A REA MY LAST W ORSDS

 

 **:3:** CHANYEOLAL,,,,,,,, HIDIE MY PORN

 

 **pcwhy:** i will, brother

 

 **pcwhy:** your sacrifice will never be in vain

 

 **:3:** BAAKEHUYN BRO,,,,,,, ILY

 

 **borkhyun:** ILY2 BRO

 

 **borkhyun:** THS SIS HOW IT ENDS

 

 **borkhyun:** GOODNYBYE YALL

 

 **innocent maknae:**??? what the hell is happening

 

 **innocent maknae:** what did i miss

 

 **innocent maknae:** jonginnie r u okay? (◕‸ ◕✿)

 

 **:3:** WE R E  SA V ED O MFG

 

 **borkhyun:** HE SOTPPED BANGING IM CEYING I HABE NEVER BELIEEVED IN A GOD MORE

 

 **borkhyun:** SEHUN ILYSM

 

 **:3:** U ARE LITERALLY OUR SAVIOR

 

 **innocent maknae:** uh what did i do

 

 **:3:** DONT WORRY ABOUT IT

 

 **dog mom:** im fine, sehunnie!

 

 **dog mom:** just wanted to talk to our lovely, dearest hyungs :)

 

 **satansoo:** Talk, he says

 

 **minnie mouse:** like he wasn’t just trying to slit their throats

 

 **innocent maknae:** well ok if u say so

 

 **gucci shades:** sehunnie where u at i wanna go on the carousel

 

 **minnie mouse:** the carousel?!

 

 **dog mom:** thE CAROUSEL

 

 **pcwhy:** BINCH I WANNA GO ON THE CAROUSEL

 

 **pcwhy:** THE ONE AT THE MALL IS LIT

 

 **gucci shades:** i know B^)

 

 **innocent maknae:** im coming~

 

 **dog mom:**.

 

 **borkhyun:** jfjwfakkkwajfwakfawfl this is so fcking funny

 

 **pcwhy:** JONGIN GUESS WHAT i jUst found the perfect place for you!!!

 

 **dog mom:** where?

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **dog mom:** i will stab your parents

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** me @ jongin rn

 

 **dog mom:** are yall just gonna stand by and let this bullying happen to me

 

 **kyungsoo:** You gotta admit, he’s right.

 

 **dog mom:** BETRAYED BY EVERYONE

* * *

**minseokkie hyung**

**dog mom:** hyung

 

 **minnie mouse:** what?

 

 **dog mom:** i have a question

 

 **minnie mouse:** ask away

**dog mom:** u like lu hyung right

 

 **minnie mouse:** no, because im definitely Not /dating him/ or anything like that

 

 **minnie mouse:** that would be ridiculous

 

 **dog mom:** this is bullyiyng

 

 **dog mom:** i just wnated to ask

 

 **dog mom:** how did u know u liked him like

 

 **dog mom:** what made u Realize

 

 **minnie mouse:** well

 

 **minnie mouse:** a lot of things

 

 **minnie mouse:** i could tell you everything i love about him

 

 **minnie mouse:** his smile, his eyes, his kindness and gentleness, his underlying sass, his humor, etcetera etcetera

 

 **minnie mouse:** but those were just pieces of what made me love him

 

 **minnie mouse:** altogether i realized it was simply just the way we fit perfectly together

 

 **minnie mouse:** whenever i was by his side, i felt like i was home

 

 **minnie mouse:** that’s really all it came down to.

 

 **dog mom:** hyung plEASE i asked how u knew u liked him not for u to make me cry in 3 minutes

 

 **dog mom:** that was too sweet im sobbinG

 

 **minnie mouse:** :)

 

 **minnie mouse:** but... why were you asking?

 

 **dog mom:** do i have to answer that?

 

 **minnie mouse:** i think it’s only fair

 

 **minnie mouse:** a question for a question, no?

 

 **dog mom:** ughggghhhhh

 

 **dog mom:** ur a tricky snake u kno that

 

 **minnie mouse:** idk what made u think i was ever thAt nice ;)

 

 **minnie mouse:** but if you’re worried about me telling anybody, i wont

 

 **minnie mouse:** im just curious

 

 **minnie mouse:** maybe i could help

 

 **dog mom:** fiIiiiiiiNE

 

 **dog mom:** i think i like someone

 

* * *

 

 

**exo more like exhoes**

 

 **minnie mouse:** YALL JONGIN LIKES SOMEONE

 

 **minnie mouse:** wait shit wrong chat

 

 **dog mom:** HUYNG

 

* * *

 

**minseokkie hyung**

 

 **minnie mouse:** alright back what's up

 

 **dog mom:**!??@!?@?!$?!@?@ U JUST SAID U WOULDNT TELL ANYONE

 

 **minnie mouse:** lol

 

 **minnie mouse:** u saw nothing

 

 **dog mom:** i............

 

 **dog mom:** u know what anyways

 

 **dog mom:**  i wanted to ask someone who was in a relationship for help

 

 **dog mom:** and i guess u were the first person i thought of

 

 **dog mom:** ive known this person for a while but i never really,,

 

 **dog mom:** i don’t know i just never really considered that i might actually like them more than i once thought

 

 **minnie mouse:** ah

 

 **minnie mouse:** well what /do/ you like about this person

 

 **dog mom:** there’s so much

 

 **dog mom:** i sometimes wonder if there’s something i /don’t/ like about them

 

 **dog mom:** in terms of looks, i don’t know how anyone could find them not to be gorgeous

 

 **dog mom:** they’re like a walking, breathing, human god here to bless us with their presence

 

 **dog mom:** such a nice smile too?? like i think i could truly die from it???

 

 **dog mom:** just by them lOOKING at me i feel like the most special person in the universe like wow can u believe they looked at ME they could’ve looked at any other person that’s a million times better but no they chose me??

 

 **dog mom:** they’re super stubborn and sometimes it frustrates me but i love them even more for it

 

 **dog mom:** sometimes they’re very sassy and cunning and while i absolutely adore that about them

 

 **dog mom:** i love how they’re secretly the most caring softie in the world even /more/

 

 **dog mom:** they’re also very silly and adorable they’re such a tiny baBY but also like?? the hottest person to exist??? what the hell?????

 

 **dog mom:** also ridiculously talented i wish more people could understand that more

 

 **dog mom:** i love them when they’re being all bratty and sassy in front of everyone

**dog mom:** but i also love them when it’s just us alone together

 

 **dog mom:** because then they’re truly themselves, and it’s like every bit of each part of their personality gets mixed into one and the product is what i get to see

 

 **dog mom:** quiet but loud, soft but bold, adorable but hot, he’s literally duality in a person

 

 **dog mom:** i feel complete when im with him and incomplete when im not

 

 **dog mom:** i guess i just didn’t realize it until now

 

 **minnie mouse:** great! now you’ve just gotta tell sehun all of that

 

 **dog mom:** FJWKJAOWFPWAFMWA FHWAAWT

 

 **dog mom:** WHAWT

 

 **dog mom:** WHAT

 

 **dog mom:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN

 

 **dog mom:** I NEVER SAID IT WAS SEHUN

 

 **dog mom:** WHY WOULD IT BE SEHUN

 

 **minnie mouse:** jongin logic: lets text minseok hyung about feelings when sehun’s out with tao and im clearly jealous and probably in love haha great plan

 

 **minnie mouse:** also your entire explanation was so painfully sehun it was obvious

 

 **minnie mouse:** it’s literally no secret to anyone but sehun you REEEALLLYYY like him

 

 **dog mom:** ughhhh

 

 **dog mom:** idk what to do

 

 **dog mom:** he’s too Good for Me

 

 **dog mom:** he doesn’t even like me back

 

 **minnie mouse:**??/are u kidding me

 

 **dog mom:** if i told him id probably ruin our friendship

 

 **dog mom:** he’d probably be disgusted with me or something

 

 **minnie mouse:** you are literally the world’s BIGGEST idiot

**minnie mouse:** i am done with you

 

 **minnie mouse:** go sulk somewhere else

 

 **minnie mouse:** god i actually became 20 times duMBER reading that sentence

 

 **dog mom:**???? WHAT DID I DO ????

 

 **dog mom:** HYUNGGGG

 

 **dog mom:** HYUNG IM SO CONFUSED

 

 **dog mom:** HYYYY  YY Y YU N G G G G

 

 **minnie mouse:** Read 2:12 pm

 

 **dog mom:** H Y U N G

* * *

 

 

**exo more like exhoes**

 

**gucci shades:**

 

 **gucci shades:** treat yo self 2017 was officially a success!

 

 **innocent maknae:** i feel so good rn aaaahhhhh

 

 **innocent maknae:** it’s been so long since i felt this pampered

 

 **gucci shades:** truly the best day of the year

 

 **Mother:** welcome back!

 

 **unicornxing:** it wasn’t the same here without u guys!! (＾∇＾)

 

 **pcwhy:** yes,,,, we all missed u

 

 **pcwhy:** some more than others cough

 

 **dog mom:** kyungsoo how do u deal with him

 

 **satansoo:** I don’t

 

 **satansoo:** I attack him

 

 **satansoo:** Or I’ll just ignore him

 

 **satansoo:** Both methods work.

 

 **pcwhy:** r00d

 

 **pcwhy:** anyways u have found better, more... effective... methods so don’t lie

 

 **borkhyun:** what

 

 **:3:** whAt

 

 **satansoo:** Chanyeol, speak another word and you wont like what happens

 

 **pcwhy:** are u suuuree about that?

 

 **pcwhy:** FCUK I GOTTTA RUN HES COMING

 

 **gucci shades:** couple goals (♥ω♥ )

 

 **innocent maknae:** oh speaking of which

 

 **innocent maknae:** i brought u back a gift, nini!

 

 **dog mom:** u bought me a gift???

 

 **dog mom:** why??

 

 **innocent maknae:** tao said u seemed kinda sad today and i thought so too

 

 **innocent maknae:** idk why u are though so maybe im wrong

 

 **innocent maknae:** anyways he said i should buy u a present to cheer u up!

 

 **innocent maknae:** i hope u like it (◕▽◕✿)

 

 **dog mom:** if its from you, im sure ill love it.

 

 **borkhyun:** BINC DHBEJFANFAJFWKFNAKFWL

 

 **:3:**

 

 **Mother:** I ACTUALLY FELT THE SWEETNESS OF THAT ONE STATEMENT THROUGH MY PHONE IM **SHOOEKNED**

 

 **Han Dynasty:** ME, CRYING, IN THE DISTANCE

 

 **dog mom:** OMG OMG OMG

 

 **dog mom:** I JUST WALKED INTO MY ROOMA ND

 

 **dog mom:** DID U ACTUALYL BUY ME A GIANT BEAR PLUSHIE IM SCREECHING

 

 **innocent maknae:** anything for u <3

 

**dog mom:**

 

 **dog mom:** ILYSM WTFFEKFKAWKA

 

 **dog mom:** IM COMING TO UR ROOM I NEED TO HUG U FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

 

* * *

**sekai headquarters**

 

 **gucci shades:** yeah someone explain to me how theyre not dating already

 

 **minnie mouse:** honestly what kind of Headassery

 

 **pcwhy:** r we also not gonna acknowledge how when tao said ‘couple goals’ sehun said ‘speaking of which’ n started talking about his present for jongin 

 

 **pcwhy:** like tf

 

 **borkhyun:** ^^^ I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED

 

 **Han Dynasty:** btw so are we just gonna make a group chat for every couple we ship in our group

 

 **gucci shades:** p much ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**minnie mouse:** k cool i call being president of baekchen

 

 **:3:** WERE NOT DATING

 

 **borkhyun:** P L S

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYYY bet u didn't expect another chapter so soon! i had a snow day today so i decided to write another chapter for yall. i hope you found it decently funny, it's a mess but it'll do  
> if u didn't know already, the treat yo self day thing is inspired by parks and recreation, one of my all time favorite shows. if you haven't watched it before and are looking for something new and funny to watch, please watch this show, it's absolutely fantastic and ill probably reference it about 200 more times throughout this fic. ill leave a link to the treat yo self video here in case you want to watch!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OP3xf6BFEIo


	8. bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> over excessive use of bro jokes. that's it. that's pretty much it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am sorry

**exo more like exhoes**

**borkhyun has changed their name to brohyun**

**:3 has changed their name to jongbro**

**brohyun:** bro

 

 **jongbro:** yeah bro

 

 **brohyun:** do you lift bro?

 

 **jongbro:** yeah bro how’d you know

 

 **brohyun:** because you lift my heart whenever you’re around

 

 **jongbro:** b r o

 

 **pcwhy:** wtf

 

* * *

 

 **brohyun:** do you want a protein shake bro?

 

 **jongbro:** nah bro

 

 **brohyun:** why bro?

 

 **jongbro:** because youre the only one who gives me strength bro

 

 **brohyun:** bro

 

 **satansoo:** I have the strongest urge to die.

 

* * *

 

 **brohyun:** hey bro when were u born

 

 **jongbro:** september 21 why bro

 

 **brohyun:** ur a virgo bro........ ur my...... Virbro

 

 **jongbro:** bro

 

 **brohyun:** bro

 

 **innocent maknae:** i...

 

 **galaxyman:** im disowning you two

 

* * *

 

 **brohyun:** bro

 

 **Mother:** not again,,,,,, please,,,,,,,,

 

 **jongbro:** what bro

 

 **brohyun:** tell the whole world that we’re bros bro

 

 **jongbro:** *whispers* we’re bros

 

 **brohyun:** why’d u whisper bro?

 

 **jongbro:** because ur my whole world bro

 

 **brohyun:** br o

 

 **dog mom:** how do you even react to this

 

* * *

 

 **jongbro:** u kno what bro?

 

 **brohyun:** what bro?

 

 **jongbro:** if i were a cat,, id spend all 9 lives with u

 

 **brohyun:** *clutches heart* /bro/

 

 **pcwhy:** beagle line is dead.

 

 **Han Dynasty:** LMFAOOAOFOAOFOOFOFA

 

* * *

 

 **brohyun:** hey bro lets get matching anchor tattoos

 

 **jongbro:** why bro?

 

 **brohyun:** so our friendship never floats away

 

 **jongbro:** b r o

 

 **gucci shades:** what did we do to deserve this torture?

 

* * *

 

 **brohyun:** dude guess what

 

 **jongbro:** what bro

 

 **brohyun:** i got u some broses

 

 **jongbro:** bro u read my mind i just got u some daffodudes

 

 **brohyun:** bro.........

 

 **pcwhy:** what is friendship anyways? i don’t know it

 

 **innocent maknae:** HES SO SALTY IM DEADDDDD

 

* * *

 

 **jongbro:** bro does your left eye hurt?

 

 **brohyun:** no why?

 

 **jongbro:** because you’ve been looking /right/ all day

 

 **brohyun:**...bro...

 

 **dog mom:** day 15 give it up for day 15 of this shit

 

* * *

 

 **brohyun:** do u have a map bro?

 

 **jongbro:** no why

 

 **brohyun:** because i get lost in ur eyes bro

 

 **jongbro:** broooo...........

 

* * *

 

 **jongbro:** bro

 

 **Mother:** ALRIGHT THAT’S ENOUGH LETS STOP THIS NOW FOR GOD S SAKE

 

 **brohyun:** i, a local bromosexual, feel offended

 

 **jongbro:** same bro

 

 **brohyun:** u know bro...

 

 **gucci shades:** omfg Please

 

 **galaxyman:** when will it end?? When???????

 

 **brohyun:** that shirt looks amazing on you

 

 **jongbro:** thanks bro!!

 

 **brohyun:** u know what would look even better tho?

 

 **jongbro:** no, what bro?

 

 **brohyun:** me

 

 **jongbro:** haha broooooo

 

 **brohyun:** lolol no homo tho

 

 **jongbro:** lolol

 

 **Han Dynasty: @god** are u seeing this shit?

 

 **satansoo:** And I thought the maknaes were fucking bad.

 

* * *

 

 **brohyun:** bro

 

 **jongbro:** whats up bro

 

 **brohyun:** i think the side bro is mad at us

 

 **jongbro:** the side bro?

 

 **brohyun:** chanyeol

 

 **pcwhy:**...i hate both of u

 

 **jongbro:** LMFAOFOOFOAFOOAWO

 

 **pcwhy:** bro i thought we were a trio i thought we were a Pack

 

 **brohyun:** excuse me?????

 

 **jongbro:** that’s bro™ to you, side bro

 

 **brohyun:** plagiarism is bad

 

**pcwhy has left the chat**

**innocent maknae:** THE SALTTTTTT

 

 **gucci shades:** AFKWAFJWKFJWALFLF

**satansoo:** You know what, let the bro™ thing continue

 

 **satansoo:** It actually got him out of the chat, so I’m all for this concept.

 

 **Mother:** as amusing as this is

 

 **Mother:** those motherly senses are kicking in

 

**Mother has added pcwhy to the chat**

**pcwhy:** KYUNGSOO HOW COULD U

 

 **pcwhy:** I THOUGHT WE WERE ON THE SAME SIDE HERE

 

 **pcwhy:** IVE DONE NOTHING BUT SUPPORT U

 

 **pcwhy:** I EVEN TOOK MY TIME IN THE MORINING EARLIER TO SEND YOUA  CUTE GOOR DMORNING MEASSAGE SO YOU WOUDLE BE HAPPY TODAY AND THIS SI TH E THANKS I GE T

 

 **pcwhy:** MY HEART IS BROJEN

 

 **satansoo:** And..?

 

 **pcwhy:** AND WHAT?????

 

 **satansoo:** Where's the part where I care?

 

 **gucci shades:** JFEFJAKWFWAFPWAFWLA

 

 **brohyun:** SAVAGE SOO IS BACK FROM THE DEAD

 

 **jongbro:** LMFAOOOOOOO

 

 **pcwhy:** i can no longer trust anyone

 

 **pcwhy:** sehunnie ur my new best friend

 

 **dog mom:** excuse me?

 

 **Han Dynasty:** AJDWKFJKAWFJWAOFOAW JONGIN FUCKIGN /APPARATED/ IN HERE WHEN HE HEARD THAT

 

 **brohyun:** JWAHFWAFOWFAW HE WAS READY TO START SWINGING

 

 **innocent maknae:** sorry but i cannot consent chanyeollie hyung (◕‸ ◕✿) 

 

 **dog mom:** stay in your lane, /hyung./ :)))

 

 **dog mom:** hunnie’s already taken.

 

 **jongbro:** HE BROUGHT TOUT THE PUNCTUATION IMW EAKLWEKAKWKFAWLFWLAFMD

 

 **gucci shades:** OMLLLLLLLLLLLL

 

 **brohyun:** POSSESSIVE MUCH JAFKAWJFKAWKF

 

 **innocent maknae:** he’s kinda right <3

 

 **pcwhy:** betrayed by everyone

 

 **brohyun:** dw yeol we still lov u!

 

 **pcwhy:** sighs

 

 **satansoo:** I’m going to go take a nap.

 

 **gucci shades:** isnt that what u always do

****

**satansoo: @pcwhy**

 

 **satansoo:** And nobody asked for your useless insight, Tao.

 

 **jongbro:** SAVAGE AGAIN!!!

****

**jongbro:** whyd u tag chanyeol tho?

 

 **jongbro:** anyways yeol we’re gonna play some legend of zelda wanna join ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **brohyun:** its ur favorite ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **pcwhy:** GASPPSPSD

 

 **pcwhy:** MY LONGEST YEAH BOY EVER

 

 **satansoo:** Actually, he’s busy right now.

 

 **pcwhy:** oh yeah

 

 **pcwhy:** sorry guys!

 

 **brohyun:** that was.......... weird????

 

 **jongbro:** tbh?

 

 **satansoo:** Oh look, I’ve just won two tickets to an amusement park!

 

 **galaxyman:**?????WHAT

 

 **minnie mouse:** OUT OF NOWHERE?????

 

 **gucci shades:** THAT WAS SO SUDDEN TOO WTF

 

 **jongbro:** TAKE ME WITH YOU

 

 **brohyun:** NO TAKE ME

 

 **Han Dynasty:** YALL SUCK KYUNGSOO SHOULD TAKE ME

 

 **Mother:** EXCUSE ME I DESERVE IT THE MOST I NEED A VACATION FROM YALL

 

 **innocent maknae:** KYUNGSOOO HYUNGGGGG <3333

 

 **innocent maknae:** u must know ur my favorite hyung right?? ★~(◡ω◡✿)

 

 **dog mom:** i...........................

 

 **gucci shades:** the snakery

 

 **satansoo:** Man, it's such a /pity/ all of you aren’t home right now. The tickets are only valid for entry for an hour.

 

 **Mother:** im in the kitchen??????

 

 **innocent maknae:** im in my room??

 

 **jongbro:** IM ON THE COUCH WITH BAEKHYUN???

 

 **jongbro:** LITERALLY U JUST WALKED PAST US 3 MINUTES AGO

 

 **satansoo:** Man, you guys are so far away, I can't even hear you!

 

 **dog mom:** we???re????text???ing??????

 

 **satansoo:** Oh wait! Chanyeol, you’re in your room, right?

 

 **pcwhy:** uh,,,,,,

 

 **pcwhy:** yeah?

 

 **satansoo:** Well, I guess since no one else is home and I can’t just waste a free ticket, I’ll just /have/ to take you.

 

 **pcwhy:** wait what

 

 **satansoo:** We’re leaving in ten, so hurry up.

 

 **pcwhy:** UH OK THEN??

 

* * *

 

**CHANSOO CONFIRMED???**

**jongbro:**????????????????????

 

 **brohyun:** WHA THT EUFKC??/?///?/??

 

 **Han Dynasty:** IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO??????

 

 **innocent maknae:** THAT WAS SO????????? SHADY???????

 

 **gucci shades:** THE REAL SLIM SHADY,,,,,,, IT WAS KYUNGSOO ALL ALONG

 

 **minnie mouse:** I AM SHOOK HE TOTALLY FELT BAD FOR MAKING CHANYEOL SAD

 

 **Mother:** OK BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT .THAT.BC THAT WAS SPPOOKY

 

 **dog mom:** IYES LETS

 

 **dog mom:** KSOO: I’m going to take a nap. (gRAMMAR FPOR SOO) / KSOO: *TAGS CHANYEOL PROB SO HE CAN JOIN HIM*

 

 **jongbro:** CHANYEOL: OMG YES I WANNA PLAY ZELDA / KSOO: He's busy. (GRAMMAR FOR SOO) / CHANYEOL: LOL U RITE

 

 **brohyun:** KSOO: I just won two conveniently timed tickets to the amusement park! (GRAMMAR FROR SOO) / EVERYONE: *IS HOME* / KSOO: Haha, it looks like I can only take Chanyeol because nobody else is home! What a shame! Oh well!

  

 **Han Dynasty:** IAMG ONE

 

 **Han Dynasty:** DE C E ASED

 

 **gucci shades:** THROIWNG M YSELF INTOT EHVOID

 

 **minnie mouse:** OUR BEAUTIFUL SHIP HAS RISEN

 

 **Mother:** WHEN DID KYUNGSOO BECOME SO SOFT AGAIN?????

 

 **gucci shades:** HE WAS SO SOFT N CUTE WHEN WE FIRST MET HIM...

 

 **gucci shades:** NOW HES SO GRUMPY

 

 **gucci shades:** HES ONLY EVER SOFT N CUTE WITH THE MAKNAES

 

 **innocent maknae:** (•′௰′)

 

 **dog mom:** (‵௰‵•)

 

 **minnie mouse:** smh

 

 **brohyun:** BOI NOW HE CHASES ME AROUND THE DORM WITH CHANYEOL’S GUITAR EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK ITS LIKE

 

 **brohyun:** WHAT HAPPENED???

 

 **jongbro:** never forget the old days

 

 **brohyun:** i miss the old kyungsoo

 

 **jongbro:** straight from the go kyungsoo

 

 **brohyun:** chop up the soul kyungsoo

 

 **jongbro:** set on his goals kyungsoo

 

 **brohyun:** i hate the new kyungsoo

 

 **jongbro:** the bad mood kyungsoo

 

 **brohyun:** the always rude kyungsoo

 

 **jongbro:** spaz in the news kyungsoo

 

 **brohyun:** i miss the sweet kyungsoo

 

 **jongbro:** chop up the beats kyungsoo

 

 **brohyun:** i gotta say, at that time id like to meet kyungsoo

 

 **jongbro:** see i invented kyungsoo it wasnt any kyungsoos

 

 **brohyun:** and now i look and look around and theres so many kyungsoos

 

 **jongbro:** i used to love kyungsoo

 

 **brohyun:** i used to love kyungsoo

 

 **jongbro:** i even had the red growl era hair

 

 **brohyun:** i thought i could sing “tell me what is love” like kyungsoo

 

 **jongbro:** what if kyungsoo sang a cover with chanyeol?

 

 **brohyun:** called “love yourself”? man that’d be so kyungsoo!

 

 **jongbro:** that’s all it was kyungsoo

 

 **brohyun:** we still love kyungsoo

 

 **jongbro:** and i love you like kyungsoo loves chanyeol

 

 **innocent maknae:** i

 

 **innocent maknae:** why am i laughing

 

 **Mother:** what do i focus on-

 

 **Mother:** the fact that you two memorized that entire song

 

 **Mother:** or the fact that its actually really accurate

 

 **minnie mouse:** ngl I’m impressed

 

 **gucci shades:** that was fantastic?

 

 **brohyun:** ty ty

 

 **jongbro:** we kno were legends guys B^)

 

 **dog mom:** wait so

 

 **dog mom:** does that mean chanyeol has made kyungsoo a Soft™ again??

 

 **brohyun:** C H A N S O O R I S E

 

* * *

 

**exo more like exhoes**

 

 **brohyun:** jongbro

 

 **brohyun:** my fellow bromosapien

 

 **brohyun:** my brozilla

 

 **brohyun:** my brosicle

 

 **brohyun:** my broski

 

 **brohyun:** my entire brocean

 

 **brohyun:** my broseidon of the seas

 

 **brohyun:** my brotastic brotato chip

 

 **brohyun:** my han brolo to my leibro

 

 **brohyun:** my c-p3bro

 

 **brohyun:** my brobi wan kanobi

 

 **brohyun:** my barack brobama

 

 **jongbro:** what bro?

 

 **brohyun:** ur my best bro

 

 **jongbro:** bro ur my best bro

 

 **brohyun:** broooooo

 

 **Mother:** i really thought we were free from this hell

 

 **innocent maknae:** we can never escape the bro™

 

 **jongbro:** hey bro... close ur eyes

 

 **brohyun:** k bro

 

 **jongbro:** bro what do u see?

 

 **brohyun:** nothing bro

 

 **jongbro:** thats my life without u bro

 

 **brohyun:** b r o

 

 **gucci shades:** please just let it End

 

* * *

 

 **jongbro:** bro im so sad

 

 **brohyun:** why bro?

 

 **jongbro:** i wish someone would date me

 

 **brohyun:** id date u bro

 

 **jongbro:** u would bro?

 

 **brohyun:** lol no homo tho

 

 **jongbro:** lol

 

**minnie mouse has kicked jongbro and brohyun from the chat**

 

 **minnie mouse:** i swear to god if you’re going to make bro jokes all fucking day at /LEAST/ have the decency to admit you’re super fucking gay for each other

 

 **minnie mouse:** fucking idiots.

 

 **Han Dynasty:** RE K T

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully you laughed a little???? the next chapter will be baekchen centered again but with much more progress than seen in this shitshow of a chapter! just u wait ;)


	9. yes homo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;))

**exo more like exhoes**

**brohyun:** GUYS HELP I CANT FIND JONGDAE

 

 **brohyun:** HE’S BEEN GONE FOR OVER A DAY NOW AND HE HASN’T CALLED OR TEXTED ME

 

 **Mother:** W H A T

 

 **brohyun:** HE SAID HE WAS GOING OUT AND ??? STILL ISNT BACK AT THE DORM

 

 **brohyun:** IVE BEEN WORRIED

 

 **innocent maknae:** WHAT

 

 **innocent maknae:** BUT JONGDAE’S MY FAVORITE

 

 **pcwhy:** I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR FAVORITE???

 

 **innocent maknae:** YIKES

 

 **unicornxing:** jongdae’s missing?!

 

 **unicornxing:** where would he go?

 

 **galaxyman:** don’t tell me he got

 

 **gucci shades:** KIDNAPPED?!!!

 

 **dog mom:** i don’t think hes thAAT much of an idiot

 

 **galaxyman:** this is jongdae you’re thinking of right

 

 **galaxyman:** he once jumped off a 3 story building trying to do “parkour”

 

 **galaxyman:** i don’t know how he only got off with a broken arm

 

 **satansoo:** Have you tried calling him?

 

 **brohyun:** YEAH LIKE TEN TIMES BUT HE HASN’T ANSWERED ANY

 

 **brohyun:** WHAT IF ONE OF THOSE SAESANG FANS GOT HIM???????

 

 **Mother:** THAT MOTHER’S ADRENALINE IS KICKING IN

 

 **Mother:** IM CALLING 911

 

 **minnie mouse:** hey guys, what did i miss?

 

 **brohyun:** HYUNG JONGDAE IS MISSING

 

 **minnie mouse:** uh no he’s not?

 

 **minnie mouse:** he’s right here

 

 **minnie mouse:**

 

 **minnie mouse:** he’s at lu and i’s spare apartment

 

 **brohyun:** w h a t

 

 **minnie mouse:** yeah he’s been here since yesterday?

 

 **minnie mouse:** we’re playing overwatch together rn

 

 **minnie mouse:** not to brag but I’m kicking his ass

 

 **Mother:** oh my god I actually just had a heart attack

 

 **Mother:** don’t ever scare me like that again

**brohyun:** omFG

 

 **brohyun:** why the HELL hasnt he answered any of my calls or texts??

 

 **jongbro:** sORRY I JUST REALIZED MY PHONE WAS DEAD

 

 **jongbro:** dw yall im fine <3

 

 **jongbro:** ill cya later baek i gotta get my revenge against minnie

 

 **brohyun:** oh

 

 **brohyun:** alright

 

* * *

**private chat: best bro**

**brohyun:** yOOOOOO

**brohyun:** bro where u at

 

 **brohyun:** i havent seen u around all day?

 

 **brohyun:** there’s a huge new arcade that opened down the street!

 

 **jongbro:** wait didnt i tell u?

 

 **brohyun:**?????no

 

 **jongbro:** im at the park with minnie

 

 **jongbro:**

 

 **jongbro:** we were just messing around in the playground n feedin ducks and stuff it’s chill

 

 **brohyun:** that kinda happened out of nowhere?

 

 **jongbro:** idk lmao we just got bored at the dorm and he asked if i wanted to go somewhere so yeah

 

 **jongbro:** i guess i forgot to tell u

 

 **brohyun:** oh

 

 **brohyun:** well that’s cool

 

 **jongbro:** wAIT THERE’S A NEW ARCADE??????

 

 **brohyun:** BRO

 

 **brohyun:** BR O

 

 **brohyun:** THEYV E GOT

 

 **brohyun:** L A S ER T A G

 

 **jongbro:** OMFGGGGG

 

 **jongbro:** I SHOULD TELL MIN ABOUT IT WE CAN GO THERE NOWWWW

 

 **jongbro:** HE ALWAYS BEATS ME IN LIKE EVERY GAME EVER BUT WHO KNOWS

 

 **jongbro:** MAYBE LASER TAG WILL BE MY REDEMPTION???

 

 **brohyun:** oh

 

 **brohyun:** hahah

 

 **jongbro:** weRE gonna head there now ;DD

 

 **jongbro:** thx for the notice!!

 

 **jongbro:** before i go

 

 **jongbro:** u good? u seem kinda quiet rn

 

 **brohyun:** nah!

 

 **brohyun:** just a lil busy with some stuff and stuff yknow

 

 **brohyun:** ~~totally wasnt gonna ask u to the arcade or anything :)~~

 

 **jongbro:** what was that message? u deleted it before i could read it lmao

 

 **brohyun:** oh it was nothing important

 

 **brohyun:** it was just some dumb stuff lol my brain is sleep deprived

 

 **jongbro:** oh okAY

 

 **jongbro:** GTG NOW SLEEP OR SOMETHIN BRO <3

 

 **brohyun:** yeah sure

 

* * *

 

  **private chat: BLOW IT LIKE A FLUTE**

**brohyun:** hyung can we talk

 

 **brohyun:** one 10 to another?

 

 **Han Dynasty:** im an 11 but continue

 

 **brohyun:** arent u kinda suspicious of how much time minseok and jongdae have been spending together recently?

 

 **Han Dynasty:** wdym lmao? they’ve always been close

 

 **Han Dynasty:** they literally call each other their BFFL

 

 **brohyun:** yeah alright whatever but

 

 **brohyun:** idk it was never like this??

 

 **Han Dynasty:** baekhyun

 

 **Han Dynasty:** they literally call themselves the ‘married couple’

 

 **Han Dynasty:** they still continued to share a room even when min and i became a thing,, we only switched a couple of months ago

 

 **Han Dynasty:** dae calls minnie his wife and minnie calls dae his second husband

 

 **Han Dynasty:** (im first ofc ★~(◡‿⊙✿))

 

 **Han Dynasty:** jongdae once said if xiuhan wasnt always so clearly a thing he would’ve gone after min the first chance he got

**brohyun:** OK I GET IT BUT HOW IS THIS MEANT TO REASSURE EITHER OF US

 

 **brohyun:** HOW DO U KNOW MINSEOK HYUNG DOESNT HAVE HIDDEN FEELINGS OR SOMETHING IDK

 

 **brohyun:** I DONT TRUST THIS

 

 **Han Dynasty:** alright first things first

 

 **Han Dynasty:** why do u suddenly think so lowly of minseok?

 

 **Han Dynasty:** u two are best buds too???

 

 **Han Dynasty:** secondly

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i have no reason to be suspicious/jealous so i wont be

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i love and trust minseok and dae is like a brother to me

 

 **Han Dynasty:** besides, minnie isnt the Light Of Jongdae’s Life like he used to be back when we were trainees,,, the kid’s moved on and there’s really nothing but platonic feelings anymore

 

 **Han Dynasty:** lmao he’s veeeryyy clearly got his eyes on someone else now anyways

 

 **Han Dynasty:** thirdly

 

 **Han Dynasty:** to combine these two things

 

 **Han Dynasty:** r u sure ur not just jealous?

 

 **brohyun:** why would i be jealous??

 

 **brohyun:** who would i even be jealous of?

 

 **brohyun:** i was just askin u a question?

 

 **Han Dynasty:** boi if u dont,,,,,

 

 **Han Dynasty:** u just said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, n I quote,,,,,,,,,

 

 **Han Dynasty:** “HOW IS THIS MEANT TO REASSURE EITHER OF US”

 

 **Han Dynasty:** key word: us

 

 **Han Dynasty:** im 1000000% sure that ur jealous of minseok bc of how much time he’s been spending with jongdae

 

 **brohyun:** ok so it might seem that way

 

 **brohyun:** but i can assure u that im not

 

 **brohyun:** i was just worried! idek why

 

 **Han Dynasty:** beeecausseeee you like jongdae?

 

 **brohyun:** ofc i like jongdae??/??

 

 **brohyun:** he’s my best friend

 

 **Han Dynasty:**.........................sigh

 

 **Han Dynasty:** u know what minseok told me yall were idiots when it came to love

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i didn’t believe him about the jongin incident until now

 

 **brohyun:** what jongin incident??

 

 **brohyun:** also wait wdym by jongdae “having his eyes on someone else now” who tf do i need to figh

 

 **brohyun:** i meAN

 

 **brohyun:** he’s been seeing someone????? who?????

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i

 

 **Han Dynasty:** wow

 

 **Han Dynasty:** alright

 

 **Han Dynasty:** listen

 

 **Han Dynasty:** figure urself out baekhyun

 

 **brohyun:**????WDYM

 

* * *

**private chat: MINMINMINMINMIN**

**brohyun:** hyung have u seen jongdae?

 

 **brohyun:** hyung

 

 **brohyun:** oml HURRY UP AND ANSWER

 

 **minnie mouse:** sorry!

 

 **minnie mouse:** as a matter of fact i have

 

 **minnie mouse:** well, more like he’s right next to me rn

 

 **brohyun:** unsurprising

 

 **minnie mouse:**?

 

 **brohyun:** nothing!

 

 **brohyun:** well, whatcha doing?

 

 **minnie mouse:** uh, nothing much really

 

 **minnie mouse:** i asked him if he wanted to come with me to the mall and he said yes

 

 **minnie mouse:** so that’s where we’re at

 

 **minnie mouse:** god bless whoever invented food courts btw!! this is heaven on earth

 

 **minnie mouse:** anyways

 

 **minnie mouse:** was there a reason u were asking for dae??

 

 **brohyun:** it’s nothing important!

 

 **brohyun:** :)

 

 **minnie mouse:** it... seems important?

 

 **brohyun:** no not at all!

 

 **brohyun:** just

 

 **brohyun:** if ya don’t mind asking jongdae for me

 

 **brohyun:** i really wonder what happened to that outing we planned to go on today!

 

 **brohyun:** yknow, to go to the movies to see beauty & the beast together?

 

 **brohyun:** why did i freeze my precious ass off waiting outside of the theater for an /hour/ just for him

 

 **brohyun:** only for him not to show up?

 

 **brohyun:** do i mean that little?

 

 **minnie mouse:** oh

 

 **minnie mouse:** baek im really sorry??

 

 **minnie mouse:** he told me he was free i had no clue

 

 **brohyun:** it’s aaalllll good hyung!!

 

 **brohyun:** i totaaallyyy get it completely!!

 

 **brohyun:** it doesnt matter to me in the slightest!!!

 

 **brohyun:** i understand where his priorities lie!!!

 

 **minnie mouse:** um

 

 **minnie mouse:** this is really awkward?? i feel really bad

 

 **minnie mouse:** maybe he just forgot???

 

 **brohyun:** that would be nice, wouldnt it?

 

 **brohyun:** i would think so as well if he didn’t blatantly ignore my calls

 

 **brohyun:** also considering the fact we’ve been planning to see this movie for /months/ and even bought tickets in advance!! makes that idea seem not as plausible.

 

 **brohyun:** hes brushed me off for actual /weeks/ now

 

 **brohyun:** in favor of hanging out with you every. single. time.

 

 **brohyun:** i just

 

 **brohyun:** what did i do?

 

 **brohyun:** is he tired of me?

 

 **brohyun:** whyt he hell does it all hurt so much?

 

 **minnie mouse:** ill.... tell him all of that.

 

 **minnie mouse:** baek

**brohyun:** it’s whatever hyung

 

 **brohyun:** dont even worry about it :)

 

* * *

**private chat: side hoe**

**brohyun:** yeol

 

 **brohyun:** it’s a code red

 

 **pcwhy:** WHA T

 

 **pcwhy:** HOLY SHIT R U OKAY BAEK

 

 **brohyun:** no

 

 **pcwhy:** WHAT TF HAPPENED DO U NEED ME TO COME OVER THERE

 

 **pcwhy:** TELL ME U DID NOT GET SOMEONE PREGNANT

 

 **brohyun:** NO WTF

 

 **pcwhy:** ok good what is it

 

 **brohyun:** i

 

 **brohyun:** ok well

 

 **brohyun:** this is gonna sound. Terrible

 

 **brohyun:** n u might be a little

 

 **brohyun:** (maybe a lot)

 

 **brohyun:** shocked

 

 **brohyun:** i spent like a week thinking about this

 

 **pcwhy:** TELL ME ALREADY OMFG

 

 **brohyun:** but

 

 **brohyun:** i

 

 **brohyun:** i think i might kind of be yes homo for jongdae???

 

 **pcwhy:** oh

 

 **pcwhy:** is that it?

 

 **brohyun:** wDYM???

 

 **pcwhy:** boi that aint news

 

 **pcwhy:** everyone knew about that

 

 **brohyun:**?????????????

 

 **pcwhy:** u arent lowkey

 

 **pcwhy:** u just tried to pass it off as ur dumb ‘no homo’ attempts

 

 **pcwhy:** which was /extremely stupid/ again like,,,,, my dude,,,, ur pansexual

 

 **brohyun:**???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

 

 **brohyun:** WHAT THEEE HELLL

 

 **brohyun:** SO DID EVERYONE KNOW UBUT ME

 

 **pcwhy:** yeah totally lol

 

 **pcwhy:** jongdae kinda knows but he’s p much in denial so he’s useless

 

 **brohyun:** yeol

 

 **brohyun:** Y E OL

 

 **brohyun:** what DO I DO

 

 **brohyun:** he’s been avoiding me for like a month now bc of it

 

 **brohyun:** he’s probably super weirded out by me or something and doesnt know how to tell me

 

 **pcwhy:**?????

 

 **pcwhy:** that’s. not why he’s avoiding u dude

 

 **brohyun:** well then what elSE COULD IT BE

 

 **brohyun:** even if i could try and salvage what’s left of our friendship that I RUINED

 

 **brohyun:** now he thinks i hate him so its basically impossible

 

 **pcwhy:** why would he think that?????

 

 **brohyun:** i kinda blew up at him cause i was jealous

 

 **pcwhy:** b o i

 

 **brohyun:** I KNOW I KNOW BUT I WAS REALLY TIRED OF THE AVOIDING

 

 **brohyun:** we havent spoken since...

 

 **pcwhy:** alright well

 

 **pcwhy:** just talk it out

 

 **brohyun:** HOW DO I TALK TO SOMEONE WHO WONT EVNE STAY IN THE SAME ROOMA SME

 

 **brohyun:** THIS IS HOPELESS YEOL HO PE LE S S

 

 **pcwhy:** BAEK THERES A REASON HES AVOIDING U AND ITS NOT THE ONE U THINK

 

 **pcwhy:** I SWEAR I WNANA BOP U OVER THE HEAD FOR UR STUPIDITY

 

 **brohyun:** HOW DOES THAT HELP ME?????????

 

 **pcwhy:** JUST

 

 **pcwhy:** TALK. TO. HIM.

 

 **pcwhy:** I SWEAR IF U WOULD JUST T A L K INSTEAD OF PLAYING UR STUPID PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE INDIRECT GAME WE WOULDVE BE DONE WITH THIS PROBLEM 40 YEARS AGO

 

 **brohyun:** UGH H H HHH H HH 

 

 **brohyun:** FI NE

 

* * *

 

**private chat: best bro**

**brohyun:** jongdaeeeee

 

 **brohyun:** i know ur there

 

 **brohyun:** fine Be That Way hoe

 

 **brohyun:** ill text u anyways

 

 **brohyun:** alright im about to do this all on the spot okay

 

 **brohyun:** so i apologize in advance if this sounds stupid

 

 **brohyun:** ahem

 

 **brohyun:** i just wanted to say sorry

 

 **brohyun:** i overreacted

 

 **brohyun:** i got really afraid

 

 **brohyun:** and admittedly pretty jealous

 

 **brohyun:** bc of how u kept hanging out with minseok all the time

 

 **brohyun:** it felt like u were ignoring me and it really hurt

 

 **brohyun:** but i guess i shouldve just talked it out with you instead of blowing up

 

 **brohyun:** im sorry again

 

 **brohyun:** now

 

 **brohyun:** i could tell u what the smart, rational side of me is telling me to say here

 

 **brohyun:** i could give u a whole speech on how ‘ur my beeest frienedddd’ and how i much i treasure our friendship

 

 **brohyun:** but that’s all it would be,, friendship

 

 **brohyun:** and what we have

 

 **brohyun:** or at least what i feel towards u

 

 **brohyun:** is more than that

 

 **brohyun:** besides when do i, byun baekhyun, ever listen to the rational side of myself?

 

 **brohyun:** so

 

 **brohyun:** uh

 

 **brohyun:** the truth is

 

 **brohyun:** how do i put this

 

 **brohyun:** um

 

 **brohyun:** are u a parking ticket?

 

 **brohyun:** because you’ve got fine written all over you

 

 **brohyun:** uhhhh

**brohyun:** you’re a 10 and i look like im 10,, we’re meant to be

 

 **brohyun:** are u a piece of art bc id like to nail u against the wall

 

 **jongbro:** baekhyun

 

 **jongbro:** Baekhyun,,

 

 **jongbro:** are you... flirting with me????

 

 **brohyun:** i mean that depends

 

 **brohyun:** do u like it?

 

 **jongbro:** i.............................

 

 **jongbro:** holy shit

 

 **brohyun:** OKAYYYYYYY I TAKE THAT STUFF BACK PRETEND I NEVER SAID IT IM SORRY PLEA SDONT HATEME

 

 **jongbro:** NO SHUT UR DAMN MOTUHI LOVE IT

 

 **brohyun:**???????WHAT

 

 **jongbro:** R U DUMB

 

 **brohyun:** IMV ERY LOST AND CONFUSED RN PLEA SE

**jongbro:** FIRS TOF ALL

 

 **jongbro:** DUMBASS WHY WERE U APOLOGIZNG

 

 **jongbro:** U LITERALYL AHD NO REASONN  TO APOLOGIZE TIS IS M YFUALT

 

 **jongbro:** I WAS AOVOIDING U BCAUSE I WAS SCARED

 

 **brohyun:** OF WHAT??????????

 

 **jongbro:** U IDIO T I LIKE YUO

 

 **brohyun:** WAJAT

 

 **jongbro:** I WAS OTOS CARED TO TLEL U BC I THOUGHT U DIDNT LIEK ME LIENTHAT

 

 **jongbro:** U KEPT ON SAYING NO HOMO AND STUFF AND CALLING ME BRO APLL THE TIM E

 

 **jongbro:** AND I WAS AFRIAD U WOULD FIND OUT I LIEKED U SO I TRIED TO AVOID U

 

 **jongbro:** YKNOW TO LIKE GET RID FO THE FEELING S OR SOMETHING

 

 **jongbro:** ITS STUPID I KNWOW BUT I WA SDESPERATE

 

 **jongbro:** I DID SOME REALLY SHITTY STUFF IM THE ONE WHO SHOULD  EBE APPOLOGIZNG

 

 **jongbro:** IM SO SORRY BAEK U DONT EVEN KNWO I FELT SO GUITLY ALL THE TIME BUT I THOUGHT ITD BE THE ONYL WAY TO GET OVE R U

 

 **brohyun:** JONGDAE U SON FO A BTICH

 

 **brohyun:** DO U KNOW HWOW TERRIBLE I FELT

 

 **brohyun:** I THOUGHT UT HATED ME

 

 **brohyun:** IM GOIGNT O PUNCH U IN THE MOUTH

 

 **brohyun:** WITH MY OWn mouth

 

 **brohyun:** softLY

 

 **brohyun:** bc i like u

 

 **brohyun:** BUT S TI L L

 

 **brohyun:** U A SHOLE

 

 **jongbro:** IMS ORRY ILL MAKE IT UP TO U

 

 **brohyun:** U BETTER BITCNCH I HATE U

 

 **brohyun:** N LOVE U BUT THATS NOT RHE POINT

 

 **jongbro:** ILY TOO ASSWIPE

 

 **brohyun:** so...

 

 **brohyun:** wanna go out,,, like ona d ate maybe? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **brohyun:** maybe grab some burgers

 

 **brohyun:** maybe go to the movies

 

 **brohyun:** maybe dress me as a maid and spank me senseless

 

 **brohyun:** maybe go watch the stars

 

 **jongbro:** i m

 

 **jongbro:** is that evena  fucking question YES BINTCH

 

 **jongbro:** U BETTER BELIEVE WERE DOING ALL OF THAT BTW

 

 **brohyun:** JFKSWAFLKAWFLWFAFKLWFLWF

 

 **brohyun:** wAit where u at

 

 **jongbro:** on the couch as usual why

 

 **brohyun:** why r u sitting there not kissing me

 

 **brohyun:** when u could be kissing me rn

 

 **jongbro:** BINTCH IM BLASTING

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAAAAAAAAY I FIGURED I MIGHT AS WELL MAKE SOMETHING CANON BY NOW SO!!! SORRY IF THAT ALL HAPPENED KINDA FAST ??? ASSUME TIME HAS PASSED BY BETWEEN CHAT BTW I PROB SHOULD'VE MADE THAT CLEAR  
> the idea of baekhyun confessing through terrible pick up lines came to me randomly one day and i was like >;-) u better believe im gonna do that  
> also i love xiuchen so like??????? yes i had to include some action even if theyre just BFFLS in this :') i hope the jealous baek sufficed  
> also also sorry if this chap wasnt like suUUPer memey?? i wanted it to focus more on baekchen finally CONFIRMING so the jokes i threw in there might not have been as noticeable  
> ty for reading as usual! ill be back soon hopefully~


	10. The Disrespekt™

**exo more like exhoes**

**jongbro has changed their name to jongbae**

**brohyun has changes their name to baehyun**

**baehyun:** yAAAAAALLLLLLLL

 

 **baehyun:**  

 

 **pcwhy:** WAITTTTTTT

 

 **pcwhy:** DOES THIS MEAN

 

 **jongbae:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **baehyun:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **innocent maknae:** AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

 

 **pcwhy:** I KNEWWW ITTTTT

 

 **minnie mouse:** A NATIONAL HOLIDAY

 

 **Mother:** I JSUST SCREAMED IN THE MDIDLE OF ATHE SIUPEMRAKRET OMFGGGG

 

 **gucci shades:** THE MATCHING COUPLE NAMES IM GONNA THROW UP

 

 **dog mom:** WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO MORE SEXUAL TENSIONNNNNN

 

 **Han Dynasty:** YESSS BINCHHHHHH GET IT U TWO

 

 **galaxyman:** MY SONS

 

 **unicornxing:** coNGRatS!!

 

 **satansoo:** Finally...

 

 **jongbae:** THANKS YALLLLLLLLLLLL

 

 **baehyun:** WE MADE IT DAEEEE :’)

 

 **jongbae:** WE DID!!!!

 

 **Han Dynasty:** honestly didn’t expect it to happen so quickly with our relationship track record

 

 **Han Dynasty:** one pair is oblivious, one pair is in denial, the other pair is ?????????

 

 **baehyun:** thats cause me and jogndae are intelligncet !

 

 **satansoo:** You spelled Jongdae and intelligent wrong, it should be Jongdae and I, because not cause, and let’s not even get into your lack of proper punctuation.

 

 **baehyun:** NO ONE ASKED

 

 **pcwhy:** u kno now that im thinking about it

 

 **pcwhy:** what even are kris and junmyeon

 

 **pcwhy:** like are they even REALLY dating?? theyre so lowkey about it i didnt even know about the whole thing until like 2 entire years AFTER they started dating

 

 **Mother:** we’re married

 

 **jongbae:** lmAOOO

 

 **minnie mouse:** SURE SEEMS LIKE IT LOL

 

 **dog mom:** looOOL one dAY

 

 **innocent maknae:** btw i call flower girl at the wedding

 

 **gucci shades:** ur not a girl?

 

 **innocent maknae:** ur point is?

 

 **galaxyman:** haha

 

 **galaxyman:** about that

 

 **galaxyman:** jun’s not joking

 

 **Han Dynasty:** wait

 

 **baehyun:** Wait

 

 **pcwhy:** W A I T

 

 **dog mom:** U DONT MEAN???????

 

 **Mother:** yeah?

 

 **innocent maknae:** IFFMFCUKIGNAWFWAFKALFKWAFLWAPLFPWAKFWLA

 

 **pcwhy:** AWJARJWAJRAFMAKWFALFMWAFIAFOWAFMALFA;WFWA

 

 **baehyun:** IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

 

 **jongbae:** I FEEL SO CONFUESD RN WHA THT EHSUFKC

 

 **innocent maknae:** AR E YOU KDIDING EEM

 

 **satansoo:** I need to lie down.

 

 **gucci shades:** MY WHOLE LIFE IS A L I E

 

 **dog mom:** I THOGUTH U GUYS WERE KDIDNG IM OUT

 

 **Han Dynasty:** WHAT EBVEN IS THIS DISRESPEKT??????

 

 **minnie mouse:** YOU DIDN’T THINK YOU HAD TO TELL AN YOF US????????

 

 **Mother:** HOW DID YOU GUYS NOT KNOW

 

 **Mother:** WE LITERALLY TOLD YOU GUYS WE WERE GOING TO TOWN HALL

 

 **Mother:** DRESSED IN SUITS

 

 **Mother:** RINGS ON OUR FINGERS

 

 **Mother:** WE EVEN SAID WE WOULDNT BE BACK UNTIL TWO DAYS LATER BECAUSE WE WERE GOING ON OUR HONEYMOON

 

 **dog mom:** WE THOGUHT U GUYS WERE KIDIDNG????????????

 

 **pcwhy:** UR ALWAYS SAYING SHTI LIKE THAT HOW WERE WE SUPSOSED TO KNOW

 

 **gucci shades:** U DIDNT EVEN INVITE US?!?!!/1?!!1

 

 **galaxyman:** actually we asked u guys if u wanted to come

 

 **Mother:** if my memory serves correct (WHICH IT ALWAYS DOES)

 

 **innocent maknae:** The Receipts

 

 **Mother:** each one of u shits laughed and said no

 

 **dog mom:** OFC WE DID

 

 **innocent maknae:** U DIDN’T TELL US U WERE GOING TO TOWN HALL TO GE T MAR R R IE D

 

 **galaxyman:** we admittedly probably shouldve been more clear about that

 

 **gucci shades:** YA THINK?!?!1?E

 

 **jongbae:** i nee d som e vodka or something rn this is 2 much

 

 **jongbae:** i acutaly dont know what the meaning of life is anymore

 

 **baehyun:** what do i do with this information???

 

 **baehyun:** congratulations??????????????????? even if its three years late

 

 **Mother:** thank u <33

 

 **innocent maknae:** WHOS WEDDING AM I GONNA BE FLOWER BOY AT NOW THIS IS SUCHA LET DOWN

 

 **Mother:**?????

 

 **innocent maknae:** oh and congrats or whatever i guess hyung

 

 **Mother:** ur my least favorite child

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i got u covered hunnie <3

 

 **minnie mouse:** aW THAT WOULD BE SO CUTEEEEEE SEHUNNIE A S A FLOWER BOY?? YES I APPROVE

 

 **innocent maknae:** (・ω ・✿)

 

 **Han Dynasty:** NINI CAN BE THE RING BEARER!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **dog mom:** I HEARD BEAR

 

 **minnie mouse:** WE’RE PUTTING HIM IN A BEAR ONESIE JUST FYI

 

**dog mom has changed their name to ninibear**

**ninibear:** I AM COMPLETE

 

 **jongbae:** W8 WAT BOUT ME

 

 **minnie mouse:** my best man ofc :)

 

 **jongbae:** PTERODACTYL SCREECHHHHH

 

 **jongbae:** GET REKT BITCHES IM HIS BEST MAN

 

 **Han Dynasty:** KRIS AND JUN WILL BE THE PROUD PARENTS WALKIN US DOWN THE AISLE

 

 **Mother:** AW PLEASEEEEE ILY

 

**galaxyman has changed their name to Father**

 

 **Father:** it is Official B)

 

 **Mother:** <3

 

 **Han Dynasty:** BAEK, YEOL, XING, SOO AND TAO ARE THE BRIDESMAIDS

 

 **gucci shades:** YESSSSSSSSS

 

 **baehyun:** IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A BRIDESMAID!!!!!

 

 **unicornxing:** ;DDDDD

 

 **satansoo:** Sigh

 

 **pcwhy:** WHO EVEN NEEDS GROOMSMEN????

 

 **minnie mouse:** WHY AM I REALLY EXCITED

 

 **minnie mouse:** IM GOING TO LOOK UP WEDDING IDEAS NOW

 

 **Han Dynasty:** IM COMING!!

 

 **Mother:** to be young in love~

 

 **Mother:** what times

 

 **Father:** i remember the old days,,

 

 **pcwhy:** honestly??

 

 **pcwhy:** im just surprised mom didn’t divorce kris’ ass after he went bald

 

**Father has left the chat**

 

 **baehyun:** IMW OEAKEKWKEKAAWLFKFAFLAFW

 

 **jongbae:** IMSCRHEECHUINGGGGGGGGGG

 

 **ninibear:** O M F G

 

 **gucci shades:** IVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD

 

 **innocent maknae:** THE DISRESPEKT™

 

**Mother has added Father to the chat**

**Mother:** why do i always have to add u dumbasses back to the chat mfg

 

 **Mother:** honestly though ? the thought /did/ cross my mind

 

 **baehyun:** B OOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

 

 **pcwhy:** SAVAGE MAMA

 

**jongbae has named the chat THE DISRESPEKT™**

 

 **Father:** i.......................

 

 **Father:** what did i do to deserve this slander??

 

 **Mother:** oh honey :)

 

 **gucci shades:** THE SMILEY FACE OF D E A TH

 

 **innocent maknae:** HES ABOUT TO PULL OUT THE RECEIPTS AGAIN JFAFJAKWFALWF

 

 **jongbae:**

 

 **jongbae:** junmyeon hyung every time someone tries to cross him

 

 **Mother:** Funny How on Saturday, August 13th, 2016, National Filet Mignon Day, Celebrate Your Lakes Day, International Left Handers Day, National Garage Sale Day,

 

 **baehyun:** why the hell is there a holiday for EVERYTHING

 

 **Mother:** at 5:29 AM, you left me alone with these kids for /TWO ENTIRE MONTHS/

 

 **Mother:** LEAVING ME WITH NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER

 

 **Mother:** AND DESERTING THIS FAMILY FOR UR OWN SELFISH NEEDS

 

 **baehyun:** GA S P

 

 **pcwhy:** THE SH A ME

 

 **Father:** I DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE????????????

 

 **Father:** I HAD TO GO TO AMERICA FOR A MOVIE SHOOTING U KNEW THAT

 

 **Mother:** HOW CAN U EVEN CALL YOURSELF THEIR FATHER

 

 **gucci shades:** THE TEA!!!

 

 **ninibear:**

 

 **ninibear:** literally everyone in this chat every day

  

 **Father:** why am i even a part of this family

 

 **Mother:** I ASK MYSELF THAT ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY!!

 

 **innocent maknae:** FNAKFJAWLFLWFKAWFKALF

 

 **baehyun:** OML MOM

 

 **Father:** i am a victim of cyber bullying.

 

* * *

 

  **THE DISRESPEKT™**

 

 **pcwhy:** water

 

 **pcwhy:** earth

 

 **pcwhy:** fire

 

 **pcwhy:** air

 

 **pcwhy:** long ago, the four nations lived in harmony

 

 **pcwhy:** then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.

 

 **pcwhy:** only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them

 

 **pcwhy:** but when the world needed him most, he vanished.

 

 **pcwhy:** a hundred years passed and my bro™ baekhyun and I discovered the new Avatar

 

 **pcwhy:** and although his fire (rap) skills are great, he still has a lot to learn before he’s ready to spit true bars.

 

**pcwhy:**

**pcwhy:** but i believe kris can save the world

 

 **Father:** im actually fucking disowning you

 

 **jongbae:** IMD YINNGKFALFLAFLA

 

 **baehyun:** PLEASEKNARJWFLAFW

 

 **pcwhy:** alternatively titled “cause you’re my earth, air, water, fire (bender)”

 

* * *

 

**THE DISRESPEKT™**

 

 **pcwhy:** barber: what u want fam

 

 **pcwhy:** him: u kno that pitbull mr worldwide

 

 **pcwhy:** barber: say no more

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **innocent maknae:** OOMMMMFGGGGGG

 

 **gucci shades:** IM ACTULLALLY CRYINGNGNJAFKAWFW

 

 **Father:** i

 

 **pcwhy:** KEEP  CALM  AND  DALE

 

**Father has kicked pcwhy from the chat**

**Mother has added pcwhy to the chat**

**Father:** why

 

 **Mother:** bc this is beautiful

 

 **pcwhy:** ;)

 

* * *

 

 

**THE DISRESPEKT™**

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** [LINK](https://www.instagram.com/p/BSEm7DaB92O/)

 

 **pcwhy:** *in The Voice* bruh

 

**pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** look at this dood

 

**baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** ohohoho

 

**baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** wait till you see the f

 

**jongbae:**

**jongbae:** OhHOHOHOHO

 

**jongbae:**

 

**jongbae:**

 

**jongbae:**

 

 **jongbae:** no no no no

 

**pcwhy:**

**pcwhy:** oooOOOOooOoOOHhhh

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** /gasp scream cackle thing/ HAHAHAHAHAHhAHhahAHahAHAHA

 

 **jongbae:**

 

**jongbae:**

 

 **jongbae:** HA hA hA HA HA HAAA

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:**  

 

 **baehyun:** AH /LOOK AT THE TOP OF HIS HEAD/

 

**pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** /another gasp scream cackle thing/ HAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA

 

 **innocent maknae:** IM CRRYIYIYNGNGNGNGG

 

 **gucci shades:** YALL 2 MUCH

 

 **Mother:** ILY KIDS OMFG U GUYS ARE THE BE S T

 

 **satansoo:** I actually laughed for a solid minute

 

 **Father:** i came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn

 

 **Han Dynasty:** MY ABS I CANT BREATHE

 

 **ninibear:** what abs

 

 **Han Dynasty:** Listen, I Can Dream.

 

 **minnie mouse:** I WALK IN ON THIS GOLD OMLLLL YOU SAVAGES

 

 **Father:** guys,,,,

 

 **Father:** can we let the bald thing rest,,,

 

 **Father:** it was a mistake.........

 

 **pcwhy:** sure thing dad :)

 

 **Father:** wait really?

 

 **pcwhy:** yeah why not!!

 

 **Father:** thanks

 

 **Father:** maybe i was wrong about disowning yo

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** LETS TALK ABOUT THAT PURPLE WIG YALL OH MY FUCKING GOD

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** MY BOI KRIS WU OUT HERE LOOKING LIKE HE WEARING AN EGGPLANT AS WEAVE FOR HIS BALD ASS HEAD

 

 **baehyun:** yes 911? id like to report a MURDER

 

 **Mother:** FJAFWAFKAWLFMAKFKFAMLWWF

 

**Father has left the chat**

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hEYO HEYOOO sorry if this chap was another mess lmao  
> if you press on the link during the "look at this dude" part, it links to the video i made of the whole thing on my insta because i have no life and find that audio to be the funniest thing on this earth. if for any reason it might not work or you cant watch it, the whole part is just the whole video texted out, although probably less funny bc that audio is Amazing.  
> also pls i swear i love kris i just love to roast his bald head jjafjwfakwaawkf


	11. burning soup & ikea trips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOOOO I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY OF THIS UPDATE! i was hit by the Terrible Procrastination Disease,,, i kept telling myself id "do it later" over the weekend and then proceeded to spend the entire day watching exo and seventeen performances. i have no life.  
> ANYWAYS i tried to make this chapter longer to compensate so i hope u enjoy!!  
> (also i have spring break coming up next week (ayyyy) so ill prob have at least two or three chapters up then, depending on how motivated i am, so keep an eye out!)

**THE DISRESPEKT**

**Mother:** KIDSSS GUESS WHAAATTT

 

 **gucci shades:** you finally found kyungsoo’s missing hair?

 

 **satansoo:** I will find you, Huang Zitao, and I will kill you.

 

 **Mother:** LOL I WISH

 

 **Mother:** BUT TIS EVEN BETTER ;) ;) ;)

 

 **baehyun:** wat could b beter than dat

 

 **jongbae:** maybe a cure for his hair? a way to get him to stop cutting it??

 

 **satansoo:** God, when will murder finally not be illegal?

 

 **pcwhy:** OKAY OKYA A SMCUH AS I LVOE ROASTING KYNGUSO

 

 **pcwhy:** WAHST THE SURPRISE

 

 **satansoo:** It’s a dictionary :)

 

 **pcwhy:**??pc-why

 

 **satansoo:** So you can learn how to spell my name properly, you piece of shit.

 

 **Han Dynasty:** LOOOOOOOOOOL

 

 **innocent maknae:** BEST INSULT IVE HEARD ALL DAY 10/10

 

 **gucci shades:** CLAPBACK GAME 2 STRONG

 

 **Father:** OUCH THAT SALT

 

 **minnie mouse:** tbh when will he learn how to spell in general

 

 **Mother:** OKAT Y SHHHHHHHH

 

 **Mother:** THE SURPRISE IS

 

 **Mother:** WE’RE GOING

 

 **Mother:** ON

 

 **minnie mouse:** S A Y I T

 

 **Mother:** V A C A T IO N

 

 **innocent maknae:** WAHTTAWHAJFKMWFW

 

 **pcwhy:** YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **baehyun:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH OMMFMGMGMGG

 

 **satansoo:**!

 

 **unicornxing:** GASP

 

 **jongbae:** I AHVENT HEARD THOSE WORDS IN 5 YEARS ,, THANKS SM

 

 **ninibear:** IMMMMMMMMMMMM FAJKWHAFKFLJFOAFPF

 

 **gucci shades:** PLS TELL EME WERE GOIGNT O THE BAHAMAS I NEED THA T TA N BITCH

 

 **minnie mouse:** WILL I FINALLY BE ABLE TO CLOSE MY EYES AND R E S T

 

 **Han Dynasty:** THIS ISA  GLORIOSU DAY

 

 **Mother:** yeah,,, about that

 

 **Mother:** how do i put this as nicely as possible

 

 **Mother:** we’re going on vacation,,,,

 

 **Mother:** without u

 

 **Father:** as in just the two of us

 

 **Mother:** me and ur father ^

 

 **baehyun:** i

 

 **gucci shades:** i...

 

 **pcwhy:** hAHa this is april fools right

 

 **minnie mouse:** it’s april fifth

 

 **pcwhy:** THIS IS APRIL FOOLS RIGHT.

 

 **Mother:**.....................no

 

 **Han Dynasty:** im removing myself from this family

 

 **innocent maknae:** cant believe our parents were the true snakes after all smh 

 

 **jongbae:** fake ass parents what the fuck kind of buLL _SHIT_

 

 **ninibear:** im running away to canada if u guys wanna join me be my guest i no longer know these people

 

 **pcwhy:** who even are a kim junmyeon and a wu yifan??? never heard of them 

 

 **Father:** kids calm down

 

 **satansoo:** Was that the wind?

 

 **baehyun:** sure wasn’t me

 

 **Mother:** hey listen it’s only going to be for a week

 

 **gucci shades:** wait we’re going to canada?

 

 **gucci shades:** funny, i think i used to know someone from canada

 

 **gucci shades:** turns out he was a snake

 

 **Father:** this kris slander in my own damn home

 

 **unicornxing:** at least canada has moose!!ヽ(〃･ω･)ﾉ

 

 **innocent maknae:** it's more than what this land of the _snakes_ has

 

 **pcwhy:** u absolutely RIGHT

 

 **Mother:** are you guys _actually_ going to canada

 

 **jongbae:**

 

 **jongbae:** did we fuckin stutter hyung

 

 **minnie mouse:** i already booked our flight.

 

 **ninibear:** exo’s disbanding it was a good run u guys

 

 **Mother:** omfg yall are so EXTRA

 

 **Mother:** liSTEN it wasn’t even our choice they want us to do some promotion stuff or whatever

 

 **Mother:** we’ll be back before you know it!

 

 **satansoo:** And you think you can just desert us, your CHILDREN, and let us starve?

 

 **Mother:** u ... know how to cook tho?

 

 **satansoo:** Shaking my head in shame, hyung.

 

 **satansoo:** Shaking my damn head.

 

 **Mother:** okay im never going to get anywhere with you guys so

 

 **Mother:** call us if you’ve got any emergencies

 

 **Mother:** and i mean ACTUAL emergencies

 

 **Mother:** and minseok hyung ur in charge of everyone while were gone

 

 **minnie mouse:** THE FUCK

 

 **innocent maknae:** BUT HYUNGGGGG CHANYEOL HYUNG CAN BARELY TAKE A SHOWER BY HIMSELF

 

 **Mother:** he’s gonna have to manage

 

 **baehyun:** kyungsoo can help him ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **satansoo:** Speak another word, Baekhyun, and see what happens.

 

 **baehyun:** an empty threat i bet

 

 **baehyun:** hah that rhymes

 

 **baehyun:** ohnymfuCKINGGGFJlADHFKLA

 

 **pcwhy:** uh

 

 **jongbae:** baek??

 

 **baehyun:** IJSUT LEFT Y=MY ROOM AND SKUYNGSOO JUMPD DOWN FRMOM THE CEILIGN NAD AKTTACKE DME I M SCFREMAING AND RUNINGJ

 

 **Mother:**...

 

 **Mother:** have fun minseok

 

 **minnie mouse:** i loathe you with every ounce of my being.

 

**jongbae has changed the chat name to we’re going to die**

 

* * *

 

**private chat: chaotic evil**

**minnie mouse:** so!

 

 **satansoo:** I don’t like where this is going, hyung.

 

 **satansoo:** That’s a very suspicious ‘so’.

 

 **minnie mouse:** haha well you see

 

 **minnie mouse:** as the person in charge

 

 **minnie mouse:** im putting you in charge now :-)

 

 **satansoo:** What the fuck, why

 

 **minnie mouse:** because why should i have to babysit you idiots when i could be making out with luhan in our room

 

 **minnie mouse:** just don’t kill anyone and we’ll be good!

 

 **satansoo:** Are you fucking kidding me

 

 **satansoo:** Don’t make me suffer like this, you know I cant make those kinds of promises.

 

 **satansoo:** Hyung, I know you’re reading these.

 

 **satansoo:** HYUNG

 

 **satansoo:** Oh my fucking gosh

 

 **satansoo:** FINE

 

 **satansoo:** I’ll accept this shit once.

 

 **satansoo:** I’ll get my retribution soon enough :)

**minnie mouse:** sure

 

* * *

 

**we’re going to die**

**satansoo:** Guess who’s in charge now, kiddos.

 

 **pcwhy:** FUCK MY LIFE

 

 **satansoo:** To be fair, it wasn’t my choice

 

 **satansoo:** But it will surely be an absolutely miserable week for all of us.

 

* * *

**private chat: dumb**

**satansoo:** Baekhyun, I’m coming home from the studio soon.

 

 **satansoo:** Put some spaghetti on the stove so I can start dinner when I get back.

 

 **baehyun:** sure thang soo ;D

 

* * *

 

**private chat: LOMLLLL <3 <3 <3**

**baehyun:** BABE HOW THE FUCKDO YOU COOK SPAGHETTI

 

 **jongbae:** YOURE ASKING ME?!?/1/1!?!

 

 **baehyun:** FUCK

 

 **baehyun:** UH

 

 **baehyun:** YOLO AM I RIGHT

 

* * *

 

**we’re going to die**

**satansoo:** I am actually in awe right now

 

 **ninibear:** what happened?

 

 **satansoo:** Well

 

 **satansoo:** I asked Baekhyun to put spaghetti on the stove so I could make dinner when I got back

 

 **pcwhy:** WOAH WAS HE _THAT_ GOOD AT PUTTING SPAGHETTI ON?!?!1?

 

 **satansoo:** The fuck, no?

 

 **satansoo:** He’s just an even _bigger_  idiot than I originally thought.

 

 **satansoo:**

 

 **Han Dynasty:** WJKAWJFLFPAWFJLAFMBHFAFLFWPFFW

 

 **innocent maknae:** IMC RITNGNWAPDLWAEAE

 

 **baehyun:** I THGOUT YOU MEANT LITERLALLY

 

 **satansoo:** HOW DO YOU MESS UP PUTTING SPAGHETTI INTO A _POT_

 

 **satansoo:** ITS NOT THAT HARD

 

 **baehyun:** ITS A COMPLICATED SCIENCE OKA YLIEAVE MEA LOEN

**minnie mouse:** day 1, give it up for day 1 of this nightmare

 

 **jongbae:** they literally only left 4 hours ago how r we already this bad

 

* * *

 

**we’re going to die**

**jongbae:** hey so um

 

 **jongbae:** how do u repair a sink

 

 **jongbae:** askin for a friend

 

 **satansoo:** Please tell me you did not.

 

 **jongbae:** course not haha how could i be so irresponsible as to shove a huge grape up the faucet to prove a point to someone

 

 **jongbae:** only a real _fool_  would do something like that!! hahaha!!1!1

 

 **pcwhy:** what kind of point requires u to put a grape up the faucet???

 

 **jongbae:** idk man friends are weird!! what can i say!!!

 

 **unicornxing:** i asked siri and she said to call a repair person dae ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)

 

 **jongbae:** ill tell the friend

 

 **satansoo:** I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry.

 

* * *

 

**we’re going to die**

**innocent maknae:** guys help imc rying

 

 **ninibear:** WHAT HAOPEENEDN WHOD O I HAVE TOFIGHT

 

 **baehyun:** coughs WHIPPED coughs

 

 **innocent maknae:** i cu t my finger with a plastic knfie trying to peel an apple

 

 **ninibear:** ILL BE THERE IN 10 SECONDS WITH EMERGENCY AID AND A MEDICAL KIT THAT KNIFE HAS SEEN ITS LAST DAYS

 

 **minnie mouse:** wtf how do you manage to cut your finger with a  _plastic knife_

 

 **innocent maknae:** SHUT UP HYUNG :(

 

 **satansoo:** I can’t believe it’s only been 7 hours since they left and we’re already at this point.

 

 **Han Dynasty:** say goodbye to the dorm guys it’s gonna be up in flames by the end of the week

 

 **minnie mouse:** why are we so incapable without them this is depressing

 

* * *

 

**we’re going to die**

**satansoo:** Guys, I’ve got a new idea.

 

 **baehyun:** does it require any effort whatsoever bc im still suffering from the electrocution i got from stepping on those wires

 

 **satansoo:** Somewhat.

 

 **satansoo:** Over the past three days we’ve been an absolute trainwreck at home.

 

 **satansoo:** Tao _literally_  set the dorm on fire.

 

 **gucci shades:** I FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE FLAT IRON ALRIGHT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

 

 **satansoo:** So, I’ve decided to take much, MUCH, safer actions

 

 **satansoo:** And instead of staying indoors demolishing our home, we’re spend the day outdoors.

 

 **satansoo:** I need to go grocery shopping anyways thanks to Jongin burning all of our spaghetti AND our soup.

 

 **ninibear:** I THOUGHT WE AGREEDT O ENVER TLAK ABOUT THE INCIDENT AGAIN

 

 **jongbae:** HOW DO YOU BURN SOUP IT’S LITERALLY JUST  _WATER_

 

 **ninibear:** BATTLE ME

 

 **satansoo:** We’ll probably also have to go to Ikea to get a new fucking toilet, thanks to Luhan hyung.

 

 **satansoo:** I still don’t have a clue how you managed to break the toilet and flood half of the house by accidentally flushing your phone down the drain, but I can’t say I’m surprised at this point.

 

 **Han Dynasty:** pls....... let me live............

 

 **satansoo:** So anyways, kids, grab your shit, we’re leaving.

 

* * *

 

**we’re going to die**

**Mother:** hEY KIDS sorry we took so long to check up on u guys

 

 **Mother:** kris and i have been,,,, busy

 

 **Father:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Mother:** SO! WHAT DID I MISS

 

 **Mother:** oh

 

 **Mother:** ohhhhhhohhoho

 

 **Mother:** tell me you guys did not actually do all of that crap

 

 **jongbae:** uh

 

 **Mother:** oh my fucking gosh i am kicking your ASSES when i get back

**baehyun:** wat ru talking about hyung!!! we r good chidlren :)))))

 

**baehyun: groupselca.jpg**

****

**baehyun:** see were just in ikea like good lil chdilren :-))))

**Mother:** why is kyungsoo smiling??? did something _actually_ good happen?

 

 **satansoo:** Can’t I smile because I feel like it?

 

 **jongbae:** chanyeol tripped and fell in the parking lot

 

 **Mother:** makes sense

 

 **innocent maknae:** OMG WHAT IF WE PLAY HIDE AND SEEK.........

 

 **innocent maknae:** IN IKEA

 

 **pcwhy:** Y OO O O OOOO OO O

 

 **jongbae:** THE ULTIMATE HIDE AND SEEK

 

 **Mother:** YOU GUYS ARE NOT PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK IN IKEA OMFG

 

 **Mother:** KYUNGSOO STOP THEM

 

 **satansoo:** Don’t you think I’ve tried, hyung?

 

 **satansoo:** This past week has actually made me soulless. I could care less anymore

 

 **Mother:** KY U NG S O O

 

 **satansoo:** It’ll be fineeeeeeee

 

 **satansoo:** As long as no one dies, right?

 

 **satansoo:** Minseok’s counting, everyone hide.

 

 **baehyun:** GOTT ADASH

 

 **jongbae:** BAEK DONT LEAVE ME

 

 **baehyun:** LOVE U BABE BUT ITS EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF IN IKEA

 

 **jongbae:** mMM WHATCHA SAYYYYY

 

 **Mother:** im on _vacation_ and i still have a headache bc of u guys

 

 **minnie mouse:** IM COMING YALL BITCHES BETTER BE READY

 

* * *

 

**innocent maknae has added baehyun, jongbae, and pcwhy to the chat**

**innocent maknae has named the chat BEAGLE LINE**

**jongbae:** w8 when did u become part of beagle line

 

 **innocent maknae:** well not officially

 

 **innocent maknae:** but hyungs said i was practically a member anyways

 

 **baehyun:** tbh

 

 **innocent maknae:** BUT THATS NOT WHAT MATTERS

 

 **innocent maknae:** SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL

 

 **pcwhy:** whTS GOING ON IMHIDING UNDER A MATTRES S

 

 **pcwhy:** 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOOMENDN

 

 **baehyun:** IM INSIDE OF A DRAWER LMFAOOOO

 

 **baehyun:** THESE ARE SO HUGE U COULD FIT A BODY IN HERE

 

 **baehyun:** wait what’s ikea trying to say

 

 **pcwhy:** BOY R THEY PROMOTING MURDER

 

 **jongbae:** BAEK U TRAITOR

 

 **jongbae:** IM IN THE FOOD COURT EATING THO LOL

 

 **pcwhy:** TF HWOC OME U GE TOT EAT

 

 **jongbae:** bc minnie would never check the food court lmao

 

 **jongbae:** he’d rather die than smell those meatballs

 

 **innocent maknae:** STOP GINRONIGN MEEEEEEE ISAID HELP

 

 **innocent maknae:** CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF THESE IKEA CLOSETS ARE NOT THTAT BIG

 

 **innocent maknae:** EVEN MROE SO WHEN U STICK TWO GORWN MEN IN ONE

 

 **innocent maknae:** AND OFC THE OTEHR MABN JUS T HADDDD TO BE JONGIN

 

 **baehyun:** BINTHCHAJFWAKFWAKFLAF MY SEKAI HEART IS DYING

 

 **jongbae:** OTPPPPPPP

 

 **innocent maknae:** SHUT

 

 **innocent maknae:** THIS IS NOT THE TIME OFR GAMES IT IS REALLY TIGHT IN HERE AND WERE REALL YLCLOSE TOGEHTER

 

 **innocent maknae:** AND I THINK WE ACCIDNETALLY LOCKE DOURSELVDSE IN

 

 **innocent maknae:** I THINK TI ONLY OPENS ROFROMTHE OUTSIDE OMFG

 

 **innocent maknae:** IM NOT EVEN GOING TOD IE HONORABLY FROM STARVATION IM GOIGNT O DIE FROM KIM JONGIN

 

 **pcwhy:** OTP GOALS GETTING LOCKED IN THE CLOSTT TOGEHTHR

 

 **baehyun:** LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **jongbae:** REST IN PEACE

 

 **innocent maknae:** I CAN SMELL HIS HAIR FROM HERE AND IT SMELLS LIKE STRABWERREIES IMGONNA DIE YLALL

 

 **innocent maknae:** HISFACE IS TOO BEAUTIFUL EBVEN IN THE DAKRNESS WTF

 

 **innocent maknae:** CANN HE SJUST FUCK ME RN

 

 **jongbae:** sehun: “i don’t like jongin”

 

 **jongbae:** sehun: “FUCK ME INT HE ASS JONGIN OMFG HES SO GORGOEUS MY SUN MOON AND ASTARS REOVLVE AROUND HIM”

 

 **innocent maknae:** I WOULD ARGUE BUT GDI UR RIGHT

 

 **innocent maknae:** FUCK HELP I JUST STARTED CRYING AND JOGNIN WAS FR EAKING OUT HE WASLIKE “HUNNIE R U OKAY WHATS WRONG OMG OMG”

 

 **innocent maknae:** HOW DO UT ELL SOMEONE U STARTED CRYING BC OF THEIR SN E E ZE

 

 **pcwhy:** WKEAKEAEFLAFMFAOFMOWFMAF;WF;A,F

 

 **pcwhy:** OUR POROR BABY IS GO NE

 

 **baehyun:** I AM DE C E AS ED

 

 **innocent maknae:** HIS SNEEZE WAS SO CUTE OKAY AND I WA SLAREAYD AN EMOTINAL MESS IT TRIGGERED ME

 

 **innocent maknae:** HES RES T ING H IS HEA D ON MY SHOUDLEER IM FUCKIGNANGAKLAFMGLA

 

 **pcwhy:** BOYYYYYYYYY JUST KISS KISS FALL IN LVOE ALREADY

 

 **innocent maknae:** HOW COULD U SAY SOEMTHIGN LIEK THAT JOGNISN TOO GODO FOR ME

 

 **jongbae:** i..........

 

 **baehyun:** if only u knew the HALF of what he thinks

 

 **pcwhy:** GYUS ABROT BABROT IAEHAR MINSEOK

 

 **pcwhy:** HES BAOUTT AF IDN EM I GOTA BLAST

 

 **jongbae:** SO LONG SOLDIER

 

 **baehyun:** GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN

 

 **innocent maknae:** IF MINSOEK HYUNG CANT FIND US TEKLL HIMW EHRE WE ARE

 

 **innocent maknae:** but like ntot now bc me and ninia re cuddlign and i mgight die but its so ogood and warm and i never want it to end

 

 **jongbae:** g a y

 

* * *

**we’re going to die**

**minnie mouse:** so we got kicked out of ikea

 

 **Mother:** you better be fucking with me

 

 **Mother:** baekhyun i swear to god himself

 

 **baehyun:** IT WASNT MY FAULT THIS TIME

 

 **gucci shades:** its a very very VERY long story

 

 **gucci shades:** essentially we all searched for 5 hours for yixing bc we Could Not Find Him and he wouldn’t answer his phone

 

 **gucci shades:** we like literally turned over furniture and broke stuff and made a mess

 

 **jongbae:** chanyeol also somehow found some leg of a table to use as a baseball bat and swung a bouncy ball baekhyun threw at him across half of ikea

 

 **satansoo:** It was glorious.

 

 **jongbae:** until it hit the manager in the head

 

 **baehyun:** the manager saw us even tho we tried to “gotta zayn” outta there and yelled at us

 

 **pcwhy:** then realized the mess we all made and yelled at us some more almost called the cops and then kicked us out

 

 **Han Dynasty:** turns out yixing was in the car all along

 

 **unicornxing:** hey you guys left me there sleeping

 

 **unicornxing:** when i woke up i had no idea where you went!! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡

 

 **gucci shades:** its ok ur the master of hide and seek xingggg <3 <3 <3

 

 **baehyun:** gay

 

 **Mother:** i

 

 **Mother:** for not the first time in my long life dealing with you kids

 

 **Mother:** am fucking speechless

 

 **Mother:** i leave you kids for three days

 

 **Mother:** and this is the shit that goes down

 

 **Mother:** should i laugh or cry

 

 **innocent maknae:** oh hyung

 

 **innocent maknae:** u dont even know the half of it

 

* * *

 

**we’re going to die**

**innocent maknae:** me n chanyeollie hyung tried cooking rn

 

 **baehyun:** cooking what?

 

 **innocent maknae:** we were trying to bake a cake

 

 **satansoo:** Did I not give specific orders that nobody but me is allowed in the kitchen?

 

 **pcwhy:** but u seemed stressed recently so i wanted to make u something :(

 

 **pcwhy:** i asked sehunnie to help me cause he’s good at baking and i wanted it to be good for u!!!

 

 **jongbae:** MY CHANSOO HEART IS BURSTING

 

 **satansoo:**...

 

 **innocent maknae:** well

 

 **innocent maknae:** that was the _intention_  anyways

 

 **baehyun:** uh oh

 

 **innocent maknae:** i asked him to put the cake in the oven at 120 degrees

 

 **gucci shades:** wait why couldnt u just do it???

 

 **innocent maknae:** cause im a baby??? duh??

 

 **innocent maknae:** nyways he goes to do it

 

 **innocent maknae:** it was taking him a while tho so i went to check up on him

 

 **innocent maknae:** and when i come over

 

 **innocent maknae:**

 

 **innocent maknae:** i see _this_  before my poor unsuspecting eyes

 

 **baehyun:** INHALES

**minnie mouse:** _B O Y_

 

 **gucci shades:**

 

 **pcwhy:**????IS THAT NOT WHAT YOU MEANT

 

 **innocent maknae:** ARE U FOR REAL HYUNG

 

 **jongbae:** WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A PROTRACTOR FROM

 

 **satansoo:** I keep thinking there’s no possible way you dumbasses could amaze me with your stupidity any further.

 

 **satansoo:** Like, I’ve seen practically EVERYTHING.

 

 **satansoo:** But this? This takes the fucking cake.

 

 **Han Dynasty:** literally

 

 **Han Dynasty:** heh see what i did there

 

 **Han Dynasty:** give me VALIDATION

 

 **gucci shades:** no

 

 **Han Dynasty:** I AM BEING BULLIED

 

 **pcwhy:** SOOO O O OO BUT I LOVE YOUUUUUU

 

 **pcwhy:** ISNT THAT ALL THAT MATTERSSSSSS

 

 **pcwhy:** I WOULD DIE FOR YOU <3 <3 <3

 

 **satansoo:** How soon?

 

 **ninibear:** WOW

 

 **baehyun:**

 

* * *

**private chat: dumbest**

**satansoo:**

 

 **satansoo:** I got your cake.

 

 **pcwhy:** PLEA S E THE WRITING WAS SEHUNS IDEA

 

 **satansoo:** Are you kidding me?

 

 **satansoo:** I fucking love it.

 

 **pcwhy:** OMG OMG OMG REALLY

 

 **pcwhy:** DID YOU TRY IT YETHOW WAS IT

 

 **satansoo:** Coming from you, it’s not bad, shockingly enough.

 

 **pcwhy:** YAAAAAAAAAY OMGG GOMG GOMG OMG

 

 **pcwhy:** ME AND HUNNIE WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT IM SO HAPPY U LIKE IT <33333

 

 **satansoo:** :)

 

 **satansoo:** Also

 

 **satansoo:** I appreciate the gesture, but you don’t have to worry so much about me.

 

 **satansoo:** I’m not stressed or anything like that.

 

 **satansoo:** This week has been tiring so far, sure, but I’ve learned a lot from it.

 

 **satansoo:** Like how I’m going to kill Minseok hyung for putting me in charge, that lazy son of a bitch.

 

 **pcwhy:** LOL

 

 **satansoo:** But anyways, we’ve all made some pretty memorable memories, and I laughed a lot from all the shit we went through.

 

 **satansoo:** So I’m good, Yeol.

 

 **pcwhy:** r u sure soo~~? i just want u to be happy!!!11!

 

 **satansoo:** Ew, don’t type like that, you uncultured swine.

 

 **satansoo:** And yes, I’m absolutely fine.

 

 **pcwhy:** hmmmmmmmmmmm

 

 **pcwhy:** i wont believe u until u give me a heart

 

 **satansoo:** What? No.

 

 **pcwhy:** THEN UR NOT OKAY IM GONNA HAVE TO CUDDLE AND NAG U ALL WEEK

 

 **satansoo:** Omg please don’t

 

 **pcwhy:** OMMGMGGKF YOU USED ‘OMG’ UR NOT OKAY I NEED TO CHECK YOUR TEMPERATURE

 

 **satansoo:** It’s not like I can’t type that way?? I’m perfectly capable...

 

 **satansoo:** if you tell anyone im writing like this ill kill you

 

 **pcwhy:** YO WHAT RHE FCUCIKKKK THIS IS SO WEIRD

 

 **pcwhy:** TIHIS SINT NORMAL WHAT IF YOU HAEVE A DISEASE WHATIF YOU BEOCME A ZOMBIE

 

 **satansoo:** UGH FOR FUCKS SAKE

 

 **satansoo:** <3

 

 **satansoo:** THERE ARE YOU HAPPY

 

 **pcwhy:** YAAAAAAY

 

 **pcwhy:**

               

          

                

            

 

 **satansoo:** Tf is that are you dumb

 

 **pcwhy:** u were supposed to catch it

 

 **satansoo:** u gon catch these hands

 

 **pcwhy:** love u too

 

* * *

 

**we’re going to die**

**satansoo:** Who the hell is making that beeping sound

 

 **satansoo:** It’s two in the morning.

 

 **gucci shades:** yeah listen me and yixing are Busy

 

 **baehyun:** doing what?????????

 

 **jongbae:** OMG R U GUYS FUCKING HOLY SHIT

 

 **pcwhy:** I SENSED A SHIP HAPPENING WJATS UP

 

 **gucci shades:** no tf

 

 **unicornxing:** we’re trying to figure out how to use the microwave!!

 

 **gucci shades:** its one tricky son of a bitch let me tell u

 

 **unicornxing:** wait are you supposed to put metal in the microwave?

 

 **Mother:** OF COURSE NOT WTF

 

 **unicornxing:** oh

 

 **gucci shades:** well that explains this

 

**gucci shades:**

 

 **baehyun:** BOYYYYYY

 

 **satansoo:** I'll get the extinguisher again.

 

 **Mother:** kris pack your shit we’re coming home three days early

 

 **Mother:** i fucking hate you all

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey so i just realized maybe i should do something so u guys can know a lil more about me sooo heres a few facts!!  
> 1\. my name is leah, im 15, and i live in new york. you might think "wow lucky lots of groups like exo go there for concerts!!" but you're thoroughly mistaken, because evERY FUCKING GROUP DECIDES TO GO TO NEWARK, WHICH IS NOT IN NEW YORK IT IS IN FUCKING NEW JERSEY AND I CANT GO FUCKING SEE EXO THIS MONTH BECAUSE THE DAMN CONCERT IS IN NEW JERSEY ON A SCH OO L NI GHT WHAT DO THEY EXPECT FROM ME I CANT PULL MIRACLES LIKE THAT OUT OF MY ASS  
> 2\. i got into kpop about a year ago when bts' song fire came out and i saw yoongi and was like "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" and listened to that song religiously for like,, a month. yoongs aint my bias tho anymore;; my heart and soul belongs to kim seokjin the love of my life the ying to my yang the peanut butter to my jelly the nutella to my bread  
> 3\. exo are, as u might have guessed, my ultimate group. however, my other top groups (in terms of boy groups) are seventeen, got7, and bts. in terms of girl groups, my top faves are f(x), red velvet, and blackpink ^^  
> 4\. i probably havent made this clear, but sehun's my bias in exo! he has been ever since i laid my eyes on that beautiful boy, so yeaaaahh~ im one of the few very resilient people who has never fallen prey to any of the other member's ridiculous charms and Swerved Lanes (but oh do they tempt me).  
> alright uhh that's all i can think of rn but if u have any other questions or something ill answer em in the comments! hope u enjoyed this mess as usual, thank u for reading as usual, and ill be back soon!  
> (ps: does ikea even sell toilets idr)  
> (pps: chanyeol hitting the manager with a ball is a real story that happened to me n my friends at rite aid. moral of the story is dont pretend ur the next babe ruth guys)


	12. stop it. get some help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i meant to upload this way sooner whOOPS sorry u guys had to wait so long! this chapter is an actual mess as usual i couldn't stay on topic at all but,,, it'll do??? i have the next chapter halfway written already so ill def upload it tomorrow :-)

**we’re going to die**

**Mother:** hey

 

 **Mother:** hey guys

 

 **Mother:** wanna hear a joke

 

 **ninibear:** no

 

 **baehyun:** no

 

 **pcwhy:** nope

 

 **satansoo:** Never.

 

 **innocent maknae:** nah

 

 **jongbae:** negative

 

 **Mother:** too bad you piece of shits

 

 **Mother:** why don’t programmers like nature?

 

 **unicornxing:** hyung it’s time to stop

 

 **Mother:** it has too many BUGS

 

 **Mother:** GET IT LMFAOOOOWFALFW

 

 **Han Dynasty:** delete yourself please

 

 **innocent maknae:** i want to die

 

 **pcwhy:** why is he acting like that was the best joke of 2017

 

 **Mother:** EXCUSE ME MY JOKES ARE THE BEST

 

 **ninibear:** hyung let’s be real here

 

 **ninibear:** your jokes actually give me the urge to leave exo

 

 **Mother:** i don’t deserve this hate

 

 **minnie mouse:** OMG ARE WE MAKING DAD JOKES

 

 **minnie mouse:** I LOVE THOSE

 

 **Mother:** I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE MY FAVORITE

 

 **innocent maknae:** he tells you you’re his favorite one minute

 

 **innocent maknae:** the next he’s left you for some other hoe

 

 **jongbae:** water is wet grass is green our parents are fake We Know

 

 **minnie mouse:** HEY GUYS

 

 **minnie mouse:** what did vincent say when he lost his car in the parking lot?

 

 **Mother:** WHAT WHAT WHAT

 

 **minnie mouse:** WHERE DID MY VAN GOGH

 

 **Mother:** WHEAKWJALFKAWPFWALF,ALFMAW

 

 **gucci shades:** when will you stop

 

 **Mother:** ARE YOU A BANANA

 

 **Mother:** BECAUSE I FIND YOU

 

 **Mother:** APPEELING

 

 **satansoo:** How do we delete someone else’s texts?

 

**jongbae has changed the chat name to stop it. get some help**

 

 **minnie mouse:** IM DEADDDD ANOTHER ONE

 

 **ninibear:** how do they actually find these funny

 

 **pcwhy:** and were called the weird ones smh

 

 **Mother:** what happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

 

 **minnie mouse:** idk what

 

 **Mother:** it becomes DAYTROGEN

 

 **minnie mouse:** AMFLAWFKWPFAWFLAF

 

 **baehyun:** this is where i leave

 

 **Mother:** good nitrogen

 

 **minnie mouse:** sleep tightrogen

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i want a divorce

 

 **Father:** you’re not even the one who has to deal with this 24/7

 

* * *

 

**stop it. get some help**

**Mother:** what did the grape say when it was crushed?

 

 **minnie mouse:** WHAT

 

 **Mother:** nothing it just let out

 

 **Mother:** a little wine

 

 **ninibear:** choke me

 

 **innocent maknae:** uh are you into that

 

 **ninibear:** no i just wanna die

 

 **innocent maknae:** Relatable

 

 **baehyun:** _(why did he want to know though)_

 

 **jongbae:** _(shady if u ask me)_

**innocent maknae:** oh noOOo o Oo Oo o hyung don’t tell a conveniently timed joke right now!!!!!

 

 **innocent maknae:** that’d be awful!!!!!

 

 **Mother:**

 

 **jongbae:** hyung just stop already u never make jokes that r funny

 

 **Mother:** i made you.

 

 **minnie mouse:** OMFMGMGWKFLAF

**gucci shades:** IM SCRMEAING

 

 **ninibear:** WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWWOWOW

**pcwhy:** YUOD DI D HHIM SO DIRTY IMC RIYNG

 

 **satansoo:** I’m cackling

 

**Mother:**

 

 **jongbae:** they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understand

 

* * *

**stop it. get some help**

**Mother:** hey

 

 **satansoo:** There are over one million words and none of them can describe how much I want to hit your face with a chair right now, hyung.

 

 **gucci shades:**

 

 **jongbae:** OMLAWFLAWFF;W

 

 **pcwhy:** PLEA S E THAT WAS TOO STRONG

 

 **ninibear:** SAVAGE SOO RETURNS

 

 **Mother:** i...... wasn’t even going to make a joke

 

 **Mother:** why yall gotta be so rude

 

 **satansoo:** Sorry, but I had to get it out just in case.

 

 **Mother:** all of you are bullies

 

 **Mother:** anyways since im so kind im cooking today

 

 **innocent maknae:** ooh what’s on the menu hyung??

 

 **pcwhy:** NO

 

 **Han Dynasty:** I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING DON’T DO IT

 

 **Mother:** me-n-u

 

 **baehyun:** O YMY GOD

 

 **pcwhy:** HE DID I T

 

 **innocent maknae:** i........

 

 **innocent maknae:** who even are you?

 

 **Mother:** IM SORRY I SAW THE OPPORTUNITY

 

 **gucci shades:** someone get this man jesus

 

 **jongbae:** read ur bible

 

**baehyun:**

 

 **Mother:** IT WASN’T EVEN THAT BAD

 

 **ninibear:** YOU USED A PICK UP LINE ON HIM

 

 **Mother:** IT WAS A CLEVERLY CRAFTED PUN

 

 **satansoo:** Don’t worry hyung, I’m looking up some therapy options for you already.

 

 **satansoo:** You’ll be better in no time.

 

 **Mother:** ARE YOU ACTUALLY

 

 **Father:** it’s for your own good jun

 

 **Mother:** BETRAYED

 

* * *

 

**stop it. get some help**

**baehyun:** WHO ATE ALL THE COOKIES DO YOU WANNA FUCKING GO

 

 **jongbae:** me

 

 **baehyun:**...ON A DATE

 

 **jongbae:** oh yeah sure

 

 **ninibear:** whipped

 

 **baehyun:** look who’s talking

 

 **ninibear:**???wdym

 

 **baehyun:** once we went out to eat at some really fancy five star restaurant u kept bugging us to go to, sehun couldn’t go cause he was sick that day

 

 **baehyun:** sehun sent you a text of him curled up in bed w the caption “i miss u nini :(“

 

 **baehyun:** u literally got up from the table

 

 **baehyun:** grabbed ur shit

 

 **baehyun:** and _ran_ out of the restaurant all the way back home without even saying goodbye

 

 **baehyun:** no car or anything u just Ran the _entire_ 40 minutes it took to get back

 

 **ninibear:** LSITNE IT WAS NA EMERGNECY

 

 **innocent maknae:** wait the day i had the flu?

 

 **innocent maknae:** i thought u told me the hyungs went out drinking and u didnt wanna join

 

 **baehyun:** Oh Shit

 

 **baehyun:** i forgot this was the public chat lol

 

 **ninibear:** I

 

* * *

**private chat: “move im gay”**

**ninibear:** You’re fucking dead, kiddo

 

 **baehyun:** NTO AGAIN PELASE

 

* * *

 

**stop it. get some help**

**innocent maknae:** um?? u guys

 

 **ninibear:** sorry i was just having a conversation with baekhyun hyung :)))

 

 **innocent maknae:** was that the screams i heard coming from his room?

 

 **ninibear:** u must be hearing things hunnie

 

 **ninibear:** anyways what were we talking about?

 

 **innocent maknae:** u ran all the way home from an expensive restaurant just to take care of me

 

 **ninibear:** oh right hahahahahahaha

 

 **ninibear:** it’s nothing

 

 **ninibear:** i didn’t like the restaurant anyways, it wasnt the same without you there

 

 **ninibear:** id much rather be home with you :)

 

 **innocent maknae:** i

 

 **innocent maknae:** ew that was so chEESY NINI

 

 **ninibear:** WOW IM NICE TO YOU AND THI S IS THE THANKS I GET

 

 **innocent maknae:** DISGUSTING UGH IM GONNA THROW UP

 

 **ninibear:** BRAT IM NEVER DOING ANYTHING FOR U AGAIN

 

* * *

 

**BEAGLE LINE**

**innocent maknae:** FUCKGIN GMURDER ME AYLL AIC MDIRYNGAJWOAFLAFW

 

 **innocent maknae:** IMA CTALYL SOBBING ONYMY DEATH BED SEOES HEIS

**pcwhy:** wait wAt happened

 

 **pcwhy:** OMGWNAJFJAWFLAFNAWFOW

 

 **jongbae:** YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **baehyun:** BINTHCHEHAK THAT WAS SO CUTE IM PUNCHGING THE WALL

 

 **jongbae:**

 

 **pcwhy:** REST IN PIECES MY HEART

 

 **innocent maknae:** DOESNE HE THHNINK HE CAN JSUT PLA Y WITIH MY FEELIGNS LIEKT HAT I

**innocent maknae:** I MIGTBHT ACTUALLY TDIE

 

 **jongbae:** THE OTP SAILS

 

 **innocent maknae:** I DONT DESEVRE HIM??????? LIEK CAN U BKELIEVE THAT BINCH RAN HOME FROM A RESTUARANT IK HE LIKED THAT LIAR JSUT TO BE WITH ME WHAT KIND OF CHEESY ASS SH I T

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** jongin when sehun sent the "i miss you nini :("

 

 **pcwhy:** HE ACTUALLY **BOLTED** WHEN U TEXTED HIM OK LIKE IT WAS THE FUNNIEST SHIT IVE SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

 

 **jongbae:** IF ONLY U WOULD GET UR HEAD OUT OF UR ASS AND SEE!! THAT!!

 

 **innocent maknae:** NO HES JUST A REALLY GOOD FRINED HES AN ANGEL I AM TOO CORRUPT FOR HIS PURE BEAUTY

 

 **pcwhy:**????????????????

 

 **baehyun:** innocent maknae more like ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BLIND MAKNAE

 

* * *

 

**stop it. get some help**

**Mother:** what does one couch say to the other couch at the other side of the room?

 

 **Mother:** we are SOFA APART

 

 **gucci shades:** did i ask though

 

 **Mother:**

 

 **Mother:** did i ask for your useless input though

**gucci shades:** why tf are you using memes of yourself for everything

 

 **Mother:** cause im funny

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** damn yall i look good today boutta get some hOES

 

 **baehyun:** YES BRO

 

 **Father:** THATS MY SON

 

 **innocent maknae:** OOOOO HYUNG LOOKIN FRESH ON THE SCENE

 

 **jongbae:** U POPPIN THAT ROLEX OR WHAT FAM

 

 **satansoo:** You look pretty.

 

 **baehyun:** WHAT

 

 **jongbae:** DID HE JUST

 

 **pcwhy:** really??

 

 **satansoo:** I said you look SHITTY* sorry typo

 

 **gucci shades:**????bitch _where_ was that typo

**pcwhy:** disappointed but not surprised

 

 **pcwhy:** but thanks bros <3

 

 **jongbae:** wait r u actually gonna go get some hoes

 

 **pcwhy:** nah

 

 **pcwhy:** i totally would but

 

 **pcwhy:** soo is the only one for me (✿ ♥‿♥)

 

 **baehyun:** ISCREAMS ITNOT EHV OID

 

**jongbae:**

 

 **satansoo:** Aw, that’s cute.

 

 **pcwhy:** :D

 

 **satansoo:** If only I cared.

 

 **pcwhy:** D:

 

 **gucci shades:** REJECTED REJECTED

 

 **innocent maknae:** YEAH YOU JUST GOT REJECTED

 

 **gucci shades:** R-E

 

 **innocent maknae:** J-E

 

 **gucci shades:** C-T-E-D

 

 **innocent maknae:** REJECTED

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

* * *

 

**stop it. get some help**

**Mother:** what kind of tea is hard to swallow?

 

 **Mother:** reality

 

 **Mother:** haha im hilarious

 

 **jongbae:**...you good fam?

 

* * *

 

**stop it. get some help**

**Mother:** do you know why you cant trust an atom?

 

 **Mother:** because they make up everything

 

**pcwhy and 9 others have left the chat**

**minnie mouse:** LMFAOOOOO

 

**Mother has added pcwhy, innocent maknae, ninibear, baehyun, jongbae, gucci shades, unicornxing, Father, Han Dynasty, and satansoo to the chat**

**Mother:** u can never escape until u admit im funny

 

 **ninibear:** omg ur so funny hyung!! haha?!1/1

 

 **jongbae:** don’t lie to him, jongin.

 

* * *

 

**stop it. get some help**

 

 **baehyun:** it is 2 am and i am naked what is Up

 

 **minnie mouse:** definitely not anyone’s dick that’s for sure

 

 **pcwhy:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **baehyun:** omg i just saw you on tv hyung!

 

 **minnie mouse:** really? what channel

 

 **baehyun:** animal planet.

 

 **minnie mouse:** choke

 

* * *

 

 

**stop it. get some help**

 

**pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** the word 'nun' is just the letter n doing a cartwheel

 

 **satansoo:**  Shut the fuck up, Chanyeol.

 

* * *

 

 

**stop it. get some help**

**Mother:** what are the strongest days of the week?

 

 **Mother:** saturday and sunday

 

 **Mother:** the rest are weekdays

 

 **Mother:** get it

 

 **Mother:** don’t leave the gc

 

 **gucci shades:** it is 4 in the morning hyung get out

 

* * *

 

**stop it. get some help**

**Mother:** knock knock

 

**pcwhy and 9 others have left the chat**

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO HELLO HOPE U ENJOYED THE CHAPTER!! ive noticed recently that i hate most of the names ive given the members for the chat or they've just grown old and im uncreative so if you have any ideas for new names please leave em below! ill pick the ones i think are best :-)


	13. make way for The Lord™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AT LAST I HAVE FINALLY POSTED THIS CHAPTER!! im really sorry for the wait, i decided to rewrite the chapter like 5 times and i was bombarded with homework and events this week too. i guess it's worth it though, bc i dont like to half ass chapters for you guys, so maybe these updates are worth the wait?? idk  
> ALSO thanks for all the name suggestions! ill be using them more in the chapters to come ;)  
> LASTLY, THANKS FOR 500 KUDOS WTFFFFFFF THIS IS TRASH WHY DO YALL DO THIS TO ME,,,,,, ILY GUYS SM <33  
> hope u enjoy as always, this chapter is a lil longer than usual to make up for the terrible wait!

**stop it. get some help**

**innocent maknae has changed their name to your lord sehun**

**your lord sehun has changed the chat name to make way for The Lord** **™**

**your lord sehun:** beep beep make way for the king motherfuckers

 

 **Mother:** what was that :) :) :)

 

 **your lord sehun:** sorry cant hear you over the sound of my LORDSHIP

 

 **Mother:** your lordship can go take a damn seat in the bathroom then and get ready to get that mouth washed nice and clean with the soap bar :)

 

 **your lord sehun:** mothertrucker* hAha darn i hate auto correct

 

 **Mother:** i thought so :)

 

 **baehyun:** is he still going on about how they bought him a land in scotland under the title lord sehun or whatever

 

 **your lord sehun:** U BET UR FLAT ASS I AM

 

 **baehyun:** MY ASS AINT FLAT

 

 **jongbae:** HIS ASS AINT FLAT

 

**pcwhy:**

 

 **your lord sehun:** FEMALE DOG PLEASE

 

 **baehyun:** BINCH ILL HAVE U KNOW MY ASS IS VOLUMPTIOUS

 

 **jongbae:** ooh my baek the intellectual!! bringin out those big words!!

 

 **baehyun:** u kno it babeeeeee <3

 

 **your lord sehun:** okay but if ur ass is so good

 

 **your lord sehun:** why u always thirsting to bite my ass then 

 

 **gucci shades:** AKFJWKFAWLFKW;AFLWF

 

 **pcwhy:** EXPOSED

 

 **Han Dynasty:** SHIT GOT TOO REAL

 

 **jongbae:** i................

 

 **baehyun:** BABE PLS

 

 **jongbae:** ur such a hoe

 

 **baehyun:** ILL CHANGE MY WAYS PLS DONT LEAVE ME EE E E E E

 

 **jongbae:** tf nO

 

 **jongbae:** ur a hoe but like. same???

 

 **jongbae:** like okay lets be real who wouldn’t be thirsting for a piece of that CAKE

 

 **ninibear:** everyone knows it

 

 **pcwhy:** sebooty is truly the most powerful

 

 **pcwhy:** also i see u lurking jongin

 

 **ninibear:** lol wat ahahaha

 

 **baehyun:** AWWWW BABEEEEEEEE

 

 **baehyun:** WE TRULY ARE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN :’))))

 

 **jongbae:** HOES FOR LIFE!!!

 

 **your lord sehun:** ok that was nice BUT BACK TO WHATS IMPORTANT

 

 **your lord sehun:** aka me haha

 

 **ninibear:** u aint wrong

 

 **baehyun:** BITCHhFJAEFJAWLFKAL

 

 **your lord sehun:** oh

 

 **ninibear:** shit sorry hahA wrong chat

 

 **your lord sehun:** haha its fine

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** this bitch had one (1) job

 

 **gucci shades:**

 

 **jongbae:**

 

 **jongbae:** us trying to get this shit through jongins STUPID ASS HEAD

 

 **your lord sehun:**??? yall hyungs are weird

 

 **your lord sehun:** nyways

 

 **your lord sehun:** as my name implies i am now the lord of this household

 

 **gucci shades:** says who

 

 **your lord sehun:** says my like. probably 100 acre land in scotland binch

 

 **your lord sehun:** bow down peaSANTS

 

 **minnie mouse:** sometimes i forget how much of a menace sehun is

 

 **minnie mouse:** and then i remember and want to strangle him

 

 **your lord sehun:** that’s not something u should be saying in front of your lord oh sehun hyung

**minnie mouse:** execute yourself

 

* * *

 

 **make way for The Lord** **™**

**unicornxing:** anyone wanna go see beauty and the beast with me? (*´・ｖ・)

 

 **baehyun:** YES

 

 **jongbae:** BITCH U SAID _WE_ WERE GONNA WATCH THAT TOGETHER THO???

 

 **baehyun:** LOL SORRY BAE BUT UH,,,, PRIORITIES

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** when bae always puts the side hoe before u

 

**jongbae has kicked pcwhy from the chat**

**satansoo has added pcwhy to the chat**

**jongbae:** why

 

 **jongbae:** why must you make me Suffer

 

 **satansoo:** Remember back in chapter one when you did this to me?

 

 **satansoo:** This is karma, bitch.

 

 **pcwhy:** ily soo <333

 

 **Han Dynasty:** psh what even is the fourth wall anyways

**gucci shades:** OOHHH CAN I GO WITH YOU XING

 

 **unicornxing:** oh sure!! (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)

 

 **baehyun:** wait,,,,,,

 

 **baehyun:** what about me

 

 **unicornxing:** aaaah im sorry baekhyun i just realized i only have one more ticket :;(∩´﹏`∩);:

 

 **baehyun:** W HA  T

 

 **unicornxing:** i owe tao for something too so its only fair i take him (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)

 

 **baehyun:** WHAT ABOUT US

 

 **baehyun:** WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH

 

 **your lord sehun:** that hsm2 reference tho

 

**gucci shades:**

 

 **gucci shades:** sorrrryyyy baek (⑅˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈ )

 

 **baehyun:** u fckin fake ass bITCH I KNOW U AINT SORRY

 

 **baehyun:** U ONLY EVER USE EMOTICONS AROUND YIXING TOO FUCKING POSER

 

 **gucci shades:** idk what u mean _へ__(‾◡◝ )>

 

 **unicornxing:** taotao are you ready? the movie starts in twenty minutes (・・。)ゞ

 

 **gucci shades:** ill be right out xing! (｡･ω･｡)

 

 **baehyun:** oh so now theyre on nickname basis too huh

 

 **baehyun:** figures

 

 **jongbae:** bark we’re literally dating,,,, are u actually jealous of yixing and tao,,, two ppl with nothing to do with us,,, rn,,,,

 

 **jongbae:** baek*

 

 **pcwhy:** bark

 

 **your lord sehun:** bark

 

 **minnie mouse:** bark

 

 **Father:** bark

 

 **baehyun:** bark

 

 **jongbae:** SHUT UP

 

 **baehyun:** and u wonder why i hold yixing at a higher regard,,,,

 

 **jongbae:** IT WAS A T Y P O

 

 **baehyun:** just like our love

 

 **pcwhy:** REKT

 

**jongbae:**

 

 **baehyun:** baekchen is now dead i only know a baekxing

 

 **jongbae:** UR SO EXTRA FFS PLEASE BAEK

 

 **baehyun:** who r u???

 

 **jongbae:** binch u know what

 

 **jongbae:** im gonna go play overwatch >__>

 

 **satansoo:** Nobody cares.

 

* * *

**make way for The Lord** **™**

**minnie mouse:** 5 minutes later and jongdae and baekhyun are already being gross again

 

 **ninibear:** already?!

 

 **ninibear:** were they not just mad at each other?

 

 **minnie mouse:** is anyone really surprised

 

 **minnie mouse:** their relationship is just as strange as they are

 

 **Han Dynasty:** they’re cuddling on the couch giggling and stuff

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i kind of want to throw up

 

 **Mother:** stfu we had to deal with this with u and minseok for a year

 

 **Mother:** u dont get to complain

 

* * *

 

 **make way for The Lord** **™**

**pcwhy:** kyungsooooooo im cold :(

 

 **satansoo:** Buy a heater.

 

 **pcwhy:** noOoOoOoOoOoO i wanna cuddle!!!!

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **Mother:** interesting

 

 **satansoo:** No.

 

 **pcwhy:** BUT KYUNGSOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **pcwhy:** SOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **pcwhy:** THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

 

 **pcwhy:** THE YIN TO MY YANG

 

 **pcwhy:** THE MILK TO MY CEREAL

 

 **pcwhy:** THE PEANUT BUTTER TO MY JELLY

 

 **satansoo:** You know, Chanyeol, you’re just like a firework.

 

 **pcwhy:** bright and lively? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **satansoo:** No, fucking loud and annoying.

 

 **jongbae:** sick burn m8

 

 **pcwhy:** wen u try ur best but u dont succeed

 

 **pcwhy:** fine

 

 **pcwhy:** if u wont cuddle with me

 

 **pcwhy:** ill go tell everyone about the time u cried for hours bc u thought u lost ur stuffed penguin doll

 

 **your lord sehun:** hE DID WHAT

 

 **ninibear:** BOYYYYYY

 

 **jongbae:** AJFLFWMAKFAWLFKPAFMALFWA

 

 **Han Dynasty:** IM WEAKKKKK

 

 **minnie mouse:** I AM IN SHOCK

 

 **Father:** OMF G

 

 **baehyun:** THIS 2 MUCH IM

 

 **Mother:** THAT’S SOPRECIOUS???? IM?????

 

 **satansoo:** I

 

 **satansoo:** Chanyeol?

 

 **pcwhy:** yes :3

 

 **satansoo:** Run.

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **Mother:** THIS IS JUST SO SOFT IM

 

 **baehyun:** I AM S OB BB ING

 

 **baehyun:** HERE IW AS THINKING SOO WAS THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE

 

 **jongbae:** THE TRUTH HAS BENE REVELAED

 

 **jongbae:** HE IS NOTHING BUT A SQUISH

 

 **satansoo:** I AM NOT.

 

 **satansoo:** I AM DARKNESS

 

 **satansoo:** FEAR ME

 

**your lord sehun has changed satansoo’s name to squishsoo**

**your lord sehun:** now its accurate :-)

 

 **ninibear:** LMAOAOOAOAOA

 

 **squishsoo:** You’re _so_ lucky you’re the one I tolerate the most.

 

 **your lord sehun:** (◕ᴗ◕✿)

 

 **squishsoo:** Anyways, I had a REASON to be upset.

 

 **squishsoo:** The doll was from someone important.

 

 **minnie mouse:**

 

 **minnie mouse:** interesting

 

 **Han Dynasty:** wonder who THAT could be

 

 **squishsoo:** I don’t know what you guys are implying, but whatever.

 

 **squishsoo:** I need to go snap Chanyeol’s neck.

 

 **Mother:** sureeeeeee u do

 

 **Father:** catch kyungsoo aggressively cuddling him 2 minutes later anyways

 

 **Father:** the boy aint lowkey

 

 **jongbae:** that was 2 real dad

 

 **baehyun:** an accurate summary of chansoo

 

* * *

 

 **make way for The Lord** **™**

 

 **Mother:** guys im going out to buy coffee yall idiots want anything

 

 **squishsoo:** Yes.

 

 **baehyun:** me and dae want caramel frappucinos!

 

 **your lord sehun:** ill take a vanilla one

 

 **ninibear:** same as hunnie

 

 **pcwhy:** get me an iced tea?

 

 **minnie mouse:** ill get a regular dark roast

 

 **Mother:** okay cool

 

 **Mother:** and kyungsoo what kind of coffee would u like

 

 **squishsoo:** I like my coffee as dark and bitter as my soul.

 

 **Mother:** so white chocolate mocha?

 

 **squishsoo:** I

 

 **pcwhy:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **Han Dynasty:** DEAAAADDDD OMGGGGGG

 

 **your lord sehun:** R R E KT

 

 **ninibear:** TERMINATED

 

 **baehyun:** DECEASED

 

 **squishsoo:** I’m so tired of you guys.

 

* * *

 

 **make way for The Lord** **™**

**gucci shades has changed their name to DEATH**

**DEATH:** YALL IM CRIYNG BEAUYYTY AND TH EBEAST WAS A R T BINCH

 

 **DEATH:** I SOBBED LIEK 10 TIME S ON YIXNGS SHOUDLER

 

 **DEATH:** THAT MAND DINT EVEN CRY ONCE

 

 **unicornxing:** to be fair i teared up at the end! (!!´◯`)∑

 

 **unicornxing:** but you cry for everything tao...

 

 **unicornxing:** all they had to do was show the wolves and you burst into tears! (´-﹏-`；)

 

 **DEATH:** HYEY I THGOUGHT THR E BEAST WA SGOING TOD IE I WA S SH OO K

 

 **baehyun:** well well well

 

 **DEATH:** BAEKHYUN SHUT UP NOBODY CARES

 

 **DEATH:** I ONLY KNOW BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

 

**DEATH:**

 

 **DEATH:** NO ONE HITS LIKE GASTON MATCHES WITS LIKE GASTON

 

 **unicornxing:** WHOS A MAN AMONG MEN?

 

 **DEATH:** WHOS THE SUPER SUCCESS?

 

 **unicornxing:** DONT YOU KNOW

 

 **DEATH:** CANT YOU GUESS?

 

 **unicornxing:** ASK HIS FANS AND HIS FIVE HANGERS ON

 

 **DEATH:** THERES JUST ONE GUY IN TOWN WHOS GOT ALL OF IT DOWN~~~~

 

 **unicornxing: G** **ASTON**

 

 **DEATH:** wowo xing ilsym ˓˓(ृ　 ु ॑꒳’)ु(ृ’꒳ ॑ ृ　)ु˒˒˒

 

 **unicornxing:** we're goals!! (✿ ♥‿♥) 

 

 **pcwhy:** sounds gay but ok

 

 **Mother:** well im glad you two had fun!

 

 **unicornxing:** we did!!

 

 **DEATH:** YIXING TOOK ME TO SOME CUTE AS S BUBLBLE TEA SHOP

 

 **unicornxing:** he wouldn’t stop crying so i felt bad... ┐(‘～`；)┌

 

 **DEATH:**

 

 **DEATH:** WE R GOALS :’’)

 

 **your lord sehun:** W H A T

 

 **your lord sehun:** YOU JUST BROKE THE BRO CODE ZITAO

 

 **DEATH:** shut up bitch im bringing you back a cup

 

 **your lord sehun:** awww thanks

 

 **your lord sehun:** that’s all you’re good for slave <3

 

 **DEATH:** why do i tolerate you

 

 **jongbae:** alrihgt but...... doenst this sound suspiciously like a..............

 

 **baehyun:** date??///?/?//

 

 **unicornxing:** no no we’re just friends :)

 

 **DEATH:** yeah haha

 

 **your lord sehun:** sounds fake but ok

 

 **baehyun:** how come jongdae doesnt take me to cute bubble tea shops

 

 **jongbae:**???you said you loved our overwatch and chill dates

 

 **baehyun:** icant read suddenly, idk

 

 **pcwhy:** thats ACTUAL goals right there i wish jongdae was my boyfriend

 

 **squishsoo:** What’s Overwatch?

 

 **jongbae:** i

 

 **jongbae:** can you fucking believe

 

 **jongbae:** kyungsoo is the FAKEST BITCH I HAVE EVER SEEN

 

 **jongbae:** me: im going to go play overwatch

 

 **jongbae:** soo: nobody cares. (punctuation for soo)

 

 **jongbae:** chanyeol: overwatch dates are goals

 

 **jongbae:** soo: what’s overwatch?

 

 **your lord sehun:** EX POS ED

 

 **Han Dynasty:**

 

 **DEATH:** I CHOKE D OMFGNLAFLAFW

 

 **baehyun:** CRYIGN IN SPANSIH

 

 **squishsoo:** I really, really wish I had never met any of you.

 

* * *

**make way for The Lord™**

**squishsoo:** Life is meaningless and we’re all going to die.

 

 **DEATH:** what happened

**squishsoo:** Ever since The Incident™ my intimidation levels have dropped severely.

 

 **minnie mouse:** how so?

 

 **squishsoo:** I told Baekhyun to help me clean the dorm.

 

 **squishsoo:** He laughed at me for five minutes, and then told me to go ask my penguin for help.

 

 **squishsoo:** When I asked Jongdae, he giggled and _squished my cheeks._

 

 **squishsoo:** I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve always held so much power??

 

 **squishsoo:** Now I’m being treated like a peasant.

 

 **your lord sehun:** its called reality hyung get used to it

 

 **your lord sehun:** the moment you get exposed in this household you lose everything

 

 **DEATH:** lol its true

 

 **DEATH:** everyones a snake in this house

 

 **unicornxing:** oh speaking of which

 

 **unicornxing:** i saw tao watching my little pony this morning

 

 **pcwhy:** JAKFWJAKFJAWLFAWFLMACSALFAFL

 

 **minnie mouse:** O M F G

 

 **jongbae:** IM S CREMAING

 

 **baehyun:** TAO IS A BRONY CONNFIRMED

 

 **squishsoo:** Tao wtf

 

 **your lord sehun:** YIXING THE S AV A GE

 

 **DEATH:** I TRU ST E D YOU YIXING

 

 **unicornxing:** what? im innocent (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

 

 **Han Dynasty:** THIS IS A RARE SAVAGE ZHANG YIXING MOMENT, IT ONLY HAPPENS ONCE EVERY 70 YEARS, RETWEET FOR GOOD LUCK

 

* * *

 

**make way for The Lord™**

**Mother:** sehun can you go buy me an advil

 

 **your lord sehun:** dont talk to me im a lord

 

 **Mother:** i will get up from this bed just to stick your head down the toilet

 

 **your lord sehun:** okay fine anything for my subjects :)

 

 **your lord sehun:** FCUK HES ACTUALLY COMIN G SAVE ME

 

 **jongbae:** lol bye

 

 **pcwhy:** he wont be missed

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip lord sehun


	14. minseok appreciation club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE'RE FINALLY BACK!! IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT FOR THIS CHAPTER!!! the past few weeks have not been kind to me and I've had no time to write this chapter ;-; BUT ITS FINALLY HERE! it's slightly longer than usual to make up for the wait :-) rest assured, uploading will most likely go back to being about one chapter a week if everything goes well.  
> secondly, I CANT BELIEVE THIS STORY HIT 600 KUDOS??? YALL NEED TO STOP THESE SHENANIGANS THIS TRASH STORY IS GETTING MORE THAN IT DESERVES IM CRYINNNNN,,,,, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT U DONT KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME :''''''') ILYSM  
> now that everything's out of the way, i thank you guys for your patience, and i hope you guys enjoy!! <33

**make way for The Lord™**

**minnie mouse:** GUYS

 

 **minnie mouse:** I DID IT

 

 **Father:** u finally proposed to luhan?

 

 **minnie mouse:** NO ITS EVEN BETTER

 

 **Han Dynasty:** good to know how much i mean to you sweetheart

 

 **minnie mouse:** IM KIDDING ILYSM LU <333

 

 **Han Dynasty:** AW ILY 2 BAOZI <3333

 

 **pcwhy:** this is gross just tell us what you did hyung

 

 **your lord sehun:** not all of us have the time to watch u two be in love

 

 **Han Dynasty:** but you have the time to make an entire folder dedicated to jongin’s smile

 

 **your lord sehun:** I TOLD YOU MY FINGER SLIPPED

 

 **minnie mouse:** that’s so cute sehun i

 

 **minnie mouse:** i hate you guys how do you two manage to be this endearing without even dating

 

 **minnie mouse:** BUT ANYWAYS

 

 **minnie mouse:** I

 

 **minnie mouse:** GOT

 

 **minnie mouse:** A JOB!!!

 

 **baehyun:** noah fence but,,, don’t u already have a job

 

 **minnie mouse:** WELL I GOT ANOTHER ONE

 

 **minnie mouse:** I’M A BARISTA NOWWWW

 

 **unicornxing:** OMG CONGRATS MINN :DDD

 

 **jongbae:** YO  O O OO O O O O

 

 **jongbae:** I THOUGHT U WERE KIDDING WHEN U SAID U APPLIED FOR STARBUCKS

 

 **minnie mouse:** ARE YOU KIDDING I NEVER JOKE AROUND WITH COFFEE

 

 **minnie mouse:** COFFEE IS LIFE

 

 **Han Dynasty:** my future husband is going to be a barista prodigy yall B^)

 

 **minnie mouse:** <333

 

 **pcwhy:** k but do i get a discount for being ur friend cause starbucks has some damn good cake

 

 **minnie mouse:** idk that depends are you ever going to tell the truth about chansoo

 

 **baehyun:** DEADASS

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

* * *

**pcwhy has changed the group chat name to ball is life**

**jongbae:** kys

 

 **squishsoo:** Jongdae and I finally agree on something.

 

 **pcwhy:** ive finally found my true passion guys arent you happy for me

 

 **jongbae:** ur a fake baller chanyeol stfu

 

 **Father:** OHYMYGOD WAIT BASKETBALL?1/1!/1?!/!E?R@!/R

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** kris hyung when he hears basketball

 

 **jongbae:** ACCURATE

 

 **pcwhy:** wtf no

 

 **pcwhy:** im talking about bOWLING

 

 **pcwhy:** THE SUPERIOR SPORT

 

 **Father:** my interest level has dropped to 0

 

 **Father:** youre a disgrace to ballers across the world smh

 

 **Han Dynasty:** only phakes do bowling

 

 **pcwhy:** pc _why_ yall such bowling antis

 

 **DEATH:** bro everyone knows bowling sucks

 

 **DEATH:** all you do is stand up, roll a ball, sit back down n drink your beer

 

 **DEATH:** rinse n repeat

 

 **pcwhy:** EXCUSE ME

 

 **pcwhy:** ILL HAVE U KNOW IT TAKES EXCEPTIONAL SKILL TO BE ABLE TO BOWL PROPERLY

 

 **pcwhy:** u gotta finger the ball just right

 

 **jongbae:** I CCHOKED ON MY SPI T CHANYEOLW TF

 

 **squishsoo:** That’s just nasty.

 

 **pcwhy:** YOU KNWO WAHT I MEAN OK STFU

 

 **pcwhy:** nyways i am the lebron james of bowling so bow down bitches

 

 **pcwhy:** gOd of the balls

 

 **baehyun:** why am i getting the vibe that this is all just a euphemism for how much chanyeol likes guys

 

 **jongbae:** FAKJFLAWFWAFPAF

 

 **unicornxing:** exposed??

 

 **pcwhy:** ok so u aint wrong buT

 

 **pcwhy:** i am Serious about this. this is my true career path

 

 **pcwhy:** bowling is my life

 

 **minnie mouse:** this week on my strange addiction

 

 **Han Dynasty:** BOOM ROASTED

 

 **pcwhy:** HEY

 

 **pcwhy:** ILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT BALLS GRAVITATE ACCORDING TO MY WILL

 

 **your lord sehun:** [ **** ](https://68.media.tumblr.com/156eb11356000799bf5941cadb6ebaa6/tumblr_oprxqgQZgq1qbs0qgo1_540.gif)

**your lord sehun:** [ **** ](https://68.media.tumblr.com/cdaba64207e3b0ee088b8e07bd3cbfef/tumblr_oprxqgQZgq1qbs0qgo2_540.gif)

**your lord sehun:** _[john cena voice]_ are you sure about that

**DEATH:** NFAWFAOWFKAPLFKANLFAF

 

 **jongbae:** REKT

 

 **Han Dynasty:**

 

 **baehyun:** SIP THIS TEA!!

 

 **Mother:** my boy pulling out those _receipts_ im tearing up

 

 **Mother:** like mother like son

 

 

**pcwhy kicked your lord sehun from the chat**

**pcwhy:** getting rid of my haters xoxo

 

 **jongbae:** king of pettiness goes to park chanyeol

 

**ninibear has added your lord sehun to the chat**

**ninibear has kicked pcwhy from the chat**

**ninibear:** getting rid of my haters xoxo

 

 **DEATH:** IM FCUKGING GCRYINGAFKALFWFWF;

 

 **baehyun:** WT F F F F  F F F F

 

 **jongbae:** I CANT BELIEVE I WITNESSED THAT GO DOWN

 

**squishsoo:**

 

 **Father:** JFAWFLAFJIAWFWKAFAWKFWAKFLA

 

 **unicornxing:** IM SHAKING OMG

 

 **Han Dynasty:** JONGIN,,  **LEGENDARY**

 

 **minnie mouse:**

 

 **minnie mouse:** M O O D

 

 **Mother:** i love this family

 

* * *

 

**ball is life**

**Han Dynasty:** wait wth i just realized

 

 **Han Dynasty:** are me and min the only couple without matching screennames

 

 **jongbae:** lol yeah bro

 

 **baehyun:** get with the program hyung

 

 **Mother:** frankly im quite disgusted

 

 **minnie mouse:** HOW CAN WE BE MARRIED IF WE DON’T EVEN HAVE MATCHING NAMES

 

 **Han Dynasty:** WE’RE SO FAKE IM CRYING

 

 **minnie mouse:** WE HAVE TO FIX THIS

 

 **Father:** why not make luhan mickey mouse

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i

 

 **Han Dynasty:** how _dare_ you

 

 **Han Dynasty:** ill have you know im daisy duck

 

 **Father:** oh my gosh

 

 **Han Dynasty:** buzzfeed never lies bitch

 

 **baehyun:** how about “looks 5” “is actually 5”

 

 **Han Dynasty:** awww you think i look 5??

 

 **baehyun:** i,,, was talking about minseok,,,,,

 

 **minnie mouse:** LMFAOOOOOO

 

 **jongbae:** OUCH

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i don’t need real friends anyways

 

 **minnie mouse:** actually ive got something better ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Han Dynasty:** OMG DON’T TELL ME ITS

 

 **Han Dynasty:** HAKFWAFKAWLFAF

 

 **minnie mouse:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Han Dynasty has changed their name to blow it like a flute**

**minnie mouse has changed their name to the flute blower**

**DEATH:** og h my ogod

 

 **your lord sehun:** i dont get it??

 

 **ninibear:** AJFKWAJFLAWFMAWKFMAW

 

 **Mother:** the innocence

 

 **your lord sehun:** wait so minseok hyung can play the flute now??

 

 **ninibear:** ill explain it to you later

 

 **Mother:** OH NO YOU WONT JONGIN

 

 **unicornxing:** im crying why

 

 **baehyun:** g od fd amn it

 

 **jongbae:** yall just _had_ to ruin the cute couple nicknaemes we had going on

 

 **the flute blower:** honestly i regret nothing?

 

 **blow it like a flute:** lu will never die

 

 **Father:** i wish it would

 

* * *

 

**ball is life**

**baehyun:** alrihgtt whos gonna add chanyeol back to the chat

 

 **baehyun:** this is the THIRD TIME he interrupted me and jongdaes date to whine about how he wants to be added back

 

 **baehyun:** i was about to get laid like wtf

 

 **DEATH:** did we need to know that though

 

 **jongbae:** yes

 

 **jongbae:** do u know how annoying it is to be getting down n dirty and then have all intimacy _DIE_ when rick astley’s “never gonna give you up” starts blaring from your phone bc chanyeol’s a dick and wont stop calling

 

 **blow it like a flute:** PFKAPWFNAKFWFWALFWA

 

 **your lord sehun:** TR A G I C

 

 **DEATH:** IM DEEAAAADDD

 

 **Father:** WHY RICK ASTLEY OF ALL RINGTONES

 

 **jongbae:** SHUT UP BAEKHYUN DARED ME TO DO IT WHEN I WAS DRUNK ONCE AND I FORGOT ABOUT IT UNTIL NOW

 

 **baehyun:** it was terrible

 

 **baehyun:** it was _hilarious_ but it was terrible

 

 **the flute blower:** wait but you have admin rights you could add him back whenever??

 

 **baehyun:** yeaaAAaaH buT u SEE

 

 **baehyun:** im afra id jongin will murDer me if i dont ask first

 

 **ninibear:** tell him he can come back once he apologizes for being mean to sehun and kicking him out

 

 **squishsoo:** Wasn’t Sehun the one who made fun of Chanyeol?

 

 **ninibear:** i dont tolerate sehun antis in this household

 

 **jongbae:** _inhales_

**jongbae:** b o i

 

 **baehyun:** he said hes sorry so i guess were gucci good now??

 

**baehyun has added pcwhy to the chat**

**pcwhy:** and _im_ the king of pettiness right

 

 **ninibear:**

 

 **baehyun:** alrigit now that thats done im out if any of u bother us, specifically u chanyeol, ur dead

 

 **baehyun:** jongdae baby u know waht to do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **jongbae:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **DEATH:** time to down the bleach

 

* * *

 

**ball is life**

**the flute blower:** it’s my first day of work guys!!

 

 **unicornxing:** ahHHHH hope it goes well hyung <333

 

 **blow it like a flute:** MY HUBBY IS ALL GROWN U PPP

 

 **blow it like a flute:** GOING OUT TO SUPPORT THIS FAMILY ALL BY HIMSELF

 

 **jongbae:** god knows sm dont pay us enough

 

 **jongbae:** BUT YESSSSS GO GET EM MINNIEEEE~~

 

 **pcwhy:** WOOOOOOO

 

 **ninibear:** FIGHTING!!!!!

 

 **squishsoo:** Have a good time!

 

 **Mother:** UR GONNA DO GREAT

 

 **Father:** ^^!!!

 

 **baehyun:** I KNOW THIS GC MAY HAVE INFLUENCED U BUT DONT SPILL ANY TEA HYUNG!

 

 **DEATH:** why did i laugh

 

 **your lord sehun:** have fun hyung~~

 

 **your lord sehun:** u didn’t hear this from me but a certain maknae would looove it if you brought them back a frappucino (◔◡◔✿)

 

 **the flute blower:** aww of course

 

 **the flute blower:** ill be sure to deliver it to taemin as soon as i get back! :)

 

 **pcwhy:** NFANFKAFWMLFAF

 

 **your lord sehun:** i hate you

 

* * *

 

**ball is life**

**unicornxing:** luhan’s crying on the floor?? send help

 

 **Father:** wHAT WHY

 

 **Mother:** DID SOMETHING HAPPEN????

 

 **unicornxing:** no... he just misses minseok

 

 **baehyun:** AWWWWWWW

 

 **pcwhy:** its only been five minutes since minseok left

 

 **baehyun:** AWWWWWWW

 

 **DEATH:** lmfAO

 

 **blow it like a flute:** JFAWFPAFKAPFMWNAKFNACAMKMAKFNWAFOAWFNJWFHAWUFNAFASMNXFLAFPAFWAWFNAWFMWKFNAKFPAFNKAWFNAKFM,ASFANWFNAFNJAWFNA

 

 **your lord sehun:** its gonna be okay hyung

 

 **your lord sehun:** just let it all out

 

 **blow it like a flute:** HEJU ST?  / ?1 /1/ !?WORKS FSOOOOHARD HES S OE ABBEAUTFIUL IM SO EMOTAIONAL LOKK AT HIM !!!! ! 1 AGIOING AFT E R HIS DRMEAMS IM SO HA PPY

 

 **blow it like a flute:** WOWOWOW I JSUT ?? ?/ ? ? LVOE HIM SO MCUHHH H H H H

 

 **pcwhy:** minseok: breathes

 

 **pcwhy:** luhan: 

 

 **blow it like a flute:** U AINT EVEN WR O NG THOUG H

 

**blow it like a flute changed the chat name to MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**blow it like a flute:** FRM NOW ON WE ONLY TALK ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL MY BOYF IS

 

 **jongbae:** VROOM VROOM HEARD MY FAVORITE SUBJECT: GASSING UP MINSEOK

 

 **baehyun:** OKAY SO LIKE FIRS TOF ALL HIS EYES RIGHT

 

 **DEATH:** FCUKKK KK K K IK THEYR E SOPRETYTY

 

 **your lord sehun:** IM LOWKEY JEALOUS LIKE MONOLIDS ARE SO CUTE ON HIM

 

 **Father:** BROWN EYES ARE BASIC ON EVERYONE ELSE BUT HIM

 

 **Mother:** this is so painfullly Sof T im in TEARS

 

 **ninibear:** minseok appreciation is always the best concept

 

 **pcwhy:** agreed tbh

 

 **unicornxing:** he doesn’t get it enough :(

 

 **squishsoo:** Wtf

 

 **squishsoo:** You guys are forgetting Minseok’s cheeks????

 

 **jongbae:** FCUCKK U RIG GHT

 

 **blow it like a flute:** THEYRE THE SQUISHIEST THINGS TO EVER EXIST I CAN CONFIRM

 

 **baehyun:** AGGHGGHG GGHG EALF

**the flute blower:** im on a short break now! what did i miss?

 

 **blow it like a flute:** MININIEIEINEFIEIEFMAKLAWFLAFW

 

 **blow it like a flute:** I MISSED YOI SO O O O O O MUCHHCH

 

 **the flute blower:** it’s hardly even been an hour yet?

 

 **the flute blower:** but i miss you too baby :(

 

 **pcwhy:** howss it bee n goign so far huyng???

 

 **squishsoo:** I swear, your grammar gets worse every day.

 

 **the flute blower:** well

 

 **the flute blower:** not fantastic?

 

 **the flute blower:** somehow people found out i got the job here so there was a GIANT horde outside when i got there

 

 **the flute blower:** i don’t think starbucks has ever seen so many customers;; the line actually went down for like 3 blocks...

**the flute blower:** a stressful way to start my first day, but somehow i got through it?

 

 **jongbae:** WOW YOURE SO STRONG HYUNG !!!!!!!!!

 

 **the flute blower:** also,,, minseok appreciation club??

 

 **the flute blower:** guys pls

 

 **DEATH:** WE CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MINSEOK LOVE

**Mother:** THE BEST KIND OF LOVE THERE IS

 

 **the flute blower:** ily all u guys sm wow dont make me cry at work

 

 **baehyun:** <33333333333 WE LOVE U MORE <33333333333333

 

 **the flute blower:** i have to go back to work now my stupid teenage coworkers are too absorbed on their god damn PHONES to do shit

 

 **the flute blower:** but ill be back <3

 

 **blow it like a flute:** ILL FIGHT THEM FOR U IF U WANT

 

 **the flute blower:** ill let u know tbh

 

 **the flute blower:** bye~

 

 **blow it like a flute:** BYE BYE MY HONEY MUNCHKINS SUGAR PIE SWEETIE PLUM ICE CREAM SUNDAE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP~~~~~

 

 **DEATH:** couple goals............

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**the flute blower:** so i hate my coworkers what else is new

 

 **squishsoo:** What’s their addresses? :)

 

 **the flute blower:** PJFAKAFJWAL SHUT UP KYUNGSOO YALL ARE BEING TOO SWEET

 

 **the flute blower:** it’s nothing major im just annoyed

 

 **the flute blower:** two of them keep giggling and flirting w me and then taking photos of me like i dont notice im considering a restraining order

 

 **the flute blower:** one wont get off his phone and im p sure he’s actually watching minecraft videos in 2017

 

 **the flute blower:** and the other’s just an emo asshole who thinks blasting bring me the horizon over the speakers just to spite everyone is a great idea

 

 **the flute blower:** not to mention the customers... they keep hitting on me too??

 

 **the flute blower:** if i have to reject one more customer im going to smash the cash register

 

 **the flute blower:** i just want to make coffee that’s all i signed up for

**blow it like a flute:** THAT’S IT WHERE DO THEY LIVE IM ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL THEM

 

 **the flute blower:** im honestly considering it

 

 **blow it like a flute:** IF ANY OF THEM BOTHER U LeT ME KNOW ILL FIND THEM

 

 **the flute blower:** its alright ill live <3 thanks though!

 

 **the flute blower:** FUCK GOTTA GO

 

 **the flute blower:** MR. MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE APPARENTLY DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO USE THE COFFEE MACHINE BC IT JUST EXP LODED

 

 **your lord sehun:** and i thought we were bad in the kitchen

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**Mother:** IM GOING TO KILL THE MAKNAES

 

 **your lord sehun:** G0TTAA BALSTTTT

 

 **unicornxing:** uh.. what’s going on???

 

 **pcwhy:** this might not be relevant to the conversation but

 

 **pcwhy:** hyung why’d you just come out of the bathroom with green hair??

 

 **Mother:** GUESS WHICH LITTLE SHITS DECIDED TO SWITCH MY SHAMPOO WITH HAIR DYE

 

 **ninibear:** hwo do u even kno it was us?!!?1/

 

 **ninibear:** why r u not accusing baekchen

 

 **Mother:** YOU LEFT A NOTE SAYING HAPPY LATE APRIL FOOLS IN YOUR OWN HANDWRITING JONGIN IM NOT A DUMBASS

 

 **your lord sehun:** I TOLD YOU WE SHOULDVE CUT OUT THE LETTERS FROM THE NEWSPAPER

 

 **baehyun:** LMFAOOOOOO JUNMYEONS HAIR LOOKS LIKE CABBAGE IM WHEEZINGNFNJAWD

 

 **jongbae:** MAKNAES ARE FCKING EVIL THIS IS GO L D IM TAKINGPHOTOS

 

 **Mother:** IWIL L NOT HESITATE TO MURDER YOU JONGDAE

 

 **unicornxing:** send me those please

 

 **Mother:**???@ ?2R!?!/1ROR12K[

 

 **jongbae:** of course <3

 

 **Mother:** BETRAYED BY EVERYONE

 

 **Father:** WAIT WTF THE MAKNAES DYED JUNS HAIR GREEN??

 

 **Mother:** FINALLY!!! SOMEBODY ON MY SIDE!!!

 

 **Father:** AND IM NOT THERE TO SEE IT???????????????

 

 **Mother:** WE’RE GETTING A DIVORCE.

 

 **DEATH:** IM CACKLINGNGNGKAWJFAWFWLWA

 

 **Mother:** TAO WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY

 

 **DEATH:** IM NOT ALLOWED TO TELL YOU

 

 **Mother:** ILL BUY YOU A ROLEX

 

 **DEATH:** THEYRE HIDING IN THE KITCHEN CABINET

 

 **ninibear:** I FUCKIGN HATE YOU TAO

 

 **your lord sehun:** THIS IS WHY I FOUND A NEW MAN

 

 **ninibear:** WAIT WAHT

 

 **pcwhy:** JFKAWJFOAFJAWKNFKAFOAF,WFLA

 

 **DEATH:** U KNOW I CANT SAY NO TO THE ROLEX!!!!!

 

 **DEATH:** IDK WHY U TRUSTED ME!!!!

 

 **ninibear:** WAIT BUT HUNNIE U HAVE A MAN??  ? ? ? ? ? ?

 

**your lord sehun: THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW HYUNG IS BANGING ON THE CABINET**

**ninibear:** FUCWKAFAFLAFAWFFAFAFAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **squishsoo:** Aaaand they’re dead.

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**Mother:** after a good ass whooping

 

 **Mother:** the maknaes are grounded :)

 

 **jongbae:** aww but that was great

 

 **Mother:** would you like to be next?? :) :) :)

 

 **jongbae:** HAHAHA NO SIRREE THAT WAS JUST HTHE AIR CONDITIONER I ASSURE YOU!!!

 

 **your lord sehun:** i still think locking us inside the house for a week is a bit much

 

 **ninibear:** yeah it’s not even permanent hair dye we were NICE

 

 **Mother:** think about the amount of photos baekhyun and jongdae got of me though

 

 **Mother:** my pride is _gone_

 

 **baehyun:** if it makes u feel any better we only sent them to our friends

 

 **Mother:** well i guess that makes it a bit better

 

 **baehyun:** our friends on snapchat* sorry

 

 **Mother:** how many is that

 

 **jongbae:** like 500

 

 **Mother:** IM GOING TO KILL YOU

 

 **jongbae:** DID IT FOR THE STREAKS

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

 

 **the flute blower:** i regret ever taking this job

 

 **baehyun:** but WhyYyYyY hyUng?

 

 **the flute blower:** do you understand how terrible it is to have to endure every customer flirting with you NONSTOP

 

 **the flute blower:** first of all, i have a BOYFRIEND, second of all, im just here to do my JOB god damn it

 

 **the flute blower:** i might as well just wear a white shirt that has the words "IM TAKEN" on the front in bright neon

 

 **the flute blower:** but nOooOoOo, i have to wear this stupid ugly uniform for some reason

 

 **squishsoo:** But you have to wear a uniform at like... every job?

 

 **the flute blower:** not if i opened a cafe

 

 **the flute blower:** if you were being harassed all day id let you wear a white shirt that says "NOT INTERESTED" on the front in bright neon

 

 **blow it like a flute:** of course

 

 **blow it like a flute:** you'd be the best cafe owner~~

 

 **the flute blower:** thanks babeeee <3

 

 **your lord sehun:** i dont get why minseok hyung just doesn't open up his own cafe?

 

 **Mother:** wdym?

 

 **ninibear:** ive seen people who are idols like us starting up their own businesses all the time!!

 

 **your lord sehun:** he wouldn't even have to run it all the time, just hire people you trust and it'd be fine~

 

 **the flute blower:** that isn't a bad idea, actually?

 

 **ninibear:** of course, we are geniuses after all B)

 

 **pcwhy:** BROOO THIS IS YOUR CHANCE GO FOR IT!!!

 

 **jongbae:** you've always wanted to run your own cafe right?

 

 **the flute blower:** i dont know,, what if it doesn't work out??

 

 **Father:** duDe

 

 **Father:** you're THE kim minseok

 

 **Father:** IT'S GOING TO WORK

 

 **Mother:** fans would Die to have their own little cafe run by you! they'd be so excited!!

 

 **unicornxing:** and you've got us to help you out~~

 

 **DEATH:** HONESTLY THERE'S NO REASON YOU SHOULDN'T DO IT

 

 **DEATH:** SM GETS SOME MONEY, YOU GET TO DO SOMETHING YOU REALLY ENJOY

 

 **DEATH:** WIN WIN

 

 **the flute blower:** alright admittedly its not a bad plan

 

 **the flute blower:** but what about the customers who dont understand the concept of hARASSMENT?

 

 **blow it like a flute:** think ive got a solution for that ;)

 

* * *

 

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

 

 **Mother:** where the fukc are the maknaes

 

 **Mother:** the house is a Bit too calm

 

 **Han Dynasty:** stole em lmao

 

 **Mother:** wait what

 

 **Mother:** what do you mean...?

 

 **your lord sehun:** we're going to the coffee shop!!

 

 **ninibear:** luhan hyung brought us with him

 

 **Mother:** W H A T

 

 **Han Dynasty:** i need _someone_ to live tweet what's aboutta go down so likeeeee

 

 **Mother:** LUHAN THEYRE GR O U N D E D BRING THEM BACK HOME

 

 **Han Dynasty:** okay But im older than you so any command you give me is null and void

 

 **Mother:** THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS????

 

 **your lord sehun:** pretty sure thats EXACTLY how it works hyung ;P

 

 **ninibear:** we'll give you guys the details on what happens!!

 

 **Han Dynasty:** peace~~

 

 **Mother:** LUHAN

 

 **Mother:** LUUHANNNNN

 

 **Mother:** UGHHHH I HATE YOU GUYS

 

* * *

 

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

 

 **your lord sehun:** aight y'all so this whats happening

 

 **your lord sehun:** hyung just walked into the cafe, nini and i are watching from a booth inside

 

 **ninibear:** there's a line so it's taking him a few minutes to get to minseok hyung

 

 **your lord sehun:** minseok hyung hasn't spotted him yet

 

 **baehyun:** wait but what's luhan even gonna do????

 

 **pcwhy:** he wasnt exactly CLEAR ON THAT

 

 **ninibear:** honestly we dont know either he just told us to get the cameras ready

 

 **jongbae:**?????

 

 **unicornxing:** should we be concerned?

 

 **Father:** hey this is _luhan_ we're talking about!

 

 **Father:** of fucking _COURSE_ WE SHOULD BE CONCERNED

 

 **Father:** LAST TIME HE TOLD US TO GET THE CAMERAS READY HE TRIED TO BACKFLIP OFF THE DIVING BOARD AT THE POOL AND TWISTED HIS ANKLE

 

 **your lord sehun:** THIS JUST IN LUHAN HYUNG IS NOW AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE

 

 **ninibear:** MINSEOK HYUNG WASNT LOOKING SO HE WAS LIKE "HI WELCOME MAY I TAKE YOUR OR--"

 

 **ninibear:** AND THEN HE LOOKED UP AND SAW LUHAN AND G AS P ED

 

 **your lord sehun:** LUHAN HYUNG HAS THE BIGGEST SHIT EATING GRIN ON HIS FACE RN IM SO CONCERNED

 

 **ninibear:** OKAY HE'S GIVING A SPEECH? AND TALKING REEALLY LOUDD???

 

 **Mother:** WHAT THE HELL IS HE UP TO PLEASE I DONT WANT ANOTHER LAWSUIT

 

 **your lord sehun:** IDK HE'S JUST TALKING ABOUT THE SUN AND SHIT

 

 **your lord sehun:** WAIT IS HE QUOTING SHAKESPEARE TO MINSEOK????

 

 **pcwhy:** BRUH WTF????????

 

 **jongbae:** get urself a man who's an intellectual  

 

 **ninibear:** NOW HE'S YELLING ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL MINSEOK IS AND EVERYONE IS STARING AT HIM

 

**baehyun:**

 

 **your lord sehun:** WAIT WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **ninibear:** HOLD THE PHONE

 

 **ninibear:** OH MY GOD

 

**your lord sehun:**

 

 **your lord sehun:** HE JUST DROPPED TO ONE FUCKING KNEE

 

 **Mother:** W H A T 

 

 **baehyun:** MLFSMPKOFNJAWOKFWANJFAKMFMWKNAWFMLFMKNFLAMFWKNAWOKFWA

 

**unicornxing:**

 

 **pcwhy:** WHA NTTHE NFUCKCJN KMNJAFKFLKNFJALAWFFAWK

 

 **squishsoo:** ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

 

 **DEATH:** A A   A A A A A A A A  AA A A A A A  A AA  A  A  H H HH H H HHH HH HH H  HH H H H H H HH H

 

**jongbae:**

 

 **galaxyman:** HOLY SHIT ATTA BOYYYYY

 

**ninibear:**

 

 **ninibear:** "MINSEOK YOU MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST MAN ON THIS EARTH. WOULD YOU DO ME THE UNREPAYABLE FAVOR OF MARRYING ME???"

 

 **jongbae:** AFBAJFWJINAFJAJBKNFWIFJAONKFMWFNJKAMFWIJFJNKAFMWNFJKAF

 

**Mother:**

 

 **unicornxing:** THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL IM >?  ?  ?? ? ? ? ? ?

 

**baehyun:**

 

 **DEATH:** YALL I CANT RBEATHE WHA NTT HE FUKCCJCKCJHJAKLFKLJNAF

 

**Father:**

 

 **pcwhy:** MY MIND CANNOT COMPREHEND WHA TTH E HELL IS HAPPENING

 

 **your lord sehun:** YALL HE SDAUJD SDIB EYS

 

**your lord sehun: M I N SEOKM SIAD YES**

 

**squishsoo:**

 

**pcwhy:**

 

 **pcwhy:** IM PTERODACTYL SCREECHINGGNGAKFMAWMALW

 

**jongbae:**

 

 **jongbae:** BICTH M Y HEART CANT HANDLE THIS

 

 **ninibear:** EVERYONE STARTED CHEERING FOR THEM

 

 **ninibear:** LUHAN JUST TOOK MINSEOKS HAND AND THEY WALKED OUT THE CAFE MFNAOKFWNJKWAKOFJFBNKWFA

 

 **your lord sehun:** YALL I HONEST TO GOD CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW

 

 **your lord sehun:** AM I IN HEAVEN?????

 

 **Mother:** IM JUST SO??????? PROUD??????????

 

 **baehyun:** BRO WHAT THE FUCK GET YOU A MANS

 

 **pcwhy:** I NEVER THOUGHT I WAS A HOPELESS ROMANTIC BUT

 

 **pcwhy:** FUCKIN HELL

 

 **DEATH:** IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM

 

 **squishsoo:** IT'S ABOUT TIME!

 

**the flute blower:**

 

 **the flute blower:** ʸᵉᵃʰ ᶜᵃⁿ ᶦ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵘʰʰʰ A HALLELUJAH BECAUSE GUESS WHO'S FUCKING ENGAGED

 

 **Father:** LMFAOOO WE KNOW ALREADY READ ABOVE

 

 **the flute blower:** LUHAN U SNEAKY BASTARD WTF

 

 **blow it like a flute:** _[that's so raven voice]_ yup, that's me!

 

 

 **Mother:** HONEY WE'RE SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **the flute blower:** IM STILL IN SHOCK LIKE IT ALL JUST HAPPENED SO QUICKLY

 

 **the flute blower:** IM GETTING MARRIED TO THIS BITCH???? THE FUKC?????

 

 **baehyun:** INHALES

 

 **baehyun:** BOI

 

 **your lord sehun:** WE'RE SO HAPPY FOR YOU HYUNG~~

 

 **ninibear:** MAY THIS GROSS COUPLE STAY HAPPY FOREVER!!1!1

 

 **blow it like a flute:** THNX YALL!!!!!

 

 **DEATH:** okay but I've got one question

 

 **DEATH:** why did you propose to minseok noW?

 

 **blow it like a flute:** bruh isn't it obvious

 

 **blow it like a flute:** when he gets his cafe, instead of lifting his middle finger at anyone who harasses him, he can just lift his ring finger instead ;)

 

 **jongbae:**..............

 

 **jongbae:** FUCKING GENIUS WHAT THE FUCK HYUNG

 

 **pcwhy:** TWO BIRDS WITH ONE FUCKING STONE GOD DAMN

 

 **Father:** KINDA MAD I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT

 

 **blow it like a flute:** EHEHEHH B)

 

 **blow it like a flute:** NOW IF YOULL EXCUSE US

 

 **blow it like a flute:** SOMEONE BOUTTA BLOW LU LIKE A FLUTE

 

**baehyun:**

 

* * *

 

 


	15. junmyeon's Wildt bday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this,, was meant to be posted on junmyeon's birthday,,, but it took me too long to write and im still not happy with it...... happy birthday junmyeon?

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**Mother:** GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS

 

 **baehyun:** monday?

 

 **jongbae:** may 22nd?

 

 **pcwhy:** i asked siri and she said its national accounting day

 

 **unicornxing:** theres a national accounting day??

 

 **squishsoo:** It’s also Sherlock Holmes Day... for some reason.

 

 **baehyun:** oh isnt that the guy played by that british guy?

 

 **baehyun:** what was his name?? bandicoot splish n splash???

 

 **the flute blower:** i thought it was breadstick crustybuns

 

 **blow it like a flute:** i could’ve sworn it was bendydick cucumbersnatch

 

 **jongbae:** booper doop shoop da woop?

 

 **DEATH:** bacondick pumpkinpatch??

 

 **squishsoo:** Benadryl Snickersbar???

 

 **your lord sehun:** benoot caboot????

 

 **ninibear:** bendersnatch cumberbun?????

 

 **unicornxing:** benefit dumbledore??????

 

 **pcwhy:** wait its _not_ benedeez cumbernutz???????

 

 **Father:** guys omfg

 

 **Father:** its _obviously_ wimbledon tennismatch

 

 **Mother:** i fuckign hate you children

 

 **your lord sehun:** WAIT ISNT IT YOUR BIRTHDAY

 

 **DEATH:** OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT

 

 **blow it like a flute:** FUCK I FORGOT TO BUY A PRESENT

 

 **ninibear:** ITS HIS BIRTHDAY??

 

 **Mother:** that’s it im disowning all of you

 

 **baehyun:** but hyung i got you somethingggg (◠‿◠✿) <33

 

 **Mother:**  at least one of you cares :’)

 

 **baehyun:** i left it on your bed (◠‿◠✿) i hope you like it <33

 

 **Mother:** thanks baekieee <33 im opening it <33

 

 **Mother:** BYUN BAEKHYUN YOURE FUCKING DEAD TO ME

 

 **baehyun:** NOT IF YOU CANT KILL ME FIRST hHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

 

 **pcwhy:** he really bought him a pack of condoms didnt he

 

 **jongbae:** wdym “bought”

 

 **jongbae:** baekhyuns too cheap for that

 

 **jongbae:** he just gave him one of his own condoms

 

 **DEATH:** no one is surprised

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**Mother:** since all of you are good for nothing pieces of shits

 

 **Mother:** as my birthday present we’re going to the mall together as a family

 

 **jongbae:** NOT THE MALL

 

 **your lord sehun:** ANYTHING BUT THE MALL

 

 **unicornxing:** don’t you remember what happened last time you took us to the mall?!

 

 **Mother:** suddenly i have amnesia

 

 **Father:** jun,, honey,,, we ended up in the ER because chanyeol fell off the top of the escalator

 

 **pcwhy:** “FELL”?????

 

 **pcwhy:** KYUNGSOO PUSHED ME OFF

 

 **squishsoo:** And I would gladly do it again.

 

 **Mother:** details details

 

 **Mother:** this time will be different

 

 **DEATH:** barely

 

 **Mother:** im already in the car

 

 **Mother:** get in losers were going shopping

 

 **jongbae:** ur not allowed to quote mean girls

 

 **Mother:** im sorry that people are so jealous of me

 

 **Mother:** but i cant help it that im popular

 

 **jongbae:** stop

 

 **Mother:**

 

 **Mother:** im not a regular mom

 

 **Mother:**

 

 **Mother:** im a cool mom

 

 **your lord sehun:** you’re not even a mom

 

 **Mother:** you’re grounded

 

* * *

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**Mother:** so i may have made a mistake in taking the kids to the mall

 

 **Father:** yoU THINK

 

 **Mother:** where the hELL did all of you go i turned around for ONE FUCKING SECOND

 

 **DEATH:** GUYS THEY HAVE A CAROUSEL I REPEAT THEY HAVE A CAROUSEL

 

 **unicornxing:** WH A T

 

 **DEATH:** HAHAAHAHHAHHAHA LETS GO XING

 

 **baehyun:** WAIT I WANNA COME TOO

 

 **DEATH:** LOL IM BLIND SUDDENLY

 

 **baehyun:** YOU DICKHEAD

 

 **Mother:** EXCUSE ME GET ALL OF YOUR ASSES BACK HERE THIS SECOND

 

 **the flute blower:** lu they have a wedding store!!!

 

 **blow it like a flute:** oMG LETS GO I WANNA FIND YOU A TUX

 

 **the flute blower:** we havent even decided on a wedding date yet though

 

 **blow it like a flute:** WHO CARES LETS GET MARRIED TOMORROW

 

 **the flute blower:** YOURE RIGHT

 

 **Father:** junmyeon you fool

 

 **Mother:** LISTEN,,,,,, THIS ALL SOUNDED LIKE A GOOD IDEA IN MY HEAD

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

 

 **pcwhy:** BAEKHYUN THERES A HOT TOPIC

 

 **baehyun:** SHUT THE FUCK UP IT WAS ONE TIME

 

 **your lord sehun:** omg throwback to hyungs emo phase

 

 **jongbae:** eyeliner all day every day

 

 **ninibear:** “its not a phase hyung”

 

 **DEATH:** when they play G, F#, B, E, D, G, C on the piano 

 

 **baehyun:** LISTEN MAKE UP IS FUCKING GREAT FOR A GUY

 

 **baehyun:** BECAUSE IT MAKES A GUY LOOK BEAUTIFUL

 

 **baehyun:** WHICH A LOT OF TIMES

 

 **baehyun:** A GUY IS NOT BEAUTIFUL

 

 **baehyun:** AND I WANNA CHANGE THAT

 

 **baehyun:** I WANNA MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE THINKS THAT GUYS ARE BEAUTIFUL

 

 **pcwhy:** wow

 

 **jongbae:** ur beautiful to me baby <33

 

 **baehyun:** ily <33

 

 **jongbae:** wtf you were supposed to say i was beautiful too

 

 **baehyun:** why lie

 

 **DEATH:** JAFKFJAWOFKAFAAFFWA

 

 **jongbae:** i regret ever growing attracted to you

 

 **baehyun:** WAIT NO BABE IM KIDDING ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ

 

 **jongbae:** why lie

 

 **baehyun:** INHALES

 

 **baehyun:** I WANT TO LOVE YOU AND PROTECT YOU AND YOUR ANGELIC FACE AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL SMILE I WILL FIGHT THE WHOLE WORLD JUST TO SEE YOUR GORGEOUS FACE HAPPY EVERYDAY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WANT TO CUDDLE YOU AND KEEP YOU SAFE IN MY ARMS FOREVER WORDS CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW MUCH AFFECTION I HAVE FOR YOU I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU SAD MY LOVE FOR YOU IS INFINITE AND IT WILL NEVER EVER END I CARE FOR NOTHING BUT YOU I VALUE YOUR LIFE OVER MINE I WILL GIVE YOU MY LIFE JUST FOR YOUR HAPPINESS MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU I YEARN TO SEE YOUR ETHEREAL FACE EVERYDAY I CANNOT CONTAIN MY LOVE FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT I DO I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU EVEN BEYOND THE DAY I DIE

 

 **jongbae:** BAEK DONT MAKE ME START CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF A MACYS

 

 **jongbae:** DO U REALLY MEAN IT

 

 **baehyun:** WHY LIE

 

 **jongbae:** AHFAKJFWAKFNJAFNKAN AWA ILYSMM MM M M MM

 

 **baehyun:** ILY MORE

 

 **jongbae:** NO ILY MORE

 

 **baehyun:** NO ILY MORE

 

 **the flute blower:** we’re going to be here all day mute your phones guys

 

* * *

 

**private chat: our sehunnie <3**

**Mother:** sehun

 

 **Mother:** my favorite son

 

 **Mother:** my beautiful angel

 

 **Mother:** my ray of light

 

 **your lord sehun:** what do you want hyung

 

 **Mother:** expose where the others are

 

 **your lord sehun:** lol

 

 **Mother:** IVE BEEN RUNNING AROUND THE MALL THE E N T I R E DAY TRYING TO FIND YOU GUYS PLEASE

 

 **your lord sehun:** just give up hyung its not gonna happen

 

 **your lord sehun:** maybe it’s a good thing anyways

 

 **your lord sehun:** spend some time with kris hyung on your birthday

 

 **Mother:** you know what

 

 **Mother:** youre right

 

 **your lord sehun:** i always am~

 

 **Mother:** im tired of enslaving myself for you spoiled brats

 

 **Mother:** im going to CHANGE

 

 **your lord sehun:** yeaH!

 

 **Mother:** IM GOING TO LET LOOSE!

 

 **your lord sehun:** YEAH!

 

 **Mother:** IM GOING TO TREAT MYSELF!

 

 **your lord sehun:** YEAH!!!

 

 **Mother:** IM GOING TO BLOW MY HUSBAND IN THE CHANGING ROOM STALLS!

 

 **your lord sehun:** WAIT WWHATAKWF

 

 **your lord sehun:** HYUNG N O

 

 **Mother:** I AM A FREE MAN YOU KIDS CAN GO WILD IDC ANYMORE

 

 **Mother:** IM GOING TO GO GET THE BEST SEX IVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE BYE <33

 

 **your lord sehun:** HYUNG THIS WASNT WHAT I MEANT

 

**your lord sehun: H Y U N G**

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**pcwhy:** DID JUNMYEON HYUNG JUST SAY “GOODBYE YOU LITTLE SHITS” OVER THE MALL’S LOUDSPEAKERS

 

 **DEATH:** IM DGJAFKAPFKWAFKNLANFAKFA

 

 **baehyun:** IM CRIYNJGGKAFWFA

 

 **jongbae:** WTF IS GOING ON

 

 **ninibear:** I THINK WE BROKE HIM

 

 **your lord sehun:** so,,,,,,

 

 **your lord sehun:** hyung might be going through a midlife crisis,,,,,

**unicornxing:** oh no

 

 **blow it like a flute:** Oh No

 

 **your lord sehun:** we broke him so bad hes,,,, gone wild

 

 **the flute blower:** how wild exactly?

 

 **your lord sehun:** public sex with kris wild

 

 **pcwhy:** JHAKWJFOBFNAKLFJKBJWNALFBAKNKF

 

 **squishsoo:** This... is a tragedy.

 

 **squishsoo:** I actually might cry.

 

 **baehyun:** WHAT DO WE DO NOW

 

 **baehyun:** WEVE LOST HIM

 

 **jongbae:** idk about u guys but this mall has an arcade so like

 

 **pcwhy:** LMAO NVM JUNMYEON HYUNG CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS IM GONNA GO KICK ASS AT GUITAR HERO

**unicornxing:** EXCUSE ME _I’M_ GOING TO GO PLAY GUITAR HERO

 

 **pcwhy:** BATTLE ME HYUNG

 

 **unicornxing:** MEET ME AT THE ARCADE IN FIVE

**unicornxing:** IT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN

 

 **baehyun:** battle of the two guitar legends

 

 **baehyun:** who will win?

 

 **pcwhy:** yall know its obviously gonna be me (⌐■_■)

 

 **DEATH:** lmao who r u im rooting for yixing

 

 **pcwhy:** THAT’S BECAUSE YOU LIKE HIM

 

 **DEATH:** HEY

 

 **DEATH:** NOT TRUE

 

 **unicornxing:** wait you don’t like me? (.﹒︣︿﹒︣.)

 

 **DEATH:** IT AKE THA TBACK

 

 **DEATH:** you know i like you the most ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

 

 **unicornxing:** ˉ̞̭(′͈∨‵͈♡)˄̻ ̊

 

 **the flute blower:** and they’re “not dating”

 

 **pcwhy:** whatever ive got _better_ people on my side

 

 **pcwhy:** like my best bro baekie ♡(ŐωŐ人)

 

 **baehyun:** bruh wdym im on yixing’s side

 

 **pcwhy:** BITCH

 

 **baehyun:** have u even _seen_ that man

 

 **baehyun:** finest piece of ass i know

 

 **unicornxing:** thank you! ( ´͈ ᗨ `͈ ) 

 

 **your lord sehun:** im offended

 

 **jongbae:** im offended

 

 **jongbae:** SEHUN WTF

 

 **your lord sehun:** FROM A LOGICAL STAND POINT WE ALL KNOW WHO HAS THE BEST ASS

 

 **jongbae:** I MEAN YOURE RIGHT BUT STILL

 

 **pcwhy:** LETS NOT TALK ABOUT ASSES RN are either of you two on my side

 

 **jongbae:** nah i like yixing more

 

 **your lord sehun:** lmao same

 

 **your lord sehun:** youre too easy hyung

 

 **pcwhy:** STFU IM NOT EASY

 

 **your lord sehun:** not five minutes ago you bought me a rolex cause i asked

 

 **your lord sehun:** youre easy, hyung

 

 **pcwhy:** U KNWWOW WAT I DON TNEED ANY OF U

 

 **pcwhy:** I AHVE KYUNGSOO

 

 **squishsoo:** Said who?

 

 **blow it like a flute:** AAAND CHANYEOL ROAST FEST IS BACK BABY

 

 **DEATH:** I MISSED IT SO MUCH

 

 **pcwhy:** when will my suffering end

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**pcwhy:** soooooo where r u???

 

 **squishsoo:** Far, far away from you.

 

 **pcwhy:** but i wanna do cute stuff with you babyyy ~~~

 

 **squishsoo:** What?

 

 **pcwhy:** babeee u knooo like window shopping together while holding hands or somethingg

 

 **squishsoo:** Chanyeol, stop talking.

 

 **pcwhy:** BUT ILYYYY DDD:

 

 **pcwhy:** PARK CHANYEOL, DO KYUNGSOO

 

 **pcwhy:** DATIN IN THE DAY, DATIN IN THE NIGHT

 

 **pcwhy:** DATIN ALL DAY CAUSE HES KEEPING IT TIGHT

 

 **squishsoo:** Alright, hilarious Chanyeol, but that’s enough.

 

 **pcwhy:** DATIN IN THE CAR, DATIN ON THE FLOOR

 

 **squishsoo:** Chanyeol.

 

 **pcwhy:** DATIN EVERYWHERE CAUSE HE WANTS SOME MORE

 

 **squishsoo:** CHANYEOL.

 

 **pcwhy:** HM WHAT YEAH ARE WE GONNA HM YEAH HM UH

 

 **your lord sehun:** ohohohohoh

 

 **your lord sehun:** what do we have here

 

 **pcwhy:** wait what

 

 **pcwhy:** wait

 

 **pcwhy:** dont tell me i sent this to the wrong chat

 

 **your lord sehun:** the sweet taste of exposing someone,,, it never gets old

 

 **pcwhy:** HAHA WDYM I WAS JUST JOKING AROUND U KNO HOW MUCH I LOVE FLIRTING WITH KYUNGSOO HAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!! JOKES JOKES

 

 **your lord sehun:** hyung,,, im not an idiot,,, (like u)

 

 **your lord sehun:** its kinda hard to fool someone otherwise when u literally made a song about u and kyungsoo dating

 

 **pcwhy:** kms

 

 **squishsoo:** God, I hate my life, and I hate that Chanyeol is a part of it even more.

 

 **squishsoo:** Sehun, I will tell Jongin what those sex dreams entail of if you _dare_ tell another soul what you just saw.

 

 **your lord sehun:** chillax hyung i wasnt going to tell them anyways

 

 **your lord sehun:** they’re all busy doing couple-y stuff together and nini’s busy eating the entire food court, so you can still delete all of _that_ before they’re back

 

 **pcwhy:** OMFG THANK GOD SEHUN ILYSM UR AN ANGEL

 

 **your lord sehun:** however!

 

 **your lord sehun:** i want something in return for keeping my mouth shut :)

 

 **pcwhy:** i take that statement back ur satan

**squishsoo:** For fucks sake, what is it?

 

 **your lord sehun:** buy me bubble tea whenever i want for a year <3

 

 **squishsoo:** Deal.

 

 **pcwhy:** i hate you

 

 **your lord sehun:** should i make it two years?

 

 **pcwhy:** HAHA JUST KIDDING

 

 **your lord sehun:** :)

 

 **squishsoo:** I really hate your whole “innocent maknae” act at times like these.

 

 **your lord sehun:** idk what you mean my lovely hyung (◠‿◠✿)

 

 **your lord sehun:** it was a pleasure doing business with you <33

 

 **your lord sehun:** btw i heard the bathrooms are soundproof here~

 

 **your lord sehun:** just dont get _too_ wild, alright?

 

 **squishsoo:** SEHUN I WILL KILL YOU

 

 **your lord sehun:** GOTTA BLAST

 

_[Conversation Deleted]_

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**ninibear:** SEHUNAHHAHAFJAWKWAA

 

 **your lord sehun:** whats up

 

 **ninibear:** THEEYAHAVE A  BDUDAKLFNAWBAAERA

 

 **your lord sehun:** they have a what?

 

 **ninibear:** BUUILD AB EAR

 

 **your lord sehun:** OMG I LOVE BUILD A BEAR

 

 **ninibear:** imf cjkCKGKGING CRTYINGA CAN WE GO

 

 **your lord sehun:** yeah sure!!

 

 **pcwhy:** whipped

 

 **your lord sehun:** you know hyung im really craving a bubble tea right now :)

 

 **pcwhy:** one day i will get my revenge

 

 **your lord sehun:** but that day is not today!

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**ninibear:**

 

 **ninibear:** GUSYSSYSDBWAKA WE GOT BEARS

 

 **the flute blower:** AW ARE THOSE MATCHING

 

 **ninibear:** THEYRE SOOO OO O OO  CUTE IM SO HAPPYPYNKAF;FA

 

 **ninibear:** I LOVE BEARS SO MUCH I WANT TO HUG EVERY SINGLE BEAR IN THE WORLD ᑦ(⁎ᐡᆺᐡ)ᐣ

 

 **your lord sehun:**...nini you would die

 

 **ninibear:** THEY WOULD ACCEPT ME

 

 **ninibear:** ILL BE A PART OF THEIR FAMILY

 

 **ninibear:** ILL POSE AS A BEAR CUB AND HUG ALL THE BEARS ʕ♡˙ᴥ˙♡ʔ

 

 **your lord sehun:** bears are cannibals

 

 **ninibear:** BEARS ARE GOOD PEOPLEヾ(´(ｴ)｀ﾉﾞ

 

 **your lord sehun:** no they...

 

 **your lord sehun:** u know what nvm whatever makes you happy

 

 **baehyun:** the amount of bear emoticons in this conversation

 

 **baehyun:** this is so cute im mad

 

 **baehyun:** please make out for the good of this world

 

 **ninibear:** hAHAHAHA YOURE SO FUNNY HYUNG!!!

 

 

 **jongbae:**

 

 **your lord sehun:** nini wanna go clothes shopping?

 

 **ninibear:** CAN I BRING JONGINNIE THEN ʕ ᵔᴥᵔ ʔ

 

 **pcwhy:** did you actually name your bear  _jonginnie_

 

 **ninibear:** I NAMED SEHUNS FOR HIM TOO ʕ≧⌄≦｡ʔ

 

 **ninibear:** SEHUNNIE IS SUCH A CUTIE ʕノ)ᴥ(ヾʔ 

 

 **your lord sehun:** cant believe my son is cuter than me 

 

 **ninibear:** who said that?

 

 **your lord sehun:** wait what

 

 **ninibear:** HAHAHAHA ALRIGHT LETS GOoOOOOOO

 

 **DEATH:** these fucking dumbasses

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**pcwhy:** heheh guys

 

 **pcwhy:** im at the samsung story and

 

 **pcwhy:** they sell some nice,, phones dont they

 

 **baehyun:** do you have a fuckign samsung fetish now wtf does that even mean

 

 **blow it like a flute:** EW WTF

 

 **the flute blower:** KINKY??

 

 **pcwhy:** NO STFU

 

 **pcwhy:** GOD DAMN IT YOU RUIEND MY JOKE

 

 **jongbae:** just get to the point yeol

 

**pcwhy has changed Father’s name to galaxy s7**

**DEATH:** FJAKLFLKAFAWFANFAKWMAF

 

 **pcwhy:** GET IT

 

 **baehyun:** THIS IS STUPIDLY FUNNY IDK WH  Y

 

 **jongbae:** why are we so immature

 

 **galaxy s7:** honestly im not opposed to it

 

 **galaxy s7:** you did good chanyeol

 

 **pcwhy:** I TRY MY BEST

 

 **baehyun:** wait does that make junmyeon hyung samsung

 

 **unicornxing:** why?

 

 **baehyun:** cause he owns that ass ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **blow it like a flute:** HFJAKFWKFWALFWFA

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**blow it like a flute:** YALL CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW GOOD MY FIANCE LOOKS IN A TUX IM CRYING

**blow it like a flute:**

 

 **blow it like a flute:** WWHAT AFUCKIGN JAWNNNNN

 

 **the flute blower:** LU SHUT UPP PP P P

 

 **jongbae:** MINNIE YOU LOOK SO FCKGINFNG GOOD WHAT HT EUFKC

 

**jongbae:**

 

 **jongbae:** LUHAN KEEP YOUR EYES ON YOUR MAN IM ABOUTTA #SNATCH

 

 **baehyun:** BITCH NOT IF I CAN FIRST

 

 **DEATH:** MINSEOK WITH THE FIT THOUGH!!!!!!

 

 **your lord sehun:** I GASPED OFMNGGKNSMA WHAT A BEAUTY

 

 **the flute blower:** GUYS PLSSS WE WERE JUST TRYING ON TUXES FORT HE WEDDING

 

 **blow it a flute:** IM STILL CRYING I GOT SUCH A GOOD PHOTO THIS IS GOING TO BE HANGING ON YM WALL

 

 **the flute blower:** TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME

 

**the flute blower:**

**baehyun:**

 

 **your lord sehun:** WNFAJAFKLFAWKAF;LFAW ME

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **jongbae:**

 

 **unicornxing:** THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES

 

 **DEATH:** COUPLES THAT SLAY TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER

 

 **ninibear:** WOWWWWWWWWWW

 

 **blow it like a flute:** iTS MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB YOU LITTLE SHIT

 

 **the flute blower:**

 

 **jongbae:** can we just agree both of you are actual beauties this wedding is going to be the death of me

 

 **baehyun:** not saying that i would be open to a foursome but i would be open to a foursome

 

 **pcwhy:** SAMEEEEEEE

 

 **blow it like a flute:** im flattered truly

 

 **the flute blower:** luuuu help me pick some colors~~~

 

 **the flute blower:** you’d look so cute in pink

 

 **blow it like a flute:** youd look even cuter thouhg?????

 

 **the flute blower:** SHHHHHHH

 

 **blow it like a flute:** wow i still cant believe it though??@2/?!!

 

 **blow it like a flute:** like were engaged?????? how crazy is that?????????

 

 **the flute blower:** it still feels like one big dream tbh

 

 **the flute blower:** but theres nobody else i would spend the rest of my life with <3

 

 **your lord sehun:** GOD DAMN IT YOU TWO STOP MAKING ME CRY

 

 **pcwhy:** UR OFFICIALLY BANEND FROM BEING CUTE DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WERE STRUGLGING

 

 **DEATH:** ITS 2 MUCH THERE ARE TEARS LEAKING FROM YM EYES

 

 **blow it like a flute:** <333

 

 **the flute blower:** <333

 

* * *

 

**ninibear has added pcwhy, jongbae, and baehyun to the chat**

**ninibear has named the chat IM THIRSTY AND SEHUNS WATER**

**ninibear:** i need to vent and youre the only three ive got

 

 **pcwhy:** oh the irony

 

 **baehyun:** i cant believe they both made chats to talk about each other

 

 **jongbae:** LFMAOWMFLAA THIS IS SO FUNNY

 

 **ninibear:** idk what you mean but i do not Care

 

 **ninibear:** sehun keeps on trying on clothes and showing them to me and i think I'm fucking deceased

 

 **ninibear:** i dont know if this is heaven or hell

 

 **jongbae:** i am,,, so sorry?

 

 **ninibear:** HE CAME OUT WITH A CROP TOP, FISHNET STOCKINGS, AND SHORTS????? I ALMOST CAME UNTOUCHED

 

 **baehyun:** FAJKLNAJNAFWKLAF;L BITCH

 

 **jongbae:** JONGIN PLEASE UR TOO YOUNG FOR THIS LANGUAGE

 

 **pcwhy:** WE WERE JUST KIDDING ABOUT YOU BEING KINKY

 

 **ninibear:** LMAO AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE WRONG?????? I AM THE KINKIEST BITCH AROUND

 

 **baehyun:** OKAY THATS NICE BUT PICS????

 

 **jongbae:** BAEKHYUN YOU HOE

 

 **baehyun:** YOU CANT BLAME ME!!

 

 **ninibear:** YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I WANT TO BEND HIM OVER AND FUCK HIM SO HARD HE WONT BE ABLE TO WALK FOR WEEKS RIGHT NOW

 

 **pcwhy:** IM WHEEZIGNGJAFAW;LA

 

 **jongbae:** JESUS CHRIST

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** HOW DO I REACT TO THIS????

 

 **ninibear:** I WANT HIM TO PIN ME AGAINST THE WALL OF THE DRESSING ROOM STALL AND SUCK ME OFF SO GOOD WITH THOSE PRETTY PINK LIPS I WANT HIM TO WRAP THOSE DAMN SINFUL ASS LEGS AROUND MY WAIST I WANT HIM TO SCREAM MY NAME SO LOUD EVERYONE ACROSS SEOUL CAN HEAR

 

 **baehyun:** J O N G I N

 

**jongbae:**

 

 **jongbae:** DO I LAUGH OR DO I CRY

 

 **pcwhy:** THIS IS SO WILDT IM ACTUALLY SHOOKED TO MY CORE

 

 **ninibear:** okaY im good now (´ ᴗ｀✿)

 

 **baehyun:**?????????????????

 

 **jongbae:** THE DUALITY BETWEEN JONGIN AND KAI IS REAL AND IT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME

 

 **pcwhy:** ONE MINUTE HES A KINKY SINFUL DEVIL AND THE NEXT HES A PURE ANGEL OF GOD??

 

 **ninibear:** hahaha im so embarrassed wdymmm!! im not kinky!! (〃´ﾉω`〃)

 

 **jongbae:** i

 

 **jongbae:** so we’re never going to the mall again

 

 **pcwhy:** ive been mentally scarred for life

 

 **baehyun:** are you kidding that was GREAT

 

 **pcwhy:** oh my god i always KNEW you were a voyeur

 

 **jongbae:** LMFAO

 

 **baehyun:** ,,,,I will neither confirm nor deny

 

 **jongbae:** FBAKFBKNLAWKFNWAK WAIT REALLY

 

 **baehyun:** _ANYWAYS_

 

 **baehyun:** now all this bitch gotta do is confess

 

 **ninibear:** hAHAHHAHAHA ARE YOU KIDDING

 

 **ninibear:** id rather die than risk the 99% chance of rejection

 

 **jongbae:**.............................you know what

 

 **pcwhy:** i give up

 

 **baehyun:** come back to us when you’re fucking sehun

 

 **baehyun:** actually come back to me i wanna watch

 

 **jongbae:** B A E K H Y U N

 

 **baehyun:** HE AINT THE ONLY KINKY ONE AROUNDHERE

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**galaxy s7:** kids i need your help

 

 **galaxy s7:** junmyeon’s gone crazy

 

 **DEATH:** yeah we established that

 

 **galaxy s7:** he wants a baby

 

 **your lord sehun:**???wdym

 

 **your lord sehun:** im right here?

 

 **galaxy s7:** yeah well youre not good enough i guess cause he wants a Real Baby

 

 **your lord sehun:** BITCH

 

 **the flute blower:** wait wait wait explain from the beginning I’m lost

 

 **galaxy s7:** we were walking around the mall

 

 **galaxy s7:** and there was this like,, middle aged lady with her kid in a stroller

 

 **galaxy s7:** and jun’s soft so he was like cooing over it

 

 **galaxy s7:** it was cute and whatever hoo ha the world went on

 

 **galaxy s7:** but then like ten minutes later he turns to me and goes

 

 **galaxy s7:** “KRIS LETS GET A BABY”

 

 **galaxy s7:** I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH KIDS

 

 **galaxy s7:** THEYRE SO FRAGILE

 

 **galaxy s7:** I COULD BREAK ONE OF THEM WITH MY BARE HANDS

 

 **your lord sehun:** I CANT BELIEVE JUNMYEON IS A FAKE ASS BITCH

 

 **your lord sehun:** IVE BEEN WOUNDED

 

 **baehyun:** I DONT WANT ANOTHER KID

 

 **baehyun:** I NEVER THOUGHT ID SAY THIS BUT THERES TOO MANY DICKS AROUND HERE

 

 **jongbae:** JFAKWLAFLAW hOE

 

 **DEATH:** kris please stop him

 

 **galaxy s7:** iM TRYING BUT HE WONT LISTEN

 

 **galaxy s7:** THIS MIDLIFE CRISIS HAS GONE TOO FAR

 

 **the flute blower:** to be fair you two would be cute parents

 

 **galaxy s7:** YEAH MAYBE WHEN WE’RE IN OUR FORTIES BUT WE HAVENT EVEN HIT THIRTY YET

 

 **blow it like a flute:** wait are you implying,,, you’d stay with him for that long?

 

 **galaxy s7:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,don’t make me say it

 

 **DEATH:** SAY IT OMFG

 

 **galaxy s7:** NO IM TOO COOL FOR THAT

 

 **pcwhy:** YOUREFUCKGNG MARRIED DUMBAS SS SAY IT

 

 **galaxy s7:** NFAFKANWFWFAKNLAFKLNA

 

 **galaxy s7:** I ,,, , ,, ,, ,  ,L O  V E HI M??

**jongbae:** WITHOUT THE QUESTION MARKS

 

 **galaxy s7:** I LOVE HIM I WANT TO STAY WITH HIM FOREVER EVEN BEYOND DEATH AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM OKAYS TFU

 

 **unicornxing:** AWWWWWWWEEEEE

 

 **your lord sehun:** EWWW HYUNG THAT WAS SO GROSS

 

 **galaxy s7:** shut the fuck up sehun you act like jongin doesnt exist

 

 **your lord sehun:**.................

 

 **galaxy s7:** anyways i kinda think its too early for kids

 

 **galaxy s7:** but if he was really serious about it id consider it

 

 **galaxy s7:** it was just really sudden and unexpected

 

 **galaxy s7:** im not opposed to never,, getting any,, yknow

 

 **galaxy s7:** if it makes him happy i would do it

 

 **Mother:** kris

 

 **blow it like a flute:** WHFOPJWHAFJPFAANFAWF

 

 **baehyun:** OH MY GOD OKAY ITS HAPPENING

 

 **jongbae:** EVERYONE STAY CALM

 

 **pcwhy:** WHATS THE PROCEDURE

 

 **baehyun:** STAY FUCKING CALM

 

 **Mother:** did you really mean all of that

 

 **galaxy s7:** of course

 

 **the flute blower:** AFBAWBFAKJAJLNWFAFNKWAM

 

 **unicornxing:** GOD SAVE US

 

 **Mother:** im

 

 **Mother:** imc riyngkafmlaf

 

 **galaxy s7:** WAIT NO HONEY DON’T CRYdakfjwkfalakjlFAKNWLKAF EHANOOOO

 

 **ninibear:** H O N E Y

 

 **Mother:** i was just kidding around about the kid thing

 

 **Mother:** no pun intended

**jongbae:** oh my fucking god

 

 **Mother:** although u would look super cute with one

 

 **Mother:** but you son of a bitch woudl actaulyy do tht if it mad eme happy

 

 **Mother:** I ahte youb jafk

 

 **DEATH:** i am DECEASED

 

 **galaxy s7:** ily too jun :-)

 

 **pcwhy:** NABJJOIWFNJOPAJFKLNAF

 

 **your lord sehun:** SOBBING

 

**blow it like a flute:**

 

 **baehyun:** I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS

 

 **Mother:** ok im donE BEING EMO

 

 **Mother:** kris u da best husband in the world

 

 **Mother:** i would pick nobody else butyou

 

 **Mother:** thank you for existing

 

 **Mother:** as for the rest of you

 

 **Mother:** i have come to my senses and overcome my midlife crisis

 

 **your lord sehun:** OH THANK GOD

 

 **DEATH:** BLESS

 

 **Mother:** still aboutta go fuck kris so har

 

 **unicornxing:** FUCK KRIS UP SO HARD AT _MONOPOLY_ AM I RIGHT IN THE NAME OF THE LORD OUR SAVIOR AMEN THANKS BE TO GOD

 

 **jongbae:** FHKAWLWAFKAF SAME

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**DEATH:** GUYS I FOUND A DICKS SPORTING GOODS

 

 **DEATH:** AND THEY HAVE WIFFLE BATS

 

 **pcwhy:** YO

 

 **Mother:** DON’T YOU DARE

 

 **your lord sehun:** LETS GOO O OO O O

 

 **baehyun:** THIS IS GONNA BE L I T

 

 **Mother:** I WILL GROUND ALL OF YOU

 

 **jongbae:** HAAHAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHA

 

* * *

 

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**Mother:** I cant believe we ended up back in the emergency room.

 

 **galaxy s7:** told you.

 

 **ninibear:** TAO GROPED SEHUNS ASS

 

 **DEATH:** FOR THE LAST TIME IT WASN’T ME

 

 **ninibear:** THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY

 

 **Mother:** THAT STILL DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO START A WIFFLE BAT WAR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORE

 

 **jongbae:** tbh it was hella fun

 

 **Mother:** CHANYEOL ALMOST DIED BECAUSE YOU HIT A BASEBALL AT HIS HEAD

 

 **Mother:** KYUNGSOO KNOCKED BAEKHYUN UNCONSCIOUS

 

 **Mother:** AND JONGIN HIT TAO SO HARD WITH THE BAT HE GOT A CONCUSSION

 

 **Mother:** _AND_ WE GOT BANNED FROM THE MALL

 

 **ninibear:** TO BE FAIR TAO GROPED SEHUNS ASS

 

 **DEATH:** OMFG ARE YOU B L I N D WHY WOULD I DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT

 

 **ninibear:** I NEVER TRUSTED YOU

 

 **baehyun:** it was still worth it tbh

 

 **pcwhy:** i have the video of kyungsoo bopping you over the head fjnaklwfjkaffaf

 

 **the flute blower:** still kinda wanna know who touched sehun’s butt though?

 

 **ninibear:** tao can argue all he wants i know it was him

 

 **DEATH:** I WASNT EVEN STANDING CLOSE TO HIM????

 

 **blow it like a flute:** who do i believe?????

 

 **Mother:** THIS ISNT THE POINT

 

 **Mother:** WHY CAN WE NEVER HAVE A NORMAL, NICE FAMILY OUTING

 

 **your lord sehun:** ,,,happy birthday hyung

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the whole wiffle bat scene is for jongdarn (although who groped sehun's ass?? we just dont know ;//) (yet!! coughs)
> 
> so a lot of wild things happened this chapter??? it's a mess but,,, i hope you enjoyed? sorry for the wait as usual ;-; im in the middle of writing a story for a fest i joined so ive been putting this one more to the side,, ill try to get the next chapter out asap!!
> 
> in other news exordium ended yesterday and idk about u but im still depressed... i have no words as to jongin and baekhyun for their DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR LIKE?? WHO ASKED?? YES BAEKHYUN I DO WANT TO FIGHT. also did u see my baby, my ray of sunshine, my lifeline sehun sing baekhyun's part in sfy i crIED!!!! they were all so happy these past two days im so proud of them and want them to stay that happy forever :')))) and yixing!!! i miss him so much my life has not been the same since he left to china ;-; let us pray he comes back soon.
> 
> (also let's pray that dear archimedes, catman, how are you bread, etc. come out soon because im so TIRED OF THIS NONSENSE????? I WAS PROMISED DEAR ARCHIMEDES ALMOST THREE MONTHS AGO AND IT'S STILL NOT HERE AND THE STAFF HAVENT EVEN GIVEN US ANY NEWS ABOUT IT IM SO ANNOYED)
> 
> ahem, anyways, tysm for all the comments and kudos as ALWAYS, it really makes my day to see all of you enjoy this story, and i hope i never stop making your day just a little bit better in return :-) have an amazing day, and ill see you soon :D


	16. team edward or team jacob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo! im not entirely happy with this chapter? i think going to write another chapter very soon to make up for the lameness. i feel like i could've made this chapter better?? sighs,, anyways if all goes well, you can probably expect another chap by tomorrow ;) regardless, i hope you enjoy!

**MINSEOK APPRECIATION CLUB**

**baehyun has changed the chat name to baekchen is over**

**baehyun:** guys baekchen is cancelled

 

 **baehyun:** me and jongdae are breaking up

 

 **pcwhy:** nice

 

 **jongbae:**???

 

 **baehyun:** did you even hear what i sAID

 

 **baehyun:** we are OVER

 

 **jongbae:** o-v-e-r over

 

 **squishsoo:** Forgive us if we, quite frankly, don’t care.

 

 **DEATH:** yeah you guys say this at least 5 times a week

 

 **DEATH:** and then you forgive each other 10 minutes later and start being all gross again

 

 **your lord sehun:** the cycle becomes predictable hyung

 

 **jongbae:** okay but this time we’re SERIOUS

 

 **blow it like a flute:** hhhhh

 

 **baehyun:** SERIOUSLY

 

 **baehyun:** like this is a really big deal and im still in shock

 

 **Mother:** fine what is it

 

 **baehyun:** jongdae is team jacob

 

**squishsoo has left the chat**

**Mother:** are you for real

 

 **DEATH:** WAIT WTF JONGDAE REALLY?????

 

 **DEATH:** OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU MAN

 

 **jongbae:** ARE YOU KIDDING EDWARD SUCKS

 

 **your lord sehun:** UM A FACT??????

 

 **baehyun:** S E H U N

 

 **blow it like a flute:** actually im team jacob too

 

 **jongbae:** YES THANK YOU

 

 **DEATH:** RIGHT WHEN YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMEONE!!!!!

 

 **galaxy s7:** are we actually talking about TWILIGHT right now

 

 **Mother:** oh my god thank you

 

 **galaxy s7:** BECAUSE EDWARD WAS BETTER NO DOUBT

 

 **Mother:** killing myself

 

 **ninibear:** WDYM JACOB WAS CLEARLY THE BETTER PARTNER BELLA WAS A DUMBASS

 

 **baehyun:** OH MY GOD YALL TEAM JACOBS ARE SN AK E S CONSIDER THIS GROUP DISBANDING

 

 **jongbae:** TEAM EDWARD RATS SHOULD BE DUMPED IN THE TRASH WHERE THEY BELONG

 

 **DEATH:** EDWARD WAS BETTER LOOKING THAN THAT FUCKING TOE

 

 **your lord sehun:** EDWARD WAS WHITER THAN A SHEET OF FCKING PAPER DOES HE EVEN KNOW WHAT MELANIN IS GET YOU A MAN WHO DOESN’T LOOK LIKE CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST

 

 **galaxy s7:** HES A VAMPIRE DUMBASS WHAT DO YOU EXPECT

 

 **jongbae:** WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY WEREWOLVES ARE THE SUPERIOR RACE

 

 **the flute blower:** EDWARD CARES MORE DEEPLY FOR BELLA HES DEMONSTRATED TIME AND TIME AGAIN IN HIS EFFORTS TO MAINTAIN A DISTANCE FROM HER BC HE KNOWS HIS PRESENCE PUTS BELLA IN DANGER

 

 **pcwhy:** OKAY BUT IF EDWARD CARED MORE DEEPLY FOR BELLA HE WOULDVE NEVER LEFT HER

 

 **blow it like a flute:** WHEN EDWARD LEFT WHO WAS THERE TO PROTECT BELLA FROM THE VAMPIRE IN THE WOODS??? JACOB

 

 **blow it like a flute:** WHEN BELLA JUMPED OFF OF A CLIFF INTO THE OCEAN, WHO WAS THERE TO SAVE HER FROM DROWNING??? JACOB

 

 **blow it like a flute:** WHEN BELLA IS CAUGHT BY LAURENT ALONE IN A CLEARING, WHO SAVED HER??? JACOB!!!!

 

 **jongbae:** ACTUAL FACTS LIKE THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT EDWARD HAS SAVED BELLA FROM ARE THE VERY PEOPLE WHO EDWARDS PRESENCE MADE A DANGER TO BELLA IN THE FIRST PLACE

 

 **your lord sehun:** HIS OWN DAMN FAMILY WAS AFTER HER LIKE???? DAMN WOULDN’T WANNA MARRY INTO THAT HELL

 

 **galaxy s7:** OKAY BUT EDWARD TRIED TO GIVE UP HIS OWN LIFE FOR HER PROTECTION SO LIKE??? BITCH WHERE

 

 **baehyun:** HIS LOVE FOR BELLA IS SO PROFOUND THAT HE WOULD RATHER GIVE UP ETERNAL LIFE THAN RISK HER SHORT MORTAL EXISTENCE

 

 **DEATH:** HES BETTER HUSBAND MATERIAL TOO HE CAN BETTER PROTECT BELLA

 

 **the flute blower:** HE DOESN’T NEED SLEEP SO HE CAN STAY AWAKE AT ALL HOURS TENDING TO HER NEEDS AND WARDIING AWAY THREATS

 

 **the flute blower:** HE DOESN’T NEED TO EAT

 

 **the flute blower:** AND HES RICH

 

 **ninibear:** OH SO YOU WANT A SUGAR DADDY THEN

 

 **blow it like a flute:** I CANNOT BELIEVE

 

 **baehyun:** STATISTICALLY SPEAKING VAMPIRES ARE BETTER THAN WEREWOLVES TOO

 

 **baehyun:** SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH, IMMORTALITY, SUPER SPEED, IMPECCABLE SENSE OF SMELL, CAN READ OTHER THOUGHTS, ETC ETC

 

 **jongbae:** VAMPIRES ARE NOT BETTER THAN WEREWOLVES YOU PIECE OF SHIT

 

 **pcwhy:** WEREWOLVES CAN CHANGE SHAPE AT WILL, THEYRE ALSO IMMORTAL, AND DON’T HAVE TO DRINK BLOOD TO SUSTAIN THEIR EXISTENCE

 

 **your lord sehun:** AND WEREWOLVES TREAT THEIR MOTHER WELL!!! GET YOU A MANZ WHO LOVES HIS EOMMA!!

 

 **DEATH:** DUDE JACOB IS LIKE BELLAS KID BROTHER!! THEY USED TO PLAY IN THE SANDBOX TOGETHER MAKING _MUD PIES_

 

 **DEATH:** ALSO HES A DUMBASS LIKE WHEN HE KEPT TRYING TO “WARN” BELLA ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND WHO SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY IN LOVE WITH

 

 **DEATH:** SHE ALREADY KNEW WHAT HE _WAS_ , JACOB, BIPPITY BOPPITY BACK OFF

 

 **ninibear:** AT LEAST JACOB ISNT SOME EMO ANGSTY HOT TOPIC LOOKIN _DICKHEAD_ WHO BROODS OVER E VERYTHING

 

 **ninibear:** EVEN ROBERT PATTISON HATES THE GUY

 

 **jongbae:** WHEN YOU READ THE BOOK ITS LIKE “EDWARD CULLEN WAS SO BEAUTIFUL I CREAMED MYSELF” IN _EVERY LINE_

 

 **jongbae:** HE CANT POSSIBLY BE THAT AMAZING AT EVERYTHING LIKE STFU

 

 **baehyun:** HM!!! JEALOUS MUCH?????

 

 **unicornxing:** guys why are we fighting over this?! ( ;°Д°)

 

 **unicornxing:** cant we just say theyre both good candidates for bella’s heart?

 

 **baehyun:** NO

 

 **jongbae:** NEVER

 

 **baehyun:** THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER

 

 **jongbae:** JUST LIKE TEAM EDWARD!!!

 

 **baehyun:** FUNNY HOW SHE CHOSE EDWARD THOUGH!!!

 

 **Mother:** im signing out

 

 **galaxy s7:** out of what?

 

 **Mother:** life

 

* * *

 

**private chat: would nut over louis vuitton**

**baehyun:** zitaoooo my mannnnnn

 

 **DEATH:**...are you feeling alright baekhyun

 

 **baehyun:** hey hey hey now

 

 **baehyun:** i know in the past we haven’t been,,, the best of friends

 

**DEATH:**

 

 **DEATH:** i KnOw In ThE pAsT wE hAvEnT bEeN tHe BeSt oF fRiEnDs

 

 **DEATH:** oh _really?_ what made you think that?

 

 **DEATH:** was it the time you pushed me down the stairs and broke my arm? or was it the time you threw my favorite gucci purse in the fire and _laughed?_

 

 **baehyun:** SHUT UP NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR SARCASm

 

 **baehyun:** [clears throat] _anyways_

 

 **baehyun:** but us team edward folk have to stick together ya know!

 

 **baehyun:** we’ve only got each other against those team j*cob imbeciles

 

 **baehyun:** and youre aight i guess

 

 **DEATH:** gee thanks

 

 **baehyun:** so i propose a truce

 

 **baehyun** an end to our long hoe-ing rivalry

 

 **DEATH:** hmmmm....

 

 **DEATH:** i mean i guess

 

 **DEATH:** hoes b4 bros?

 

 **baehyun:** hoes b4 bros.

 

 **baehyun:** but as a hoe im still gonna thirst over yixing lol

 

 **DEATH:** wait why did you think that was relevant...? i don’t have a crush on yixing??

 

 **baehyun:**...it’s taking me so much willpower not to ROAST you so hard right now

 

 **baehyun:** why did i think this truce was a good idea with someone as dense as you

 

 **baehyun:** hoes before bros baekhyun, hoes before bros baekhyun, hoes before bros baekhyun

 

 **DEATH:** i feel slightly offended?

 

 **baehyun:** anyways!

 

 **baehyun:** to celebrate this newfound partnership...

 

 **baehyun:** how about we have a little outing? we can hang out around the city and do whatever i guess!

 

 **DEATH:** u sure its not just to make the others jealous so jongdae will come running back cause u miss him

 

 **baehyun:** TAO THIS FRIENDSHIP WILL BE OVER IN FIVE SECONDS IF YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING AS RIDICULOUS AS THAT AGAIN

 

 **DEATH:**.........sure.........

 

 **DEATH:** so a team edward hangout?

 

 **baehyun:** essentially,, except without kris and minseok cause they’re “busy”

 

 **DEATH:** traitors

 

 **baehyun:** ikr

 

 **baehyun:** although itll be terrible if it’s just me and you hanging out because, lets face it, i still find you a mild annoyance

 

 **DEATH:**????SO WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE TRUCE?????

 

 **baehyun:**  solets both bring someone to liven it up!

 

 **DEATH:** can i bring yixing?

 

**baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** i DoNt HaVe A cRuSh On YiXiNg

 

 **DEATH:** FIGHT ME I USED THE MEME FIRST

 

 **baehyun:** _ahem_

 

 **baehyun:** yeah sure u can bring yixing whatever psh not like i was gonna ask him or anything that’d be stupid hah baekxing isnt real anyways

 

 **DEATH:** o...kay....

 

 **DEATH:** what about jongdae??

 

 **baehyun:** KEEP THAT NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH HUANG ZITAO BEFORE I BOP YOU IN THE HEAD I DONT KNOW THAT MAN

 

 **DEATH:** CHILL FORGET I SAID ANYTHING

 

 **DEATH:** so me, you, and yixing?

 

 **DEATH:** that’s gonna be a very sad party

 

 **baehyun:** yeah,,,,,,,

 

 **DEATH:** so then who are _you_ going to bring?

 

 **DEATH:** everyone else either doesnt care or are team jack and jill

 

 **baehyun:** team jack and jill jfakfkaa

 

 **baehyun:** hmmmm...

 

 **baehyun:** you might not like it,, but i think ive got someone i can bribe over to the winning side

 

* * *

 

**private chat: seahoon**

**baehyun:** sehun ill give you $20 if you turn team edward and come with me, yixing, and tao to the city to partay

 

 **your lord sehun:** hyung,,, do u think im that cheap??

 

 **your lord sehun:** that’s insulting

 

 **your lord sehun:** if u want this ass u know u gotta pay better money than _that_

 

 **your lord sehun:** jongin’s on team jacob yknow~ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **baehyun:** _fuck_ i forgot about that

**baehyun:** now that i think about it... you and jongin would make the perfect vampire/werewolf couple...

 

 **baehyun:** please do that for halloween this year ill pay good money to see you as a vampire and jongin as a werewolf holy shit

 

 **your lord sehun:**..........hyung are you a voyeur

 

 **baehyun:** ANYWAYS

 

 **baehyun:** $50

 

 **your lord sehun:** make it $55 and free bubble tea and ill go

 

 **your lord sehun:** but im not turning team edward for _you_ lmao

 

 **your lord sehun:** jacob’s got better abs than eddie any day

 

 **baehyun:** ughhh FINE only cause im desperate to seem better than team j*cob

 

 **your lord sehun:** wow you _really_ want jongdae back

 

 **baehyun:** NO I DONT WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HATE HIM GRR STUPID EX HE WAS A MISTAKE

 

 **your lord sehun:**....i honestly feel bad for your sorry ass

 

 **baehyun:** wtf are you talking about you love my ass ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **your lord sehun:** HYUNG I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO NEVER TALK ABOUT TRAINEE DAYS

 

 **baehyun:** IM NOT THE ONLY HOE AROUND HERE YKNOW........

 

 **your lord sehun:** DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OR NOT

 

 **baehyun:** oh you were more than  _happy_ to come during those days if you know what i mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **your lord sehun:** im calling kyungsoo

 

 **baehyun:** WAIT SHIT CALM DOWN

 

 **baehyun:** ILL STOP ALRIGHT

 

 **baehyun:** but ill expose the truth about you some day sehun >;-(

 

 **baehyun:** ik all your secrets ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **your lord sehun:** expose any of it around jongin and ill sever your foot

 

 **baehyun:** hehehehe

 

* * *

**baekchen is over**

**baehyun:** WHAT A LOVELY DAY

 

 **baehyun:** THE BIRDS ARE CHIRPING

 

 **baehyun:** THE SUN IS SHINING

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** AND THE WINNING TEAM IS OUT HERE IN THE CITY~~

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** TEAM EDWARD PROSPERS

 

 **ninibear:** team edward is dead dipshit

 

 **baehyun:** oh..... funny..... i almost forgot......

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** got your manz here too ;)

 

 **ninibear:** YOU SON OF A BITCH

 

**baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** we got yixing too ;) ;)

 

 **pcwhy:** NOT YIXING

 

 **pcwhy:** DONT DRAG HIM INTO THIS HES I N N O C E N T

 

 **blow it like a flute:** BAEKHYUN YOU FUCKING SNAKE

 

 **blow it like a flute:** YOU STOLE OUR MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE

 

 **ninibear:** IM CRYINGGJK SEHUN

 

 **ninibear:** HOW COUD LD U

 

 **your lord sehun:** nini noooooo im so sorry ;(

 

 **your lord sehun:** dw i dont actually associate w this filth _(n neither does yixing hes just here for tao's thirsty ass)_

 

 **your lord sehun:** im team jacob till the day i die <3

 

 **ninibear:** but then.... why did you leave us??? DDD:

 

 **your lord sehun:** byun baekhyun i fucking hate you my heart is breaking

 

 **baehyun:** U MADE THE DEAL

 

 **pcwhy:** deal???

 

 **your lord sehun:** baekhyun promised me $55 n bubble tea if i came along

 

 **jongbae:** BRIBERY?!!!!!!

 

 **jongbae:** OHOHOHOHOHHOH

 

 **jongbae:** I GUESS IM FINALLY SEEING YOUR TRUE COLORS BAEKHYUN

 

 **baehyun:** YOURE A DUMBASS IF YOU DIDNT SEE IT BEFORE ASSWIPE

 

 **jongbae:** FUCK OFF BITCH

 

 **the flute blower:** my baekchen heart is crying

 

 **pcwhy:** same...

 

 **pcwhy:** the twilight war was fun while it lasted but i think you guys are taking this too far?

 

 **galaxy s7:** its just a movie man

 

 **blow it like a flute:** ur supposed to be over it by now...

 

 **the flute blower:** yeah like look at me and lu!! we’re on two completely different sides but we still had some fan _tastic_ sex a few minutes ago

 

 **galaxy s7:** jesus christ

 

 **baehyun:** ITS NOT JUST A MOVIE

 

 **baehyun:** THIS IS ABOUT LIFE RIGHT HERE

 

 **baehyun:** ME AND JONGDAE ARENT MEANT TO BE

 

 **baehyun:** WERE OVER.

 

 **jongbae:** AND GLADLY SO ASSHOLE

 

 **jongbae:** GOOD LUCK FINDING SOMEONE WHO EVEN CA R ES!!

 

 **baehyun:** LMAO WHO SAID I HAVENT ALREADY

 

 **baehyun:** sehunnieeeee, you love me right~?

 

 **your lord sehun:** wait whatgjfnakf

 

 **baehyun:** cmonnnn babyyyyy lets go have fun~~!!!

 

 **ninibear:** BABY?!@2’1#R/R113/???/?

 

 **jongbae:** BABY?????????!!!!!!!!

 

 **DEATH:** UMMM

 

 **unicornxing:** baekhyun.... this is a bit much......

 

 **ninibear:** BABY??????????????????????????

**jongbae:** FUCK HIM I DONT NEED HIM ANYWAYS

 

 **jongbae:** JONGIN, CHANYEOL, INVITE OVER KYUNGSOO

 

 **jongbae:** US FOUR CAN HAVE SOME AMAZING OVERWATCH AND CHILL :)

 

 **ninibear:** BA BY ???????????????

 

 **the flute blower:** he broke jongin.....

 

 **pcwhy:** wait wasnt overwatch and chill you and baekhyuns thing...?

 

 **jongbae:** :) :) :)

 

 **pcwhy:** aAAND WERE COMING HAHA

 

* * *

 

**overwatch squad**

**pcwhy:** dae as much as i love overwatch we’ve been playing for five hours

 

 **pcwhy:** and everytime we lose you break something in the house

 

 **pcwhy:** except im beginning to think its not just because of us losing anymore

 

 **squishsoo:** Jongdae, just apologize to Baekhyun.

 

 **squishsoo:** Jongin is literally traumatized.

 

 **ninibear:** sehun said he found a new man...

 

 **ninibear:** was...... was baekhyun sehun’s “man” this entire time???

 

 **squishsoo:** Jongin, he was obviously just using Sehun to make Jongdae jealous.

 

 **ninibear:** BWHWO DOY OU KNWOW

 

 **ninibear:** THYEREPRIBABLY OGONA FALL IN LVOE AND HAVEE 10 BAEBIES AND SEHUNS GONAN AMKAE ME THEE BESST MMAN AND IM GOANNA AAHAVE TO AWATCH THE LVOE OFMY LIFE MARRY SOEMONE ESLE

 

 **pcwhy:** do u see what youve done jongdae

 

 **pcwhy:** just aPOLOGIZE

 

 **jongbae:** NEVER.

 

 **jongbae:** HE STARTED THIS MESS

 

 **jongbae:** I DONT EVEN WANT HIM B AKC

 

 **jongbae:** HE CAN FUCK SEHUN FOR ALL I CARE

 

 **jongbae:** HES A SNAKE I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN APOLOGIZE

 

 **squishsoo:** Jongdae, I’m going to count to three, and if you don’t admit how you’re really feeling I _will_ tell Sehun Jongin’s never loved him a day in his life and then he’ll _really_ go fuck Baekhyun.

 

 **squishsoo:** You really don’t want to be the reason behind the downfall of SeKai.

 

 **pcwhy:** omg you learned what ship names are?

 

 **squishsoo:** That’s a ship name??

 

 **pcwhy:** yeah like were chansoo yknow

 

 **squishsoo:** Kinda cute, now that I think about it.

 

 **pcwhy:** just like you~~

 

 **jongbae:** im so confused as to whats happening right now

 

 **squishsoo:** HAHA NOTHING ANYWAYS

 

 **squishsoo:** ADMIT THE TRUTH, JONGDAE.

 

 **jongbae:** THERES NOTHING MORE TO IT

 

 **pcwhy:** JONGDAE.

 

 **jongbae:** I

 

 **jongbae:** I MISS BAEKHYUN SO SMUCHBF AKFI THINK ILL DIE IF I GO ANOTHER MINUTE WITHOUT HIS BEATUFUL FACE IMS O DEPRESSED I HAVE NO ONE TO SHOW MY MEMES TO I HAVE NO ONE TO CUDDLE I HAVE NO ONE TO KISS I LOVE NO ONE LIKE I LOVE HIM AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO THE FIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE LIKE ALL THE OTHER ONES I DIDNT WANT IT TO GO THIS FAR AND I REGRET IT SO MUCH I WANT HIM BACK SO BAD BUT HE PROBABLY HATES ME AND THINKS IM AN ASSHOLE IM SUCH A FOOL HES THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURE ON THIS UNIVERSE AND I DONT KNOW HWO TOG ET HIMBACK

 

 **pcwhy:** HEY HEY CHILL

 

 **pcwhy:** WE TOLD YOU JUST GO APOLOGIZE

 

 **jongbae:** BUT H O W

 

 **squishsoo:** I’ve got a plan.

 

* * *

 

**team edward squad**

**your lord sehun:** baekhyun hyung no offense but this is the worst thing ive ever gone through

 

 **DEATH:** every time we walk past a store you spend 5 minutes staring into the window, whispering “i wonder what jongdae would think of this”

 

 **unicornxing:** please just apologize to jongdae

 

 **baehyun:** IDK WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT

 

 **baehyun:** NOW STFU SEHUN HOLD MY HAND AGAIN I NEED TO TAKE PICTURES TO MAKE JONGDAE JEALOUS

 

 **your lord sehun:** wait a second is that jongdae over there?

 

 **baehyun:** SEHUN ILL KICK YOUR ASS

 

 **unicornxing:** no seriously i think i see him too?

 

 **DEATH:** hes holding a giant banner from the roof of that store!!

 

* * *

**baekchen is over**

**pcwhy has added squishsoo to the chat**

**pcwhy has renamed the chat baekchen is almost revived**

**the flute blower:** WAIT WHAT

 

 **pcwhy:** ITS ME AND SOO’S TURN TO BE THE MATCHMAKERS

 

 **squishsoo:** We brought Jongin along too :)

 

 **Mother:** what did you do?!

 

 **squishsoo:** Long story short, we got Jongdae a giant banner with a Twilight quote on it, got him on top of the nearest store Baekhyun was at, and now he’s screaming his love for Baekhyun from the rooftops. Literally.

 

 **galaxy s7:** WTF GIVE US THE DETAILS

 

 **DEATH:** YO WHERE ARE YOU GUYS AT WE’RE SEEING THIS TOO

 

 **pcwhy:** BEHIND THE ICE CREAM CART GET YOUR ASSES OVER WITHOUT BAEKHYUN NOTICING

 

 **blow it like a flute:** BUT WHATS HAPPENING?!!?!?11?13

 

 **DEATH:** ME AND YIXING DIPPED BUT SEHUNS STUCK WITH BAEKHYUN LOL

 

 **unicornxing:** he was a good man

 

 **pcwhy:** OKAY SO THE BANNER IS THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL QUOTE FROM TWILIGHT EXCEPT IT SAYS “BYUN BAEKHYUN, I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU EVERY MOMENT OF FOREVER. WOULD YOU DO ME THE EXTRAORDINARY HONOR OF FORGIVING ME?”

 

 **squishsoo:** Baekhyun’s finally spotted Jongdae, and he’s s h o o k

 

 **unicornxing:** all the people here are staring at him

 

 **blow it like a flute:** OHH???????

 

 **DEATH:** jongdae: “BAEKHYUN IK IM AN IDIOT BUT I DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING I SAID”

 

 **DEATH:** jongdae: “ILYSM YOU ARE THE ACTUAL LOVE OF MY LIFE I THINK ID BE DEAD WITHOUT YOU”

 

 **Mother:** JFKAJJFKANJFKLA;F

 

 **DEATH:** jongdae: “YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN ME, SOME TEAM JACOB LOVING HEADASS, BUT TEAM EDWARD IS JUST AS AWFUL... SO CAN WE BE HEADASSES TOGETHER?”

 

 **the flute blower:** I FEEL LIKE THAT WOULD BE INSULTING COMING FROM ANYONE ELSE BUT JONGDAE MAKES IT SOUND SWEET FJAFJKAW

 

 **pcwhy:** BAEKHYUN’S DECEASED IVE NEVER SEEN A MAN SO SHOOK

 

 **squishsoo:** Jongdae’s down from the building now!

 

 **DEATH:** jongdae: “I LOVE YOU I ADORE YOU SO MUCH I SUPPORT YOU IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT I WOULD DIE TO SEE YOU HAPPY YOUR HAPPINESS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME! AND ALSO JONGIN WOULD KILL SOMEONE IF HE SAW SEHUN WITH SOMEONE ELSE SO LET’S AVOID DEATH SHALL WE?”

 

 **Mother:** FHJAWKJFAFWAW;

 

 **galaxy s7:** HES NOT WRONG

 

 **DEATH:** jongdae: “I MIGHT NOT BE AS IMPRESSIVE AS EDWARD, BUT I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS HE LOVES BELLA. MAYBE EVEN MORE BC HES A DICK, BUT THAT WAR’S OVER.”

 

 **DEATH:** jongdae: “SO IM SORRY,, PLEASE FORGIVE ME?”

 

 **unicornxing:** WHY AM I CRYING THIS IS SO CUTE FOR SOME REASON?

 

 **squishsoo:** Oh my god, Baekhyun’s crying now.

 

 **pcwhy:** BAEKHYUN RAN OVER AND HUGGED HIM SO TIGHT PELAKSNEBHARKAHF

 

 **DEATH:** THEY BOTH CRYING

 

 **blow it like a flute:** THIS IS GOALS

 

 **the flute blower:** I NEED TISSUES

 

 **pcwhy:** THEYRE MAKING OUT,,,,,,,

 

 **Mother:** AWWWW

 

 **DEATH:** HAPPY ENDINGS :’’’)

 

 **squishsoo:** WAIT ARE WE GONNA IGNORE HOW JONGIN JUST WALKED OVER TO SEHUN

 

 **blow it like a flute:** KI CKS DOWN DOOR

 

 **the flute blower:** W HA T

 

 **pcwhy:** SEHUN WAS KINDA JUST STANDING ALONE WATCHING AND JONGIN WALKED OVER AND GRABBED HIS AHND AND HTEN SMILED AT HIM ALL SOFT

 

 **pcwhy:** I THINK SEHUNS DECEASED NOWTOO

 

 **DEATH:** THEYRE JUST SMILIGN AT EACH OTHER ALL SWEET I ACCNANTNTKF

 

 **Mother:** I CANT BELIEVEEEEEEEE

 

 **pcwhy:** ME, CRYING

 

 **squishsoo:** We’ve done good work, men.

 

 **squishsoo:** I’ll send the photos later ;)

 

 **galaxy s7:** KYUNGSOO YOU BEAUTIFUL THING

 

 **squishsoo:** I try.

 

* * *

 

 

**baekchen is almost revived**

**baehyun has changed the chat name to baekchen is revived**

**baehyun:** i love you <3

 

 **jongbae:** ily2 <3

 

 **baehyun:** say it properly you piece of shit 

 

 **pcwhy:** they never change :')

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter wasnt very memey or funny or whatever? i decided to make a more angsty chapter this time around cause why not? baekchen needed some drama, and of course it'd be for something as stupid as twilight wars ;) anyways dont worry angst won't be a common thing they'll be back to their stupid shenanigans next chapter! i still hope you enjoyed this one a little :-)  
> now ahem i gotta say a few things  
> first of all, thank you so much for all of your love and support for this fic! even if you just click on it, it means the world to me that you were even interested in my writing, so i cant thank you enough. i love all of you okay <3  
> secondly, quick shout out to everyone who leaves ideas in the comments. y’all are the best people on the planet, idk where id be without you,,, so many of my ideas are inspired by you guys. also, if i haven’t gotten to your idea yet, please dont worry or feel discouraged! i have a whole LIST of ideas you guys have left (including my own) so we’re gonna be here for a while… im trying my best to incorporate all of them, so ill get there!! :-)  
> lastly, if any of you wanna talk or like,,, be friends or something??? anything really, im usually on instagram @seohkjins so hit me up or whatever all of yall are great :-)  
> ok ty ty have an amazing day and pray i can finish the next chapter soon <3


	17. who ya gonna call?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY ITS BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE THE LAST CHAPTER!! i had exams last week so i had no time to get this mess done ;-; tysm for you guys's patience, you deserve better than me. i won't make any promises since im terrible at upholding them, but ill try to get another chapter of this mess out by the end of this week ;) happy reading you lovely people!

**baekchen is revived**

**DEATH:** guys

 

 **DEATH:** guys

 

 **DEATH:** GUYS

 

 **your lord sehun:** taozi shut the fuck up its 1 am

 

 **squishsoo:** honestly

 

 **baehyun:** WHAT THE FYCK KYUNGSOO WROTE IN LOWERCASE

 

 **baehyun:** W I T H O U T  P U N C T U A T I O N

 

 **squishsoo:** its 3 am i cant be bothered to seem intellectual right now

 

 **jongbae:** IM GONNA DOCUMENT THIS SHIT OH MY GOD WERE NEVER GONNA SEE THIS AGAIN

 

 **squishsoo:** dont you dare

 

 **jongbae:**

 

 **squishsoo:** end your life

 

 **jongbae:** :3

 

 **DEATH:** GUYS STOP IGNORING ME

 

 **DEATH:** I WANT VALIDATION RIGHT NOW WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING

 

 **pcwhy:** so guys hows life

 

 **ninibear:** p good wbu

 

 **Mother:** alright alright guys thats enough

 

 **Mother:** tao whats wrong baby do you need a blanket? a pillow? maybe some tissues? a towel? a new rolex? you know where i left your feather slippers right?

 

 **DEATH:** no no no its not thAt

 

 **DEATH:** actually wouldnt mind another rolex tho?

 

 **DEATH:** can u get me a gold one i wanna match with wiz khalifa hyung (◕ᴗ◕✿)

 

 **baehyun:** DID HE JUST

 

 **jongbae:** DID HE J U S T

 

 **squishsoo:** i

 

 **Mother:** i

 

 **galaxy s7:** IM CACKLIGNGNGAFKAPOJFOAWFJPONAIJFNKANKMFLAW

 

 **your lord sehun:** I CANT BREHATHTHEHEE EPELASSSEEEEEE

 

 **unicornxing:** im speechless

 

 **DEATH:** what??

 

 **pcwhy:** OH MY FUCKING GOD TAO

 

 **ninibear:** I CANNOT FUCKIGN EBLEIVE

 

 **blow it like a flute:** MY PHONE WOKE ME UP CAUSE YALL WILL NEVER SHUT UP

 

 **blow it like a flute:** I OPEN, PREPARED TO TYPE A 5K RANT

 

 **blow it like a flute:** AND I SEE THIS SHIT

 

 **the flute blower:** im in fucking TEARS

 

**baehyun has changed DEATH’s name to wiz khalifa hyung**

**wiz khalifa hyung:** WHY ARE YALL BULLIES

 

 **pcwhy:** “snoop dogg oppa, will you... teach me how to drop it like it’s hot? (〃‿〃✿)”

 

**wiz khalifa hyung has left the chat**

**your lord sehun:** NFJIANKFJIAFNLAKFWKALN

 

 **galaxy s7:** YALL 2 MUCH IM WHEEZINGGGGNFAJNLKA

 

**blow it like a flute has changed the chat name to snoop dogg oppa**

 

 **Mother:** ALRIGHT GUYS ONE LAST LAUGH BEFORE I ADD HIM BACK SO HE DOESNT THROW A TANTRUM

 

 **baehyun:** FIJJFANLJOAWPJLKNFNAJFINJAOPKFKAFLMAW

 

 **ninibear:** LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

 

 **jongbae:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **pcwhy:** WHPFAFKAFWOKFAJKAWFWA

 

 **squishsoo:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

 

 **unicornxing:** THAT WAS SO HILARIOUS

 

 **the flute blower:** CRYING 

 

 **blow it like a flute:** ACTUALLY ICONIC

 

 **your lord sehun:** NEVER GONNA LET HIM LIVE THIS DOWN FNFAWKFAAFMAFWFAA

 

 **Mother:** ALRIGHT WE GOOD?

 

**Mother has added wiz khalifa hyung to the chat**

**Mother:** aww tao dont be upset we love you <3

 

 **your lord sehun:** we _totally_ care about your feelings  <3

 

 **Mother:** SEHUN

 

 **pcwhy:** HEY ITS NOT HIS FAULT TAO HAS A HARD ON FOR WIZ KHALIFA

 

 **baehyun:** I BET U WHEN TAO GOT TO COLLAB WITH HIM HE _SLAMMED_ THE NUT

 

 **blow it like a flute:** FKWKJFKAFNAOFOWFAKLN SO TRUE

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** u know what

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** i dont even care

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:**

 

 **squishsoo:** i

 

 **baehyun:** BOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIII IM CRITYNIGJFMNAFNBKJNWKLNFJWA

 

 **pcwhy:** THIS SHIT IS GIVING ME ASTHMA PLEASE I CANT BREATHEKFKAKJWHFJLAFNJW

 

 **jongbae:** OOOHHHMMYYMGODDDDD

 

 **your lord sehun:** IM STRAIGHT UP CACCKLINGNGNGKFLFF

 

 **ninibear:** PKFNJAFKWANKBKNALKWFAJKB

 

 **the flute blower:** SOMEONE GET THE KLEENEX THESE TEARS ARE STREAMING

 

 **galaxy s7:** “HATERS ARE MY MOTIVATORS XDDD”

 

 **Mother:** THIS IS INCREDIBLE I CANT BELIEVE

 

 **unicornxing:** “SARANGHAEEEE XDDD RAWR”

 

 **blow it like a flute:** THE NEW GROUP CHAT MEME IS NOW TAO

 

 **baehyun:** WHY IS TAO DEADASS [**THIS VINE**  ](https://vine.co/v/MhK1JOZ3IqD)

 

 **your lord sehun:** HHIWHFIWJAIHOIJPIWAOJFNWIJPOFAIJFJBKFWA

 

 **pcwhy:** THAT’S IT IMD ECEASED IC ANTRBEATHE

 

 **jongbae:** IM PTERODACTYL SCREAMING WTHAFF FJFKFFAFW

 

 **squishsoo:** “AND IF YOU WANNA FIGHT ME THEN FIGIHT ME” IM LAUGHGING SO AHRDNKNFLA

 

 **blow it like a flute:** IF ELL OF F MY BE D I CAN T IMG ASPING FOR AIR

 

**wiz khalifa hyung has left the chat**

**ninibear:** OH MY GOD IMW IPIN G AWAY TEARS THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD BONDING EXPERIENCE

 

 **Mother:** I LOWKEY FEEL BAD BUT THIS IS TOO FUNYNYNYJYNKG

 

 **galaxy s7:** GIVE HIM 5 MINUTES HE’LL GET OVER IT

 

 **galaxy s7:** FOR NOW LETS HAVE A GOOD LAUGH

 

 **the flute blower:** I LOVE THIS EVIL TERRIBLE FAMILY

 

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**pcwhy:** guys

 

 **squishsoo:** no

 

 **ninibear:** is chanyeol the group chat meme again

 

 **blow it like a flute:** none of us are safe from becoming the group chat meme, kid

 

 **blow it like a flute:** you, me, your dog

 

 **blow it like a flute:** its man vs man in this group chat

**pcwhy:** okAY THIS ISNT THE POINT

 

 **unicornxing:** hey guys, are your lights flickering?

 

 **squishsoo:** who cares this dorm building is old

 

 **unicornxing:** true!

 

 **pcwhy:** anyways tao texted sehun who texted me telling me to add tao back lol

 

 **the flute blower:**...you could’ve just added him from the beginning and avoided all of this waste of sleeping time

 

 **pcwhy:** SO WE’RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT HOW SEHUN WAS TOO LAZY TO ADD TAO HIMSELF???

 

 **jongbae:** its sehun wtf do you expect just add tao’s needy ass already

 

 **baehyun:** honestly its 2 am and im still half dead i have no time for this

 

 **pcwhy:** yall are mean :-(

 

**pcwhy has added wiz khalifa hyung to the chat**

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** CAN I FINALLY TELL MY GO D DAMN STORY

 

 **squishsoo:** id rather you shut up and tell us in 90 years so we can SLEEP

 

 **squishsoo:** also chanyeol turn off your god damn ringer your phone keeps dinging and im about to smash it against the wall

 

 **ninibear:** wait how do you hear his notifications???

 

 **baehyun:** umMM yeah your rooms arent even close to each other?

 

 **squishsoo:**...

 

 **pcwhy:**

 

 **jongbae:** u know what not even gonna question it rn im too fucking tired

 

 **jongbae:** but u better believe im gonna write that down ill find out these answers in the morning

 

 **jongbae:**

 

 **squishsoo:** idk what you mean? its just that his ringer is so loud i can hear it from down the hall duh

 

 **Mother:**???wait but me and kris’ room is right next to his and i didn’t hear anything???

 

 **squishsoo:** they don’t call me a fucking owl for nothing hyung just shut the fuck up and don’t question it

 

 **Mother:**...i feel offended but i cant say anything back because its kyungsoo

 

 **your lord sehun:** alright i swear on god hIMSELF if yall dont stfu in five seconds there will be fucking consequences

 

 **your lord sehun:** do yall think I look _this_ good every day without getting my proper amount of beauty sleep????

 

 **your lord sehun:** im not trying to look like the motherfucking wicked witch of the west in the morning so shut your damn mouths and SLEEP before i start throwing _hands_

 

 **baehyun:** holy shit

 

 **jongbae:** that was actually pretty intimidating

**squishsoo:** i raised you right :)

 

 **your lord sehun:** <3

 

 **your lord sehun:** now sleep you fucking shitty ass twats

 

 **your lord sehun:** except jongin youre okay

 

 **ninibear:** awww sehunnieeee <33

 

 **pcwhy:** discrimination

 

 **your lord sehun:** wow for some reason i think im in the mood for bubble tea right about now?

 

 **squishsoo:** stfu sehun leave me out of this

 

 **your lord sehun:** excuse me???

 

 **squishsoo:** oh sorry

 

 **squishsoo:** stfu princess*

 

 **your lord sehun:** D'AWWWW <3333

 

 **your lord sehun:** anyways ur okay but chanyeol :)))

 

 **pcwhy:** i fucking hate you oh sehun

 

 **your lord sehun:** awww ily 2 hyung <333 ik im your favoriteee dongsaeng!!

 

 **pcwhy:** i am a slave to my own creation

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** BUT MY STORY?????????

 

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**galaxy s7:** who the fuck is playing gasolina at 3 am

 

 **galaxy s7:** i am going to whoop your _ASS_ chanyeol

 

 **pcwhy:** WTF WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME ITS ME I WAS SLEEPING

 

 **squishsoo:** chanyeol everything is your fault

 

 **squishsoo:** but i can confirm its not him

 

 **unicornxing:** how...?? you don’t sleep in the same room?

 

 **squishsoo:** don’t worry about it hyung :)

 

 **your lord sehun:** why the fuck did i just wake up to see baekhyun cartwheeling through the hallway yelling “ELLA LE GUSTA LA GASOLINAAAA” and jongdae screaming back “DAME MAS GASOLINAAAA”

 

 **Mother:** im going to kill them

 

 **ninibear:** not if i get there first

 

 **baehyun:** HEY HEY WAIT WE WERENT THE ONES WHO STARTED PLAYING THE MUSIC EITHER

 

 **jongbae:** YEAH WE JUST WOKE UP AND HEARD IT AND STARTED BOPPING U CANT BLAME US

 

 **galaxy s7:** theres no one else it could be but you two?????

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** GUYS OMFG THIS IS PART OF THE STORY I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU ASSHOLES

 

 **the flute blower:** your story’s about gasolina???????????

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** NO NO NOT THAT

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** okay okay so earlier tonight the reason i started texting was because my phone started ringing it was from some weird unknown number

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** obviously that’s a little weird at the middle of the night but that’s not the crazy part

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** i pick it up just in case

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** AND NOBODY ANSWERED

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** THE CALL JUST E N D ED

 

 **unicornxing:**..........um tao.... that’s a bit.....

 

 **baehyun:** what yixing hyung is trying to say nicely because he's an angel is _tao are you an actual dumbass_

 

 **your lord sehun:** full offense but that’s literally happened to everyone before

 

 **galaxy s7:** it was probably just a prank call or a wrong number calm tf down

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** could be _BUT_

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** WHY DID THE LIGHTS START FLICKERING RIGHT AFTER???????? HMMMM??? WHY DID GASOLINA START PLAYING OUT OF NOWHERE?????

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** I THINK........

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** THE DORM IS **HAUNTED**

 

 **Mother:** alright _someones_ been watching too many horror movies

 

 **Mother:** ill let the gasolina thing slide today can we just sleep

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** NO MAN IM SERIOUS

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** THE LIGHTS FLICKERED ON AND OFF

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** THE PHONE RANG, BUT NOBODY WAS THERE

 

 **pcwhy:** wait isnt this from that one spongebob episode

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** GASOLINA STARTED PLAYING BUT **_NONE OF US DID IT_**

**unicornxing:** tao...

 

 **unicornxing:** lets just be realistic! all of this could happen any day, yknow

 

 **the flute blower:** yeah its probably just a coincidence

 

 **the flute blower:** we live in an old dorm building its not like the lights have never malfunctioned

 

 **the flute blower:** we’re famous idols we’re bound to get some prank phone calls

 

 **the flute blower:** and who knows maybe someone hacked into our speakers and started playing gasolina

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** GUYS CMON IM NOT CRAZY

 

 **your lord sehun:** tao how many horror movies did you pee yourself watching last night

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** THATS NOT THE POINT

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** if ive learned ANYTHING from those films is that this is always the warning

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN I CAN FEEL IT

 

 **squishsoo:** more like you’ve got a wild imagination

 

 **jongbae:** just a suggestion but maybe you should consider therapy??

 

 **jongbae:** i heard these could be symptoms of schizophrenia

 

 **Mother:** god damn it we shouldve never taken him to that haunted house hes going mad

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** IM! NOT!!! CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **pcwhy:** hey guys...?

 

 **pcwhy:** not to change the topic or anything but

 

 **pcwhy:** who’s taking a shower at 3 am???

 

 **galaxy s7:** bruh

 

 **the flute blower:** not me?

 

 **unicornxing:** me either

 

 **Mother:** actually we’re all in our rooms right now??

 

 **pcwhy:** idk i can hear the bathroom water running

 

 **jongbae:** i think i can hear something in the kitchen too

 

 **jongbae:** ill get up and check

 

 **baehyun:** WAIT NO JONGDAE COME BACK

 

 **jongbae:** im not gonna die calm down

 

 **baehyun:** I HATE TO SAY THIS BUT.......... WHAT IF TAO’S RIGHT

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** H A H

 

 **baehyun:** I SAID WHAT IF BITCH

 

 **jongbae:** we’ve already established he’s not

 

 **jongbae:** ill be fine love <3 its just water

 

 **baehyun:** STILL,, IM COMING WITH YOU!! I CANT LOSE YOU DDD:

 

 **jongbae:** if u say so...?

 

 **ninibear:** now im kinda scared

 

 **your lord sehun:** nini... dont tell me you're a ......

 

 **your lord sehun:** _scaredy-cat_

 

 **ninibear:** ME WHAT HAHA NEVER IM THE BRAVEST KID ON THE BLOCK I AINT NO S CA REDY C A  T I EAT SHIT LIKE GHOSTS FOR BREAKFAST NOM NOM NOM _MOTHERFUCKERS_

 

 **pcwhy:** the level of whipped these kids are for each other has me cringing

 

 **jongbae:** alright so

 

 **jongbae:** for some reason all the water appliances just... turned on

 

 **jongbae:** ion know why but they did and whenever i try to turn them off they turn back on?

 

 **baehyun:** its like flooding the dorm n shit wtf im kinda scared

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** HMMMMMM  I WONDER WHY THEYD BE DOING THAT??????

 

 **blow it like a flute:** tao stfu youre just spreading your stupid paranoia

 

 **Mother:** hhhhhhhh i hate this place

 

 **Mother:** ill call the manager its probably just some messed up faucets

 

 **jongbae:** you don’t need to,,, they all just turned off right when you texted that

 

 **galaxy s7:**?????? okay what the fuck

 

 **the flute blower:** that’s kinda creepy...

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** I :) WONDER :) WHY :)

 

 **unicornxing:** im kinda starting to believe tao...

 

 **ninibear:** guys uh

 

 **ninibear:** not to be that guy right now but

 

 **ninibear:** something in my room is moving

 

 **your lord sehun:** WHAT

 

 **galaxy s7:** gdi jongin did you secretly bring monggu over again

 

 **squishsoo:** tbh

 

 **ninibear:** IT WAS ONE TIME

 

 **ninibear:** and no

 

 **ninibear:** my closet just creaked open out of nowhere

 

 **ninibear:** but then nothing happenFJNAIFHUAWNFIAYUVBHFW

 

 **the flute blower:** uh

 

 **the flute blower:** i just heard a ton of banging noises

 

 **blow it like a flute:** jongin?

 

 **your lord sehun:** JONGIN??

 

 **squishsoo:** uhhh

 

 **Mother:** jongin don’t play around right now i swear to god

 

 **jongbae:** MR JONGIN?? MR JONGIN??

 

 **pcwhy:** oh my fuckin god,,, he fuckin dead,,,

 

 **your lord sehun:** GUYS DONT PLAY AROUND RIGHT NOW IM SO SCARED

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** I JUST HEARD A SCREAM OHMYGOD

 

 **your lord sehun:** IM GOING TO HIS ROOM

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** SEHUN NO

 

 **your lord sehun:** IM GOING

 

 **baehyun:** SEHUNNNNNNNN

**baehyun:** I LOVE YOUUUUUU

 

 **Mother:** SEHUN YOU AINT GOING IN THERE NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH

 

 **your lord sehun:** NO IM FUCKING DONE IM FUCKING DONE

 

 **your lord sehun:** THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT HYUNG LET ME GO

 

 **unicornxing:** sehun.... he’s gone...

 

 **your lord sehun:** WHAT IS THIS?!!!!!1//11/

 

 **your lord sehun:** WHAT IS MY LIFE?!!!1//1!?!

 

 **squishsoo:** SEHUN WE JUST GOTTA FACE FACTS WE CANT SAVE HIM ANYMORE

 

 **your lord sehun:** NO YOUH FCUGIIFIJKMM LYIIARS HES NOT DEAD HE CAN TBEA DEAD

 

 **the flute blower:** ITS REAL SEHUN WE’VE GOTTA MOVE ON

 

 **your lord sehun:** NO

 

 **your lord sehun:** N O

 

 **your lord sehun:** HYUNG NN O  IIINAF

 

 **your lord sehun:** LET ME OGGGO ID RATHER DIE HTAN LIVE WIHUTOITU JONGINGF

 

 **pcwhy:** YOU’RE NOT DYING NOW SEHUN NOT LIKE THIS

 

 **your lord sehun:** I

 

 **your lord sehun:** I CANT DO IT HYUNG

 

 **pcwhy:** I CANT EIIITHER

 

 **your lord sehun:** I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

 

 **pcwhy:** WELL ILL TELL YOU WHAT SEHUN YOU CAN GIVE UP NOW AND DISAPPOINT JONGIN OR YOU CAN DIG IT UP

 

 **pcwhy:** BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CANT DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND I KNOW YOU CANT DO IT WITHOUT US

 

 **your lord sehun:** I APPRECIATE IT

 

 **your lord sehun:** BUT LOOK WHAT WERE DEALING WITH MAN

 

 **baehyun:** SEHUN

 

 **your lord sehun:** YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** SEHUNNNN

 

 **your lord sehun:** YOU GOTTA DRAW THE FUCKING LINE IN THE _SAND_ DUDE

 

 **jongbae:** SEHUN PLSSS

 

 **your lord sehun:** YOU GOTTA MAKE A _STATEMENT_

 

 **your lord sehun:** YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY “WHAT AM I WILLING TO PUT UP WITH TODAY???”

 

 **your lord sehun:** _NOT_ _FUCKING_ **_THIS_**

 

 **ninibear:** GUYS I ESCAPED

 

 **jongbae:** AJIFJNIAWJINWAFMAFWJN

 

 **galaxy s7:** THANK GOD

 

 **Mother:** OMFG YOU SON OF A BITCH WHAT HAPPENED

 

 **pcwhy:** SEHUN ALMOST KKILLED HIMSELF HE THOUGHT U DIED LOL

 

 **your lord sehun:** JONGIN IM FGOIGNT FO UCKING YNMIUREDER YOU IM CRYING

 

 **ninibear:** GUYS WE CAN CELEBRATE LATER

 

 **ninibear:** THERES SOMETHING IN THIS HOUSE AND IT TRIED TO KILL ME

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** WHAT! DID! I! TELL! YALL!

 

 **the flute blower:** EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED

 

 **ninibear:** OKAY SO I WAS JUST TEXTING YOU GUYS

 

 **ninibear:** THEN SUDDENLY SOMETHING JUMPS ON ME AND STARTS LIKE SCRATCHING ME AND SQUEEZING MY NECK AND STUFF

 

 **ninibear:** IT WAS CRAZY I DON’T REMEMBER EVERYTHING IT HAPPENED SO FAST

 

 **ninibear:** ANYWAYS I MANAGED TO GET IT OFF AND RAN OUT THE ROOM

 

 **ninibear:** IDK WHAT IT WAS OR WHERE IT IS NOW

 

 **blow it like a flute:** holy shit.....

 

 **jongbae:** im mad that tao was actually right

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** ASSHOLES

 

 **squishsoo:** so the dorm is haunted?????

 

 **galaxy s7:** wtf do we do now?

 

 **baehyun:** well boys

 

 **baehyun:** when there are ghosts

 

 **baehyun:** who ya gonna call?

 

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**the flute blower:** i cant believe baekhyuns solution was for us to become ghostbusters

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** this outfit is soooo tacky wtf

 

 **galaxy s7:** he gave me swimming goggles,,,, they’re pink

 

 **ninibear:** at least you have the vacuum

 

 **ninibear:** he gave me a feather duster

 

 **blow it like a flute:** bro he gave me a BIBLE

 

 **blow it like a flute:** what the fuck am i supposed to do with the BIBLE????

 

 **pcwhy:** easy

 

 **pcwhy:** read it out loud

 

 **pcwhy:** you’ll blow the ghosts away with the word of the lord

 

 **your lord sehun:** shut up chanyeol

 

 **pcwhy:** disrespect

 

 **squishsoo:** im not gonna lie

 

 **squishsoo:** this is the stupidest idea baekhyuns ever come up with

 

 **jongbae:** HEY

 

 **jongbae:** i agree wholeheartedly but THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND

 

 **baehyun:** heard kyungsoo was talking shit

 

 **baehyun:** tell me when that short ass can come up with a better idea and then we’ll talk

 

 **squishsoo:** nice try hurting my feelings, but jokes on you i haven’t had those since 1993

 

 **squishsoo:** also, it’s called _moving out of the dorm_ instead of doing all this extra ass shit, maybe you’ve never heard of it

 

 **Mother:** GUYS STOP FIGHTING FOR TEN SECONDS?

 

 **baehyun:** he’s right

 

 **baehyun:** lets begin our mission and BUST SOME GHOSTS

 

 **pcwhy:** WOOOOOOOOO

 

 **blow it like a flute:** YEAAHAHAHFAFK

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** YAAAAAAAY

 

 **baehyun:** wait but first,,, we’ll need codenames

 

 **squishsoo:** we’re..... texting?

 

 **jongbae:** shh just let him be

 

 **baehyun:** frOm now on, you can address me as eagle one

 

 **baehyun:** cHANYEOL, codename: been there done that

 

 **pcwhy:** wtf

 

 **baehyun:** jongdAe is: CURRENTLY DOING THAT

 

 **jongbae:** AYYYYY

 

 **baehyun:** sEhuN iS: it happened once in a dream

 

 **your lord sehun:** ;-)

 

 **ninibear:** uH WhAT

 

 **baehyun:** yiXING codeNaMe: if i had to pick a dude

 

 **unicornxing:** aww thanks!! ;D

 

 **baehyun:** kyUngsoo is

 

 **baehyun:** eagle two

 

 **squishsoo:** oh thank god.

 

 **baehyun:** ALRIGHT LETS MOVE OUT FOLKS

 

 **galaxy s7:** wait what about the rest of us?

 

 **baehyun:** lol idk i ran out of names so yall are codenameless i guess

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** the disrespect

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**baehyun:** this is eagle one

 

 **baehyun:** been there done that has just surveillance sweeped the kitchen, its been marked as ghost free

 

 **baehyun:** id be lying if i said i hadnt thought about it is now sweeping the bathroom for any paranormal activity

 

 **Mother:** WAIT BAEKHYUN WTF _IM_ SWEEPING THE BATHROOM

 

 **baehyun:** HEY AT LEAST IM BEING HONEST

 

 **galaxy s7:** HES MARRIED??? TO ME?????

 

 **baehyun:** AND BEYONCE IS MARRIED TO JAY Z BUT THAT DOESNT STOP MY THIRST

 

 **your lord sehun:** ^ my mood 24/7

 

 **squishsoo:** im not even gonna _bother_ to read what's above, me and chanyeols room is fine

 

 **baehyun:** o ok cool

 

 **baehyun:** jongdae,, and  _yixing baby my sweet cheeks my honey bunch my love_ hows the living room coming aloWAIT

 

 **baehyun:** ME AND CHANYEOLS ROOM?????????????????????????????

 

 **jongbae:** OH SH I T

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** EXPOSED

 

 **baehyun:** HM,,, THATS,,,,,,, INTERESTING,,,,,,,,, KYUNGSOO,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

 **squishsoo:** oh whoops auto correct i meant chanyeols room*

 

 **the flute blower:** kyungsoo....... that’s not how auto correc t works .  . .  . .

 

**your lord sehun:**

**blow it like a flute:** even at times where we’re about to die, we still throw shade and expose each other

 

 **blow it like a flute:** i love this family

 

 **baehyun:** kyungsoo..... care to explain yourself????

 

 **squishsoo:** it was literally just a typo chill out

 

 **squishsoo:** shut up chanyeol

 

 **pcwhy:** i didn’t say anything???

 

 **squishsoo:** i saw you typing

 

 **jongbae:** GUYS, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY IN THE LIVING ROOM, I REPEAT, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY IN THE LIVING ROOM

 

 **unicornxing:** THIS IS NOT A DRILL THIS IS NO T A DRILL THE LAMP JUST FELL OVER

 

 **pcwhy:** WAIT FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOO BUT THAT’S WHERE MY ANIME COLLECTION IS

 

 **pcwhy:** OH MY GOD WHAT IF THE GHOST GETS HIS COOTIES ON MY LEGENDARY MEWTWO FIGURINE

 

 **jongbae:**???????WHATS MORE VALUABLE MY LIFE OR YOUR DAMN ANIME COLLECTION

 

 **pcwhy:** HONESTLY????? I LOVE ANIME MORE THAN YOU

 

 **ninibear:** that’s.... really sad hyung

 

 **squishsoo:** i cant tell if that’s an insult to jongdae or to chanyeol himself

 

 **unicornxing:** WE CAN WORRY ABOUT THE DETAILS OF THAT LATER

 

 **unicornxing:** ALL FORCES IN THE LIVING ROOM NOW

 

 **baehyun:** hey that’s my line

 

 **unicornxing:** oh im so sorry baek i forgot !! D;

 

 **unicornxing:** here you say it now <3

 

 **baehyun:** awwww thanks my favorite person in the entire world <33

 

 **baehyun:** ALL FORCES IN THE LIVING ROOM NOW

**jongbae:** sometimes i think baekhyun loves yixing more than he loves me

 

 **your lord sehun:** what makes you think otherwise?

 

 **ninibear:**

 

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**baehyun:** mission failed team ghost not captured by sucking device we’ll get em next time

 

 **Mother:** it’s... called a vacuum??

 

 **Mother:** and wait a second now that i think about it why arent i the leader?

 

 **baehyun:** not to worry, i have a permit

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **baehyun:** here!

 

 **Mother:** this just says “i can do what i want”

 

 **baehyun:** i know totes legit right?? kyungsoo got it for me, said he got it from the us white house!

 

 **Mother:** i

 

 **squishsoo:** hyung

 

 **Mother:** never mind

 

 **the flute blower:** alright guys its 5 am already and i have gotten 1 hour of sleep

 

 **the flute blower:** honestly at this point let the ghost kill me im too tired to give a fuck

 

 **jongbae:** mood

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** GUYS YOU CANT GIVE UP NOW WE GOTTA BANISH THE GHOST

 

 **baehyun:** HES RIGHT

 

 **baehyun:** DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES

 

 **baehyun:** WE’RE PERFORMING AN EXORCISM

 

 **blow it like a flute:** OMG I WATCHED HOW TO DO THIS ON SUPERNATURAL MOVE OUTTA THE WAY BITCHES

 

 **blow it like a flute:** ALRIGHT SOMEONE GET ME A BAG OF SALT, A MARKER, AND MINSEOK

 

 **the flute blower:** right here babe what you need

 

 **blow it like a flute:** nothinggggg just wanted to say ily <333

 

 **the flute blower:** babeeee you know i love you even more!!!!!

 

 **pcwhy:** oh my god can the ghost just kill me now please

 

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**blow it like a flute:** ahem

 

 **blow it like a flute:** i am currently drawing the pentagram on the floor and the protective ring of salt for us to hide in while we sacrifice someone to lure the ghost

 

 **blow it like a flute:** now we need someone for that job

 

 **blow it like a flute:** i nominate sehun

 

 **your lord sehun:** HYUNG WTF

 

 **your lord sehun:** YOURE REALLY JUST GONNA LET ME, A BABY, DIE LIKE THAT ?????

 

 **blow it like a flute:** i mean,,,, as they say , the less the merrier right

 

 **squishsoo:** luhan you’re my new role model i love you senpai

 

 **your lord sehun:** WOW MINSEOK HYUNG DO U SEE WHAT KIND OF FIANCE YOU HAVE NEVER HAVE A CHILD

 

 **the flute blower:** honestly same babe

 

 **your lord sehun:** yall making me about to pull a tao

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** WHY DID I HAVE TO BE TURNED INTO A JOKE

 

 **baehyun:** bruh you’ve been a joke your entire life this shouldn’t be anything new to you

 

 **jongbae:** JFANKFJWFNWKOAFIJFANWJN

 

 **pcwhy:** REKTTTTTTT

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** u wanna hear an _actual_ joke

 

 **your lord sehun:** your love life?

 

 **galaxy s7:** KFAHJFHFWJOWFJIHFAWN

 

 **Mother:** B Y E

 

 **blow it like a flute:** NVM SEHUN CAN LIVE THAT WAS SO FUNNY IM DECEASEDDKSAG

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** i fucking despise you with every ounce of my being oh sehun

 

 **your lord sehun:** the feeling is mutual no need to worry <3

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** anyways my new man is better than you

 

 **your lord sehun:** is he beyonce cause if not

 

 **your lord sehun:**

 

 **pcwhy:** BHFAJIHUIJOFKAJIAHUF

 

 **the flute blower:** THE ACCURACY

 

 **jongbae:** WAIT TAO YOU DONT EVEN HAVE A MAN???

 

 **unicornxing:** i volunteer as tribute

 

 **baehyun:** i

 

 **pcwhy:** i......

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** LOL YIXING YOURE SO FUNNY 

 

 **galaxy s7:** did i just read that with my own two gay eyes

 

 **squishsoo:** that was honestly TRAGIC

 

**your lord sehun:**

 

 **baehyun:** this is why i always say me and jongdae are willing to add a third person to our relationship yixing you kno what to do !!

 

 **jongbae:** WT F NO IM NOT

 

 **baehyun:** kim jongdae ruin my chances with the king of china and youre dead

**pcwhy:** PAOWJFKAJIFNIFOAJN KING OF CHINA

 

 **Mother:** MOST ACCURATE NICKNAME OF 2017

 

**pcwhy has changed unicornxing’s name to king of china**

**king of china:** oh nooo guys im not _that_ special!!

 

 **the flute blower:**

 

 **the flute blower:** imma count to 3 yixing that shit best be deleted by the time im done

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** YIXING YOURE THE MOST IMPORTANT SPECIAL PERSON ON THE PLANET WDYM?!!!?1!?1!1?1?!!

 

 **baehyun:**

 

 **your lord sehun:** what kind of hEADASSERY

 

 **jongbae:** name me someone stupider than huang zitao ill wait

**galaxy s7:** tao: no one will date me / yixing: ill date you / tao: HAHAHAHAHA YOURE SO FUNNY!!1!11!!

 

 **galaxy s7:** yixing: im not that special? / tao: HERES A 600 PAGE LIST ON WHY YOURE THE MOST SPECIAL PERSON ON THE PLANET I LOVE YOU

 

 **squishsoo:** i honestly want to die

 

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**blow it like a flute:** THE PREPARATIONS ARE COMPLETE

 

 **blow it like a flute:** after careful consideration i have decided chanyeol will be our sacrifice

 

 **pcwhy:** BINCH WTF WHY ME

 

 **blow it like a flute:** do you really want the answer to that

 

 **pcwhy:**....damn nvm

 

 **pcwhy:** WAIT DO I HAVE TO GO ALONE?

 

 **blow it like a flute:** i mean,,, like i said,,, the less people the merrier,,,, so,,,,

 

 **Mother:** wait im pretty sure that’s not how the saying goes?

 

 **blow it like a flute:** im pretty sure that’s _exactly_ how the saying goes

 

 **pcwhy:** OKAY COOL

 

 **pcwhy:** hey jongdae i need a favor

 

 **jongbae:** ask your friend naruto

 

 **ninibear:** FJAIJIFJIBJAFIJNAFKWBN

 

 **the flute blower:** BYEYEYEYEYEEEIM DEAD D D D D D

 

 **your lord sehun:** KARMAS A BITCH

 

 **pcwhy:** DOES ANYONE WANNA GO WITH ME?????

 

**baehyun and 10 others have left the chat**

**pcwhy has added baehyun and 10 others to the chat**

**pcwhy:** fucking phake ass friends

 

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**pcwhy:** guys im scared

 

 **pcwhy:** the house is eerily silent

 

 **pcwhy:** why do i have to walk the hallways what if the ghost just grabs me and kills me before i can get it to the pentagram

 

 **squishsoo:** tragic

 

 **blow it like a flute:** ^

 

 **pcwhy:** man fuck you

 

 **king of china:** its okay chanyeol!! we’ll keep you company before your inevitable death :D

 

 **pcwhy:** gee that’s really reassuring thanks guys

 

 **king of china:** lets sing a song for him!

 

 **ninibear:** OMG THATS SO CUTE YES PLEASE

 

 **galaxy s7:** ^ yeah i totally love singing songs to people before they die it’s so cUTE

 

 **ninibear:** SHUT UP I MEANT LIKE A CUTE SONG TO MAKE HIM HAPPY

 

 **ninibear:** SEHUN DO SOME AEGYO

 

 **pcwhy:** wait but i cant even _see_ him do aegyo?

 

 **ninibear:** LOL TRAGIC FOR YOU BUT NOT FOR ME

 

 **pcwhy:** wow i love feeling loved thanks guys

 

 **king of china:** i already have the perfect song in mind ;D

 

 **king of china:** ahem

 

 **king of china:** SHE SAID HOLA COMO ESTAS

 

 **baehyun:** SHE SAID KONNICHIWA

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** SHE SAID PARDON MY FRENCH

 

 **squishsoo:** she said stfu cause yall annoying af

 

 **baehyun:** damn way to ruin the mood kyungsoo

 

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**pcwhy:** guys its been 10 minutes and the ghost hasn’t done anything

 

 **blow it like a flute:** damn it i knew picking someone like you would be a bad idea

 

 **pcwhy:**?????WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 

 **your lord sehun:** ughhh im so tired

 

 **your lord sehun:** it’s a hard job being an amazing and talented person but someones gotta do it

 

 **ninibear:** hey sehunnie rest your head on my lap!! it can be your pillow :-)

 

 **your lord sehun:** oh

 

 **your lord sehun:** thanks jonginnie <3

 

 **baehyun:** JONGDAE GET THE CAMERA I REPEAT GET THE CAMERA

 

 **jongbae:** DW BABE

 

 **jongbae:**

 

 **squishsoo:** i hate this meme

 

 **pcwhy:** GUYS SOMETHING JUST MOVED

 

 **blow it like a flute:** OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING

 

 **baehyun:** EVERYBODY STAY CALM

 

 **Mother:** WHATS THE PROCEDURE???????

 

 **baehyun:** STAY FUCKING CALM!!!!!

 

 **pcwhy:** NANFKOANJNFANWN GOTTA BLAST THIS BINTCH AIN T DYING TODAY

 

 **blow it like a flute:** ALRIGHT JONGDAE YOU KNOW THE INCANTATION TO EXPEL THE SPIRIT CORRECT

 

 **jongbae:** GOT IT

 

 **blow it like a flute:** EVERYONE INSIDE THE SALT CIRCLE CHANYEOLS COMING I CAN HEAR HIM BREAKING EVERYTHING IN THE HALLWAYS,, GOD DAMN IT CHANYEOL

 

 **pcwhy:** YOIU DPICKE DME M THUSI I SI KARMA

 

 **pcwhy:** I M HER E

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** GET INSIDE THE CIRCLE

 

 **blow it like a flute:** THE SPIRITS HERE

 

 **blow it like a flute: JONGDAE**   **GO**

 

**jongbae played[thegreatestsongofourtime.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roughtzsCDI)**

**jongbae:** RING DING DONG RING DING DONG RING DIGGY DING DIGGY DING DING DING RING DING DONG RING DING DONG RING DIGGY DING DIGGY DING DING DING

 

 **squishsoo:** im in fucking teARS

 

 **the flute blower:** THE SPIRIT IS DYING!!!!

 

 **baehyun:** WOW LISTEN TO THOSE SCREAMS OF PAIN

 

 **Mother:** OH MY GOD THE LIGHTS ARE GOING CRAZY

 

 **galaxy s7:** THE WINDOWS JUST SHATTERED AAAAHAIAFJAHJBFAKJA

 

 **ninibear:** IF I DIE NOW,,, SEHUN I LOVE YOU

 

 **your lord sehun:** FUCK JONGIN I LOVE YOU TOO

 

 **pcwhy:** I CANT BELIEVE SEKAI IS CANON _NOW_ RIGHT WHEN WERE ALL ABOUT TO DIE

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD

 

 **blow it like a flute:** it

 

 **blow it like a flute:** it exploded into dust

 

 **king of china:** WE BANISHED THE GHOST!!!!!

 

 **jongbae:** WOOO O OO O O O O

 

 **blow it like a flute:** SHINEE ALWAYS SAVES THE DAY

 

 **baehyun:** now that’s what i call........

 

**baehyun: (•_•)**

 

**baehyun: ( •_•) >⌐■-■**

 

**baehyun: (⌐■_■)**

 

 **baehyun:** _a blowjob_

**pcwhy:** gdi baekhyun

 

 **Mother:** ANYWAYS CUE THE CELEBRATORY DORA WE DID IT DANCE WITH THE OBLIGATORY FREEZE FRAME JUMP

 

 **jongbae:** LETS GET L I T !!!!!!!!

 

 **the flute blower:**

 

* * *

 

**snoop dogg oppa**

**wiz khalifa hyung:** woah guys i just had the craziest dream

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** for some reason our dorm was haunted by a ghost and we became ghostbusters

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** and everyone was really savage and shady,, actually that’s pretty normal

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** actually, we have the same usernames and stuff we had in my dream? thats weird when did we change them

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** but anyways we had codenames and the ghost played gasolina?? and for some reason baekhyun was the leader and chanyeol almost let jongdae die for his anime collection and everyone was obsessed with yixing (that’s reasonable) and luhan was lowkey a supernatural stan and kyungsoo called luhan senpai??? and chansoo were lowkey gay and sharing a room and jongdae played ring ding dong to exorcize the ghost??? and sekai confessed right when we were going to die and it was wild and

 

 **your lord sehun:** taozi shut the fuck up its 1 am

 

 **squishsoo:** honestly

 

 **baehyun:** WHAT THE FYCK KYUNGSOO WROTE IN LOWERCASE

 

 **baehyun:** W I T H O U T  P U N C T U A T I O N

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:**...

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** you know what, i _will_ be quiet now

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** probably just some weird fever dream anyways

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** good night yall <3

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to you if you can get any of the 89432490 references i crammed into this chapter i am sorry  
> was it /all/ just a dream?? thats the question you may never find out the answer to ;)


	18. we going ko ko butt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LADIES GENTLEMEN AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN  
> WE R FINALLY BACK!! its been so long since the last update… i apologize for the wait! i fell into poorly timed summer laziness and no inspiration to write anything.  
> a few notices before we begin!  
> \- a couple of scenes in this fic have been altered. to make a long story short, they too closely resembled ideas from another fic, and the author kindly informed me of such. it’s my totally fault for the error, and im extremely sorry for all of the inconvenience. the new scenes still stay true to the,, loose,, "plot",, of this story, so dont worry about anything new!  
> \- if you remember 20 million years ago, i promised a double update. im proud to say i finally stopped procrastinating and it is hERE AT LAST.  
> \- im out of my writing/lazy slump so expect updates to come back as normal. i cant give you an exact schedule but i think every 1-2 weeks will be the norm.
> 
> now that that’s all out of the way… story COMMENCE

**snoop dogg oppa**

**ninibear has changed the group chat name to WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**wiz khalifa hyung:** why

 

**ninibear:** hehe

 

**baehyun:** WERE BACK YAAALLL

 

**pcwhy:** THE KINGS HAVE MADE A COMEBACK

 

**blow it like a flute:** if only @sehunkais wouldnt be a month late to write about it... now the memes are dead

 

**the flute blower:**??? who’s that

 

**jongbae:** CAN WE. TALK ABOUT. MY MANS

 

**baehyun:** u rang?

 

**jongbae:** THAT MULLET.

 

**your lord sehun:** its time for The Mullet Discourse™

 

**squishsoo:** You looked like a premature Billy Ray Cyrus.

 

**Mother:** JSKDJSFKSFJSK

 

**your lord sehun has changed baehyun’s name to baekie ray cyrus**

 

**jongbae:** STFU HE LOOKED RLY GOOD

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** i am immune to that drag by now _soo_ think of a new one

 

**squishsoo:** Okay, one, don’t call me “Soo”.

 

**your lord sehun:** only chanyeol can call him that ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**squishsoo:** End your life.

 

**pcwhy:** u ever wonder if the hair ppl donate went into making the extensions for that mullet?

 

**pcwhy:** imagine thinking your hair was going to go to like. a good cause

 

**galaxy s7:** LMFAOOOOOO

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** so baekhyun when are you gonna drop the album

 

**baekie ray cyrus:**???

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** yknow

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** the country album.

 

**the flute blower:** DEADDDDDD

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** cant wait to hear you sing about plowing jongdae in yer tractor

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** okAY FIRST OF ALL DONT EVEN JOKE

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** USING COUNTRY MUSIC AS AN INSULT IS THE LOWEST BLOW ONE CAN DEAL

 

**jongbae:** TBFH U DONT PLAY WITH DEMONS LIKE THAT

 

**jongbae:** also get your facts straight fam

 

**jongbae:** baekhyun would never plow ME he’s a whole bottom

 

**pcwhy:** JSAFKJWFHJKAWFJHWAJKFKJHAJFW

 

**the flute blower:** really? right in front of my salad?

 

**squishsoo:** Today on: Facts I Didn’t Need or Want to Know

 

**ninibear:**

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** REGARDLESS THE MULLET WAS STILL DUMB

 

**king of china:** personally i quite liked the mullet!

 

**king of china:** it was something new and he pulled it off well :)

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:**

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** so what do yall think of my new fit??

 

**blow it like a flute:** AKFJBKWAFJHBWAJKFMJNAJFKFWAJ

 

**blow it like a flute:** YOU WERENT EVEN LOWKEY THIS TIME IM WEHEHZING G

 

**galaxy s7:** BRUHHHHHHH

 

**king of china:** i thought you hated the mullet tao??

 

**Mother:** NOT EVEN A MINUTE AGO HE WAS A MULLET ANTI

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** lmao what are yall talking about??

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** baekhyun’s mullet? best thing to ever grace this planet!!

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** xing u mUstve read that wrong! #1 mullet baekhyun advocate right here!!!!!

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** THAAAANKS YIXINGG HYUUUNGGGG <3333

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** oomf appears to be a snake but we all saw that coming

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:[rule number one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTTj3vboPEU)**

 

**your lord sehun:** MPFPMGKAMNJFKWFAW I CANT BREHAHTHEEE

 

**galaxy s7:** IM CRRYYYINGGGGG

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** miss me w that “oomf” shit

 

**pcwhy:** TELL ME WHY SHE WAS SPITTING STRAIGHT BARS THO OMFG IM SHAKING

 

**jongbae:** THINK WE FOUND THE NEW MAIN RAPPER OF EXO

**king of china:** hahaha that was funny!!

 

**king of china:** what does oomf mean though :o??

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** oh yixing dont worry your beautiful lil head about it

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** on the topic of amazing hairstyles

 

**the flute blower:** bithc.. where....

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** KIM JONGDAE WENT BLONDE EVERYBODY LETS GIVE IT UP

 

**your lord sehun:**

 

**Mother:**

 

**the flute blower:**

 

**blow it like a flute:** NOW THIS??? THIS IS A TOPIC I CAN GET BEHIND

 

**ninibear has changed jongbae’s name to blondae**

**blondae:** AWWW TY TY TO ALL MY ADORING FANS~~~~~~

 

**blondae:** AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO TALK ABOUT ME ALL DAY

 

**blondae:** WE GOTTA SHOUT OUT EVERYONE ELSE TOO

 

**blondae:** MINSEOK. MINSEOK. M I N S E O K. I SEE UUUUUU

 

**the flute blower:**

**blow it like a flute:** ACCURATE

 

**blondae:** U WERE REALLY COMING FOR WIGS THIS COMEBACK FAM!!

 

**blondae:** KIM MINSEOK?? AGING??? HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE WORD!!!

 

**pcwhy:** tell me how this man always stays popping it iM

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** okay but in all seriousness for once

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** all yall looked stellar this comeback thanks for snatching my edges smh

 

**your lord sehun:** wouldve been better w yixing :(

 

**your lord sehun:** sm is dead to me

 

**your lord sehun:** leaving the king of china outta a comeback like that?? utter disrespect

 

**Mother:** was _this_ close to going OFF on those fools but i held myself back

 

**king of china:** awww thanks u guys <3

 

**blondae:** we all miss u yixing <3

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**pcwhy:**

**pcwhy:** TTOKBARO BWA

 

**pcwhy:** WHATS THE SITUATION

**your lord sehun:** DONT START

 

**pcwhy:**

 

**pcwhy:**

 

**your lord sehun:** S T O P

 

**pcwhy:** ok b ut  sehunnie u owned that song so like. So Like.

 

**pcwhy:** as your favorite hyung i am telling u that u slayed

 

**pcwhy:** we r all sehun stans now srry 

 

**your lord sehun:** HYUNG SHHHHH DONT EMBARRASS ME

 

**pcwhy:** I JUST??? OUR LITTLE SEHUNNIE??? ALL GROWN UP????

 

**pcwhy:** OUT HERE SPREADING HIS LEGS??? BEIN ALL SEXY?????

 

**your lord sehun:** I AM I N N O C E N T

 

**pcwhy:** ok but frl. i see u kid. get dem hoes.

 

**pcwhy:** esp jongin. get jongin.

 

**your lord sehun:** H Y U N G

 

**pcwhy:** nyways i got 2 blast 2 the studio

 

**pcwhy:** make some moves kiddo ;)

 

**your lord sehun:** please end yourself

 

**pcwhy:** N A H

 

**pcwhy:** PEACE~~

 

**pcwhy has left the chat**

 

**your lord sehun:** die satan

 

**squishsoo:** You called?

 

**your lord sehun:** JAKJFHWJKFJHAJFWJA

 

**your lord sehun:** WTF HOW DID YOU KNOW

 

**squishsoo:** Oh, it was just convenient timing.

 

**squishsoo:** So, Sehun, I see _you’re_ here.

 

**squishsoo:** Convenient.

 

**your lord sehun:** that sounds mildly threatening

 

**your lord sehun:** fyi i am _not_ the one who spilled juice on your laptop

 

**squishsoo:** SPILLED JUICE ON MY _WHAT_

 

**your lord sehun:** uh,,,,

 

**your lord sehun:** something tells me you didn’t know about this

 

**squishsoo:** Oh

 

**squishsoo:** Ohohohoh

 

**squishsoo:** Ohohohohohoh

 

**squishsoo:** Someone’s not waking up to see the sunrise

 

**your lord sehun:** uh,,, u good fam

 

**squishsoo:** Haha

 

**your lord sehun:** why did i hear multiple glasses being smashed from the kitchen

 

**squishsoo:** No reason.

 

**squishsoo:** Anyways :)

 

**squishsoo:** That’s not what I came here for.

 

**squishsoo:** You know my dog, Meokmul, correct?

 

**your lord sehun:** OFC I KNOW MY FAVORITE NIECE MEOKMULLIEEEEE <333333

 

**squishsoo:** Yeah, well, I want to adopt a sibling for her so she’s not so lonely while we’re gone on tour and whatnot.

 

**squishsoo:** What do you think?

 

**your lord sehun:** OMG DO IT

 

**your lord sehun:** YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG WITH DOGS

 

**your lord sehun:** ADOPT 50 WHILE YOURE AT IT

 

**squishsoo:** Cool, thanks.

 

**your lord sehun:** np hyung <33

 

**your lord sehun:** so is that all you wanted to ask?

 

**squishsoo:** Uh,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

**squishsoo:** Well, no.

 

**your lord sehun:** oh?

 

**squishsoo:** I figure you know stuff about dogs...

 

**your lord sehun:**.......and? ;)

 

**squishsoo:** And like,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

**squishsoo:** I’m gonna die why am I saying this

 

**your lord sehun:** idk what u mean hyung ;););)

 

**squishsoo:** COUGHSAndwehaventspentmuchtimetogetherrecentlyandyourelikethemosttolerablememberoutofeverybodyCOUGHS

 

**squishsoo:** AHem

 

**squishsoo:** So you can come if you want. Or not. I don’t care. Doesn’t matter. Just thought you’re probably more knowledgeable on the subject than I am since you’ve had a dog longer.

 

**your lord sehun:** hyung~~ is this you... asking me out? ;))))))

 

**your lord sehun:** aWWWW i always knEW u had a crush on me~~~~

 

**squishsoo:** Don’t even joke, Sehun.

 

**your lord sehun:** im obviously jk lol you’re too whipped for chanyeol

 

**your lord sehun:** im more of a sub myself anyways... we just wouldnt work out yknow?

 

**squishsoo:** SEHUN I WILL TAKE BACK MY STATEMENT FROM EARLIER.

 

**your lord sehun:** aLRIGHT FINE FINE

 

**your lord sehun:** ur no fun hyung >;(

 

**squishsoo:** Just answer the question!

 

**your lord sehun:** YES, OF COURSE, DUMMY

 

**your lord sehun:** I WOULD NEVER PASS DOWN THE OPPORTUNITY OF GETTING TO PET SOME DOGS

 

**your lord sehun:** also, i haven’t quite had the chance to make good on our... agreement... yet

 

**squishsoo:** UGHHHH I THOUGHT YOU FORGOT ABOUT THAT

 

**your lord sehun:** i never forget my agreements

 

**your lord sehun:**

 

**squishsoo:** You mean your _blackmailing?_

 

**your lord sehun:** you make it sound so evil hyung ㅠㅠ

 

**squishsoo:** I really wish you’d give up the “innocent maknae” gig one of these days.

 

**your lord sehun:** i don’t know what you’re talking about <3

 

**squishsoo:** Just get yourself ready to go, brat.

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**baekie ray cyrus:** so im standing there, barbeque sauce on my tiddies

 

**ninibear:** wtf did i just walk in on

 

**the flute blower:**.

 

**blondae:**.

 

**blow it like a flute:**.

 

**galaxy s7:**.

 

**baekie ray cyrus:**...well this is awkward

 

**blondae:** LMFAOOO OO OO O

 

**ninibear:** do i even want to know

 

**blow it like a flute:** YES

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** NO

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** DON’T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT

 

**the flute blower:** jONGIN baekhyun has the best high school stories you should listen

 

**ninibear:** “barbeque sauce on my tiddies”

 

**the flute blower:** OKAY SO MAYBE IT SOUNDS BAD WITHOUT CONTEXT BUT FRL

 

**galaxy s7:** BUT BECKYS HOE ASS CHEATING ON STEPHEN LIKE?????? WHAT A SNAKE??????

 

**blondae:** okay but OBVIOUSLY robert is better for her

 

**blondae:** stephen wouldve left her for elizabeth anyways

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** OH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF IT

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** BECAUSE YOU SEE

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** STEPHEN WAS ACTUALLY GAY THE WHOLE TIME

 

**blow it like a flute:** W H A T

 

**the flute blower:** I CALLLEEEEDDDD ITTTTT

 

**the flute blower:** OMFG I FCKING KNEW IT

 

**galaxy s7:** IM SCREAMINGJGFAHJFKJFAW

 

**blondae:** BIGGEST PLOT TWIST OF 2017

 

**ninibear:**...okay anyways

 

**ninibear:** have any of you seen sehun?

 

**ninibear:** i wanted to go over a dance routine with him

 

**ninibear:** ~~and maybe ask him out somewhere but that’s besides the point~~

 

**galaxy s7:** last i heard from junnie he went out somewhere

 

**blondae:** j u n n i e

 

**galaxy s7:** b a e k i e

 

**blondae:** touche

 

**blondae:** but still

 

**blondae has changed Mother’s name to junnie**

**galaxy s7:** he’s gonna kill you when he gets back

**ninibear:** he went out?? with tao im guessing??

 

**pcwhy:** he went out with kyungsoo.

 

**blow it like a flute:** WOAH THERE

 

**blow it like a flute:** park chanyeol using a period in his sentences???????

 

**blondae:** _someone_ sounds strangely put out by this...........

 

**pcwhy:** NO IM NOT

 

**the flute blower:** defensive there 

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** wat did they even go out to do anyways

 

**ninibear:** ^

 

**pcwhy:** idk something about “adopting a dog” or whatever

 

**ninibear:** A DOG?????!K2J3UKL3Q

 

**blow it like a flute:** A DOG!!1!!1111!!!!!!!11!!

 

**king of china:** DID SOMEONE SAY DOG

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** D O G

 

**blondae:** DOGGO

 

**galaxy s7:** OMG I WANT ONE

 

**ninibear:** WAIT SO LIKE... THEYRE ADOPTING A DOG... TOGETHER????

 

**pcwhy:** idk? kyungsoo wasn’t clear on the details.

 

**king of china:** i think someones jealous~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** GGASPPPP

 

**the flute blower:** OOOOOoOooOoooOoo chaNYEOLS JEALLLOOOUSSS

 

**pcwhy:** IM NOT

 

**pcwhy:** why would i be jealous anyways

 

**pcwhy:** if ANYONE should be jealous it should be jongin i mean

 

**pcwhy:** sehun’s getting a dog without him

 

**ninibear:** UH IM NOT JEALOUS

 

**pcwhy:** YEAH YOU ARE

 

**ninibear:** WELL IF ANYTHING, IF I _WAS_ JEALOUS (WHICH IM _NOT_ )

 

**ninibear:** YOURE JEALOUS- _ER_

**pcwhy:** NO YOURE JEALOUS-ER

 

**galaxy s7:** en o u g h

 

**galaxy s7:** likE chanyeol SAID, we dont know the details of what sehun and kyungsoo are even doing

 

**galaxy s7:** theres no reason for you both to be jealous

 

**pcwhy:** IM NOT JEALOUS

 

**ninibear:** IM NOT JEALOUS

 

**galaxy s7:** yeah, and im not junmyeon’s husband

 

**ninibear:** you’re not junmyeon’s husband???????

 

**galaxy s7:** omFG

 

**the flute blower:** WHAT KRIS IS TRYING TO SAY IS STFU

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** yeah!!!!!! chansoo and sekai can nEVER DIE

 

**your lord sehun:**

**your lord sehun:** meet our new bby girl huchu yall~~~

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

**blondae:** OMFG

 

**blow it like a flute:** IM STEALING HER

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** SHES SOOOOO ADORABLEEEEEKEJEEKEJEKL

 

**king of china:** DIES FROM CUTENESS

 

**the flute blower:** WHAT A CUTIE PIEEEE~~

 

**galaxy s7:** SO PRECIOUS :’’’’)

 

**squishsoo:** It’s funny, I didn’t understand why people care so much about their dumb dogs till I got a dumb dog myself.

 

**squishsoo:** I’ve only had Huchu for an hour, but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

 

**your lord sehun:**

 

**ninibear:** so u got a dog????

 

**squishsoo:** Yeah.

 

**squishsoo:** One can never have too many dogs.

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** A FACT!!

 

**your lord sehun:** i bet u shes gonna grow so fond of her _dad_ ;)

 

**squishsoo:** Shut the hell up, Sehun.

 

**pcwhy:** looooool jajajajajajaja so funnyyyyyy

 

**blondae:** wtf is jajajajaja

 

**pcwhy:** so u two coming back now? or?

 

**your lord sehun:** nah soo asked me out so he owes me bubble tea~~

 

**ninibear:** _asked what now_

 

**your lord sehun:** and we might as well take bby huchu around the area for the first time!!

 

**squishsoo:** Hurry up, _princess,_ we don’t have all day.

 

**your lord sehun:** im coming, _darling_

**pcwhy:**..........

 

**baekie ray cyrus:**

 

**blondae:** so what was that about jealousy again

 

**pcwhy:** STFU

 

* * *

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**baekie ray cyrus:** now that i think about it

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** dAEEEEE BABEEEEE WE SHOULD GET A PUPPY TOOOOOOO

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** WE COULD FINALLY BECOME PARENTS

 

**blondae:** but i already have a puppy~

 

**baekie ray cyrus:**?????

 

**blondae:** sillyyyyyy its you~~~~~~~~~~~ ;)

 

**blondae:** youre the only puppy i need <3

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** aWWWWWW <33

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** is master home to play with his puppy? ;))))

 

**the flute blower:** ohmygod i just threw up in my mouth a little reading that GET A ROOM

 

**galaxy s7:** that’s actually really kinky and i don’t know how i should react

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** I KNEW BAEKHYUN WAS SECRETLY A FURRY oMFG

 

**blow it like a flute:** MPFMALFKJNKFMWNJHBAFNJKFMJWAN

 

**blondae:** LMFAOOOOOOOOO

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** WTF IM NOT A FURRY EW

 

**blow it like a flute:** but,,, ur into,,, petplay?????

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** DON’T KINKSHAME ME

 

**blow it like a flute:** KINKSHAMING I S MY KINK

 

**blondae:**

 

* * *

 

**private chat: LOMLLL**

**baekie ray cyrus:** uh babe

 

**blondae:** wassup hon

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** were,,,, u serious about the puppy thing,,,,

 

**blondae:** wait

 

**blondae:** WAIT ARE YOU ACTUALLY INTO PETPLAY

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** DON’T KINKSHAME ME YOURE MY BOYFRIEND

 

**blondae:** IM WHEEZINGGHFAJAJFAF OMFG

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** BABEEEEEEEEEEE STOOOOOPPPPPP

 

**blondae:** SROIRRY THIS SI SJSUT SOFUNYY

 

**blondae:** JAFKJHAWJKFWAJHFAJKFJAFKWA

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** JONGDAEEEEEE

 

**blondae:** OKAY OKAY SORRY

 

**blondae:** but like. wOW

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** R U GONNA SAY SOMETHING OR KEEP LAUGHING

 

**blondae:** I WAS JUST SHOCKED OKAY

 

**blondae:** buT

 

**blondae:** this is quite useful to know yknow ;)

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** oh yeahhhhh?????

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** wdym ;))))

 

**blondae:** well,,,,,,,,,,

 

**blondae:** i may have some stuff that might fit right up your kinky alleyway

 

**blondae:** come to my room and we can try it out ;) ;) ;)

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** G O T T A B L AS  T

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**wiz khalifa hyung:** did anyone else just get a chill down their spine or was that just me

 

**junnie:** my motherly senses are detecting some sinning going on around here

 

**junnie:** wait why is my name junnie

 

**galaxy s7:** COUHGHS SO ANWYAYS

 

**your lord sehun:**

 

**your lord sehun:**

 

**your lord sehun:**

 

**your lord sehun:** look how cute we areee~~

 

**king of china:** oooooooooo how nice!!

 

**blow it like a flute:** the Aesthetic though

 

**your lord sehun:** lol of course

 

**your lord sehun:** soo made me scribble out his face in the third one because hes no fun :(

 

**squishsoo:** You caught me off guard, brat.

 

**squishsoo:** I’m not letting you _embarrass_ me in front of everyone.

 

**your lord sehun:** but hyuuunggg you looked so cute and squishy!!

 

**squishsoo:** I AM NOT CUTE OR SQUISHY.

 

**galaxy s7:** yes you are

 

**squishsoo:** NO IM NOT.

 

**your lord sehun:** whatever u say hyunggg

 

**pcwhy:** sounds like you two are having fun

 

**squishsoo:** No.

 

**your lord sehun:** OF COURSE WE ARE

 

**squishsoo:** You think I only bought Sehun a _single_ cup of bubble tea?

 

**squishsoo:** He made me buy _eight._ Eight cups.

 

**your lord sehun:** and then i gave half of them to you, remember? ;)

 

**squishsoo:** I can’t read suddenly, I don’t know.

 

**your lord sehun:** ur fake grumpiness cant fool me hyung~~ u looooovee meeeee

 

**squishsoo:** Yeah yeah, whatever.

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** AWWW I THINK KYUNGSOO HAS A SOFT SPOT

 

**junnie:** nobody can resist the maknae

 

**your lord sehun:** maknae on top ;)

 

**blondae:** lies you could bottom

 

**blow it like a flute:** MGPONDKMFNAWJKFWAJ

 

**junnie:** J O N G D A E

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** I CANT BREAHTE

 

**ninibear:** UHHH WHERE DID THAT COME FROM _HAHAHAHA_

 

**the flute blower:** _someone’s_ sweating

 

**your lord sehun:** i mean i guess u arent wrong?? but ANYWAYS

 

**pcwhy:** so r yall done yet?

 

**squishsoo:** Why are you so eager for us to come back? lol

 

**pcwhy:** IM NOT IM JUST CURIOUS

 

**your lord sehun:** to answer your question

 

**your lord sehun:** NOPE

 

**your lord sehun:** sorry but im stealing soo for a day~

 

**ninibear:** to do what??

 

**squishsoo:** ^ Ditto.

 

**your lord sehun:** dUhhhh you have to meet my parents!

 

**baekie ray cyrus:**

 

**the flute blower:**

 

 

**your lord sehun:** vivi lives with my parents and i want him and huchu to meet each other!!

 

**your lord sehun:** they live kinda far, but you can stay over at my house for the night, my parents wont care

 

**your lord sehun:** itll be SOOOOO much fun hyung pleeeeeaaseeee?????

 

**squishsoo:** So like... a dog sleepover?

 

**your lord sehun:** YEEEESS

 

**pcwhy:** idk dont you think that’s a little much?

 

**blondae:**

 

**pcwhy:** i mean kyungsoo doesnt even have anything packed,, like what will he sleep in

 

**your lord sehun:** LMAO DW

 

**your lord sehun:** my mom kept all my old clothes from when i was in elementary school

 

**your lord sehun:** _something_ will fit him

 

**squishsoo:** IM NOT EVEN THAT TINY

 

**your lord sehun:** suuuuure

 

**squishsoo:** Ugh, fine.

 

**squishsoo:** But ONLY because I like Vivi.

 

**squishsoo:** He’s a good kid. Doesn’t take shit from anyone. I respect that.

 

**your lord sehun:** YAAAAAY OKAY

 

**your lord sehun:** peace out yall~ we have to catch the next bus!!

 

**junnie:** have fun and be safe!

 

**your lord sehun:** i know mOM

 

**king of china:** SEND US PICTURES!!!

 

**squishsoo:**

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**blondae:** jongin’s sulking

 

**blow it like a flute:**

 

**galaxy s7:** ITS SO FUNNY TO WATCH

 

**blondae:** hes just crouched in the corner facing the wall n sulking

 

**blondae:** and every few minutes he mutters “sehun never invited _me_ to a dog sleepover...”

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** JAFKJHAJWKFJNAKFJ

 

**galaxy s7:**

**galaxy s7:** THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE

**blondae:** JFKAFJKAFJAWK OMG IT IS

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** LMAO CHANYEOL’S IN HIS ROOM BEING ANGSTY BC OF SESOO

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** no one is surprised anymore

 

**the flute blower:** theyre a bunch of headasses

 

**galaxy s7:** hey anyone wanna join me and jongdae

 

**galaxy s7:** we’re currently placing bets on how long jongin will mope for

 

**blondae:** we also bet on how much longer jongin and sehun will take to confess and whether chanyeol will eventually Snap or not

 

**blondae:** pot’s getting pRET T Y hot rn if i do say so myself

 

**galaxy s7:** get your bets in quick yall

 

**junnie:** you’re betting on someone else’s misery????

 

**blondae:**

 

**blondae:** hey. it’s not mean if you’re getting money out of it

 

**junnie:** wow we’re _really_ the worst family ever

 

**junnie:**..............

 

**junnie:** why not im bored anyways

 

**galaxy s7:** BRING POPCORN

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**wiz khalifa hyung:** yo xinggg where u at

 

**king of china:** the mall! why?

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** aw nothing i just wanted to watch mulan

 

**king of china:** GET THE SNACKS READY ILL BE THERE IN FOUR MINUTES

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** BUT THE MALL IS TWENTY MINUTES AWAY FROM THE DORM??

 

**king of china:** NOT IF YOU SLAM THE GAS PEDAL

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** OH MY GOD

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** XING DONT YOULL JUST GET ARRESTED FOR SPEEDING

 

**king of china:** NEVER UNDERESTIMATE MY LOVE FOR MULAN

 

**king of china:** GET. THE. SNACKS. READY.

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:**........BUT YOU KNOW WHAT??? SAME

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** FLOOR IT BOO

 

**king of china:** YOU GOT IT DARLING~

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** idk about you guys but i think i see some true love forming here

 

**blondae:** i cant believe it all begins with mulan

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**pcwhy:** AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS KINDA SUSPICIOUS OF HOW MUCH TIME SEHUN AND KYUNGSOO ARE SPENDING TOGETHER RECENTLY

 

**junnie:** wdym???

 

**junnie:** theyre best friends,, they always do this?

 

**pcwhy:** OKAY BUT NOT TO THIS EXTENT

 

**pcwhy:** HE INVITED KYUNGSOO OVER FOR A D O G G Y SL E E P O V E R

 

**pcwhy:** HES NEVER EVEN INVITED _JONGIN_ FOR A DOGGY SLEEPOVER

 

**ninibear:** thanks for RUBBING IT IN hyung youre the best

 

**blow it like a flute:** i think it’s about time you admit you’re jealous chanyeol

 

**pcwhy:** FFS IM NOT JEALOUS

 

**pcwhy:** IM JUST SUSPICIOUS!!!

 

**pcwhy:** LIKE did yall _SEE_ sehun’s latest instagram post

 

**pcwhy:**

**pcwhy:** “we’re the cutest <3” AND THEN A BUNCH OF LITTLE KISSY EMOJIS AND THE TWO MEN STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER EMOJI

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** aw theyre so sweet together i ship it

 

**pcwhy:** T A O

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** LMAO CHILL U OVERLY DEFENSIVE LIL BITCH

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** I SHIP CHANSOO MORE but like. in another universe? sesoo would own this ass

 

**pcwhy:** OKAY ONE- AGAIN!!!! IM NOT DEFENSIVE!!!! IM JUST SUSPICIOUS AND LOOKING OUT FOR MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!

 

**pcwhy:** TWO- WTF IS A CHANSOO / SESOO

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** bruh it’s been how many chapters and he still hasn’t figured out what chansoo means

 

**the flute blower:** chanyeol you’re overreacting

 

**pcwhy:** YOU DON’T GET IT HYUNG

 

**pcwhy:** like WHAT IF kyungsoo’s been lying and has had a secret crush on sehun this whole time and im just a dummy who thought there was something special and a little more than friendship between us and i forced him into that when in truth there was nothing there at all but he didn’t want to hurt my feelings so he had to act like we were something but in reality kyungsoo and sehun are madly in love and are going to run away to jeju or something together and get married and have 15 kids (10 of which are dogs) and grow old together which TOTALLY isnt what i wanted to do with kyungsoo or whatever lmao

 

**baekie ray cyrus:**......

 

**galaxy s7:**............

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:**..................

 

**blow it like a flute:** “im not jealous” he says

 

**blow it like a flute:** “i don’t have a crush on kyungsoo” he says

 

**pcwhy: _BUT I DON’T HAVE A CRUSH ON KYUNGSOO!!!!!!!!!!!_**

 

**blondae:**......

 

**blondae:** oKAY so like

 

**blondae:** im not saying you do, but

 

**blondae:** HYPOTHETICALLY if you did, say, have a crush on kyungsoo or something _insane_ and _totally unrealistic_ like that

 

**pcwhy:** HYPOTHETICALLY

 

**blondae:** hypothetically

 

**blondae:** what junmyeon hyung’s saying is true

 

**blondae:** like. me and minseok are best friends and act super in love for jokes but obviously we don’t LIKE LIKE each other

 

**the flute blower:** facts!

 

**the flute blower:** just chill out chanyeol you’re overreacting

 

**pcwhy:** okay, but _hypothetically_ let’s say that me and kyungsoo did have something special

 

**pcwhy:** but hypothetically i was afraid i forced him into something he didn’t want to be in and he really likes someone else but doesn’t want to tell me

 

**pcwhy:** because, hypothetically, he seems to have a huge soft spot for that person and shows affection so easily towards that person

 

**pcwhy:** and i realized that he doesn’t have any of that for me

 

**pcwhy:** hypothetically of course.

 

**blondae:**.......what

 

**junnie:** im so confused

 

**pcwhy:** NOTHING FORGET I SAID ANYTHING I WAS JUST OVERREACTING AGAIN LOL

 

**pcwhy:** THANKS FOR THE TALK GUYS

 

**pcwhy:** I BET SEHUN AND KYUNGSOO ARENT EVEN SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED OR ANYTHING LOOOOL

 

**your lord sehun:**

**your lord sehun:** wHATS GOOD YALL

 

**your lord sehun:** kyungsoo took this selca!! look at how adorable we are cuddled up in the same bed~~

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** i think i just heard chanyeol flip his desk over

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** AJFKAWFJJAWFAK I CANT BR E A T T H E E EE E

 

**galaxy s7:** THE IRONY OF IT ALL

 

**squishsoo:** Imngoananak ill myselfka

 

**blondae:** w H A T

 

**blow it like a flute:** i cant read that?

 

**your lord sehun:** LMAO its cause the dogs are on our bed rn and they keep climbing on top of soo and licking his face its so funny

 

**junnie:** AWWWW :’’)

 

**king of china:** WHAT ABOUT THE PHOTOS OF THE DOGS YOU PROMISED IM ONLY HERE FOR THE DOGS

 

**your lord sehun:** OH YEAH THE PLAYDATE

 

**your lord sehun:**

**your lord sehun:**

**your lord sehun:**

**your lord sehun:** they’re best friends now~~

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH HH H H H H H HH H H H H H

 

**galaxy s7:** OOOMMFFFGGGGGGG

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:**

 

**the flute blower:**

 

**the flute blower:** BITHC THEYR E SO CUTE WTFFFF

 

**king of china:**

 

**king of china:** IT IS. TRULY A GOOD DAY

 

**blondae:** BREAKING NEWS: DOGS ARE STILL THE MOST PRECIOUS CREATURES IN EXISTENCE

 

**blow it like a flute:**

 

**blow it like a flute:** i just. i just.......

 

**blow it like a flute:** oh wow. OH WOW.

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** okay but tell me why sehun stays using the ugliest filters

 

**your lord sehun:** STFU JAKFJWAKFJNWAFA

 

**your lord sehun:** ITS FOR THE AESTHETIC

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:** THAT’S ONE NASTY ASS AESTHETIC THEN

 

**squishsoo:** Sehusn Viviv si sitt ig ontopp of ymy faace HEERLP MCEE

 

**your lord sehun:** loooooooooool

 

**your lord sehun:** this is revenge for kicking me off the bed earlier

 

**squishsoo:** FOR THE LAST TIME I REFUSE TO BE THE LITTLE SPOON

 

**junnie:** WH

 

**wiz khalifa hyung:**

 

**your lord sehun:** aw, but i bet you’d looooove a pair of strong arms wrapped around you

 

**your lord sehun:** you didn’t seem to complain a few days ago when loey did so ;)

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** COUGHSN

 

**blondae:**

 

**squishsoo:** SEHUN I WILL RELEASE THE PHOTOS™

 

**your lord sehun:** YOU WOULDN’T DARE

 

**squishsoo:** I WOULD

 

**squishsoo:** HE’D FIND OUT

 

**your lord sehun:**...

 

**your lord sehun:** you win this round asshole

 

**squishsoo:** Love you too.

 

**your lord sehun:** ANYWAYS it’s getting late

 

**your lord sehun:** it’s been a long day so we’re gonna sleep now~~

 

**your lord sehun:** hAVE A GOOD NIGHT!!

 

**squishsoo:** Sleep well everyone.

 

**galaxy s7:**.....

 

**the flute blower:** so wtf just happened

 

**pcwhy:** true love just died

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** chansoo or sekai??????

 

**pcwhy:** who knows

 

**junnie:** that’s great everyone but jongin’s currently curled up in the bathtub with a bucket of kfc chicken crying over lost love and sehun or something and i kinda need help getting him out because i gotta take a dump and im not pulling a baekhyun

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** I ONLY USED THE TOILET IN FRONT OF MINSEOK HYUNG ONCE OKAY CAN YALL LET IT GO

 

**the flute blower:** narrator: it was more than once

 

**baekie ray cyrus:** JUMP

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) keep reading!


	19. chansoomas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> continuation of the last chapter! this is a double update, so make sure you read the last one!

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**baekie ray cyrus:** i woke up

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** walked out of my room

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** and saw jongin standing in front of the window

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** just staring out of it

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** not moving or anything

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** there’s nothing outside the window either it’s just Sky

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** should i be concerned

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** LMFAOOFNAKWFKAFA

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** IM DEEEADDD

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

 

 **ninibear:** How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Arent Real

 

 **galaxy s7:** isnt that a jaden smith tweet??

 

 **ninibear:** If A Book Store Never Runs Out Of A Certain Book, Does That Mean That Nobody Reads It, Or Everybody Reads It

 

 **junnie:** oh my god this is so sad

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**junnie:** can somebody explain to me why i came home to see tao and yixing sobbing on the couch while watching the goofy movie

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** IITS JUST SO BEAUITUFL HY UGN

 

 **king of china:** YOIU DNOTN UNDUNERSTAND

 

 **junnie:** ive never even heard about the goofy movie,, it cant be that good

 

 **king of china:** INHALES

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** YOUD DINT NOT UJUST DISREPSECT THE GOOF YMOVIE

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** IT’S A MSA STERPIECE

 

 **junnie:** but... it’s... the goofy movie... how can it be “brilliant”

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:**

 

 **king of china:** inhales

 

 **king of china:** _nobody disrespects the goofy movie in this household_

 

 **king of china:**

 

 **king of china:**

 

 **king of china:** WHAT’S BRILLIANT ABOUT IT IS THAT NEITHER MAX NOR GOOFY ARE PORTRAYED AS BEING IN THE “RIGHT” IN THIS WHOLE MOVIE.

 

 **king of china:** MAX IS OVERLY RUDE, SELFISH, AND BITTER. HE GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO BE ANTAGONISTIC TO GOOFY AND PUSHES AWAY ANY ATTEMPTS TO CONNECT. HE DELIBERATELY SETS THE ROAD TRIP OFF COURSE WITHOUT GOOFY KNOWING TO FURTHER HIS OWN GOALS.

 

 **king of china:** GOOFY ON THE OTHER HAND, LITERALLY DRAGGED MAX ON A COMPLETELY SPONTANEOUS, UNPLANNED VACATION ACROSS THE COUNTRY WITHOUT SO MUCH AS LETTING MAX KNOW AHEAD OF TIME. HE REFUSES TO LET MAX GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE, NOT LISTENING TO MAX TRY TO TELL HIM HE ALREADY HAS PLANS. HE THEN CONTINUES TO REBUFF EVERY SUGGESTION MAX MAKES AND TREATS HIM LIKE A CHILD.

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** OBVIOUSLY, BOTH THESE CHARACTERS HAVE A LESSON TO LEARN. MAX HAS TO LEARN TO STOP BEING SO SELFISH AND APPRECIATE GOOFY, WHILE GOOFY NEEDS TO LEARN TO LISTEN TO AND GIVE MAX HIS SPACE AND LET HIM GROW UP.

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** NEITHER OF THEM ARE THE “GOOD GUY” OR THE “BAD GUY” IN THIS SITUATION. BOTH ARE WRONG. THEY’RE BOTH SO WRONG IN HOW THEY GO ABOUT THE ROAD TRIP AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP THAT THEY _END UP WITH THEIR CAR IN A RIVER AND OVER A WATERFALL._

 

 **king of china:** SEEING THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OVER THE COURSE OF THE MOVIE IS FANTASTIC. DESPITE DOING IT FOR HIS OWN GAIN, MAX IS CLEARLY HESITANT TO TAMPER WITH THE MAP AND FEELS GUILTY EVEN BEFORE GOOFY FINDS OUT. GOOFY ON THE OTHER HAND SEES WHAT A SHIT DAD PETE IS AND REALIZES WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO TO GET MAX BACK ON HIS GOOD GRACES. AT THE END, THEY FINALLY DO WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE TO START WITH. SIT DOWN AND TALK IT OUT.

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** THIS IS REALLY SOMETHING YOU DON’T SEE OFTEN IN DISNEY MOVIES!!!! BOTH CHARACTERS ARE IN A GRAY AREA AND HAVE TO COMPROMISE TO GET OUT OF IT.

 

 **king of china:** DID I MENTION THIS IS A MOVIE ABOUT FUCKING _GOOFY?_

 

 **king of china:** EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MOVIE IS PHENOMENAL: THE SOUNDTRACK, THE PLOT, THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, THE CHARACTERS THEMSELVES

 

 **king of china:** AND IT’S A MOVIE ABOUT G O O F Y .

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** TO CONCLUDE, THE GOOFY MOVIE IS THE GREATEST FILM OF OUR TIME.

 

 **king of china:**

 

 **king of china:** no tea, just facts

 

**junnie:**

 

 **junnie:** i

 

 **junnie:**

 

 **junnie:** what the fuck did i just read

 

 **junnie:** and why are there tears in my eyes

 

 **king of china:** you’ve seen the truth.

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** he has reached Enlightenment

 

 **junnie: @galaxy s7** we’re watching the goofy movie tonight

 

 **galaxy s7:** when tf did that happen

 

 **junnie:** i reached nirvana

 

 **galaxy s7:** o....kay.....

 

 **blow it like a flute:** damn yixing really gets passionate over disney movies

 

 **blow it like a flute:** he never talks that much??

 

 **king of china:** its funny how everyone thinks im quiet but im really just listening to all your conversations and figuring out your weaknesses to use against you in the future :)

 

**blow it like a flute:**

**blow it like a flute:** i

 

 **the flute blower:**.

 

**blondae:**

 

 **junnie:**....

 

 **junnie:** so anyone down for some monopoly or

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** i jsust realized: is the basis of tao and yixings relationship disney movies????

**wiz khalifa hyung:** pretty much yeah

 

 **the flute blower:** goals

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**your lord sehun:** WE’RE HOOOOOME

 

 **blow it like a flute:** AYYYYYY

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** WELCOME BACK KIDDOOOSSS

 

 **squishsoo:** Never call me “kiddo” ever again.

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** you seem to forget im older than you ;)

 

 **squishsoo:** You seem to forget I’m a man with occasional murderous inclinations.

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** enough said

 

 **junnie:** HOW WAS THE RIDE BACK

 

 **your lord sehun:** it was fine, _mom_

 

 **blondae:** oh thank god you’re back maybe they’ll finally stop sulking all day

 

 **squishsoo:** They?

 

 **ninibear:** oh! sehun, i didn’t notice you were back!

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** he spent the entire day waiting for you to come back acting like he wasn’t waiting for you to come back

 

 **ninibear:** HAHAHA YOURE SO FUNNY TAO YOU SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN THAT JOKE WAS HILARIOUS

 

 **your lord sehun:** lololol

 

 **your lord sehun:** wheres chanyeol hyung? normally he’d be throwing himself at kyungsoo by now

 

 **king of china:** idk... he’s been locked up in his room all day

 

 **squishsoo:** Guess he’s sleeping.

 

 **ninibear:** wow! it looks like i conveniently have. Two Controllers for my ps4 console!

 

 **blondae:** don’t we have 4?

 

 **ninibear:** _TWO CONTROLLERS!!!!_

 

 **ninibear:** but there’s no one available to play with me! im so sad!!!

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** OOOH ILL PLAY WITH YOU

 

**ninibear has kicked baekie ray cyrus from the chat**

**ninibear:** NO ONE AVAILABLE TO PLAY WITH ME! HOW SAD!

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** JKAJFKAWFJAWKFJAWF

 

 **your lord sehun:** oooOHH i can play with you jonginnie!

 

 **ninibear:** really?! wow you’re so kind sehunnie!

 

 **your lord sehun:** we... play games together all the time?

 

 **ninibear:** WOW, YOU’RE SO KIND SEHUNNIE.

 

 **your lord sehun:** o...kay....

 

 **your lord sehun:** ready to get your ass kicked? ;)

 

 **ninibear:** you wish ;)

 

 **the flute blower:** ah i remember what its like to be young and in love

 

 **the flute blower:** good times

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**squishsoo:** Has anyone seen Chanyeol? It’s been a day and I haven’t seen him come out of his room.

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** y i k e s

 

 **blondae:** y i i i i k e s

 

 **squishsoo:** Am I missing something here?

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** you’d be better off asking chanyeol tha t

 

 **squishsoo:** How? He’s locked in his room and won’t answer any texts.

 

 **squishsoo:** And also, why?

 

 **squishsoo:** What’s wrong with Chanyeol?

 

 **blondae:** hes just not in the greatest mood recently??

 

 **squishsoo:** Yeah, I figured, Sherlock.

 

 **squishsoo:** I just don’t understand why. He was fine before I left with Sehun.

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** just find a way to talk w him

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** bc were all sick of his angsty ass

 

 **squishsoo:** Al...right.

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**junnie:** krissssssssssss

 

 **galaxy s7:** whats up sweetie?

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** SWEETIE

 

 **blow it like a flute:** HE CALLS JUNMYEON S W E E T I E

 

 **your lord sehun:** THATS? SO? CUTE??????? BYE

 

 **junnie:** guys its not that big of a deal

 

 **ninibear:** KRIS CALLS JUNMYEON SWEETIE?????????

 

 **galaxy s7:** junnie also calls me honey

 

 **junnie:** K R I S

 

 **the flute blower:** JAKFWAJHFJKAJWFHAJFKJWAF

 

 **blondae:**

 

 **king of china:** THEYRE SOOOO ADORABLEEEEEE

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** #HUSBANDGOALS

 

 **junnie:** THEYRE JUST???? PET NAMES??????

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** YEAH BUT YOURE U S I N G T H E M

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** YOURE SOOOOO MARRIED I CANT BELIEVE

 

 **junnie:** i...... i wont even argue anymore......

 

* * *

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**your lord sehun:** KYUNGSOOO O OOO O O O O

 

 **squishsoo:** What’s up?

 

 **your lord sehun:** IM BOOOOOOREEDD

 

 **squishsoo:** Sounds like a ‘you’ problem.

 

 **your lord sehun:** DONT ‘YOU PROBLEM’ ME

 

 **your lord sehun:** i wanna go shopping for clothes and toys for the kids!!

 

 **squishsoo:** I don’t get Huchu and Meokmul back from my parents for a few more days?

 

 **your lord sehun:** THAT DOESNT MEAN WE CANT BUY THEM STUFF NOW

 

 **your lord sehun:** I FEEL LIKE SPOILING THEM

 

 **squishsoo:** UGHHHHHHHH fine.

 

 **your lord sehun:** YAAAAY

 

 **pcwhy:** figures

 

 **your lord sehun:** oMG HYUNG YOURE ALIVE???????????

 

 **squishsoo:** Look who decided to show up.

 

 **squishsoo:** Care to explain why you avoided me like the plague for three days?

 

 **pcwhy:** idk what youre talking about kyungsoo

 

 **squishsoo:** Don’t do that.

 

 **pcwhy:** don’t do what?

 

 **squishsoo:** I’m just being concerned for you. Is that a bad thing?

 

 **pcwhy:** so now youre concerned?

 

 **squishsoo:** What do you mean?

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:**

 

 **pcwhy:** nothing, never mind.

 

 **pcwhy:** go have fun with sehun.

 

 **squishsoo:** Stop being so passive aggressive. Tell me what the hell is up.

 

 **pcwhy:** NOTHING is up.

 

 **pcwhy:** im just in a bad mood

 

 **pcwhy:** leave it be, kyungsoo

 

 **squishsoo:** I’m not going to “leave it be” until you tell me what’s your deal.

 

 **squishsoo:** I’m tired of seeing you run away like the hellhounds are at your heels any time I enter the same room as you.

 

 **squishsoo:** Did I do something wrong?

 

**the flute blower:**

 

 **pcwhy:** its. nothing.

 

 **squishsoo:** It’s clearly not “nothing” when you act like this, Chanyeol.

 

 **squishsoo:** Like, I’ve racked my brain of anything I could’ve POSSIBLY done to offend you, and there’s nothing.

 

 **squishsoo:** Just give me some answers.

 

 **pcwhy:** fine. but answer me this first

 

 **pcwhy:** are you leading me on?

 

 **squishsoo:**...What?

 

 **blondae:**

 

 **pcwhy:** you know, sometimes i think there’s something meaningful between you and i... that you genuinely care about me the same way i do for you

 

 **pcwhy:** am i just an idiot for thinking that?

 

 **squishsoo:**???

 

 **pcwhy:** i really thought i meant something important to you

 

 **pcwhy:** but when i see the way you act with other people, i feel so delusional

 

 **pcwhy:** funny how you can barely stand to be in the same room as me, but i still think im special

 

 **squishsoo:** What are you talking about?

 

 **pcwhy:** you’re too embarrassed to even be seen with me in front of others, but you can adopt dogs, have puppy playdates, go out for dinner dates, and cuddle with sehun?

 

 **pcwhy:** do i really mean so little? did i force you into this?

 

 **squishsoo:**??????????

 

 **pcwhy:** at first i thought it was because you were shy that you didn’t want anybody to know...

 

 **pcwhy:** i know it doesn’t fit with your image, especially to associate with me

 

 **pcwhy:** but you show sehun affection so easily, even go along with his ‘dates’, and all of that _publically???_ which you clearly cant do with me?

 

 **pcwhy:** just admit it kyungsoo.

 

 **squishsoo:** Admit _what?_

 

 **pcwhy:** don’t play dumb, i can see your true feelings.

 

 **squishsoo:** Chanyeol, I literally don’t even know what you’re talking about right now.

 

 **pcwhy:** stop lying, it’s so obvious

 

 **pcwhy:** i just want the truth

 

 **squishsoo:** I’m being completely honest right now?

 

 **pcwhy:** oh my fucking god

 

 **pcwhy:** youre an asshole if you think im falling for this shit any longer. im not going to be some pawn to you when you’ve got feelings for someone else.

 

 **squishsoo:** FEELINGS?

 

 **squishsoo:** Okay, for real now, what the hell is your deal?

 

 **pcwhy:** what’s MY deal???

 

 **pcwhy:** are you KIDDING me?

 

 **squishsoo:** I’M DEAD SERIOUS.

 

 **pcwhy:** and here i thought you would at least tell the truth

 

 **pcwhy:** you really are leading me on, huh?

 

 **squishsoo:** OMG, QUIT IT WITH THE VAGUE ASS ACCUSATIONS

 

 **squishsoo:** WHY ARE YOU SO PRESSED RIGHT NOW?

 

 **pcwhy:** BECAUSE WE’RE FUCKING DATING DIPSHIT BUT YOU HAVE OBVIOUS FEELINGS FOR SEHUN

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** WHAT

 

 **blondae:** WHAT

 

 **junnie:** WHAT

 

 **blow it like a flute:** W H A T

 

 **king of china:** WAIT?????????? WHAT??????????????????

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** ABHFAKLFWJHUAFWJIKOFAJIHUUFJKALFJAFNKMA

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** WHATLJAFNAKWF???????????????

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** YALL ARE FUCKING JOKING YOU’VE GOTTA BE

 

 **ninibear:** WA  TTF NF?AF T???????

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:**  WH A T ?       ? ?? ? ? ?? ?  ??  ? ??  ?/  / ? / / ? /

 

 **the flute blower:** THE FUCK?????????????????

 

 **your lord sehun:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

**your lord sehun:**

 

**baekie ray cyrus: W H A T > ? ?? ? .  ?. > .  >  >#<F  ?? ? **

 

 **galaxy s7:** BAEKHYUN JUST PASSED OUT IS THIS REAL

 

 **blondae:** JAKFNAJWKFBHAWFJNKMLWAKFNBHJNAFMKLMKWNAJFAW

 

 **pcwhy:** shit

 

 **pcwhy:** well i didn’t mean to reveal that

 

 **squishsoo:** Park Chanyeol.

 

 **squishsoo:** You god damn fucking idiot.

 

 **pcwhy:** listen it was about time okay?

 

 **pcwhy:** we’re breaking up anyways, might as well fucking tell them

 

 **squishsoo:** Oh my god.

 

 **pcwhy:** you shouldn’t be shocked, asshole.

 

 **squishsoo:** I _meant_ , oh my god, dumbass, would you get your head out of your ass for ONE FUCKING SECOND and listen to me?

 

 **pcwhy:** wdym????

 

 **squishsoo:** For starters, I don’t know where or why the hell you got this ridiculous idea, but I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR SEHUN.

 

 **squishsoo:** That’s just... ew.

 

 **your lord sehun:** tbh hyung wtf

 

 **pcwhy:** wAIT WHAT

 

 **squishsoo:** I’ve questioned your intelligence every day for the past, like, 6 years we’ve known each other, but NOTHING compares to _THIS_ in your career of stupidity. This is its peak. I hope you’re proud.

 

 **your lord sehun:** me and kyungsoo????? no. just... no.

 

 **squishsoo:** ^ Precisely.

 

 **pcwhy:** WAIT WH A T ???????

 

 **pcwhy:** BUT???? ITS SO OBVIOUS???????

 

 **squishsoo:** Where?? on Earth?????

 

 **pcwhy:** YOU BOUGHT A PUPPY TOGETHER??????

 

 **your lord sehun:** to be clear: kyungsoo got a puppy

 

 **your lord sehun:** i just went with him ^^

 

 **pcwhy:** W H A T ? ?? ?? ? ? ?? ?

 

 **pcwhy:** SO YOURE NOT RAISING PUPPIES TOGETHER???????

 

 **squishsoo:** NO????????

 

 **pcwhy:** WTF

 

 **pcwhy:** BUT SEHUN SAID THE DOG WAS GOING TO LOVE HIM OR SOMETHING

 

 **your lord sehun:** I SAID SHE WOULD GROW FOND OF HER _DAD_ , WHICH, BY RIGHT OF YOU DATING KYUNGSOO, MEANS Y O U IDIOT

 

 **pcwhy:** W H A T

 

 **pcwhy:** OKAY BUT YOU SAID KYUNGSOO ASKED YOU OUT

 

 **squishsoo:** HE DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!!!!

 

 **squishsoo:** SEHUN’S JUST AN ASSHOLE WHO LIKES MAKING FUN OF ME BC I ASKED HIM TO GO WITH ME

 

 **your lord sehun:** ISSA JOKE FAM

 

 **pcwhy:** OKAY BUT BUT BUT THE INSTAGRAM POST

 

 **pcwhy:** WHAT WERE THE KISSY FACES FOR HUUUUH HUUUH  _HUHH H H HH H_

 

 **your lord sehun:** hyung not even like,, a week ago,, i also sent you kissy faces and told u how much i missed u like the clingy bitch i am

 

 **your lord sehun:** this isnt even new

 

 **pcwhy:** BUT YOU EVEN HAD A DOGGY SLEEPOVER PLAYDATE THING

 

 **pcwhy:** U CUDDLED AND SLEPT ON THE SAME BED AND HAD PET NAMES AND SHIT

 

 **squishsoo:** Chanyeol, might I remind you that we ALL do that with each other??????

 

 **squishsoo:** There is literally no boundaries in this household anymore. We’ve all lived together for over five years- it’s only natural we’ve seen each other bare naked more than once. And that kinda tears down every guard you have.

 

 **squishsoo:** Also, Sehun is so touchy? You know this? I don’t know why you’re shocked by the fact he thrives off attention.

 

 **your lord sehun:** clingy bitch supreme in your area <3

 

 **pcwhy:** shit

 

 **pcwhy:** s h i t

 

 **pcwhy:** KYUNGSOO SWEETIE I DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING I JUST SAID IM SO SOS OS SOS OSSO SOSRRY IM SUHCH A PIECE OF SHIT PLEASE DON’T HATE ME YOURE A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL WHO DENIES THEYRE AN ANGEL BUT YOU ARE YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL AND GOOD AND ILL NEVER FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO FITS ME LIKE YOU DO I KNOW ILL NEVER BE ABLE TO MAKE UP FOR WHAT IVE DONE BUT I PROMISE ILL DO MY BEST TO ATONE PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME I DIDN’T MEAN ANY OF WHAT I SAID TO YOU

 

 **pcwhy:** IM SORRY

 

 **pcwhy:** IM SORRY

 

 **pcwhy:** IM SORRY

 

 **pcwhy:** IM SORRY

 

 **pcwhy:** IM SORRY

 

**squishsoo: CHANYEOL.**

**pcwhy:**...............yes?

**squishsoo:** Calm down.

 

 **squishsoo:** We’ll talk about this more in private, Chanyeol.

 

 **pcwhy:** THAT’S NOT ANY MORE PROMISING

 

 **squishsoo:** I promise I’m not mad, okay?

 

 **squishsoo:** Well, I am a little, I wont lie. Like really? Sehun????? _SEHUN???????_

 

 **squishsoo:** He’s not even on the list we made of celebrities we’re allowed to have affairs with if given the opportunity.

 

 **pcwhy:** UGH YOURE RIGHT I SHOULDVE REALIZED THAT SOONER

 

 **pcwhy:** HES NO NAM JOO HYUK

 

 **your lord sehun:** hyung im beginning to feel a little offended by this

 

 **squishsoo:** But then again... it’s my fault we’re having this issue to begin with. I have a lot to apologize for myself.

 

 **squishsoo:** Like I said, we’ll work this out in private, alright?

 

 **squishsoo:** You’ve already told everyone we’re dating, I’ve gotta do some damage control so this doesn’t get any worse.

 

 **squishsoo:** They’ve got years of blackmail material against me now, idiot.

 

 **pcwhy:** IM SOOOOORRRRY SOO THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT GOT TO ME ;---;

 

 **squishsoo:** Hhhhhhh it’s whatever. Sehun would’ve told them eventually anyways.

 

 **your lord sehun:** UH FRANKLY IM OFFENDED BY THAT STATEMENT

 

 **your lord sehun:** IM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF KEEPING SECRETS YKNOW

 

 **squishsoo:** Damn, you’re right.

 

 **your lord sehun:** Haha B^)

 

 **squishsoo:** I should’ve realized by how long you’ve been keeping _that_ secret from Jongin. That’s some dedication.

 

 **ninibear:** wait what?

 

 **ninibear:** what secret?

 

 **blondae:** WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

 

 **blondae:** WAIT A GOD DAMN SECOND

 

 **blondae:** ARE YOU TELLING ME SEHUN KNEW ABOUT YOU TWO DATING?????

 

 **blow it like a flute:** AND HE DIDN’T FUCKING TELL US?????????????????????

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** SEHUN TELL ME YOU DID NOT GO AGAINST THE CHANSOO FANCLUB CODE

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** IT EXPLICITLY STATES THAT YOU ARE TO REPORT ANY SIGNS OF CHANSOO HAPPENING

 

 **junnie:** YOU JUST KEPT THIS A SECRET FROM ALL OF US?????? YOUR HY U NG  S????????

 

 **your lord sehun:**.........

**your lord sehun:** HYUNG I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU YOU SHORT GREMLIN ASS BITCH

 

 **squishsoo:** My work here is done :)

 

* * *

**private chat: (my)** **idiot.**

**squishsoo:** So...

 

 **pcwhy:** so...

 

 **squishsoo:** This is awkward.

 

 **squishsoo:**...

 

 **pcwhy:**...

 

 **squishsoo:** I’m sorry.

 

 **pcwhy:** im sorry

 

 **squishsoo:** Oh, you can go first.

 

 **pcwhy:** no no its okay you can go first

 

 **squishsoo:** You can go first, for real.

 

 **pcwhy:** SOO.

 

 **squishsoo:** HHHHHHH fine asshole

 

 **squishsoo:** Like I said, I’m sorry.

 

 **squishsoo:** It’s my fault for making you think you weren’t important to me.

 

 **squishsoo:** I just... In all honesty, I was- and still am- scared.

 

 **pcwhy:** scared?? of what???

 

 **squishsoo:** I’m not good at relationships, if you couldn’t tell.

 

 **squishsoo:** I keep myself so guarded because I’m afraid of what others will think of me.

 

 **squishsoo:** I guess it doesn’t seem like it from someone like me, but I can’t just “not give a shit”. No matter what, I care about other people’s feelings.

 

 **squishsoo:** I was too concerned with making it look like we _weren’t_ dating to maintain some stupid image of us being incompatible that I forgot about the fact that we _were_ really dating.

 

 **squishsoo:** I didn’t realize it, but by doing so, I was making you feel unwanted, and subsequently, both of us miserable.

 

 **squishsoo:** I’m really sorry.

 

 **squishsoo:** I thought this was obvious but... I don’t actually hate you. I never have.

 

 **squishsoo:** Sure, you annoy me to no ends, but it’s not because I dislike you. It’s the exact opposite.

 

 **squishsoo:** You annoy me because everything you do charms the _shit_ out of me, and I can’t stop falling for you more and more.

 

 **squishsoo:** I’ve never felt like this for anyone before. All of these... ~~ _feelings~~_ are new and scary to me.

 

 **squishsoo:** So, yeah. You’re actually,, really amazing and attractive and sickeningly sweet and soft and adorable and kind and funny and annoying in the best way. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t crazy about you, really.

 

 **squishsoo:** In all honesty, I want to hold your dumb hand and kiss your dumb face and call you dumb names and do other dumb stuff with you for as long as I can have you.

 

 **squishsoo:** You captivate every part of me, Park Chanyeol, and this will never change for as long as I am alive. Please don’t ever think otherwise.

 

 **squishsoo:**........

 

 **squishsoo:** AAAGAAHFJAHFJKWAJFWA THAT WAS SO DISGUSTING AND HEARTFELT AND CHEESY PLEASE KILL ME NOW I HATE BEING SO SOFT INSIDE WHEN WILL SATANSOO RETURN FROM WAR

 

 **squishsoo:**..............

 

 **squishsoo:** Chanyeol?

 

 **squishsoo:** It’s been like five minutes and you haven’t responded. Where’d you go?

 

 **squishsoo:** Chanyeooooool?

 

 **pcwhy:** i

 

 **pcwhy:** i

 

 **squishsoo:** You?

 

 **pcwhy:** IM IN FUCKING T EA R S YOU BITHCBWHAT EFUCURKJFAKFJNAJWKFMJNAWFMKJANFK

 

 **pcwhy:** YOUC ATNNT JUST FICKIGN SAY SHITN LTIKE THA TOUT FONOWHERE YOU PEICE OF SHIT I LVOE YOU SO MCUH WHA THTE FUCKC THIS IW AS SO RUDE ANDNEUNCALLED FOR IMCRIYN FIM SBOBING I WILL ENVER STOP CRYING HWAT THEFUCK

 

 **pcwhy:** GOD I LVOE YOU SMUCH WHA THE HELL IM CRIYN OS HARD RGIHT NWO

 

 **pcwhy:** YIUJ CNTNNANT JSUT BE A BGI FMEANIE AND THEN SDNDUENLY W H O M P OUUT THE SOF T COFNFESISONS OF LOVE BITHCN I CANTHN WITHTB HIS YOUR E SO RUD E

 

 **squishsoo:** I’ll take all of that cry typing as a good thing?

 

 **pcwhy:** Y E S YOU FUCKFACE IHATE OYU SOMUCH

 

 **pcwhy:** THAT SL  A LIE I LOVE OYU WIHT ALL MY HEART BTUT FROR IRGHT NOW I AH TE YOU

 

 **squishsoo:** Hah.

 

 **pcwhy:** ooOoOoOOooOoOoOooOoooOooooHhhHhhhhhHhhhMmmmmMmyyyyyyyyyYYyyyyyGooooooooOooOoOooOooODDDdddDdDd

 

 **pcwhy:** ill neberbebover this I fele sot attakeced

**squishsoo:** Now you know how I feel when you go and make those stupid speeches about how much you love me every day.

 

 **pcwhy:** YEAH BUTT THAT’S HT EDIFFNERENT

 

 **pcwhy:** aha butt

 

 **pcwhy:** AHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHA

 

 **pcwhy:** B U T T

 

 **squishsoo:** I take everything I just said back. I regret ever falling in love with you.

 

 **pcwhy:** im just kidding soo~~ i have a better sense of humor than that

 

 **squishsoo:** Why do I highly doubt that?

 

 **pcwhy:** MEANIE >;-(

 

 **pcwhy:** but

 

 **pcwhy:** thank you

 

 **pcwhy:** and im sorry for doubting you.

 

 **pcwhy:** i got really insecure and... you can see how that turned out

 

 **pcwhy:** from now on, ill put all my trust into you <333

 

 **squishsoo:** I’ll make sure you never feel insecure again, Yeol. I promise!

 

 **pcwhy:** SQUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU CALLED ME YEOL OMFLGNJFJAKFWA

 

 **squishsoo:** But... I call you that all the time?

 

 **pcwhy:** YEAH BUT MY HEART FLUTTERS EVERY TIME :’)))

 

 **squishsoo:** Sigh, you big sap.

 

 **squishsoo:**...I love you  <3

 

 **pcwhy:** i love you too <3

 

* * *

 

**WE GOING KO KO BUTT**

**squishsoo:** In case you guys didn’t know, Chanyeol and I are dating.

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** OH

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** OHR EALLY????????

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** I TOTALLY DIDN’T FUCKING FIND THAT OUT AN HOUR AGO OR ANYTHING

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** THANKS FOR TELLING ME

 

 **squishsoo:** You’re welcome!

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** B I T C H

 

 **junnie:** ALRIGHT EVERYONE CALM DOWN

 

 **junnie:** i know tensions are high right now thanks to chansoo being canon

 

 **junnie:** but lets all just take a breath and talk this out like a FAMILY

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** SO SEHUN’S AN EVEN BIGGER BITCH THAN I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT POSSIBLE

 

 **your lord sehun:** SHUT YOUR DUMB MOUTH _ZITAO_ I HAD A DEAL

 

 **your lord sehun:** YOU’D KNOW WHAT A DEAL WAS IF YOU EVER FCKIN KEPT THEM!!!

 

 **wiz khalifa hyung:** BITCH ARE YOU _STILL_ BITTER ABOUT THAT???

 

 **junnie:** _THIS IS NOT TALKING IT OUT LIKE A FAMILY_

 

 **the flute blower:** so how long have you two been dating?

 

 **pcwhy:** a little over a year now!!

 

 **blondae:** WHO CONFESSED FIRST I HAVE BETS RIDING ON THIS

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** OBVIOUSLY chanyeol there’s no other optio

 

 **squishsoo:** It was me.

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** W H A T

 

 **pcwhy:** yeah kyungsoo told me he wanted to intimiDATE me

 

 **pcwhy:** it took me three years to realize what he meant

 

 **blow it like a flute:** why is that honestly kinda cute

 

 **the flute blower:** of course kyungsoo would indirectly confess

 

 **blondae:** THANKS KYUNGSOO YOU JUST MADE ME MAD MONEY~~~~

**blondae:** SUCK IT KRIS

 

 **galaxy s7:** STFU

 

 **king of china:** wait so... what about the mall incident?

 

 **pcwhy:** yall were right- we were on a date

 

 **squishsoo:** And we would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kids and your stupid dog.

 

 **squishsoo:** (The dog being Baekhyun.)

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** YYYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSSSSSS I WAS  RIIIIIIGHHTHTHTBTHJAHBFAJWKMFNJAWKMNWAJBHFNWAMKWAN

**baekie ray cyrus:** I FUCKING KNEW IT YALL WERE SO SHADY OMFHAKFNJAWKFAW

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** SMFH THINKING YOU COULD FOOL ME

 

 **pcwhy:** you didn’t figure out we were actually dating though with any proof ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 **your lord sehun:** SUCK IT BIATCHESSSSS~~

 

 **ninibear:** so sehunnie really found out about you two??

 

 **squishsoo:** Yyyyyyeeeeeep.

 

 **your lord sehun:** chanyeol hyung is an idiot and texted about them dating in the chat the day we went to the mall

 

 **your lord sehun:** yall were busy doing irrelevant shit but i caught em ;)

 

 **pcwhy:** the agreement was that if he told none of yall about it we’d buy him bubble tea whenever he so desired

 

 **junnie:** sehun... what did i tell you about blackmail?

 

 **your lord sehun:** hyuuuung~ did you know how much i love you? (´ ꒳ ` ✿)

**junnie:** aWW SEHUNNIE THAT’S SO SWEET I LOVE YOU TOwait

 

 **junnie:** YOU BRAT DON’T TRY TO DISTRACT ME I KNOW YOUR GAMES

 

 **pcwhy:** im TELLING you guys he’s the real fucking devil here but NOBODY LISTENS TO ME

 

 **your lord sehun:** idk what ur talking about :3

  

 **your lord sehun:** anyways i kinda expected all this to happen anyways

 

 **galaxy s7:** you getting exposed????

 

 **your lord sehun:** nah, one of them slipping and revealing the fact they’re dating lmao

 

 **your lord sehun:** i may have planned it from the moment kyungsoo invited me out, but you didn’t hear that from me ;)

 

 **squishsoo:** What.

 

 **your lord sehun:** what did you think all the instagram photos and teasing were for? i wanted to make chanyeol hyung jealous~

 

 **your lord sehun:** but yall ended up doing most of the work for me lol

 

 **pcwhy:** YOU

 

 **pcwhy:** EVIL

 

 **pcwhy:** BITCH

 

 **pcwhy:** I KNEW YOU WERE FUCKING CONSPIRING AGAINST ME OH MY GOD

 

 **your lord sehun:** i was getting a bit tired of boba tbh

 

 **your lord sehun:** it’s a shame i put such a good deal to waste (╥﹏╥)

 

 **squishsoo:** Sehun, you are dead to me.

 

 **your lord sehun:** IDK WHY YALL ARE MAD

 

 **your lord sehun:** I FIXED YOUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU AND I BARELY HAD TO LIFT A FINGER

 

 **pcwhy:**........admittedly he’s kinda right

 

 **your lord sehun:** im right, period.

 

 **your lord sehun:** but anyways you never heard any of this ;))

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** I JUST????????????????? CHANSOO IS REAL?????????????

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT

 

 **squishsoo:** Well it happened!

 

 **squishsoo:** And we’re happily in love, so if you’ll excuse us, I have weeks of kisses I need to give Chanyeol.

 

 **blondae:** FHJAKWJBFJANKMFJWNHBAFJNKMWAFJNHBAW

 

 **blow it like a flute:** O M F G

 

 **ninibear:** AWWWWWWWWWW

 

 **pcwhy:** UM!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **pcwhy:** IM QUITE ALRIGHT WITH THAT IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **the flute blower:** theyre so cute im gonna go throw up

 

 **junnie:**

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** AND AS CHANSOO WENT TO MAKE UP FOR TIME THAT WAS MISSED

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** THROUGH SEXY TIMES OF LIPS BEING KISSED

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** I HEARD A VOICE SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE THE AUTHOR OF THIS FIC’S EXCLAIM FROM FAR OUT OF SIGHT

 

 **baekie ray cyrus:** HAPPY CHANSOOMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when will i stop making my ships go through angst before making them Canon . why am i like this  
> BUT CONGRATS TO ALL THE LOYAL CHANSOO READERS WHO HAVE HELD OUT THIS LONG FOR CHANSOO IM SO SORRY FOR MAKING YALL WAIT JSJFAKFJAWKF  
> to all of y’all who ship sekai as hard as i do, and all of y’all who love taoxing too, rest assured, they are coming soon if you couldn’t tell by this chapter. i just felt i owed every chansoo shipper a gift jfkajfwkfjaw merry chansoomas  
> (also sorry for all that self indulgent sesoo i love them so much i hope u guys do too)  
> tbh i have no idea how long this fic will go for but !! i hope you guys are still enjoying it :) even when it does eventually end i have plans for other stories, so uh… stay tuned for that? lmao  
> thank you guys again for waiting so long for the update! im back so i see no hiatuses in the foreseeable future :))  
> also if you wanna talk or be friends or something, hmu!! my twitter is @sehunkais as u might know already. just shoot me a dm or something yo!! im always available for any of you lovely readers!!  
> thank you again and again for reading! expect another update soon <3

**Author's Note:**

> if you have any suggestions or ideas for future chapters, feel free to leave them in the comments! thanks!!! <3


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